Customer Reviews

Going Gray: What I Learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters

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Turning 50 this year, I started to notice that my so called "friends" were pointedly asking me when I was going to begin coloring my hair. It never occurred to me, before reading Anne Kreamer's wonderful book, to ask them why they were coloring their hair. Interestly, many of my friends were aware of Ms. Kreamer's book, but none had the interest, nor I guess, the courage to read her book. It is really a facinating memoir about one woman's decision to go gray. While some may argue that because she was a woman of privilege and the choice to go gray would not monetarily affect her, it truly is an important memoir about how one woman sees herself growing older.

Her story resonated with me. I was empowered by her candor. I applaud Ms. Kreamer for writing this book and hope mothers' of daughters ultimately read it.

Anne Kreamer dyed her hair for fun for decades until she saw herself in a photo. Her too-dark hair made her look old and harsh. The photos are available for us to see. She did. She decided to see what her hair looked like as its natural gray. In the photo, it looks more fabulous, sexy, elegant. She dissects the various attitudes towards gray hair with the voice of someone who you'd like as a girlfriend. If you're tired of spending huge amounts of time and/or money to color your hair in an attempt to look younger, give this a read. She may wellhwlp you take the plunge towards being your true, most excellent self. Going gray, you'll save money and time and most likely look and feel far better to boot.

I'm in the middle of reading this and I am really enjoying this book. I'm 52 and yes, I do color my hair. From what people tell me, they can't tell (but maybe they're being "nice"); I tend to have kind of lighter toned hair and so the gray doesn't come in in a "skunk stripe" as it does for some dark-haired folks.

I have to admit that I've wondered why some women go gray but now I look at women all around me in a different way. A lot of my peers are struggling to hang onto their youthful looks, but let's face it...very few people at 50 and up can erase the neck-thing (my neck gives away my age even though I tend to look younger in general). There really IS nothing uglier than someone with a dark cap of hair on an old(ish) face.

I will continue to dye my hair for a while (my friend says it's not time for me to go gray yet)but this author's approach is definitely on my mind...I'm just not ready for it yet. I really enjoyed being reminded and enlightened about the prejudice that people hold toward women who go gray and how it effects their love lives, work lives, and how people perceive them in general. I guess there's some hope in that she found men on this earth who really liked women who had gray hair.

She really confirmed my own feelings about wasting a ton of money on hair upkeep...every time I get my hair colored I feel like kicking myself because I could be using that load of money for better things...yet, I'm still not secure enough in who I am to quit doing it yet...

I think it's lousy that men continue to be perceived as sexy as they age while women are looked at as being old grandmas with no sexual interests.

To borrow a phrase from fashionistas, gray is the new black thanks to Anne Kreamer. Anne's book confirms what I've felt for a long while: there's nothing wrong with growing old honestly and authentically. I've tried without success to allow myself to go gray, but my hairstylists wouldn't allow it (of course not, they'd be losing a customer). Anne's research and personal experience are very helpful to women who'd love to but don't dare grow old gracefully and reminds us that we're our own worst critics. Readers will enjoy her tales of field research, and will hold their heads a little higher when they read her anecdotes of being hit on by younger men despite being "over." This great little book has encouraged me to defy convention and do what I've always done--walk to the beat of my own drum. Be bold, be brave, be a trendsetter and fire your colorist! Reveal your true self and the rest shall follow. Starting right now, I'm joining the Gray Girls bandwagon!

Wonderful is all that needs to be said. For years I colored my hair a nice dark brown. Recently I decided to see who was under that hair and let the grey grow out, got a short chic haircut and loosed myself on all our unsuspecting friends and family. Boy was I surprised at the responses...everyone loved it! I was told that the grey hair made me look younger!! Imagine that...I never would have. A younger coworker came up to me and told me that I looked so chic and sophisticated that I should be a model. You just never know do you? For those considering it, this book may give you the added courage you need. Sometimes you just have to do it, and be pleasantly surprised.

Okay, I'll admit it. I needed a bit of support in order to garner the strength to let my natural silver grow out. My family heritage from my father's side is to go prematurely gray. He was 100% gray by age 20, my brother by age 30. After the monthly ritual of coloring my hair for twenty years in order to maintain my idea of 'youth' I had no idea when I went 100% gray, but I do know the silver sprouts started in my teens. They were growing in earnest after the birth of my first child in my 20's, thus the haircolor habit began.

I had been toying with the idea of going natural for several years. I eat organic food, plus use natural cosmetics and cleaners. It seemed counter intuitive to be soaking my scalp in petroleum chemicals once a month so other people would view me a certain way (i.e. young). I developed an allergic reaction to haircolor last August, culminating in welts on my scalp and forehead. The final decision was made for me. I'll let the silver grow out.

