212 of 224 people found the following review helpful
on May 2, 2009
Every once in a long while, a person comes along who touches your life in such a profound way that you almost can't believe it.
For me, that person is Susan Elliott.
I stumbled upon her blog when I was at an all-time low in my life, having just undergone a heart-wrenching breakup that turned my world upside down and inside out. How could I allow someone to treat me so horribly in the name of love? Why didn't I recognize that I was being exploited? What was so damaged in me that I chose such a narcissistic mental case?
Susan's blog shed light on all of these questions and set me on a long journey toward becoming the person I was meant to be. My life is far better now than I ever could have imagined, spanning all areas, and she is in large part to thank.
This is not just a book about how to overcome your breakup -- it provides the resources to heal from your damaged past, recognize that you deserve better in life, learn to listen to and trust your instincts, and find real happiness. There's no hocus pocus here -- it's a smart book that executes key elements of cognitive psychology.
Simply put, this book is a life saver. Read it, apply it and be forever changed.
112 of 121 people found the following review helpful
on June 8, 2009
Like some of the others, I found Susan Elliott's Getting Past Your Past blog when I was struggling after a major heartbreak. Without any doubt, the website, and subsequently this book have done more for my healing than any other resources I have come across.
It is practical help, written with the compassion of someone who has gone through it, to guide you through those darkest hours and beyond. Like the best kind of friend, who is there for you even when you are not there for yourself, one who tells you the truth even when you don't want to hear it, her no-nonsense approach to both understanding where you are and guiding you with how to deal with it, is invaluable. There is no fluff here. Heart break and betrayal are soul destroying and the grieving and the healing processes need to be honoured.
Ms. Elliott provides the tools you need when you are in no place to think for yourself, the tools you need to get your life and yourself back, and the tools you need to navigate a better, more beautiful future for yourself when the time is right. And in the end she leaves you to spread your own wings and fly again - the best kind of teacher. She is an awesome woman, and this is an awesome book.
I will never let go of this one. I want it on my bookshelf, just in case. Not that I'm expecting ever to be in that space again. I can honestly say since coming across Susan Elliott's work I have become stronger, clearer, got back into my own life, and taken complete responsibility for my healing. And although I may suffer heartbreak again, I will not lose myself in the process.
I've not written a review before, but I can honestly say this helped me get through this like nothing else. Actually... not just get through it, I'm learning to thrive and really live my life. So, if you're going through a heartbreak, or know someone who is, get this. And go visit her blog. All the best to you.
73 of 84 people found the following review helpful
on October 20, 2010
About a year ago, I went through a horrible breakup with my partner of nearly five years, and best friend for ten. I turned to books about breakups to help me through a time I didn't know how I was going to survive. I purchased about 8 books, and this one was far and beyond the best-- absolutely no comparison. This is the only one of the 8 that I have underlined, highlighted, and still read, even after the grief has passed. In fact, this book is sitting right in the front spot on my shelf right now.
The reason why this book is still so valuable to me is that it is more than a breakup book, it is a book about how to live your life as a happy and complete person. The book offers not only ways to get past your breakup, but ways to build your confidence, be happy single, and be happy in a relationship. The chapter on setting boundaries has been invaluable to me.
Another reason why I strongly, strongly recommend this book is that there is a companion website, created and maintained by the author, Susan Elliott. The website, gettingpastyourpast.com, is a great community of people and Susan writes amazing posts that expand on the concepts in the book. I can truly not express how much the website and book have helped me in the past year.
As a final note, another reason I appreciate this book is that it is appropriate for any gender, any age, and any sexuality. Susan is careful not to use heteronormative or gender specific language, and I really appreciate that. The book also takes into account that the readers may be at very different points in their lives-- from in college, to having kids, to beyond.
In conclusion, I can't recommend this book enough!
48 of 54 people found the following review helpful
on April 28, 2009
What I really liked about this book is it really is a guidebook to getting better. It's a very easy read with clearly written steps to take. So many self-help books are just a mish-mash of analysis, but this one is so much more practical than that. Also, I found that I could (unfortunately) relate to some of the personal stories, which helps me to want to apply the "tools" in this book.
41 of 49 people found the following review helpful
on February 25, 2010
Among dozens of the break-up books I have read, this one is by far the best. The thing I like about the book is its combination of various scientific techniques under the covers to help you heal properly. There are a lot of books out there which focus only on the future, they try to make you forget and move on as soon as possible, without much introspection for yourself and for your past. This book is different. It places an emphasis on introspection and self-awareness, yet it isn't a solely theoretical psych workbook. It emphasizes balance in your life. It attempts to teach you that you will be fine no matter what as long as you have a great relationship with yourself. This book focuses on fixing the foundation (the concept of core-self) instead of trying to alleviate the symptoms, yet gives practical advice when it is time to go out and meet people. It has proved to be a great value in my recovery and I highly recommend it.
14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
on November 25, 2010
Two years ago, I was faced with the end of my 30 year marriage, and stumbled upon Susan Elliott's blog (Getting Past Your Past) and later this book. Although this book is useful to anyone facing the end of any type of major relationship, it was very useful to me as I faced re-creating my life as a 50 year old. The subtitle of the book is right-on: "How to turn a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to you". I've read several divorce recovery books, but this is the one that tells it straight: how to get through the initial unraveling, why establishing boundaries and no-contact is key (and how to make that work if you have children), how to work through obsessing and the urge to do stupid things that only set you back, how to lay the groundwork for having healthy relationships in the future, but most importantly, how to have an honest and healthy relationship with yourself. Ms. Elliott is smart, funny, compassionate, no-nonsense, and a great writer, with the credentials (as a certified grief counselor and her own personal experience) to back it up. This book outlines a clear system of how to make these critical steps to turning this into an amazing opportunity for finding happiness in your future, regardless of if you are in a relationship or single.
