Customer Reviews

The Good Divorce

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

I found this book in the esteemed Bank Street educational bookstore in Manhattan and it became the first ray of hope during the dark early months of separation. My coparent and I started experiencing our disentangling as an organic shift in our ONGOING relationship, and expressing our continued commitment to each other in affirmative and reaffirming terms. This allowed us to give our son the language and story-telling he needed to feel has HAS a family -- it's simply a differently shaped one. In the intervening two years, our friendship as coparents has continued to thrive as we began tentative steps into new relationships, and as we set up rules and rituals in two households. Ahrons got us started.

This book explains the sampling issues relevant to debunking Wallenstein. And as a person with an A.B. in anthropology from Harvard, I can tell you that Ahrons sampling methods look pretty good. And her use of positive applicable metaphors to create constructive problem-solving is innovatively brilliant.

This is the nice, smart-peoples' divorce book. Forward-looking. Our family relationships today ARE (societally-speaking) often "differently shaped." Ahrons helps us start to deal with that and grow from that base. For our childrens' sake AND our own. Families where one person is dying don't work.

This book helped me through my divorce, helping to understand the feelings I was having, and how others have dealt with them. But even more importantly, it presents case studies that can provide pointers on a "successful" divorce that doesn't ruin you--or the kids--emotionally.

My first concern during our divorce was how to make it as painless as possible for our children ages spanning from pre-teen to young adults. With "The Good Divorce" I was able to present these goals to my husband. It was a tremendous help in guiding us through our divorce amicably and I am pleased to say that my ex and I are on very good terms today as a result of looking at divorce issues from such a positive point of view.

I found some this book to be both helpful and comforting to read. I learned SO much about divorce while reading this book - the feelings and thoughts that lead to it, what happens to both the leaver and the levee after the separation and the legal stuff about divorces. The words that Constance wrote provided a lot of comfort to me when I read this book. She puts her own experiences and feelings in this book and I felt like I got close to her when I read this. She gives inspiration and hope to all of us divorced parents. I highly recommend this book to ANYONE separated, divorced, or even thinking of doing it

I found this book to be very comforting, helpful and intelligent. Of course, a happy marriage and family is what everyone whats. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, your marriage is unhealthy for your entire family. A major theme in the book is that you and your exspouse will always be part of a family if you have children. That you are connected through and because of your children. This book shows that it is possible to create a healthy family in which the parents do not live together. The research done, shows that your children do not have to be damaged by divorce. It shows how sucessful families have created this in their lives. Divorce is not what people expect when they get married and have children, but if it is the only option to creating a happy, peaceful home, it is good to know that your children don't have to be damaged if you take the proper steps. I highly recommend it if you have children.

Dr. Ahrons takes a common sense and compassionate approach to divorce. Since divorce is a fact of life, she explains the importance of destigmatizing divorce as a social issue. The messages Dr. Ahrons conveys include:

1. By placing the focus on communication, compromise, and children's well-being, people going through a divorce can maintain kinship ties and cooperation with each other.

2. It's time for grown-ups who are getting divorced to act like grown-ups, and not bickering, immature, back-stabbing children!

3. Take control of your own divorce and don't give up control to lawyers whose entire motivation is trying to get as much money for themselves as possible. (By the way, lawyers do this by trying to create more adversity bewteen the parties involved so they have more they have to litigate. I saw my own parents lose hundreds of thousands of dollars this way!)

4. Even if your own divorce has gotten off on the wrong foot, it's not too late to correct the situation, which will benefit everyone involved.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK!

This book helped me move from being stuck in fear of living without my marriage to seeing possibility for my future. Change is always difficult. This book made me see this family change in a new and healthy way. I recommend The Good Divorce to anyone who is having a hard time accepting the end of a marriage.

This is a must have book for anyone considering a divorce, in the process of divorcing, or even already divorced. There is much practical advice as well as encouragement in this book. I highly recommend it!

I bought this book during my divorce two years ago and read it cover to cover. It was dead on! I highly recommend it to anyone beginning the heartbreaking process of divorce where children are involved. I kept the book and pulled it out this week to give to a friend who is beginning a divorce. I took time to skim back though the chapters. When I was reading the book for the first time two years ago I thought "I don't think we (my ex and I) will ever get to this point". Rereading the book now, two plus years later, I can happily say we did. We are happy co-parents! And, this book receives a lot of the credit for getting us to the point we are today. My children are happy, my ex is happy, and I am happy.

Relational Shifts: A Family Doesn't Have to End Just Because a Marriage Does

Our family is another proof of this book's positive impact on what could have been a very negative story...we wrote our story, raw and vulnerable and filled with things most people wouldn't share with their therapist or best friends...we share our worst in the hopes that it can help others find their best...somehow, starting with this book, THE GOOD DIVORCE, we found out way to a better family.

We were honored to be Keynote Speakers at an event for the Collaborative Law Institute which is hosting Constance Ahrons as their Continuing Education Lecturer.

Blessings on this woman and all the goodness she has helped others live with integrity for a higher goal...FAMILY!

warmest regards,
jules

www.relationalshifts.com