Giraffes? Giraffes! (The Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance) [Hardcover]

Doris Haggis-on-Whey (Author), Mr. Haggis-on-Whey (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 2004 | Series: The Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance

For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered  and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their way into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who have eaten too many lead-based paint chips.

Well, sadly, that day is upon us. We offer to you the first in a proposed series of 377 reference books, all written by a couple, Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey, married 50 years and now getting their chance to twist and tickle the brains of the impressionable.

Giraffes? Giraffes! is the first in the series, and puts forth the following novel theories: that giraffes were not part of any evolutionary chain, but came here from Neptune, by way of very long (but convenient and fast) escalators; that giraffes are expert dancers, but they become angry if you ask them about their dancing; that giraffes control over 90% of what we see in mirrors; that the Giraffe Navy is as strong as ever, contrary to recent claims in the popular press.

This is a book to be feared. If you have young people in your life, keep it far away from them.

Giraffes? Giraffes! is a 9" x 12" hardcover reference book, with 64 lavishly-illustrated pages, and includes a set of giraffe trading cards carefully attached to the inside back cover. Cover is blue faux-leather, de-bossed with gold foil detail and a special 4-color illustration.

Doctor-approved for all age groups.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has 17 degrees from 18 institutions of higher learning. She is a world-renowned and much-feared expert on just about everything. With her husband Benny, she has travelled the world many times over, and has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first-hand. She has written or will soon write 147 books. Benny is the husband of Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey, and enjoys putting on his socks. The Haggis-On-Whey's live everywhere. --This text refers to an alternate Hardcover edition.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 64 pages
• Publisher: McSweeney's Books; First edition (May 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1932416048
• ISBN-13: 978-1932416046
• Product Dimensions: 12 x 9.2 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,849,025 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great illustrations + witty writing make this a classic!, August 31, 2005

By 

Austenparker "Life is too short to read bad b... (Well, where are YOU?) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

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This review is from: Giraffes? Giraffes! (How Books: Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brillance) (Hardcover)

This volume is stunning - its cover is beautiful, its many illustrations amazing concoctions, its words brilliantly funny. Why another review? No one mentioned the wicked nifty flash cards lurking in the back of the book - a very cool bonus! If you're like me & are addicted to pop-up books or anything interactive, then this is a definite selling point. Giraffes? Giraffes! is loads of fun & I've already bought copies for friends who need a laugh.

BTW, the gentle reader who gave this book a poor review obviously had her sense of humor surgically removed by a particularly vindictive incarnation of Dr. Christian Szell.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars BIG, BEAUTIFUL & BIZARRE!, February 26, 2004

By 

WRITAH (Terre Haute, IN (no, not really. but one can dream.)) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Giraffes? Giraffes! (The Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance) (Hardcover)

Do you like nonsequitors? Do you enjoy insanity? Are you comfortable living in a permanent state of confusion and/or Terre Haute, IN? Have you ever secretly been attracted to a giraffe? Are you wearing a yellow sweater?

You don't? You aren't? You haven't? Oh, well. Then fine, be that way.

But if you answered "yes" to any of the above, check out "Giraffes? Giraffes!" Good book!

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Queen Of Norway: Sworn Enemy Of All Giraffes!, November 5, 2005

By 

Robert I. Hedges - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

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This review is from: Giraffes? Giraffes! (How Books: Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brillance) (Hardcover)

Yes, it's true, the Queen of Norway is a sworn enemy of all giraffes, as are Gila monsters, millipedes, toucans, Lee Iacocca (and his nephews), and Matthew Perry. This educational book will teach you these facts and many more about giraffes. Did you know that giraffes are from Neptune and came to Earth on a conveyor belt? Did you know that if given the choice giraffes prefer to live in Terre Haute, Indiana? Did you know that giraffes control the world's supply of ice? You will discover these truths and much, much more in this book, written by noted giraffe scientists Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey.

This book is suitable for all ages, and even includes several useful flash cards in the back to help you study important giraffe facts. One of the most useful topics covered is the useful list of giraffe expressions, such as "I'm about to go High Renaissance on your toes," and "My pants are off, put the kettle on." There is even a chapter on the little known mortal enemies of giraffes, sea monsters from the deep, and illustrations of such epic battles as "The Clipper Ship Edward Rhys-Davis Battles the Humongous Sand Woman From Upper Volta," and "The Clipper Ship Tina Yothers Battles the Indescribably Inimitable and Big Driftwood Creature of the Bay of Bengali." These battles are illustrated with the monsters represented by plastic toys, while the Clipper Ships were fashioned out of fig-oriented treats for utmost realism.

This is a wonderfully entertaining and hilarious book, which I highly recommend to anyone with a sense of humor. If you want to know more about giraffes, I guarantee that this book will reveal things which you had never imagined.