Go Away, Come Closer : When What You Need the Most is What You Fear the Most [Paperback]

Terry Hershey (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 1990

We can't live completely isolated from others. We can try. But, intimacy has always been a risky business. Hard to figure out, harder to achieve. This book reassures the reader that a lifestyle of intimacy is a risk worth taking. It is a reflective and personal look at how our fear pushes others away; our relentless pursuit of intimacy via romance and ecstacy; our inability to find acceptance where we are; and our need to see intimacy as a celebration of life as it is and not as it should be. There are a lot of people and books that will tell you what to do--five easy steps and all that--and even more to make you feel downright horrible for what you didn't do. This book doesn't tell you what to do. It give you permission to recognize that the journey begins with you.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Terry Hershey lives on an island in the Puget Sound near Seattle, Washington, with his wife and son. Most days you'll find him ambling about his garden, living by the motto that "he loses much who has no aptitude for idleness." Terry is a writer and lecturer, offering seminars on leadership development and key relationship issues.

Product Details

• Paperback: 147 pages
• Publisher: W Pub Group (January 1, 1990)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0849907713
• ISBN-13: 978-0849907715
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.9 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #431,043 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Terry Hershey is a writer, inspirational speaker and founder of Hershey & Associates, an organization that provides resources on building balanced lives and healthy relationships. Terry is also a professional landscape designer who savors daily pauses in his personal garden behind his home on Vashon Island, Washington, where he lives with his wife and son. He is the author of ten books, including The Power of Pause: Becoming More by Doing Less (Loyola Press), Sacred Necessities (Ave Maria), and Soul Gardening: Cultivating the Good Life (Augsburg Fortress).

To read Terry, or to hear him on his audio book, The Power of Pause, is not just to gain information. It is an experience. And everywhere Terry speaks, the feedback is unanimous, "Terry Hershey was truly humorous and enlightening all in one. He gave us permission to be embraced by grace. He was truly a highlight of our year!"

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

108 of 108 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hit the nail on the head, March 27, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Go Away, Come Closer : When What You Need the Most is What You Fear the Most (Paperback)

This is a very good book for those who fear close relationships. The author emphasizes that to be human is to want and need to feel connected to others. Yet, often our ambivalence toward ourselves, those in our lives, and life itself makes it difficult to reach out to others to love and to be loved.

Through reading this book, I came to understand that relationships involve enormous risk and feelings of vulnerability. The results of taking risks can be both painful and pleasurable. However, both are a necessary part of life. Without pain, we would not enjoy pleasure. The author points out that we sometimes live life as though we're fending it off or simply getting through it. He suggests instead that we think of life as an invitation, including an invitation to be loved. There are not necessarily rational reasons others may love us. We simply are loved.

The author is a Christian but the book does not come across as overly religious. I have taken books back to the store because they emphasize religion too much. This book only has some sprinklings here and there. He deals far more with the feelings and emotions his readers struggle through.

40 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Intimacy: the freedom to BE, September 27, 2005

By 

Cynthia (California) - See all my reviews

After hearing you speak I bought a red pen, and the book "Go Away, Come Closer." I was going to fix myself but good. Then, while reading it the following week, I cried non-stop! Childhood memories of parental depression, physical abuse, and being a caretaker for my younger siblings, came to the surface. I realized that all this had thrust me into an adulthood of perfectionism. "Go Away, Come Closer" brought clarity as to my utilization of checklists, boxes and the need to organize everything I did (and every relationship I had). What an overachiever I was! You helped me realize that we all have our "stuff", and it's okay, and, we are loved anyway. I've learned to be comfortable being alone. In fact, I actually like it. I've learned through your wording, such as "messy relationships" and "being vulnerable" that it is okay to take risks and not be perfect, to just BE. I just thought that I had to be perfect to get someone to love me. My childhood brokenness is a common theme, one of abandonment and rejection. And even though I constantly tell the little girl inside that she did a really great job growing up, and now she can relax, she likes to remind this mature woman of faith (that I have tried to become) that she still hurts once in awhile, just wanting affirmation because she feels that she is still not good enough. This usually happens when I have been vulnerable, over and over. And the little girl inside gets her feelings hurt because there is limited affirmation returned. So thank you for your words. The permission to risk. The permission to give up the need for perfection. The permission to see intimacy as a journey. And the freedom to BE.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars What are you looking for?, May 10, 2008

By 

SJK "nurse practitioner" (Ohio) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Go Away, Come Closer : When What You Need the Most is What You Fear the Most (Paperback)

You may or may not like this book... it depends what you are looking for. This book does not have tactics or strategies for relationships. It is not a "how to" book or a book filled with "tips" for your relationships. Self help books with quick fixes such as these externalize intimacy. This is a book that looks at relationships from a spiritual perspective. (I am making the distinction between spiritual and religious) The opening chapter is called "An Invitation". An invitation to what? To our restlessness. To our personal journey of intimacy.

Intimate relationships are "places of vulnerability" where "we touch the real self, or embrace real emotions, or see need as a genuine imperative or break down the cycle of protective self-sufficiency." This book discusses that journey... not how to "meet the right one". You won't find answers here. "The road toward intimacy is essentially a journey of personal transparency." This book stimulates you to ask questions. Who do I continually take with me into relationships? How does my true self impact my relationships? Who or what owns me? Who or what forms the script on the tapes in my mind? Who or what provides the belief system about my identity? Am I somebody yet? Am I there yet?

The second half of this book gives you some tools for the journey... permission to invest (to be human), solitude (an interior experience), pain (tough enough to be soft) and finally friendship, community and liturgy.