The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts [Paperback]

Judith S. Wallerstein (Author), Sandra Blakeslee (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1, 1996

What's Your Marriage? * The Romantic Marriage: exciting, sensual memories of your first meeting radiate a glow over years. * The Rescue Marriage: the healing that follows early emotional trauma becomes the central theme. * The Companionate Marriage: commitment to careers seeks a balance with commitment to relationship and children. * The Traditional Marriage: the woman takes charge of home and family while the man is the primary wage earner. Hundreds of books have been written about marriages that don't work. But what about the ones that do? Now Judith S. Wallerstein, bestselling author and leading relationships expert, reveals the natural stages of marriage and the nine tasks you must undertake to make a good marriage. As she introduces us to a number of ordinary yet fascinating couples, the intimate interiors of their lives, and the countless pressures they face in an age of divorce, you'll see how happy, lasting marriages are challenged and rebuilt every day-and how, whatever your marriage type, you and your partner can share a joyful, exhilarating, and fulfilling lifetime together.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Inspired by the hope that the experience of satisfied husbands and wives might provide useful lessons to others, Wallerstein, a clinical psychologist and specialist on divorce, and Sandra Blakeslee, who writes frequently for The New York Times, interviewed 50 predominantly middle-class, northern California couples who had been married nine years or more and had at least one child. These strong marriages flourish, they argue, because every partner confronted a series of psychological tasks including separating emotionally from the family of childhood, carving out his or her autonomy and creating an environment where anger and conflict could be safely vented. The couples reveal their interior lives in rich, explicit detail. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Based on interviews with 50 happily married couples, this book examines the factors that allow relationships to succeed.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (October 1, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0446672483
• ISBN-13: 978-0446672481
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 1 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #57,187 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful, October 30, 2000

By 

Kelley Hunt (Texas, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts (Paperback)

I think the best thing I got out of this book was the notion that happy marriages are not the exclusive domain of people who had happy, carefree childhoods. Wallerstein's message that the love two people experience in a marriage can be a healing, transforming love was a very hopeful message for those who come from broken and/or abusive homes. I also thought the characteristics of a happy marriage were nicely elucidated by the stories of the real-life couples, their good times, trials and tribulations.

30 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars We could surely use more studies like this one, November 19, 2003

By 

Brad4d "bb" (United States) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts (Paperback)

The authors bring a rather unusual perspective to the study of marriage -- rather than examining how it has failed or is failing, they examine how marriage can succeed. The book provides a commendable example of a study focusing on success instead of failure. The authors first define a successful marriage, then discuss nine principles common to any good marriage and use several couples as case studies to illustrate and personalize these principles. The book uses a rather small, homogenous, and politically incorrect sample -- nearly all couples were selected by the authors and were lily-white, heterosexual, reasonably honest and cheerful Americans. Of course, many ground-breaking and valid scientific studies have successfully used such small, homogenous and politically incorrect cohorts. The book is not a cross-cultural study, an historical analysis, or a "how-to" guide for "making marriage work," and those whose marriages are in trouble may not find this book much of a substitute for self-analysis or competent counseling.

Since history began, in nearly all societies, marriage has successfully survived despite never-ending pressures from those who have sought to abolish, revolutionize, over-idealize, or trivialize it. Marriage has proven flexible, durable, and critically important to individuals and to societies. Nevertheless, individuals and societies should frequently re-examine and re-explore marriage if they are to gain the most benefits from it -- marriage and success are verbs as well as nouns. Marriage and the family certainly need attentive examination today, since they remain under tremendous stresses from those who wish to change (or destroy) them and from forces causing them to fail at an increasing rate.

The authors have given us a fine example of such an examination. They write remarkably well (no surprise, given Ms Blakeslee's wonderful columns in the NY Times Science Section, which first drew me to this book). They relate how marriage can be enriching, empowering, dynamic, transformative, redemptive, and positive (I found myself cheering on one of the subjects whose marriage succeeded despite enormous psychological problems dating from his childhood). As the husband of a wife whose parents had a successful marriage, as the child of a successful marriage, and as a member of a thirty-three year old successful marriage, I found the principles outlined in this book to be reasonably accurate and helpful. No book could be the last word, but this one is a fine place to start.

23 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A readable study of what makes a marriage "good"., January 30, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts (Paperback)

The authors of "The Good Marriage" have broken new ground. Instead of offering criteria on how to identify a bad marriage, Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee have discovered through their pilot study the secrets of a good marriage. In this very well written book, the authors conclude there are four types of marriages and nine tasks that must be completed in order to have a good marriage. The reader is allowed inside the couple's marriages as the authors interview Matt and Sara, Helen and Keith, Fred and Marie and others. I began reading this book with much skeptiscm. I was convinced these couples were deluding themselves - no marriage can be truly good for any extended period of time. But I was wrong, although each couple admitted bad times in their marriages there remained enough romance to carry them through. I recommend this book to any adult who really wants to know how a successful marriage can be a dream-come-true.