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Getting Past No: Negotiating with Difficult People Paperback – International Edition, September 1, 1991


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 161 pages
  • Publisher: Business Books; 1st edition (September 1991)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0712653279
  • ISBN-13: 978-0712653275
  • Product Dimensions: 7.7 x 5 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,650,336 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Cofounder of a Harvard Law School program on negotiation, Ury presents a five-step agenda to deal successfully with opponents, be they unruly teenagers, labor leaders, terrorists or international politicians. Strategies focus on self-discipline, or tactics for defusing the adversary's attacks, and suggestions for developing options designed to lead to a mutually satisfactory agreement. Defining negotiations as "the art of letting the other person have your way," Ury, coauthor of Getting to Yes , stresses the need to understand the other's character and motivation. With examples--including Iacocca and the Chrysler Corporation vs. Congress--he shows the advantages of curbing reactions and stepping back to restore perspective. The author's imaginative and persuasive reasoning, communicated to the "opponent" reader, serves in itself to validate his theories.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Kirkus Reviews

Ury (Beyond the Hotline, 1985, and coauthor, with Roger Fisher, of the hugely best-selling Getting to Yes, 1981) has returned to the subject he knows best--this time focusing on the most difficult negotiating opponents, whose resistance may take the form of stonewalling, threats, and assorted dirty tricks. Where Getting to Yes used the catch phrase ``principled negotiation'' to describe its method, ``breakthrough negotiation'' is Ury's umbrella term here. He sees five potential barriers to success: the opponent's negative emotions, negotiating habits, skepticism about the benefits of agreement, perceived power, and, finally, one's own reaction to all of the four. ``Breakthrough negotiation'' offers a five-step response to the barriers: don't react, disarm your opponent, change the game, make it easy to say yes, and make it hard to say no. Readers familiar with Getting to Yes may experience d‚j… vu as Ury discusses developing one's BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) or counsels on the importance of knowing when to remain silent (his ``Some of the most effective negotiating you will ever do is when you are not talking'' in Getting to Yes becomes, here, ``Some of the most effective negotiation is accomplished by saying nothing''). But No is not simply a rehash of the greatly successful Yes; new ground is covered, the organization is clear, the writing is crisp, and the examples are timely, engaging, and appropriate (although not always new--e.g., a divorce settlement in which equity in a husband's house is substituted for child-support payments was also cited in the earlier text). Expert advice, even though not entirely on new ground. -- Copyright ©1991, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

Compact written and easy to assimilate.
Caufrier Frederic
I enjoyed the audio edition of this book while driving to my work.
J. Arias Diaz
This book has some staying power and some very useful techniques.
G. Charles Steiner

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Humberto Mejia on June 13, 2006
Format: Audio CD
My profile: 42 yo, sales engineer.

I find this audiobook a constant refernce in my travel pack. As a sales engineer on the road I keep resorting to the techniques of this book to find the break-through awakening in the negotiation process.

This approach is not ivory-towered inspirired, its based on very concrete situations and it calls for leaderhip qualities that are assumed by default since you are your own worst enemy.

I find this audiobook more complete than getting to yes and a complement to it. negotiation is not a subject just to be left to one tool or aproach, I encourage anyone inetrested in the theme to spice-it-up with other tip observing book such as Herb Cohen's.

Be prepared to study and use a powerful technique.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By G. Charles Steiner TOP 1000 REVIEWER on February 29, 2012
Format: Paperback
This book has some staying power and some very useful techniques. It is definitely not all about sleaze or sleazy negotiation techniques. It's largely humanistic in its orientation. It is not about power. Of the several suggestions or tips offered, the following are some that this reader felt comfortable using:

(1) Don't react. Go to the balcony instead.

(2) Name the games. Stonewall game, attack game, trick game.

(3) Pause and say nothing.

(4) Rewind the tape and back up.

(5) Listen actively.

(6) Paraphrase and ask for corrections.

(7) Acknowledge your opponent's feelings.

(8) Tune into your opponent's wavelength.

(9) Don't say "Yes, but . . . " Say, "Yes, AND . . . ."

(10) Make "I" statements and don't blame. (See John Lee's recently published (2012) "The Half-Lived Life" for a deeper exploration of this self-same suggestion.

(11) Stand up for yourself.

(12) Acknowledge your differences with optimism.

(13) Change the game. Change the frame. Ask why or why not, or what if. Ask your opponent for advice.

(14) Go around the stone wall, reinterpret the stone wall as an aspiration.

(15) Reframe an attack on you as an attack on the problem instead.

(16) Reframe a personal attack as friendly.

(17) Negotiate about the rules of the game.

(18) Satisfy unmet interests. Don't dismiss your opponent as irrational.

(19) Don't assume a fixed pie.

(20) Ask reality-testing questions: What do you think will happen (in reality) if we don't agree? What do you think will happen if we do?
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Caufrier Frederic on May 17, 2011
Format: Paperback
William Ury wrote here an excellent sequel on the bestseller "Getting to Yes" and expands hereby the negotiation tools set to be more equipped towards dealing with the difficult person in a negotiaton (or situation).

The book follows 5 steps. It covers basic communication styles to diffuse the situation and elements to boost your BATNA (your best alternative) overall. The content list of his book gives already some ideas of this approach. The book covers these 5 steps in a schematic way, by being brief and very much to the point. Compact written and easy to assimilate.

William Ury does also give the course "Dealing with Difficult People and Difficult Situations" at the Program on Negotiation (PON) at Harvard Law School. This course follows also these 5 steps as illustrated here in this book. He is certainly a highly experienced and empathic speaker. He is a great person to come across and therefore I am not surprised he wrote a excellent book like this.

I certainly highly recommend his book, his negotiation course, as well as William Ury as public speaker/trainer.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Arthur B. Aten on June 22, 2009
Format: Audio CD
Shorter than i thought it would be but has great information. to get the most you need to also read getting to yes first.
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By john on May 24, 2014
Format: Audio CD Verified Purchase
For an intro to negotiation, this book is great. Don't expect to listen once and be a pro, but it's a good start.
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By Detective J on August 10, 2013
Format: Hardcover
Very impressive insights and advice. This is more about deal making than dealing with difficult people. So don't be confused. It's not going to give you much advice on how to deal with a raving jack-ss at work. Its a book on how to literally negotiate with someone who is resistant to reaching agreement. Loved this book. I read it slowly and I'll read it again at some point. Cannot believe this great work doesn't have more reviews. People are really missing out.
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