Customer Reviews

Gigli

5 star:		(44)
4 star:		(19)
3 star:		(17)
2 star:		(21)
1 star:		(117)

 

 

This film, which is currently in the # 1 spot on the Internet Movie Database's "100 Worst Films" list, will be a smash on the video and DVD rental market. At least that's my prediction. Allow me to explain.

It's no secret that Gigli tanked at the box office and of the 27 people who went to see it, 26 walked out of one of the worst movie-going experiences of their lives while the remaining one was taken to a sanitarium afterwards for laughing uncontrollably at J-Lo's bizarre speech about a female body part. So, we all know it's bad, right? Even those of us who haven't seen it know it's bad. And THAT'S why I think it will do well on video and DVD. I think that Gigli (like Glitter, Showgirls, Plan 9, etc.) will eventually become a movie that's known as "so-bad-it's-good." Everyone will want to see just how horrible this thing is and what the fuss is all about and in doing so will have a great time pointing out what exactly went wrong with the project, who should be shot for being involved with it, etc, etc, etc...

So, is Gigli worth seeing? Sure. At least it's a charming abomination. And I'd rather sit through two hours of this train wreck than endure two hours of the Fast and the Furious and it's sequel. So, check Gigli out.

P.S. - If Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez and Martin Brest do a commentary for this film, it will be worth buying. Affleck isn't afraid to rag on his own movies and he'll have a field day with this one.

It would be difficult to find a movie more loathsomely, hilariously bad than "Gigli." Despite the tabloid buzz about its two photogenic yet stiff stars, interest in Gigli was generally restricted to the repulsed excitement of watching a train zooming toward a stalled car.

Gigli (Ben Affleck) is a minor-league thug without much in the way of brains or talent. He's ordered to kidnap and imprison the mentally-challenged brother of a federal prosecutor, and he does so. After he's stashed Brian (Justin Bartha), in his apartment, Gigli gets a shock: His boss has sent Ricki, a hitwoman (Jennifer Lopez) to keep an eye on him.

Lacking a brain, Gigli immediately begins pursuing Ricky, only to be semi-rebuffed by the announcement that she's a lesbian. Of course, he doesn't give up, and eventually despite her disgust for the male anatomy, Ricki starts to reciprocate his attraction. But things go haywire again when Gigli's boss decides to play nasty.

Given the number of plot holes, "Gigli" should not be compared to Swiss cheese -- it should be compared with a fishing net in the advanced stages of decay. Through most of the film, it seems like the director just started direction, then walked off the set and said, "Seeya! I'm sure you know what to do next."

"Gigli" doesn't know whether it wants to be a crime movie, a drama, a romance, or a black comedy. So it tries to be everything, and accomplishes nothing. Needless gore, stupid plot twists (Gigli sawing off a corpse's thumb with a plastic utensil?), and completely unfunny material (the lesbian lover slashing her wrists) deprive this of all humor. But it might have struggled its way to mediocrity, if it weren't for the ghastly dialogue. (And that horrific shot of Mrs. Gigli's butt)

I can only conclude that whoever wrote this movie was either on crack, or possesses a level of ineptitude on par with the title character's. "Gigli" contains some of the worst dialogue ever, including the insane "bull and cow" discussion, Lopez's bizarre "turkey time, gobble gobble" seduction, and the hideously embarrassing and frighteningly written argument about the pros and cons of male and female genitalia. It'll make you laugh or cry, or both.

Affleck clearly has no idea what he's doing, and so wings it with an over-the-top, drawling imitation of Tony Soprano. Yet somehow he doesn't go over-the-top enough to make fun of himself (now THAT would be funny). Jennifer Lopez, with her perfect makeup, provocative yoga and baby voice, can't make her character even halfway convincing. You can't believe she's a thug, a lesbian, or that she could gouge someone's eyes out. Bartha might be good if he weren't retreading "Rain Man." Cameos by Christopher Walken and Al Pacino can't save the story, although they are briefly entertaining to watch, being the only actors of worth that we get to see.

There are one or two moments of actual humor in "Gigli," such as the moment where the all-but-illiterate Gigli reads the tabasco sauce bottle. But a few flickering moments can't even begin to save the horrendous turkey that is "Gigli." Gobble gobble.

