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The Gift of Time: Letters from a Father

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Dear Jorge Ramos:

I'd never heard of you until I walked by your book in a bookstore last weekend - with the subtitle on the cover - "Letters from a Father" - pulling me to flip through the pages. I was curious what a world-class journalist and T.V. anchorman would have to say to his children - and more importantly I wondered if the rich and famous were torn with the same internal conflicts as the rest of us. Do you struggle with giving "enough time" to your children? Are you conflicted between wanting to professionally develop and succeed and meet the demands of your challenging job - with spending enough time with your family? And my curiosity was confirmed.

I was also struck by the number of similarities that we share - we have two children, a boy and girl - we both came to the United States for a better life and for greater opportunities (Yes, what a great country this is) - as children, we both ate meals in silence with our a patriarch brooding and only developed our relationship with our Father (modestly at that) later in life - we have both lived or are living in Miami - we both ponder existentialism - we are both voracious readers - and I learn all of this in an amazing chance connection because of a side-ways glance in the non-fiction section of a book store. (Chopra: nothing is a coincidence).

Jorge, I excuse a few shortcomings in your book including the deafening silence about the impact of your children's Mother(s) on their lives and on you. There is a gaping hole in your Letters on this front Jorge.

I can only imagine how difficult your marital separation was on you and on Paola when she was three years old - yet, the impact on Paolo was underdeveloped in your letters and I wonder if she really did receive "The Gift of Time" in your transatlantic relationship. Perhaps the pain is better left unsaid or understated as is it understood.

You visually described a near-death experience on I-95 on your way to the dentist - yet, you didn't stop to see if the other driver needed help? Or check the papers the next day to say if he was ok? We've all been there in a similar experience.

Yet, despite these "few gaps," I wish that I had the talent to articulate what you've shared in this emotionally moving story of your life. If you are a Father with teenage kids, you will find that it's impossible not to be moved by your words and your thoughts. I thank you for taking the time to share this and inspire me to do something similar for my children. And I will recommend your story to other Fathers at every opportunity.

While there were so many terrific insights and passages in your novel, I found the excerpts below to be particularly moving:

"You (Nicolas) lay down, I gave you a long hug, and you reached out with your hand so I could squeeze it. And I asked myself how much longer this ritual would last. I realize that when I take you to school in the mornings, you don't like to say good-bye with a hug or a kiss; you prefer to just touch my hand. And the more you grow, the more I expect that there will be greater physical distance between us. That's normal; it's just a sign of independence. But I'm going to miss though childhood hugs. That night, however, everything was as it should be...When you sleep, you radiate a sense of peace and tenderness all its own. But it's not going to last much longer. You're on the verge of becoming a man. But in the meantime, your sounds and smells help me to sleep softly and deeply."

"I've always had this dilemma: On the one hand, there's nothing I want more than to spend time with the two of you, but on the other hand, I love my job and it requires me to travel to strange, far-off places. It's also what enables us to live...In the end, I've tried to cut down on the number of trips I take so I can spend more time at home. And I think that, to a good degree, I've managed to do that. Nevertheless, I can't be a journalist and be shut up at home at the same time. It's just not possible. I live in the midst of this unavoidable internal conflict of being a journalist and a father at the same time."

"Ultimately, he who asks the questions is the receiver (as a journalist/reporter), and he who responds is the giver. I've received a lot, and now I'm learning how to give. I try to be merciless when it comes to questioning myself. There's nothing harder than asking yourself every day if you're happy, if you're being honest, if you're contributing something valuable to their world, if you love the people you're with, and if you're doing what you most enjoy doing."

"The two of you are the best of me. Even if there is no life after death, living with you has been worth everything to me. The time I've spent with you - those collected bits of shared moments - are the high point of my life."

Thanks again Jorge. Bravo for having the courage to share this exceptional work with the rest of us.