Customer Reviews

Glad No Matter What: Transforming Loss and Change into Gift and Opportunity

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Before reading this book I have to admit that I didn't know SARK from shinola, despite the fact that she has sold millions of books. I am so impressed with this work because not only is she exceptionally creative, she's also refreshingly authentic in her writing. Unlike so many self-help/spiritual growth authors who tend to position themselves on some pulpit of superiority (i.e., I've got it all solved), SARK openly admits there are times when she herself backslides into less than optimal feelings and behaviors. The truth is I just loved her candor, and more importantly, after experiencing the death of my three closest friends this year I found great value in the many innovative and practical transformative tools that she shares in this book.

Now that I've finished reading it, I must admit I feel dumbfounded as to why I'd never come across SARK's work in the past, as it truly is fabulous in so many respects. Based on the quality of this book, I'll definitely be considering other titles she's written.

Here's one of many excellent passages in "Glad No Matter What":

"If we do not allow ourselves to feel or express our emotions, they will get larger or louder of may go into our bodies and present themselves as some kind of medical condition. Feelings are meant to be in motion. E-Motion. Feelings are made to be expressed. You've probably heard: "If you can feel it, you can heal it." And this is true - yet many try to stop feeling before the healing takes place, especially if it seems like a "bad" or difficult feeling."

Today I finished Sark's newest book, "Glad No Matter What." I am grateful because it has opened my heart to grief that was still hiding in me. There was a
large part of me who thought that there would someday be an end to the grief,
even though experiences with tidal waves of it knocked me over time and time again.
I pushed down the feelings when they
came, thinking I could avoid them. There is this child inside who thought if I
allowed myself to really let loose and grieve fully, I may never stop crying. I
would simply cry myself to death!

I watched a movie recently where this woman who had gone through many war atrocities said to the man who loved her: "I am afraid that if I go away with you, I will eventually start to cry. I won't be able to stop and
the tears will fill the room. I will drown, and I will take you with me."

His response: "I'll learn to swim."

I loved this because it was such a great analogy for grief and the way many of us feel about it. We all eventually learn to swim through the oceans of tears life sends us. If we don't know how to swim, someone
teaches us. We are all so amazingly resilient and connected.

The day I received this book I got a chance to use it immediately and saw how soothing and healing it could be. A dear friend lost her son in a car wreck last month. I have been honored to be someone she feels
comfortable grieving in front of. She was crying, and I was holding her hand
quietly. She was exhausted, so I suggested that she lay down in her bed and
I would read to her from the book. It didn't take long to find the perfect part
to read to her. Soon she was snoring, and I tried to sneak out of the room. She
woke up and asked: "You sneakin' out?" I told her she was snoring and we shared a
good laugh. Then she said she liked the book and asked it I would read her
more! (I did, and she fell asleep again!) It was so sweet to be there for her
in this way. Now that I am done with the book I intend to loan it to her.

This book touched me to my very core. It's the best book Susan has written yet. In the space of less than 10 years, I lost my husband, both grandparents, my dad, my dog, and a dear childhood friend. I felt like I never
got a chance to breathe between losses. We all deal with major losses and
emotional turmoil in life. This book is like a comforting handbook through the
territory of grief and loss. Everyone should have a copy as required reading
for life! This book will get you through the tough times in life, while weaving
joy throughout in the process!

Sark has a way of expressing and describing feelings as I've never seen. I am only reading a few pages at a time to let what she says sink in and touch the parts of me that need expressing. There is a common trend of positive, accepting, feeling your feelings in much of the things I'm reading these days. However, Sark pinpoints these and brings them to the surface so that you can easily examine what is happening in your own life. As usual, she is entertaining and endearing. She is also very real for those of us still examining our whys and "how the heck did that happen?" She lets us see our part in our life and puts us back in there to work it out for ourselves to come out even better than if we were to have just endured the experience. I always look forward to opening her books to any page and feeling a slice of her perspective. Witty, smart, truly sensitive and such a valuable enlightening tool.

Glad No Matter What: Transforming Loss and Change Into Gift and Opportunity by Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (aka SARK) is colorful, quirky, and overflowing with simple ideas and thoughts from a woman who experienced some difficulties in the past year. After her mother's death, the ending of a love relationship, and then the death of her 17 year old cat, SARK's exploration of her own grief is both compassionate and candid.