At a laundromat, toughguy Ben Affleck (lol) has a man in a dryer. He talks to his victim (not the audience), rattling off threats regarding shoelaces and body moisture, threats that exist only in the world of hack writing. The man owes some money to Ben's boss, Louis. Ben says "f**k" a lot, so he's tough. Ben then meets with Louis. Louis chews out Ben. Louis says "f**k" a lot, so he's tough. Louis wants Ben to kidnap Brian, the younger brother of a man causing bossman Mr. Starkman trouble. Brian is a "beloved relative with certain psychological defects"; no, he's not the screenwriter.

Ben heads out to the institution. Apparently, security there is non-existent as Ben walks right in and begins conversing with Brian (Justin Bartha). Brian is apprehensive, as if he were going to a Ben Affleck movie. Brian says "f**k", so he's tough. Naturally, Ben has no trouble leaving with Brian as he heads to his apartment (great place to bring a kidnap victim). Brian wants to go home. I wonder if they'll put aside their animosity and eventually develop a true friendship?

Later on, JLO (who says f**k, so she's tough) visits, asking to use Ben's phone. They stare, then Ben asks her "Do we know each other?" Clever!?! JLO turns to Brian and says "you're a very handsome young man" Apparently, JLO is lining him up to be her ninth husband or whatever number she's up to now. JLO tells Ben, "I heard you were a f**kup". She must've seen `Pearl Harbor'.

Louis calls Ben, telling him he hired JLO because of the operation's importance. Why have Ben there in the first place, I dunno. JLO and Ben argue, then Ben says something which isn't quite a killer put-down:

"...sit at my f**king feet. Gather the pearls that emanate forth from me" ?!?

This movie is real deep. Brian twice tells Ben he's an idiot.
We discover that Brian likes to be read to before sleeping(Read him the script!). Unsurprisingly, Ben doesn't own books. Later, JLO reads a book. Ben finds out she's a lesbian. And that's about it for that scene.

Morning comes and Brian calls a number in Australia that gives weather reports, `Cause Brian is so innocent, and he doesn't know the call is expensive! Comedy! A detective stops by (Christopher Walken, proving he will appear in ABSOLUTELY ANY MOVIE!). Walken is suspicious of Ben. Before leaving, he proves that, like Ben, he's a master of verbal jabs:

"go down to Marie Callender's, get me a big bowl, pie, some ice cream on it, mmmm good. Put some on your head your tongue would slap your brains out trying to get to it. Interested?"

The trio drive (let's drive our kidnapee around in our convertible) to a restaurant (let's bring our kidnapee to a public place) where punks are playing loud music. Ben demands they lower it (let's loudly bring attention to ourselves). The gang threatens to beat him (if only!). JLO steps forward and makes another forced speech about how she's tough. Suspend disbelief, `cause the SEVEN punks fearfully back off, instead of wasting Bennifer.

Ben goes to his mom's house. She gives him a slap, meant to elicit laughs but really elicits envy. Brian volunteers he has to pee. I have to vomit.

At Ben's apartment, Ben catches Brian calling Australia again. Brian states he likes the weathergirl's voice, maybe `cause she has a POINT! Ben pesters JLO, who's doing yoga. For five minutes, Ben and JLO describe private parts. Comedy!?! Louis calls but Brian picks up; They argue `comically'. Louis orders Ben to mail Brian's thumb; Ben reluctantly agrees. Given the films Ben stars in, I figured he'd agree to anything.

The next morning Brian's dancing and rapping. Comedy!?! A woman knocks; Ben lets her in. She says, "f**k", so she must be tough. It turns out she's JLO's ex (who isn't?) and wants her back. Everybody argues. What is this movie about, again? The ex-lover runs into the kitchen and cuts her wrists, presumably because she'll never again be taken seriously as an actress. They rush her to the hospital to get bandaged and that's the last we see of her. Too bad, I thought she had some kind of PURPOSE.

Ben and JLO decide to get a thumb from a corpse in the morgue, apparently not realizing thumbs get fingerprinted. JLO asks Ben, "Are you with me?". Ben says, "sure", beginning a debate about how "sure" is the same thing as "yes"; an argument some concussed 3-year-olds might have. Ben sneaks into the morgue with no problem. Ben obtains a corpse's thumb with a plastic knife (?). Brian raps again. Comedy!?!

