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Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths

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There comes a time (or many times, actually) in everyone's life when things appear to be at a dead end. You know you don't want to be where you're at, but you're in a quandary about how to move on. That's the subject of the book Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths by Timothy Butler. If you're willing to work his process and exercises, you may well find that "new path" to take you to the next level.

Contents:
Part 1 - Impasse: Facing Crisis; Feeling Stuck and Doubting Ourselves; Opening Up and Letting Go; Shifting to a New Understanding
Part 2 - Vision: Our Deepest Interests (The First Pattern in the Carpet); Learning to Let Our Passions Guide Us; Power, People, and Achievement (Three Interwoven Patterns); Mapping Our Insights (Patterns in the Sand)
Part 3 - Getting Unstuck: Moving from Impasse to Action; Living at the Border
Appendixes: Continuing the Journey (An Annotated Bibliography); A Note on Impasse and Depression; Scoring the One Hundred Jobs Exercise
Notes; Index; About the Author

Butler is a researcher and business psychologist who works with people who have hit a "dead end" in their life. Many of the stories in the book involve students who have gone to business school, have a number of options in front of them, but nothing seems quite right. His approach to getting unstuck is to allow the inner thoughts and passions to direct us towards what we probably already know the answer to be, but we just haven't tuned into it. Many of these exercises are covered in sidebar entries called "deep dives". These sidebars go into detail about how an exercise works and how to do it. For instance, "free attention" is the technique of allowing your focus to reside on a particular part of the body, letting the sensations and feelings wash over you without judgement. When your mind wanders, you've lost your free attention and need to refocus on the body part. This then shifts to focus on breathing, and the goal is to let emotions run their course and learn from them. Another technique is paying attention to images that form in your mind. These images can often be formed from deeper core feelings and emotions, and taking the time to reflect and analyze them can cast light on your situation and point to a new path. Probably one of the most in-depth exercises is the 100 Jobs list. You choose 12 jobs from a list of 100 that appeal to you on an emotional basis. Scoring the exercise involves categorizing the types of attributes that make up those jobs. By grouping and classifying the different underlying traits, you'll see trends such as leadership, persuasion, coaching, etc. These trends can then be used to examine your direction and make corrections...

On the whole, the ideas are solid. I can see where working through the process could lead to dramatic changes that might not be explored by a more cursory examination of your life. But while the book is designed to be used on your own, I think it'd work best if you had someone skilled in these techniques working with you. It's hard to be objective about your own mind, and an external viewpoint would help keep things focused. I also think that the material would appeal most to business professionals who are at a career crisis. Most of the material is slanted towards job-related issues, and the stories are largely about college and grad school students. While anyone could use these ideas in various areas of their lives, I think the "average" person might find it all a bit daunting...

Well before reading the final chapter of this book, I concluded that Timothy Butler is both a relentless empiricist (i.e. being keenly observant of human experience, especially his own) and a relentless pragmatist (i.e. leveraging this experience to apply lessons learned in terms of what works...and what doesn't). In the Introduction he focuses on the six phases of what he characterizes as "The Cycle of Impasse." They are (1) the arrival of the [given] crisis and impasse, (2) its deepening and the attendant re-emergence of unresolved issues, (3) the dropping of old assumptions and the opening up to new information, (4) the shift to a new way of understanding our situation, (5) the greater recognition of deep patterns of our personality, and eventuaolly (6) the decision to take concrete action." Once having carefully presented the "what," Butler then focuses almost all of his attention on the "how" of "getting unstuck."

It is important to keep in mind that as Butler duly acknowledges, crises vary (sometimes significantly) in terms of their relative importance; also, impasses also vary in terms of their nature and extent; moreover, "getting unstuck" from one crisis does not mean that it will never recur; in addition, most people find themselves struggling to cope with more than one crisis at a time; finally, and obviously, its is highly advisable to prevent a crisis, if at all possible, and thus eliminate the need to get "unstuck" from one.

The subtitle suggests another interesting aspect of this book's appeal: "How Dead Ends Become New Paths." I am among those who believe that every problem and, especially, every failure offers an invaluable learning opportunity. Long ago, Jack Dempsey suggested that "champions get up when they can't." More recently Warren Bennis and Robert Thomas, in Geeks and Geezers and then in Leading for a Lifetime, assert that most (if not all) great leaders - at one time - experienced a "crucible" which forged qualities of character they would not otherwise develop. In Authentic Leadership and then in True North, Bill George makes essentially the same point. With all due respect to Yogi Berra (reputed to have suggested that "When you get to a fork in the road, take it"), what seem to be "dead ends" can become "new paths" if - huge if -- we can summon the courage and sustain the determination to take "concrete action."

To this last point, Butler insists - and I agree - that "our lives do not change without action. The impasse crisis has its resolution in a decision to make specific choices that change our day-to-day reality...Know what the action needs to be, and actually performing it, is what seals the cycle of learning and change and allows us to move forward."