What SARK lacks in depth she more than makes up for in sincerity. She doesn't claim to be an expert; she merely shares from her experience. As she's done in past books, each chapter focuses on an idea, a concept, something she herself either needs to learn or has learned or continues to learn. Each chapter ends with a list of resources-books, websites, and more. Sprinkled throughout the book are quotations, few (if any) are given full citations with only a name offered. This seems to be the norm but I really wish more people would make the effort to say where the quote can be found because a good quote can often be found in a greater context but when a prolific person is quoted without a context only the truly intrepid is going to seek out let alone find the original source.

This is becoming a pet peeve of mine, I suppose. But this is how SARK's books have always been and I don't begrudge her this. In fact, Glad No Matter What seems to be more genuine than some of her other books. There was a time when it seemed she was going astray from her own path and now she has returned to herself, inviting the reader to genuinely experience the gamut of emotions. She suggests, and rightly so, that even in the midst of the deepest unhappiness there are things to celebrate and when hurting there are places of abiding love. To give too much attention or weight to one emotion is to lose appreciation for all emotions and when we resist those feelings that are too difficult or even scary we risk losing touch with our own honesty.

To be clear, some of what she says comes off as pop-psychology and there is imbalance in what she shares. This is to be expected. As I said before and she'll say even more loudly and clearly, she is not an expert. If her advice is limited it is because her experience is likewise limited. And as much as I love SARK, even I have to roll my eyes at some of her stories. But that's okay. For one thing, I'm pretty sure she'd roll her eyes at some of mine too. For another, I think we'd both get a good belly laugh out of the dizzy aftershocks of my eye rolling. Then we'd find something else to make us laugh some more.

So no, she's not brilliant but she dazzles and sparkles, her pages dance and sing, and in a world where so many people are scared to be honest, to be themselves, she's unmistakably unique. A welcome breath of fresh air.

I am an admirer of SARK's work, and purchased this on a friend's recommendation after the sudden and traumatic death of my father. Grief is as individual as the relationship lost, I know, but I was disappointed by how little comfort or insight I found from reading this book. I couldn't relate my own devastating loss with SARK's description of the deaths of her long-failing mother and her cat. Perhaps the effervescence (the 'glad no matter what') that I so appreciate in Sark's other work strikes me as inadequate for understanding the transition my family and I are going through. "A Grief Observed","Healing After Loss" and, in spite of the title, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" have been much more helpful as I learn how to live with this experience of grief and loss.

I'm a huge fan of Sark and have read all of her books over the years, so though I am more than a little "biased" when it comes to her work, I'm also well-acquainted with it.

No matter where you are in your life or what you are facing, there is something to help you within the pages. So sit down and meander as you will. What you need will find you.

This time around I found Sark's deeply personal sharing over the breakup of a relationship and the loss of her mother and a beloved pet, to be incredibly helpful. Few people are as open and honest about ALL the feelings and stuff we go through. What I love best about Sark is that she doesn't pretend stuff isn't happening or pretend everything is perfect, she embraces it all, goes INTO it and emerges with new wisdom and new ways for us to change our "relationship" to our issues and feelings.

Unlike other books on similar topics, you don't feel judged or foolish for not being able to quickly adopt change or instantly "get" and embrace some of the thoughts and ideas. Sark is REAL and that's part of what makes you listen and learn. Because if she can feel as bad as she does at times, and yet come out of it and find the blessings, so, too, can we.

The book was very inspiring and this time around, I immediately started doing some of the "work." Meanwhile, I filled up a notebook with my own notes and thoughts inspired by her various riffs.

Sark is funny, clever, soulful, entertaining, aware and real. There are many authors we like and would love to meet, but after all these years, I'd love to meet Sark in real life and have her as a real life friend.

Reading her books, it's almost as if she were there with you, in a way we wish all our best friends could but few can because honestly, Sark is also very clever.

I've now given this book as a gift to several people (of all ages) and most recently recommended to a young woman who is contemplating divorce.

"Glad no matter what" is a great title and a great challenge, but it's one that Sark makes us feel as if we can choose and live every day, no matter what.

Life is about change and loss and this may be one of the best and most accessible books to address the topic, in the way only Sark can.

Thank you, Sark.

