Girl in the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence [Hardcover]

Nancy L. Snyderman (Author), Peg Streep (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 6, 2002

From the bestselling author of Necessary Journeys -- here is the book every mother of a maturing girl will need to have on her shelf.

"Just as we once peered over the crib rails to search our newborn daughters' faces for signs of personality or family resemblance, so too, during the years of adolescence, mother and daughter alike will look into the mirror of each other's faces, searching for hints of their past and future selves, of resemblance and connection, as part of a journey of self discovery . . ." --excerpt from Girl in the Mirror

Drawing on the latest research and interviews with experts in different fields, Girl in the Mirror sheds new light on one of life's most important passages, the journey that is adolescence. Unlike other books, Girl in the Mirror focuses on the interaction between mother and daughter during this decade-long process, and illuminates how both the mother and her understanding of her parental role need to evolve and change as her child enters a new and crucial phase of emotional and psychic growth.

A recognized authority in the field of women's health, Dr. Snyderman lays to rest some of the myths about adolescence, among them:

--"raging" hormones and inevitable rebellion
--the meaning of adolescent "autonomy"
--the adolescent girl's need for "separation" from her mother
--the negative role of peer influences

Filled with practical wisdom and stories drawn not only from her experience with her own two adolescent daughters but those of other mothers from around the country, Girl in the Mirror offers readers a new vision: To see the years of adolescence as a time not of conflict but of opportunity for personal and spiritual growth for mothers and daughters alike.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Mother, know thyself--especially mothers of daughters, for as Nancy L. Snyderman, M.D., and Peg Streep so eloquently convey in Girl in the Mirror, self-aware mothers stand a much greater chance of helping their daughters become happier, more fulfilled women. But there's a catch: oftentimes, a girl's volatile journey through puberty occurs during her mother's midlife--another physically and emotionally challenging stage of womanhood. Fusing an impressive array of research findings, expert interviews, quotations from classic texts on teens, and journal entries from regular moms (and a few dads), Snyderman and Streep clear a safe path through the brambles and muck commonly associated with "surviving" adolescence.

Optimism, encouragement, and empathy fill every page of this thoughtfully compiled text. Whether they're unraveling a deceptively complex topic such as girls' friendships (from childhood "best friends" to teenage sexual partners), or reporting hard data on tough issues (chronic disorders, drug abuse, violence), Snyderman and Streep never buy in to "inevitable" scenarios. Rather, they offer practical methods to help mothers nurture a pattern of appropriate openness, trust, and respect with their maturing daughters. Excellent tools for assessing one's current perceptions, handling tough situations, and gracefully managing change add further substance to this marvelous resource. --Liane Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

After collaborating on Necessary Journeys: Letting Ourselves Learn from Life, Snyderman, a medical correspondent for ABC News and PBS, and writer Streep kept in touch, and their conversations about nearing menopause while their daughters careen toward their teens evolved into this book. If at times the tone is overly academic this could be the only parenting guide to adapt Martin Buber's "I-Thou" theory to child-rearing Snyderman's optimism about making adolescence a positive time for both mother and daughter is infectious. She cites scholarly journals, comments from friends, interviews with authors and popular books like Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth to set straight many of the myths surrounding adolescence. Instead of viewing the teen years as something to be survived, she prefers comparing them to the Chinese character that represents both "crisis" and "opportunity." Adolescence doesn't have to be a period of turmoil, she notes, drawing on a study that indicates that the vast majority of adolescents are no more likely than adults to succumb to mental illness. Throughout, Snyderman encourages mothers to put their own pasts behind them and communicate as much as possible about every aspect of their daughters' lives, including sex and relationships. She encourages parents not to buy into "wrongheaded notions" that daughters can raise themselves. "The rule of thumb is simple," she writes. "If you don't talk to her, she will get her information elsewhere. They need our help, our wisdom, our guidance, and, sometimes, our protection."

Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Hardcover: 384 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion; 1 edition (February 6, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786867434
• ISBN-13: 978-0786867431
• Product Dimensions: 9.6 x 6.4 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,424,497 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

36 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent resource, March 3, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Girl in the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence (Hardcover)

As a mother of two preadolescent girls, this book left me with some new, invaluable tools at hand. It also turned upside-down some of my own beliefs about this definitive stage of development. Primarily, the notion that young women need to separate from their mothers in order to become autonomous individuals. In my heart I did not agree with what I had learned from the earlier research regarding separateness. I longed for a deeper bond with my own mother through my teen years, and suffered a deep sense of loss when I was forced to "grow up" at around age 13.

The research compiled in this book is so thoroughly reviewed and explained by Snyderman and her coauthor, Streep, that the reader is left with a clear understanding of the critical issues we are facing. The writing is concise and conversational, with lots of anectdotal accounts from mothers included to illustrate the research results presented throughout the book. I would recommend this book for mothers of daughters as young as ten years old, as it has been useful in my relationship with my own ten year old daughter.

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Solid Research Backs Practical Advice, June 2, 2003

By 

"jodimcatsac" (San Antonio) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Girl in the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence (Hardcover)

I was tempted to disregard the authors when they admitted they had not survived the tempests of the adolescent girl and were opining that "[w]e see the challenges of adolescence as an opportunity." Right, I thought. Wait until your daughter gets to be my kid's age and see if you'll keep saying it's just a great opportunity.

So with this bad attitude, I perservered. And after reading the book, I grudgingly agreed they had a point: you don't have to approach this phase as something to "get through," but as a period of self-reflection and growth for the mother as well as the daughter. They do a good job of explaining how to separate those issues and how what our mothers did influence us, whether by good example or bad. As the authors note, "[m]othering is not instinctual but an act of invention...[b]ecoming aware of who we are when we mother our adolexcent daughters is a step each of us must take, and will require that we look at how the ways we were mothered affect us now."

The research was very well explained--everything to why it seems that our daughters are stressed out over things that seem so trivial to us to the effects of lenghthened educational requirements. The authors deal specifically with issues that may cause special problems for teen girls: sexual identity, substance abuse, depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, and abusive relationships. It would have been nice if they had addressed self-injury more, as it has become more epidemic among teenage girls, and only receives a one-sentence mention.

Overall, however, this is an excellent overview of the issues facing mothers of adolescent daughters, and deserves to be both read and reread.

29 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars extraordinary book, March 23, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Girl in the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence (Hardcover)

This is an extraordinary book filled with support, encouragment,and insight for the mother of an adolescent girl. "Girl in the Mirror" picks up where "Embracing Persephone" by Rutter leaves off. As a psychologist specializing in adolescent girls, and mother of a 15 year daughter, I found the book invaluable and will read it over and over again for guidance. There is so much personal pain for mothers to let go of their daughters and move on with their lives. I have been searching for a book that would comfort and guide ME during my perimenapause in relation to the deep pain of some of the emotional letting go that must take place between mother and daughter during the teen years. These authors call it liberation not separation, they show through empirical and anecdotal information how mothers don't need to pull away, they need to be there and let their daughters pull away and come back when they need to. "Girl in the Mirror" steps out of the sterotypical advise about adolescent angst and moves the reader through some of the internal angst a mother feels letting her daughter become liberated. The research is in depth, and the anecdotal examples are rich with variety. Addressing mid life and adolescence is key for mothers to understand themselves, and appreciate they still have a strong solid place in their daughters lives. Snyderman and Streep honor the special bond between mothers and daughters. All mothers will benifit from this book. The pain of separation is the same, whether you have a son or daughter. Mother's need guidance and support to stay in the lives of their adolescent children, even when they tell us to go away. Snyderman and Streep put it this way: "Shepherding our daughters through adolescence requires that we give them love, support, safe haven, and when the time is right, permission to leave us behind; it also requires that we give ourselves permission, in turn, to move on to another stage of life." They let us reach this challenge as a journey and help us see it does not happen over night, they shephard the reader through this challenging journey and help us find the jewels amoung some of the pain, leaving us with hope. I highly reccomend this book to all mothers of all adolescents.