I commend Butler for providing three valuable appendices: "Continuing the Journey" (an annotated bibliography), "A Note on Impasse and Depression" (differences between symptoms of clinical depression and symptoms at impasse), and "Scoring the One Hundred Jobs Exercise" (a self-diagnostic to accompany an exercise in Chapter 4). All of those who read this book find themselves "stuck" from time to time. On occasion, the "impasse" is minor and only temporary (e.g. missing several days at work because of having the flu). On other occasions, the situation is much more serious and seems hopeless, or at least daunting (e.g. an extended period of unemployment as bills pile up). Butler seems genuinely determined to help his readers cope effectively with all manner of crises, especially those which may seem hopeless. Obviously, it remains for each reader to determine the value of this book to her or his own circumstances.

When thinking about the many benefits that Butler's book offers, I am reminded of a prayer generally thought to have been composed by Reinhold Niebuhr: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Butler's book has one of the best cover images I've see i awhile. A fish leaps into the air, leaving behind other fish swimming peacefully in their glass bowl. At first he seems bent on self-destruction, till we realize another bowl is waiting to receive him. It's mostly hidden at the edge of the page and it's emptier.

The image is appropriate bcause Butler's book ultimately is about finding vision and image. He keeps referring to the Hundred Careers exercise: choose your top 12 from a list of 100. Then (and this is the important part) uncover common themes.

Usually I get nervous when career counselors urge clients to work with specific choices, because most people carry inaccurate stereotypes of careers with them. Accountants can be extraverted and sales people can be shy. But I sense that Butler works with each person's unique perceptions of the careers, although he doesn't say so directly.

Another reviewer suggests that a reader might need a guide to work through the process. I'm more concerned about translating insight into action. If you're an artist trapped in a banking career, how do you carry out the exploration you need? How do you find your new life? OK, a creative decides to become a freelance artist, but things get a little more complicated in real life. Every freelancer I know (including me) has to deal with creating systems to get the work done, marketing, staying motivated, and dealing with dumb things like more ink for the printer and why hasn't the bank transferred over your account forms.

Of course, vision can be compelling. A strong vision can motivate career changers to find solutions, sometimes almost effortlessly.

I can't help comparing this book to Herminia Ibarra's book, Working Identity, also published by Harvard Universiety Press. Ibarra emphasizes the zig zag pattern of actions most people take to find their next careers. Most people I know operate that way. They just take one step at a time till they realize that somehow they've landed where they're supposed to be.

Ibarra also targets midlife career changers -- people who have achieved some success and accomplishment. This book seems directed to younger people who have less at stake. For example, a 35-year-old woman who leaves a high-powered financial career to become a high school teacher, reducing her income from $106K to $34K. Some people make those kinds of moves and never look back. Others realize they miss the lifestyle of the larger salary. Still others get bogged down by conditions of working, like paperwork.

I can't help wondering how this woman will feel when she's in her fifties and sixties. And I hope she likes teaching, because it's going to be hard to make a shift back to the corporate world from just about anything else.

Definitely Getting Unstuck holds value for people at the early stages of their career searches. I would recommend it to anyone who's looking for a new way to think about career change. But I've seen people who need to get unstuck not just from their jobs but from their analysis. Exploring possibilities is fun. Translating them to realities - and living with the aftermath - gets a whole lot more complicated.

This is probably the 50th self help book I've read and it is by far the best one yet. Parts of it remind me of the book "Feel the Fear and do it anyway", another highly recommended book for anyone feeling stuck. I have felt stuck, particularly in my career, for well over 4 years now. However, this book gives me a lot of hope, something I've been missing for a while.

The book makes several great points about not over analyzing everything, the danger of your ego/superego and how they holds you back, and fear. One of the most important points the book makes is that right before we are about to take a step forward, the superego comes in and criticizes what we are trying to accomplish, thus holding us back.

Lastly, the book helps you tap into and figure out what your passion in life is (career). So if you're feeling stuck in your career or life in general, I highly recommend this book. It beats all the career books I've read, as it delves deeper into your personality and what is holding you back to help you get to the bottom of it. There is a section on personal values and how often times we work for a company that isn't in alignment with our core values, which causes major problems.

Overall, very insightful and helpful for anyone in career crisis.

The author does a great job of helping one to realize and appreciate that a "dead end" may be door to one of the best opportunities for growth one will ever receive in life. He helps one to address the fact that oftentimes being "stuck" is a very good and positive thing. The title of my review is appropriate because he obviously has worked with people, of different ages, who have felt stuck, how they got through it, and how positive it ended up being for most of them.

Butler does an excellent job of acknowledging and dealing with the feelings that accompany "stuckness." In my opinion, chapter two "Feeling Stuck and Doubting Ourselves" is worth the price of the book alone. "The Accuser" is who he calls the Superego who relentlessly doubts and questions "stuck" people. He helps the "stuck" to see how pathetic "the Accuser" really is, how and when he often strikes and what "the Accuser" really is: "it's concern is to punish us and stop us from taking that action which would allow us to experience new possibilities." (p. 32)

This book is both psychologically insightful and of great practical help. It helped me a lot.

