Customer Reviews

Gifts of Passage: What the Dying Tell Us with the Gifts They Leave Behind

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Ronald D. Willard CMSgt USAF, Ret.
130 Kenwood Avenue
Boerne, Texas 78006-2716
830-249-9855
Chiefrw@gvtc.com


24 July 2008

Subject: Book Review: Gifts of Passage
by
Amy Hollingsworth


"How a life ends is important, even if for just a moment the person feels loved and cared for, connected." This is a quote from chapter 8, The Last Thing, page 58 in Amy Hollingsworth, priceless, book--- The Gifts of Passage.

The above quote, in my opinion, is the central theme of The Gifts of Passage.

I first learned of The Gifts of Passage when I completed reading Ms. Hollingsworth book The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers. Amy's web page announced her second book; The Gifts of Passage was available in book stores.

Almost from the beginning of reading The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers I discovered I really enjoyed Amy's style of writing; It made me feel comfortable and relaxed and eager to continue reading (and at 73 years of age, feeling comfortable and relaxed is a priority of mine). Having been "hooked" on Ms. Hollingsworth's writing style, I couldn't wait to purchase her latest book The Gifts of Passage.

At the very top of page 4 in The Gifts of Passage Amy writes: "That was the best way I knew how to describe it; my father has given me a gift of passage, a gift that marked his passage. Now I had something to call it, even if I didn't yet know what it meant."

Immediately following that last sentence above, under the sub title of Two Legends Amy writes of two legends, one from the book Where The Red Fern Grows and the other from the Chinese concerning an invisible red tread (page 5).

Just five pages into the book and she (Amy) writes: "The Chinese believe that an invisible red thread binds those who are destined to be together."

Almost instantly after reading that sentence (above), it reminded me of the concluding two chapters of The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers. DIFFICULT TIMES is the title of chapter 8. In that chapter Amy writes of The Nature Of Loss, The Gift of Allowing Others To Grieve, In Loss An Overshadowing Presence, and Love: Stronger Than Anything. If you read The Gifts of Passage you will discover Amy uses similar words and phrases, as those above,
Chapter 9 is titled; HEADING TOWARD HEAVEN. It is in that last chapter (9) that Amy introduces us to her beloved father.

To me, that's when I discovered where the invisible red thread, which Amy wrote about on page 5 of The Gifts of Passage it started its binding process. As Ms. Hollingsworth continued to write The Gifts of Passage, like a highly trained and experience brain surgeon, she skillfully and carefully stitched her stories together with that invisible red thread.

I read The Gifts of Passage twice. Each time I read that book, I was so thankful I first read Amy's book The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers. To me, The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers is a prologue to The Gifts of Passage. Many years ago I read in one of my wife's cooking magazines that at the dinner table if one asks for the pepper, the proper thing to do is to pass the salt too. The salt and pepper are like a marriage, you can't have one without the other. That's the way I feel about The Gifts of Passage; to gain the maximum value from that book, one needs to read The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers --- first.

To prove how strongly I feel about this matching of the two books, I sent my three adult daughters, a member of my church who recently experienced the death of his beautiful wife, and a member of my adult Bible Sunday school class --- I gave all of them both of Amy's books. And I strongly encouraged all of them to read The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers first if they wanted to gain the greatest understanding and value from The Gifts of Passage.

Amy Hollingsworth writes with great love, sensitivity, passion, compassion, care, empathy, and understanding. Amy was not ashamed to admit she shed tears as she wrote of some of the experiences she encountered while writing The Gifts of Passage.

I give The Gifts of Passage a 5 star rating --- and I give Amy Hollingsworth my personal Thank You --- young lady!

A well written account by Amy Hollingsworth. She fills in the answers to so many questions when dealing with loss of a loved one. This book helped me move toward acceptance and go on in peace with my life.

Gifts of Passage is a healing instrument in written form for anyone who has grieved the loss of a loved one. Memories flooded me as I read and things that did not seem to make sense before became clear.