The next day, Ben gets all teary-eyed, babbling about how he feels about JLO. In Ben's apartment, JLO makes a `funny' speech about how men check their fingernails. Mine are currently embedded into my skull. Louie calls and wants a meeting. Our two stars get it on in a PG-13 way. JLO's character likes women, but she couldn't resist girly Ben's charm.

Louis tells them Starkman wants a meeting. At Starkman's impressive home, we are puzzled to see Al Pacino in this turkey. Somewhat unshockingly, police fingerprinted the thumb. Pacino shoots Louie. Finally, something actually happened in this film. Pacino shouts, "I have no compunctions!", which is obvious; he's in this film. We now hope Pacino splatters Ben's and Jen's brains but JLO makes another pathetically forced speech, saving them.

Our leads drive down the coast with Brian; Ben bonds with him in more insightful exchanges that I leave to your imagination. Brian thinks he sees "the Baywatch" and they eventually drop him off there. I guess Brian will be fine wandering a beach by himself. JLO drives away only to come back and pickup Ben; why, I dunno.

Unlike other reviewers who apparently haven't ever met a Jennifer Lopez film they haven't liked, I profess to more than a little discomfort sitting through this monstrosity. Let's just say it would probably be more entertaining and enjoyable to sit through a double feature of the Care Bears Movie and the Teddy Ruxpin Movie (1999) than this heap. Why? Acting, plot, chemistry.. shout out of anyone spots these, they do a great job hiding. The only nominal performances go to Walken and Pacino, aptly chagrined at the display of their talents like guys who mistakenly wear tuxedos to a monster truck rally. I've seen this film compared to 'Glitter' and 'Crossroads' and that's pretty accurate; it's an awkward derivative ego piece ironically showcasing all the wrong aspects of its purported stars. Joanie and Chachi had more chemistry, and probably will have had longer staying power. Here's hoping Hollywood's next reigning couple shows up sooner rather than later.

It really is quite astounding how bad this movie really is. First things last, I was blown away to find out that Martin Brest wrote & directed this mess. Midnight Run happens to be one of my favorite films of all-time. Gigli actually tries to be Midnight Run on more than one occasion, along with Rain Man, Chasing Amy and any number of Elmore Leonard filcks. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are atrocious. Affleck's Brooklyn by-way-of Boston accent is comical. His scene where he's flexing his muscles for a closet mirror is grounds for black-listing. And I'm not even going to elaborate on his come-ons to Lopez. She's not quite as bad, but her speeches on the female anatomy and "people skills" couldn't have been written by a human. Then there's Al Pacino and Christopher Walken. Hoo-ahhh! Pacino's just plain awful - a completely stupid, over-the-top performance than he's been giving us more often than not lately (and yes, that includes Brest's Scent of a Woman, a completely overrarted film). As far as Walken, he basically regurgitates his True Romance-Bluloo Boyle speech, then suddenly starts talking in some strange alien language where I honestly needed sub-titles. And then he was gone. There is so much wrong with Gigli, you could write a college thesis on the subject. I haven't even touched upon the mentally disabled character. The music. Gigli's boss. I haven't even scratched the surface. But let this be said. As far as bad movies go, this is right up there with the best (worst) of them...

- cRAIG

How bad is this? Think "Glitter," "Ishtar," "Heaven's Gate," "Showgirls," and "Waterworld" all rolled into one. This film is an incomprehensible mess, a lugubrious blend of bad acting, bad dialogue, and just plain bad characters. The plot (such as it is) concerns a hitman (Affleck, whose laughable Brooklyn accent is even worse when one considers his character is from L.A.) who falls for a lesbian yoga instructor (Lopez, just as bad). Somehow, Al Pacino makes an appearance (your official nadir, Al), and Christopher Walken shows up for a short while (his small role is the only thing worth watching in this mess). The dialogue is just awful, especially when the characters attempt to engage in sexual double-entendres (a sample, while a turkey--how ironic!--is being prepared: JLo: "Gobble, gobble.") There's a plethora of foul language (I stopped counting the "F" word at around twenty-five, and the film was still relatively young), lots of stilted sexual content (the sex scenes involving the pair have zero chemistry and are uncomfortably voyeuristic); there's also a terrible segment in which JLo describes lesbian sex while doing yoga. I know Martin Brest is a capable--if not great--director (he helmed "Scent of a Woman."), but the way he tracks over JLo's body as she relates her experiences makes me think he came to this project straight from adult films. Despite all the sexual content, the film is desperately unerotic, probably due to the fact that we A: do not care about these characters, and B: they have absolutely no redeeming features. That's pretty much all you need to know, as further detail would simply be beating a dead horse. If you must see it, I have a couple of suggestions: Rather than waste seven to ten dollars on this turkey at the theatre (I was lucky enough to be offered a free pass if I would review it for another website), I suggest waiting for home video--but don't rent it immediately! Wait until it's in the ninety-nine cent section. Or better yet, wait for it to appear on cable. The less you spend to see this mess, the better!

