Customer Reviews

Ghouls

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

Ghouls (Gary Jones, 2008)

Oh, William Atherton. Long ago was the time when your name on a production meant quality. Nowadays, it seems to do exactly the opposite. (Hmm, maybe The Last Samurai WASN'T Tom Cruise's fault?

...naah.) So when your name popped up in the opening credits of Ghouls, I pretty much knew what I was in for. I just didn't expect it to be this awful.

In any case, the painfully thin synopsis is that Atherton plays Stefan. Stefan's mom dies in the old country, and he rounds up his college-aged daughter Jen (the eye-popping Kristen Renton) and girlfriend Liz (Erin Gray-- yes, that Erin Gray) and they all head for some small, nameless country in Eastern Europe where the entire country shuns the village, and the entire village shuns them. Except, of course, for the family members-- and they're none too friendly, either. Things get a bit less dull when Jen runs into Thomas (James DeBello), a druid who's fighting the ghouls that haunt the town. (No, this isn't a spoiler, we find this out in the film's opening minutes, long before Jen does-- which was probably a bad idea on the part of the scriptwriter.)

Let me start by saying that the only possible reasons to watch this are to stare at Kristen Renton and if you're using it as the basis for a drinking game. Otherwise, give it the widest berth possible. Painful plot holes, inconsistent (and incompetent) characters, truly awful dialogue, the works. And, if I may be allowed a moment of sheer geekery, one should not call one's wraiths "ghouls", though these particular CGI monstrosities seem to be able to take either form at will. DeBello, who I thoroughly enjoyed in Cabin Fever, comes off here as a sort of low-rent Ray Liotta or Liev Schreiber (both of whom, I'm sure, turned this down and ran screaming, if it was offered to them), while Renton seesaws between disbelief and amusement (not at the events onscreen, at the script and the direction).

While in the annals of Sci-Fi Channel Original Films, this will not go down in history as the worst movie they've ever bankrolled (you'd have to sink a lot lower than this to get to the level of The Bone Eater), but it's in the bottom ten somewhere. Entirely awful. (half)

I bought this movie for 2 reasons: 1) I like the actress Kristen Renton and 2) I like cheesy, low-budget D-horror flicks. It definitely fit the bill. It was laughably bad but at the same time, enjoyable and I ended up liking Kristen's character Jenn and thanks to this movie, James DeBello has a new stalker - I mean, FAN lol It was one of those movies that's so bad its almost good. And I only paid $4.99 for it (which is a rental fee at Blockbuster these days) so I can't complain too much lol

I've been watching this steaming pile of feces on tv for 85 minutes and I just can't take it any longer. Well, that's not entirely true. I've mostly been watching a cricket on the outside of my window. It has moved so little that I'm not sure it's alive, but it's way more interesting than Ghouls. Better plot and dialog, much more realistic special effects. I could tell you what's wrong with this flick, but I value my sanity too much to think about it. Besides, it's so easy to tell you what's right about it: nothing. Not a thing. Nada. Zip. It's not that I don't like z grade horror movies. I've cheerfully rented and then bought many horror flicks so bad that I would be ashamed to name them. But even I have some standards. Excuse me now, I have to go whack myself on the head with a big hammer until I forget all about this horrible flick.

Before I go any further, lemme just warn you all, this is a Sci-Fi Original film so if you're no fan of silly, cheesy B-movie junk packed with loads of CG and mediocre acting, you may want to just avoid this film altogether. For those of you, like me, that love Sci-Fi Original films, despite their varying degrees of ineptitude, Ghouls strangely satisfies.

The story wasn't incredibly original but it was solid enough and the dialogue goes from being really really bad to just okay but the draw here is beauty and the beasts; the CG is sparse for a change and the seriously hot Kristen Renton is sure to mesmerize viewers with her assets. Oh yeah, did I mention the eternally hot Erin Gray of Buck Rogers is in this? Not only do we get the beautiful Gray but William (Ghostbusters) Atherton also stars! Nice little lineup for a film most will probably end up ignoring which is a bit of a shame because this was actually better than one would expect.

