Customer Reviews

Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together

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Here is a book I'll recommend to any couple who feels ready to experience a more loving and passionate sexual relationship. Tammy Nelson is an Imago therapist and teacher with two decades of clinical practice. Her skills shine forth not only in the information she offers here, but also in the helpful way the book is organized, with step by step techniques for helping couples recharge their relationships in a variety of situations.

Topics include help for stale-mated partners who "keep score" and for those who "fake it." She offers exercises to deal with the fear, anxiety, control, anger, and resentment that too many couples take to bed with them, and shows ways to express love, trust, appreciation, sensuality, and lusty desire. Other topics include explicit guidance for sexual intimacy that range from massage and genital stimulation to creating sexual rituals. The book concludes with a section on tolerating ecstasy and joy--a problem many people have in our fast-track culture.

If you are a therapist who works with couples--you'll find this book a wonderful resource for you as well as your clients. It spans the divide between couple therapy and sex therapy in a way that guides and educates in a straightforward, collegial manner.

This book is unlike most other self-help books where they describe the problem, how the problem gets worse and usually a chapter (if you're lucky) on what to do about the problem.

Tammy Nelson fills her book with exercises and action plans in each chapter from start to finish! If you are a couple wanting to "get the sex you want" and are looking for behavior changes, than this is the book for you.

I highly recommend this book.

I am a Certified Imago Therapist and work with both couples and individuals in my private practice. This is a great book and one that I highly recommend to couples when it comes to talking about the often challenging, difficult, exciting and titillating subject of sex! Most of all I love Tammy's approach because it builds on the Imago Therapy approach to couples counseling which is all about creating safety in your relationship so that you can be vulnerable and talk about sensitive issues. I recommend it for all couples who want to learn more about themselves, each other and also want to build a more intimate, loving connection.

Tammy is a great teacher and her work here is just another example of this fact. Getting the Sex You Want is a very practical guide yet exudes "sexy" at the same time. A healthy sex life is a must in any lasting, intimate relationship. So, even if your sex life is already good - read Tammy's book and propel it to greatness!

Tammy Nelson has created a space within her chapters where everyone, young and old, can feel comfortable in their own skin.....where they can enjoy intimacy without any feelings of guilt, incompetence or embarrassment. She has explained in full detail how to change our relationships, beginning with the most primal and private of all human needs.....
......and, she makes it a whole lot of fun!!

I highly recommend Tammy Nelson's book to all my friends, colleagues and clients alike!

Melanie Barnum, Certified Hypnotist and Intuitive Counselor

Tammy Nelson's book provides a clear strategy in a book category that is often notable for vague approaches. The text is friendly, well-written, and full of an infectious enthusiasm that is bound to inspire even a skeptical reader. Our culture's media messages are so conflicted--it is refreshing to read a book where the goal is to resolve conflicts, at least in the safety of our intimate relationships.

The same Red Hatter friend that pointed me to books like SEASONED ROMANCE and GRANDPA DOES GRANDMA, written specifically for the over-50 crowd, also suggested GETTING THE SEX YOU WANT, even though the bodies on the front cover were definitely not my age.

Wow! Am I glad she did. Tammy Nelson is a great writer!

If anything the last half-century has taught women like me is that assertiveness can be a romance-builder, not a romance-killer. Ms Nelson takes it to a deeper level. She turns assertiveness into specifics about foreplace, lovemaking, orgasms, after-play and all the fun stuff along the way.

My biggest complaint is that Tammy Nelson wasn't around to write about creating heat and passion when I was 25 or so. I'm just glad she is now. And this great-grandma is enjoying what I'm learning from books like the ones I mentioned (so is great-grandpa!). Inhibitions were gone long ago, and we are always looking for ways to achieve greater passion.

Just Chapters 1 and 2 are worth the price of this hot book! Couple these with Chapters 1, 9 and 10 of SEASONED ROMANCE, and you've got enough fuel to keep the fires burning for years to come!

I know that this golden oldie couple is determined to make the most of each rockin' roll in the hay, and research shows that we are definitely not alone.

Thanks for the courage of writing GETTING THE SEX YOU WANT and for your amazing insight!

Let me preface my review by saying that I am skeptical about the philosophy behind imago therapy. I think it's simplistic and outdated to try to locate the source of all psychological problems in one's childhood. This is particularly true for couples. They may have problems because they have different personalities (e.g., one is an introvert and one is an extrovert) or because one partner has undergone a traumatic event, such as disease or loss of a close family member.

Having said this, I found the book absolutely fantastic, and would give it 6 stars if I could. The book doesn't really talk about the philosophic underpinnings of imago therapy. It just uses one key concept from this therapy approach (a specific form of dialog where one mirrors, then validates and empathizes with, the statements of the partner) as the key ingredient in a long list of exercises that help partners to develop an intimate connection. All the exercises are great; I believe that most couples are going to find something useful in these exercises, even if their relationship is quite good already.

Further, many relationships are in a stalemate where one partner needs emotional support as a precondition for physical intimacy while the other needs physical intimacy to feel emotionally connected. Several exercises in this book provide a great way to break out of this vicious cycle.

Sensitive and compassionate. . .Tammy Nelson has written a wonderful guide for couples who wish to deepen their erotic connection or rekindle their intimacy.

My wife, Gina, and I are swingers and have been for several years. We try to learn and be aware sexually as much as possible. This book brought some new ideas and adventures before us, as well as some greater understanding of certain things we thought we knew. My point is, this book is a great read and an excellent tool even for those who are experienced.