This is every bit as bad as you have heard and WORSE if you can imagine that! I found it totally unwatchable and after the 'Gobble, gobble it's turkey time" line I had to turn it off because I was going to barf! I must vote that line as "least sexy line of all time" Whoever allowed that line in the movie needs to have their head examined. There is NO chemestry between Ben and Jen, I don't even know how these two ever hooked up! You really want to smack the both of them. There is no way these two are convincing as 'thugs' especially when you know they are both annoying, spoiled stars with tons of $ who have both let fame go to their heads. The screen is not big enough for their combined egos. The acting is horrible, the script is horrible, the dialogue is pathetic and I never saw the ending but with this much bad going on, I really don't care. I am not going to waste over an hour of my life on such a horiffic movie! Seriously people, does Hollywood really think people are dumb enough to buy something this lame? This movie surpassed bad, surpassed 'so bad it's good' and came back around to bad and formed a whole new catagory, "So bad it needs to be reported to the Movie Safety Commission before someone goes blind" Seriously folks...IT'S REALLY BAD!

Honestly guys if you're going to hire someone to put fake 5-star reviews, get someone with a little immagination.

I've never seen so many one-line, vague, repetative reviews, PAGES of them!

I hope the writer got a free Gigli DVD as payment (or punishment...)

As for the movie, it's a classic, for all the wrong reasons.

Gigli has received a fairly poor reception. It has been described as the worst film of 2003, and an exercise in pandering to the egos of the two leads. I don't think it's that bad, but I can see why they say that.

The plot is simple enough. Larry Gigli (Ben Affleck) is a thug, working as an enforcer for a loan shark called Louis (Lenny Venito). Louis is worried about his boss (a cameo by Al Pacino), who has been arrested and charged by a federal prosecutor. Louis instructs Larry to kidnap Brian (Justin Bartha), the prosecutor's mentally-challenged brother. But Louis doesn't trust Larry to get it right, so he sends another "contractor", this one a gay woman (Jennifer Lopez) who identifies herself as "Ricki", but admits shortly afterwards that it isn't her real name. So now we have the two of them minding Brian, and the stage is set for the (very conventional) conflict between two people working together.

There are some speeches in this script that ring horribly false. The language is frequently coarse. I wonder if the script was originally written for someone like Eddie Murphy - he could have pulled off the speeches about being "the gangster's gangster" better than Ben Affleck, for example.

Jennifer Lopez is a lot more threatening in Enough. She is just not credible as an "enforcer" in this film. And she wears a ridiculous amount of jewellery for a woman who is supposed to be ready to get physical. She could have been right for this part if the script let her.

Ben Affleck is a lot more credible as a man lusting after a lesbian in Chasing Amy. In this film his performance is spotty, with his apparent intelligence seeming to rise and fall between scenes. I don't think it's his fault, though - I think it's more the fault of the script, and he has been mis-cast for the
This film isn't all bad, but there are some sorry bits. The whole of Christopher Walken's cameo is poor for example (he looks horribly ill), as is Missy Crider's scene (how did she find them?). And there are some (mercifully brief) gruesome moments, one involving a plastic take-away food knife, the other a fish tank. One wonders if the gruesome moments were attempts to make this a black comedy.

All in all, this film feels as though the writer/director (Martin Brest) was indecisive, and unable to choose what kind of film he was making. He has written pieces of a romantic comedy, pieces of a black comedy, and pieces of a gangster comedy, but unfortunately he has assembled them all into the one film, and it just doesn't work. So, although I very much doubt that this is the worst film of 2003, I can see why it has been described that way.

Like Madonna, J-Lo continues to humiliate herself instead of swallowing her pride and acknowledging her acting inability. Ben Affleck can be great as evidenced by his stunning performance in "Changing Lanes," but he phoned it in here. This embarassment should be swept under the rug and avoided at all costs.