I know this book is useful to anyone in the pain of a breakup, but I want to especially recommend it to those suffering from a longterm relationship ending. I gave away my copy to a neighbor a few weeks ago and am re-ordering a copy for myself. It is certainly worth re-reading and as the holidays are upon us, there are parts that will be especially useful to revisit. Not quite over it, but getting there! You can be happy again but it is something you have to create for yourself, and this is a fine guidebook to set you on your path.
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
on June 14, 2009
I wish this book had existed years ago. I'd have spared myself a lot of heartbreak and pain. I've read several breakup books over the last year and they helped with the immediate hurt and pain. This book helped me figure out why I was staying in bad relationships and put me on the right track to improving my life. It's full of exercises and wisdom about how to get on track and how to stay there.
A year after my breakup, I'm happily enjoying new hobbies, travel, friends, and time by myself. When I feel ready to start dating again, I know I won't be tempted to stay with the wrong person out of fear of being alone. Susan's book has given me the tools I needed to get to emotional freedom.
14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
on November 2, 2009
After a 4 year breakup, I was completely lost...shocked by the overwhelming feeling of "what now"..."how do I get through this"..."I'm not strong enough to get through this". I read the book, did all of the excercises in it & I felt better & better each day. I'm re-reading it now, to help anything that hadn't fully sunk in the first time register. This book was my "bible" for a while, & I'm so thankful that I read it. It's been only 2.5 months since the breakup & I feel like a new person. I had to let go of something & that was very painful, but all of the inventory lists that you create make such a difference. You're able to view the relationship in a different light. In reality I let go of a relationship that was painful (from the beginning) & now I have a different outlook. I know what I want & I believe it's attainable. I will never forget this book or the lessons I've learned because of it. I will buy it as a gift for anyone of my friends/family who will encounter future breakups, because it works. It's an amazing book, it's worth the read. If you do read it, do the homework - it makes the process so much easier to let go of the bad & look forward to your future. I know everything will be ok & that's thanks to this book.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on January 5, 2015
I ordered this book during a very dark time. I had just been dumped for the third time by my ex and was truly heartbroken: this book is the best thing that happened in 2014. This writer was very candid in sharing her experiences about her first marriage. I appreciated the openness of this writer: Ms. Elliot was not just presenting facts she was sharing first hand knowledge of attracting the familiar. The familiar is being comfortable in situations from our childhood. After completing the relationship inventory and parent inventory - I recognized why I was drawn to these familiar unhealthy relationships. The connection was from my childhood.
The writer had many exercises and suggestions for how to start attracting the life that we were meant to live and not the unhealthy familiarity and dysfunction of our childhoods! The most helpful exercise that I use today are the affirmations; taking time to affirm the things I want to be.. ie , "I am worthy. " This tool in conjunction with the inventory exercises and meditation has changed my life! If you have lived with an alcoholic parent, emotionally withdrawn parent or a narcissistic parent this book is for you...
I have recommended this book to several people. I would strongly recommend this book to those looking to correct the dysfunction and get answers for learning to love yourself first to attract the mate you want to have. I know you maybe thinking like I did that you love yourself because you are highly educated, have great friends, health conscious, etc. Truthfully, I learned I was not loving myself because I was staying in relationships where the partner was emotionally withdrawn; turns out my closest parent was the same way. In order to live the best life and choose the best partner we have to love ourselves and accept nothing less than the best.
I apologize for the length of this review, but I hope it helps someone like it helped me! If you are reading this review heartbroken and tired of attracting the same type of people please get this book! !!
Take care , start loving yourself because you are amazing and please have the best year in 2015!
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
on January 15, 2011
I am so grateful to have found this book, and the author Susan Elliott's website.
Susan Elliott is a wonderfully compassionate soul. She shares her own life experiences and successes, which I found particularly helpful.
This book helped me get over a breakup of a long term relationship that I never saw coming. I struggled with tears and anguish and carried around that painful knot in my gut for over a year before I found this book. I thought I would never get over it. Like many, I found the website first, and then the book. No other book has ever made such a difference in my life.
If you want to STOP hurting over a breakup, either recently or in the past, Susan Elliott's book WILL change your life.
If you are willing to take a good look at yourself, do some tough but refreshing, soul clearing work, buy this book NOW. By reading this book, and working through the steps, you WILL get over the anguish of that heartbreak,learn how to put it all in perspective, and move forward with your life.
Susan Elliott helps you put the pieces of yourself back together. She helps you learn how to make choices and take the appropriate actions necessary to get over your breakup, work through the grief, to nurture yourself, to re-focus, find your footing, and STOP crying. The knot in your stomach, the tears that are always ready to leak out... WILL start going away. As you heal inside, you WILL get more and more of those ah-ha moments where you realize... WOW! That really doesn't hurt so much anymore.
Additionally, this book is not directly focused on victims of domestic violence, but if that is where you are or where you have been, it will also be especially helpful for you.
Getting Past Your Breakup is absolutely the best breakup book available. Unfortunately, I tried several prior to finding this one. This is really the only book that I found that offered real results and helped me move forward. It has also helped me be a better friend when someone is hurting.
Susan, if you read this, THANK YOU. I am still a work in progress, but I am forever changed by finding your book and your website. THANK YOU for your work, and for helping me work through my gut-wrenching heartbreak and move forward with my life.