Customer Reviews

Getting Through to People

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Jesse Nirenberg's book is a timeless gem that is well worth reading. He has an extraordinary understanding of how to communicate to get ideas across, how to listen with the purpose of understanding another person, how to deal with heated emotions in conversations, how to detect and deal with another person's irrationality, how to hear mixed contexts in a conversation and much more. To give you a first hand view of the value of this book, I have excerpted some of my favorite quotes.
On exposing the irrational: "...resistance is often based on a combination of rational and irrational elements. Brought into the light of discussion the rational element will maintain its dimensions. It will remain as important as it ever was. But the irrational element, similarly exposed, will tend to evaporate. The force it had in the dark of the individual's interior dies out when brought to light. As a result of discussing the resistance its force becomes reduced to the strength of the rational element."
On active listening: "Meaningful listening is somewhat like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Hearing the words is like receiving the pieces. But listening meaningfully is putting the pieces together to form a picture. When the listener asks a question that should have been unnecessary he has just been receiving the pieces but not putting them together."
On resistance to rational ideas: "... to persuade someone to your way of thinking it is necessary that he first pass through a stage of resistance... His resistance, his struggle to convince you of the opposite, is a sign that he is fully involved in consid-ering your position. He isn't comfortable with his own. He knows deep down that it doesn't make sense but fights to hold it anyway by trying to convince you as a way of convincing himself.... He is responsive to your arguments even though the response at the moment is oppositional. One part of him is in conflict with another."
On the change process: "People do not change positions immediately upon hearing a logical reason for doing so, no matter how good the case for changing is. Even though the evidence clearly favors changing positions, people are hesitant to do it in a single jump. They want to work it over in their minds, make sure they under-stand it and are doing the right thing. They want to thread their way cautiously to the new position, surveying the ground around them to make sure it's firm."
This book is a treasure find for anyone wanting to understand and improve his own thinking and communication methods.

An excellent source to understanding the motives behind phrases and actions. An easy to read, fun reference to whomever wants to understand human reactions and the motives behind them. If you want to improve your communication skills, this book is a must. Helpful for managers, leaders, salespeople, spouses, and for everybody!!

Dr. Nirenberg offers profound, insightful, and no-nonsense information about human behavior, communication and persuasion skills. His style of prose provides a clarity the lay-person could understand easily and immediately. He will have you listening to people far better than you ever done before. Particularly, a must read for salespeople.

Joe Arrigo
Author of, The Secret Factor for Uncommon Sales Success

This book is really a "life primer" for how to communicate with people.

Dr. Nirenberg's book is chock full of wisdom and humorous examples.

If you've ever wondered why people say the things they say - and do the things they do - then buy this book!