When you talk about a flick called Ghouls, one fully expects to see Ghouls and I was pleasantly surprised to find the titular beasties in real deal latex! They occasionally burst into floating, black balls of CG mist but when they materialize to feed, zowie, they are gross, scary and nasty! The only thing that could possibly make these monsters cooler would be meaty, gory carnage and, once again, the film delivers! What more must a film give you?!! Does it have to be a masterpiece to entertain?

If I could say one thing about Sci-Fi Originals that you simply cannot dispute it is this, Sci-Fi spares no expense on production design, costumes, score and CG. Even if the films are bad, they're lightyears better than the majority of the indie horror stuff we see hit retail/rental shelves on a weekly basis from companies like Lionsgate, Sony and Dimension. Granted it's not the greatest film but it's entertaining and I'm a fan of Sci-Fi Original films so if you're a sucker like me for a pretty girl, nasty monsters and some quality gore, check this out.

It got routinely trashed by imdb, and alot of ppl. Granted I liked Gigli too, but for a good reason (it had an honest look at homosexuality, that wasn't formulaic or PC, which is probably why it bombed).

Why do I like it? Well, for one, I'm a sucker for hot women in movies, I like slightly campy fantasy/sci-fi films, and it did have an original plot. In a tradition of very repetitive or derived films, it's a very good thing to have something fresh. In fact, personally, unless the film is trying to push some stupid philosophy (like fatalism), it's quality is secondary to its originality. But that's not the real reason.

There are countless good versus evil films, but far too many of them are Christian perspective, or worse deeply fundamentalist Christian perspective. I myself am Christian, but I accept other faiths as valid. Seriously, no more Armageddon stories, or demon possessions. So it is refreshing to see a supernatural evil from other myths. I liked Ringu for the same reason, it had some cultural background from the Japanese concepts on curses. And the ending was a bit of a twist, which was enough to win it over to my line of thinking. Plus, even the campiness worked in its favor. (I mean c'mon, throwing holy handgrenades at supernatural creatures?)

Renton is an up and coming star, and this movie was one of the better sci-fi originals i've seen lately. It wasn't lame and it was pretty scary. If you like sci-fi/horror, I would recommend this one.

If you're a gamer, you probably think ghouls have a paralyzing touch, sometimes smell really bad, and eat corpses. If you're a fan of H.P. Lovecraft, you probably think ghouls meep and gibber, live in underground dens, and eat corpses. If you're director Gary Jones, ghouls are badly pixilated smears that float around during the day until they get bored and swoop down to eat people. Ghoulish? Yes. Ghouls? Not so much.

But then, every Syfy channel monster movie puts its own spin on hackneyed monsters and Ghouls has every right to tweak the formula. In this case, the ghouls are actually guardians of a dark race that was imprisoned by druids. That's right, druids. Every 1,500 years there is a grand conjunction in which the ghoul queen, who has been body hopping for years, can bring her banished people back from the beyond. As each body wears out, she hops to a new, younger one, but the pesky conjunction happens to be right after the old broad bites it. Thing is, the next body must be of the same bloodline, which means it's a bit of a bummer if the ghoul queen happens to be your grandma.

Such is the plight of poor Jennifer (Kristen Renton, wandering off the set of Days of Our Lives), her father Stefan (cackling William Atherton) and his girlfriend Liz (Erin Gray, wandering WAY off the set of Buck Rogers). Returning for the funeral, Jennifer discovers she's the chosen one. Meanwhile, the last of the druids, Thomas (the positively awful James DeBello dressed in Van Richten monster hunter garb) fires shotguns (?) and throws phosphorous grenades (!) at the aforementioned ghouls. It never seems to do any good - being that the ghouls are ghosts most of the time, shotguns don't seem like the wisest choice - but good old Thomas never changes tactics.

In fact, Thomas is so enamored with shooting that when some of the cultists start firing on him Thomas shouts "SHOOT!" Now call me crazy, but it seems to me that if you're being shot at, you don't shout "SHOOT!" You probably shout "AAAH!" or more likely an expletive. But "shoot"? Not a good choice.

Ghouls is filled with bad choices. Jennifer witnesses a ghoul noshing on a corpse's entrails, and then whines about the possibility of spiders in a mausoleum - cause that's MUCH scarier. One of the cultists gets blown up by Thomas' ever ready grenades, only to run past the camera completely unharmed and without burn makeup. The ghouls, who savagely tear people apart, knock Thomas out for no other reason than to have him show up at the end to rescue the damsel in distress.