Just one heads up: If you have only recently lost a loved one, you may not be quite ready to read certain portions of the book. But they are the words you'll cherish when it's time.

I've read SARK's book and interviewed her, and I highly respect her as someone who 'walks her talk'. Her authenticity jumps out from her book, and it's filled with important messages and practical tips and tools. One of the messages that resonated most with me was, to paraphrase: the work isn't about not having feelings of sadness, anger or frustration - we'll still always feel those feelings - we will just be invited not to spend so much time there.

The book's fantastic, and I highly recommend it!

This time SARK goes deeper than before in her latest book Glad No Matter What. I have been a sark fan for years and this book really shows how SARK has grown up. This is a great book for anyone struggling with change or loss. She offers practical advice and real stories about her own struggles. This is not a heavy book, but rather one that you can pick up and flip through and find inspiration on any page.

SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy) has been called a Pollyanna all her life. Perhaps that's why so many people have been drawn to her books and other products: they celebrate life in vivid color. Looking at her hand-lettered books and her whimsical illustrations gives one permission to play.

SARK has been known to build a fort with her velvet cloak and luggage carrier in an airport when there was a three-hour flight delay. Also, as she recounts in the book, when she found a lot of unhappy looking people at the Department of Motor Vehicles, she began to sing "Amazing Grace" and by the last verse, "the whole room had joined in, including the people working behind the bulletproof glass."

Pollyanna, as SARK describes her, is someone who "invented 'The Glad Game' and relentlessly found something good in every situation..." That doesn't mean "disregarding pain, sorrow or suffering." As SARK reveals in this book, "It means that you choose to see the gift in every situation, and believe it's always there."

I hadn't read a SARK book for awhile and so was interested to see her latest: Glad No Matter What. SARK's inspiration for writing the book were the deaths of her mother, her cat Jupiter and the end of a romantic relationship. "Transformation," she said in an interview, "is always my greatest inspiration, and how we can literally 'change the form' of what happens to us and what we do with that."

As an example, in everyday life, if a good friend changes a plan, SARK says you can express your disappointment as well as feel glad to have extra time for yourself. She promotes "honoring both feelings simultaneously."

The foundation of all the suggestions and transformational practices is self-love and care. "You loving you so that you can truly love others" is SARK's wise advice. She shares a "menu of self-love practices" so you can try the ones that resonate with you. SARK sends text messages to her own phone for instance. This may sound corny at first, but who is going to acknowledge you and your ways in the world as expertly as your own wise self?

SARK sees what I call "your own wise self" as "a kind of spiritual channel" that "contains wisdom beyond my human understanding." I do agree, that when we engage in creativity we are tapping into something larger than ourselves.

I mentioned that SARK, through her own creativity, gives readers permission to play. She also gives "primary permission" for self-care with a list of suggestions for putting ourselves first. This means engaging in our emotions which, in the long run, works much better than avoidance, denial and covering up.

SARK makes "so sad" lists and "so glad" lists which she did at the end of a relationship. By doing so she wove a "luminous nest in between love and hate, gladness and sadness" where she found "acceptance, allowing, realizations, wonder, and mystery." She writes of the "middle place" where rather than extremes, feelings are just "this or that." It's a place where relief, weariness, wistfulness and longing can be felt.

Each chapter includes a list of books, music, internet resources and quotations that SARK calls "quotes for change." We all can become "transformational change agents" with inspiration from SARK.

SARK sent a questionnaire, which she includes at the back of the book, to hundreds of people. She has included some of their "glad portraits" as an inspiring addition with their stories of loss and vulnerability, strength and courage.

Although SARK has handwritten the contributors' names, their stories have been typed, making them easier to read than the the book itself, which is handwritten. I'm thinking now of a friend of mine who reads my handwritten letters and finds it a challenge to do so but she makes a cup of tea and takes her time reading my letters. Slowing down is, I think, a wise and self-caring thing to do.

by Mary Ann Moore
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

As SARK keeps living her life in her honest, deep way, she keeps gaining more experiences to share with the world. In her new book, she helps us name our feelings and figure out how to cope with the difficult ones. She isn't always GLAD, but she sure knows how to get there. SARK is a wise teacher who knows that life challenges are part of being alive. She also knows that you can't jump from deep depression into gladness. However, every little step counts, and you'll find many helpful quotes, stories, and resources to help you feel better.