Giving Away Simone [Paperback]

Jan L. Waldron (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 14, 1997

Giving Away Simone is Jan Waldron's account of her compelling, turbulent, and maddeningly original relationship with the daughter she gave away. Jan's baby, Simone, was the fifth generation of women in her family to be abandoned by their mothers. Determined to fight this "undertow of conditioned exiting, an affliction of easy farewell," Jan reunited with her daughter, now renamed Rebecca, when Rebecca was eleven. They spent the next thirteen years trying to come to terms with each other and figure out what kind of roles they were to play in each others' lives.

For birthmothers, there are no simple equations of loss and gain. Each adoption is its own unique universe of complexities and ambiguities. But often the most personal is also the most universal, and there are truths to be found in every story. This beautifully rendered, intensely personal memoir gives essential shading to choices usually reduced to black and white. Waldron does not dispense advice; she probes the emotional fallout, on both sides of adoption, an area in which sedated platitudes have presided for far too long. "

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Freelance writer Waldron's poignant memoir, rich in vivid portraits of her divorced parents and her Boston childhood, recounts that in 1969, as an unwed 17-year-old mother, she gave up her baby-to her art teacher and his wife. Later, still unmarried, she and her lover had two sons. Then Waldron relates her reunion with 11-year-old Rebecca (whom she named Simone at birth) and their visits, "labor pains all over again"; not until her daughter's adulthood did the two reach a loving acceptance of each other. Waldron, whose own mother was raised by adoptive parents, argues that adoption stories are often biased against the birth mother. She provides insight into the problems involved for the "children of trauma" and their natural and adoptive parents. Author tour.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

Waldron, a birthmother who allowed a family she knew to adopt her daughter and then reunited with that daughter when she is 11, here tells her story. The challenges Waldron faces as she attempts to build a relationship with her daughter arise from many sources: Waldron's relationship with her own mother; her relationship with her sons, whom she is raising; her daughter's relationship with her adopted parents; and her daughter's adolescent search for her own identity. Though she focuses on the narrative of adoption and reunion, Waldron interweaves her own history-she was abandoned by her own mother when she was a teenager-and ultimately reveals more of her feelings about motherhood than about adoption. While this personal story may not necessarily lead to generalizations about adoption or motherhood, it is a well written and fascinating account that will provoke thought and discussion. Recommended for public libraries.
--Kay Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, Md.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Anchor; 1st Anchor Books ed edition (April 14, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385485999
• ISBN-13: 978-0385485999
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #329,029 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Disturbing, powerful reading about the adoption triangle, February 2, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Giving Away Simone (Paperback)

As an adoptive mother, I was forced to confront some unpleasant truths about myself by reading this powerful, disturbing book. I was initially appalled by Ms. Waldron's response to her daughter's return into her life. It astounded me that she would think it appropriate to try to parent a child who already had adoptive parents (with whom she was very happy), let alone to criticize the parenting her child had received. Gradually I realized that this attitude was not a "right" that Ms. Waldron was asserting ('she's my child too!') but a responsibility that she would much rather have abdicated, but could not in good conscience avoid. To establish an honest bond with Rebecca (the "Simone" of the title), her birthmother had to treat her as her child, not as a privileged guest or--worse (the trap I would fall into, I suspect!)--a victim to whom she owed some sort of reparations. This is an insight for which I am grateful, and one which all adoptive parents should have.

I was bothered throughout the book by the lack of attention given to the birthfather. I understand if Ms. Waldron feels she cannot tell his story, or if she doesn't know his story, but I really wanted to know what Rebecca thought about his continuing absence, particularly since he was black and she, as a biracial woman, is perceived as black. Waldron criticizes her daugheter's upbringing in an all-white neighborhood where she was allowed to be "exotic"--never good preparation for the reality of being black in America--but never discusses any alternative. Since she saw the child regularly from the age of 11, I just wondered if she had tried to introduce her to a wider or more diverse group of friends.

There is no doubt that "Giving Away Simone" is required reading for everyone in the adoption triangle. I hope that more birthparents come forward and tell their stories; as adoptive parents, we need to be reminded of their perspective and helped along in the wonderful, daunting task of raising adopted children.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must for those in open adoptions!, April 9, 2001

By 

A. Schauer "annigje" (CT USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Giving Away Simone (Paperback)

This book is an essential read for birth and adoptive parents in open adoption, for those preparing to open an adoption and for anyone needing to learn more about relationship in adoption.Giving Away Simone is an insightful, painful and wonderfully well-written description of a reunion process. the reunion between Jan Waldron and her birth daughter Rebecca, takes years to become comfortable and the ups and downs, approaches and retreats of the relationship are incredibly well described. Although the first half of the book covers pre-reunion events, for me, as an adoptive mother, the heart of the book is the second half, which describes the evolving relationship between Jan and her daughter.

There is an interesting twist to the title of this book. Giving away Simone appears to refer to Jan Waldron's placement of her baby for adoption. However, as Rebecca grows older and her loving but apparently increasingly busy adoptive parents seem to withdraw somewhat, it begins to feel as if this child is emotionally given away again,at least in part. This significantly affects the reunion process and the lessons for birth and adoptive parents are huge. For example, it becomes absolutely clear that open adoption is about relationships between FAMILIES and not just children and their two sets of mothers and fathers. Rebecca herself, now an adult and writer as well, writes a poignant and honest statement at the end of the book.

As an adoptive mother, a student of adoption and a steady reader of adoption materials, this book is one of my top five adoption books, along with work by Betty Jean Lifton, Joyce Maguire Pavao and Patricia Martinez Dorner. It is packed with wisdom gathered from first-hand experience.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Refreshing first-hand account of adoption, February 29, 2000

By 

"kathrynlively" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Giving Away Simone (Paperback)

Reading Waldron's touching memoir, Giving Away Simone, one will find not a typical story of teen pregnancy and adoption, but the story of a woman who unravels a legacy of abandonment and subsequent emotional distress. Her daughter Simone (renamed Rebecca by her adoptive parents), she learns later in life, is the fifth generation of a line of women who have abandoned their daughters. Knowing this gives a sharper perspective to Waldron's story as she relates her own sanitary childhood and attempts to explain why abandonment happens.

When Waldron writes of her parents, it is sad to know that such a family existed without hugs and kisses and little things that make a family whole. Most of Waldron's warmth is channeled instead to anecdotes of her domineering grandmother Altie, a church matron who spent her own years of adoptive motherhood both impressed with and perplexed by Sara's peculiar nature.

The second stage of Giving Away Simone involves Jan's reunion with Rebecca eleven years after mother gave daughter away. Through touching narrative and tense, dramatic correspondence, Waldron relates her "reintegration" into Rebecca's life and her experiences in establishing a relationship with Rebecca without taking anything away from the adoptive family (Waldron calls herself the "birthmother," which, she relates, does not always fulfill the requirements of a true mother.) As expected, Waldron is sympathetic to those who have given up children for adoption, and through baring her own soul she proves that while there may be regrets, there need not be blame when the welfare of a child is at stake.