The book's title drew me like a magnet. It was so precise. And I said, "yes, I am stuck and need help in getting unstuck". After starting and succeeding, or not so, at many ventures in life, I have lately been feeling stuck.

Don't want to do the same things again that I have been doing for over thirty years. Is it mid-life crisis? I don't know. What else can I do? I can only do what I know... But is it relevant anymore? Have I become a has been? Self doubt, self pity, and helplessness have begun to creep in.

This book has been very helpful. It provides a systematic approach to analyzing the problem and an opportunity to get to know yourself. Some answers may be disturbing. You may find out that what you have been doing all your life so far is perhaps not what you ever wanted to do. You may not even have begun to do what you really wanted to do in life, are good at, and have a passion for. Perhaps, it is not the end of the road, but just the beginning.

I wish that I had read this book 10 or may be 20 years ago. That would have changed my life. I still have to find courage and discipline to change. But this book certainly provides the nudge that I have needed.

Author does have a tendency of self accolades in places, which really are not needed, as the work speaks for itself. But, nonetheless, the book is a great and very helpful work.

Anil Aggarwal
anil@datagenius.com

I wanted to like this book more and I was with it for a while. I assumed the Harvard name would give it more authority. However, as I got more into the book I realized it was from a perspective of Jungian analysis. It is more of a psychoanalysis approach to career advice. I've read some stuff based on Jung and like some of the abstract ideas from it. However, I tend to view it more as a nice theory but kind of academic and not entirely relevant to how we understand the mind. Maybe I'm too analytical.

I tried his 100 jobs exercise which was somewhat useful but thought it was too tilted towards business school graduates. One of the focuses seemed to be to determine if you were more of a leader or individual performer. I thought his list was too narrow and didn't consider a wider breadth of possible talents. Most of his stories based on experience also are drawn from business school students.

I was most disappointed with his images exercise. I just completed after spending 30 minutes in a quiet room. The images I generated after following his directions had nothing to do with my career or work life or any possible one that I could determine. Apparently I was not doing it right? I can't force a subconscious to come up with the relevant images. After that he proceeded to ask a series of questions which could not be answered based on the images I generated. It was a bit of a waste.

I'm currently debating whether to finish the last half of the book. I was hoping there might be a little more science behind the exercises. I like the idea of using psychology in career advice and enjoyed novel approaches. However, all this did was confirm one or two rather abstract findings from other books and surveys. Maybe there's a treasure in the subconscious that I wasn't able to mine. I wasn't able to get at it with this book very much.

Tim Butler's latest book addresses takes a creative approach to "getting unstuck", which he calls "impasse," in a clear, engaging and enjoyable read for coaches and clients alike.

Butler states that shifting to a new understanding of ourselves `is a "dropping down" into more imaginative and less conditioned ways of looking at ourselves and the world. We shift from cognitive analysis based on an old mental model to information that comes from giving our essence a chance to speak in the fresh language of image and metaphor. . . A new life vision has to come from employing all aspects of our consciousness . . . It has to arise from deep intuition.' [...]., includes access to audio downloads of some of his image gathering exercises.

This practical book includes exercises to help clients identify career interest patterns as well as "dynamic tensions," goals or motivations that may appear to be contradictory. Readers can assess themselves based on ten interest patterns, based on Butler's research. The next step is to explore the role of three social motivators: power, affiliation, and achievement and to identify which are most dominant.

By working through these exercises, clients assemble a powerful roadmap of life interests, motivators, themes, and dynamic tensions. Much of the books accessibility comes from the numerous examples of how clients resolved dynamic tensions and moved towards new, more fulfilling careers. Clients will find value in these examples and exercises and coaches will enjoy adding this creative approach to their coaching repertoire.

Knowledge is simplification of information. The book is very well written. It distills years of work into a persuasive style for readers. Go through the "deep-dive" and feel refreshed. Strikes a chord deep down - all those examples.

often fall into psychological ruts that can lead to feelings of fatigue, worthlessness and even guilt. During such periods, falling asleep at night and getting out of bed in the morning both become difficult. Making decisions gets to be almost impossible. If this state persists intensely over a long period, clinicians call it depression. When these feelings are short-lived and intermittent, psychologist and career change expert Timothy Butler calls it an "impasse." Though uncomfortable, an impasse is good because it can act as a much-needed catalyst for a meaningful metamorphosis. Unfortunately, many people do not know how to get "unstuck" from an impasse. That is where Butler's savvy book comes into play. He provides insightful, hands-on advice telling people who feel stuck how to move along and make necessary, valuable changes. For his exercises to work, the reader must spend time on them and be open to letting them take effect. We applaud Butler's life change program and his intelligent psychological guide. Learn how to overthrow that impasse, and go forward new and fresh.