If Ghouls has any redeeming qualities, it's that when the scary spirit-smudges become corporeal, the makeup job is actually quite good. But then someone throws a grenade, someone else forgets to be burned by it, and we're back to being reminding that this movie is terrible.

In Dungeons & Dragons the only thing worse than a ghoul is its smellier cousin the ghast. Ghasts stink so bad that you vomit uncontrollably. Calling this film ghoulish gives it too much credit. Since it stinks, let's go with "ghastly".

I know that there are so many things to tear apart in this movie. The script is ridiculous. The acting is uninspired. It's an R-rated horror movie that asks us to leer at the main actress without any nudity. Those dopy wraith characters (who get called ghouls for reasons unknown) are unoriginal. It takes place in an Eastern European village that looks like a Renaissance Festival set up (especially when the punker villains run around with battle axes - and still beat the guy with the gun in most fights).

But really, my main problem was the music. It was the most incipent horror music ever composed. At any point in the movie there was this "spooky" background music that was anything but spooky. I am now utterly certain that there's a setting on a Casio for Spooky Sounds complete with "drums", "whispering voices" and "droning bass". And the composer decided to use these at random.

Beyond that awful music, the next problem is the utterly anemic nature of the story. A woman and her father go to that Eastern European country. They walk around. For the first 50 minutes it's all set up with people looking at everyone suspicously. Then she runs away from evil thingies. The druid shows up. He runs away. And they run and run until the big reveal at the end. Then there's about 5 minutes of fighting and plot revelation that has no tension whatsoever because by this point you want ANYTHING to happen to these people that will stop them from running around in their dull little trajectories.

Utter waste of time. Nothing wrong with low budget horror movies, but they should never be this dull.

..waiting for a good laugh,and they will certainly find one if they happen to view this absurd film...William Atherton stars in a part that,probably,he could sleepwalk his way through,and Erin Gray,now looking ancient,gets to be devoured by badly made up actors in fright costumes who are the"ghouls" of the title..
Since the plot has been well explained by another dissatisfied customer I can only go over certain huge lapses in the writing and ask myself why the producers wasted good money on this junk...
For example,if Atherton and his extended family of romanian weirdos are so feared in the village that when they pass by(on what looks like a large version of a kids wagon)shutters are quickly closed and doors locked tight,why do these dolts remain in the village?I mean,the ghouls eat them,they know this,and they quite rightly associate this with Atherton and company,and yet they remain around,as if volunteering to be ghoulie food...
Or how about the hunky dummy hero,the so-called last druid..If this guy were any dumber he'd be dirt,and yet the writers focus all of thier attention on him and invest the saving of humanity itself in his hands...From my vantage point humanity would be doomed if idiots like him were the only ones alledgedly capable of "saving it"
...And while on the subject of the druid dummy why is it that in every instance except his whenever a ghoul attacks the victim winds up not only dead but consumed..Some old washerwoman,and dear old Erin Gray become lunch and dinner,but when the druid dummy is attacked the result is only a few superficial slash marks...
Then there is Kristen Renton,the so called"vessel"..Her daddy murdered her mom(but have no fear,dear,dead mom appears later on in the film,flitting down out of the sky like the good witch in "The wizard of oz" to give Renton the magical"you-can-do-it" pep talk required to not only defeat evil,but get back at dad by pulling his living heart right out of his chest...)Rento plays her part so one dimensionally as to be laugh-out-loud funny,even when in peril..A sort of valley girl whose responses to crisis of the life-threatening sort give all other valley girls a bad name...Renton is supposed to become the ghoulie queen,replacing her grandmother,recently departed..It says so,in runic lettering,right along the door panels of her room..The dummy druid is supposed to kill the"vessel"-Renton,in order to stop the whole magilla from happening,but he suddenly gets a crush on his victim,and doesn't want to plunge the magic dagger into her chest...
Must I go on..This movie is badly written,badly acted,has plotholes the size of a lunar crater and ought never have been filmed in the first place.

This is a good B movie. Has an actual story line and the ghouls are cool.