After coloring my hair for all these years, going natural made me face my fears. I could hide behind blonde hair all these years; it gives the illusion of youth. But, it can also blur individuality. At one point, it is possible to blend in with the other 40 or 50 or 60-something dye-job blondes. I don't want to erase who I am, it is time to define it. There is no more hiding when you go gray.

Anne Kreamer's research and insight gave me the boost I needed, plus looking at images of gorgeous silver-haired ladies online. (Emmylou Harris is stunning. Jamie Lee Curtis is my hero.) Okay...if they can do this, so can I.

My natural color is about 50% grown out now, and I have to say that it's more of a sparkling silver than I realized. I might actually like this better than the blonde. I have an appointment with my hairdresser in a few weeks when I'll have the last of the blonde cut out and say goodbye to "her," the artificial blonde former me and hello to the actual, authentic me. Thanks for your help in this process, Anne.

I'm 53 and stopped dying my hair around 6 years ago - it's become much thicker than when I was dying it, and is for the most part white. It's not uncommon for me to be stopped by strangers - men and women - who comment on how beautiful my hair is, and sometimes - most often men - will tell me how beautiful I am. Believe me, that never happened when I was coloring my hair! The process of embracing who we truly are allows our natural beauty to bloom.

Going Gray (What I learned about beauty, sex, work, motherhood, authenticity and everything else that really matters), by Anne Kreamer, Little Brown, New York, is the sort of book title that the average man would pass on as probably girlish fluff. If a bald man is seen perusing this volume in a bookstore, chances are he's read Nora Ephron and has recently had a pedicure.

And yet, stereotyping aside, Anne Kreamer has, almost inadvertently, written a book that, through the lens of its thesis, offers social and psychological insights into aging Americans of the demographic widely known as Baby Boomers. Today's fifty-somethings grew up in a culture that celebrated youth. With prescription medications now available to restore rosy optimism and sexual potency, what magic elixir might restore the appearance of youth? The elixir is hair color. The question Ms. Kreamer asks is existential: how does the magic in it work? And if there is no magic, what does that mean?

The answer is not immediately apparent; we take our belief systems for granted as valid, and hair color has evolved as a mainstay of middle age. It was not until the author saw a photograph of her dark-haired self next to her teenage daughter that the white lie of hair color began to resound larger implications for her. What is truth and what is illusion, and does one wear the other as a mask in this case? If truth is beauty, then untruth moves us closer on the reality grid to the locus of ugliness, but what person, especially in their fifties, wants to go there? Anne Kreamer pushes that query, hoping to discover new legitimacy for "nature's changing course untrimmed." What does she learn?

Many things: "How we choose to grow old is deeply idiosyncratic, a matter of individual taste and circumstance." Fair enough. But what about other people? How do they see us, how much should it matter, and is it ever valid to make assumptions about what is attractive? To finds answers, this (happily married) author makes excursions through the wilderness of dating web sites, meeting with single men, even contacting contemporary "image consultants," the first of whom was "Ginger, who wore a leopard-print cashmere sweater with caribou feathers trimming the deep V-neck and cuffs, slim black wool pants, and black suede Manolo Blahnik boots--an outfit that would have been less surprising to me if I'd made an appointment with a dominatrix."
Going Gray is an antic but thoughtful account of her adventures, a report to the rest of us that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder and, past a certain age, it's probably better to look to what wisdom we've earned than in the mirror. Finally, Anne Kreamer's book is about telling "more of the plain truth in small ways, then maybe we as a society and a culture will find it easier to recognize and reward the truth in bigger ways."

I'm going gray and battling both friends and family over it so this book is just my cup of tea right now. I find it interesting and helpful! It's good to have someone else's input in taking this step.

This book really tells it like it is.

I'm a 55-year-old writer and have never colored my hair. It's long and going gray and very sexy.

But I started worrying about my career and so I decided to start coloring it so I would look younger. In the meantime, I was keeping my long hair tied up and hidden.

When I told my husband about my decision, he said, well, OK, but just to let you know you look really great the way you are.

After a ton of research, I realized people who color their hair feel they are chained to a yoke and it's expensive! I went into a local salon to discuss the possibilities and realized the women in there looked awful with their dyed hair, especially the staff. I realized that the colored hair I see on celebrities on TV and in the movies must be very expensive to create because the women with dyed hair in my town of New Orleans just don't look that sexy.

So, I'm all in with my long, sexy hair. Somehow, after all this research and my decision to stay the course, I feel even more sexy. Go figure.