In Gifts of Passage, Amy Hollingsworth is a companion for those walking through the "grinding pain" of loss.
Vast are the depths in a soul created by LOVE and in which LOVE is invited to dwell. Amy illustrates this truth as she invites her readers to plunge into these luminous depths with her. Gifts of Passage is a book that can help point a person to unexpected comfort and to the Source of all comfort.
I have already passed this book on and forsee passing it on to many others.

This book came to me as a gift when I needed it most. My Mom had Alzheimer's and in the end was quite ill as well. When she died I saw it as a blessing and a joy. The relief I felt not having to worry about her anymore was immense. As callous as this sounds - and truly I don't mean it to be - I had no intention of grieving. I'd said goodbye to Mom a year earlier when I moved her into a retirement home, when the disease that was resident in her brain took hold with full force.

But Mom had other ideas for me. I ordered Amy's book and received it two weeks after my Mom passed away. The tears I'd been holding inside without even knowing they were there just flowed. Gifts of Passage is an insightful and brilliant book, and contains within its pages a message of hope and inspiration for the people who are left behind. People who need to carry on living but often have no idea how. This book shows us how. It teaches us to be aware and open to what our loved ones have left behind in order to help us cope.

It's a gem, and in every sense of the word, a true gift as well. I am a richer person for having read it.

In "Gifts of Passage," Amy Hollingsworth has done a beautiful job of talking about the gifts the dying leave us in the form of life lessons, final gestures, and other gifts we might have a harder time recognizing.

Her observations will resonate with anyone who has lost a loved one, and you'll likely see a bit of yourself in her and in the vivid personalities she describes throughout the book. Hollingsworth mentions that if you're supposed to be with someone when they die, it seems to have a way of working itself out; she cites hospice workers who talk about people literally delaying their own deaths until a relative can arrive. Other times, someone will keep vigil for days at the bedside of a loved one, only to have them slip away in the brief span when the person goes out to stretch their legs or get a cup of coffee. It gave me an insight into why my stepfather had died alone, which I found very comforting, even 20 years after it happened.

"Gifts of Passage" is personal without ever seeming like an excersize in self-therapy. Amy Hollingsworth talks about her own insecurities and difficulties in her relationship with her father, but never in a way that seems over the top. Her writing reminds me very much of Henri J.M. Nouwen's in its vulerability, its depth, and in her ability to describe people in a vivid and three-dimensional manner.

I was deeply touched by her previous book, "The Simple Faith of Mr. Rogers," detailing her friendship with Fred Rogers in the last years of his life. "Gifts of Passage" is equally touching, and even more personal.

Many times after I've lost a loved one, I sensed that others just didn't quite know what to say. It seems that we live in such a busy society that death is briefly acknowledged, but rarely discussed or understood. I remember reading that our parents and grandparent's generations allowed and expected more time to the grieving process.

In our society where death and dying are often shoved under the rug
and not discussed, I found this to be a very uplifting and informative
book. It helped me to recall many wonderful gifts of passage that I have been given by loved ones who have passed. I believe it would make a wonderful gift for anyone who has lost a loved one, for church groups,and for grief support groups.

Mary Nix

Gifts of Passage is a transparent and heart rendering journey through the process of grief. This book is not only for those mourning but for everyone who will experience the death of a loved one. It is insightful and thought provoking and enlightens us to other sometimes unseen events that occur during the dying process - they are the gifts left behind. I was especially moved by the "flying trapeze" section which shattered my own notions of living life to its fullest! Hollingsworth has laid open her own soul in this book to help others foresee and expect or to go back and find the gifts left behind. Highly recommended - unlike any other book I've ever read, this book will move you.

I have to say this book was quite a disappointment to me. I found it hard to follow the author as she seemed to be all over the place and I just couldn't make the connections she seemed to be wanting to make throughout the book. The stories she tells of her relationship with people, for example, Mr. Rogers (from the children's TV series) were nice but didn't seem to help me follow the path to the subject taken on according to the title of the book. Having recently lost my Mother, I guess I was looking for some comfort, and for the 'gifts she may have left behind' - but this book did not help me with either. Sorry, but I would not recommend this book.