Customer Reviews

The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood: 1

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Unfortunately I started reading this book at 12:30 at night... and couldn't put it down till I'd read half of it. I've been involved in two men's groups, occaisionally attend men's weekends, have been on the steering committee for a national church-related men's organization - even given a sermon on fatherhood. Its remarkable to come across a book that cuts across the social and economic strata, that demonstrates the fundamental goodness in men - from those who've spent time behind bars to one slated to become president of a multibillion family-owned corporation. And what a breath of fresh air to find a book written by entrepreneurs !

As a Urologist, I thought that I knew all there was to know about men. Thanks to the authors of this book, I have learned so much more. It's rare that men get together and talk about these type of issues- most of us run out of things to say after we talk about our favorite sports team and the car we want to buy. It is so important as individuals and, especially at times like these, that we define for ourselves and for our children, what it really takes to be a Good Man. This book breaks down our roles as Fathers, Husbands, Workers, etc and tells amazing stories of people that either are good men or figured out how to become one. We need these examples. We need to see that it is possible to fail initially, but succeed in the end. We need to show ourselves and our children that we get "it." Most of us will never be on the cover of Sports Illustrated or People magazine, but we need to know that getting there certainly doesn't define anyone as good. Fame and fortune are so far down the list of what's important. If you need to have that lesson retold to you, this is the book. Good men come from all walks of life and we all have it in us, its just a matter of finding it. I am thankful that these authors understand the importance of that lesson and are so willing to share their stories. This book is one that truly makes a great gift for anyone, but, really, I think it is a great gift to give yourself.

Ask most any single woman in her second half of life and she will tell you: a good man is exceedingly hard to find. So, why is that? And just what is a good man? Bad boys are for adolescent girls, for those who are yet too emotionally immature to recognize the lasting value of goodness, and yes, that goodness is about as sexy as it comes. If the good guy finishes last, it is only because once a woman meets one, she holds on. There is no need for anyone to come after him.

This collection of essays isn't about what women think about good men, however, or how women define goodness in a man. It is about what men think about being a good man. And rightly so, because being a good man begins with the man himself, with his taking more than a moment of introspection to consider what this means. Editor James Houghton, in fact, writes that just asking the question is the seed of being a good man.

As one of the editors, Tom Matlack, states in the prologue--"manhood is at a crossroads in America." Companion editor James Houghton writes in his prologue: "Might there be something meaningful in gathering a diverse group of men to write essays about difficult or challenging times in their lives and what they had learned from those experiences? Though I had nothing but anecdotal evidence to draw upon, it seemed that the men of our generation spend a lot of time struggling to balance the competing interests of achieving professional success and being good husbands and partners and fathers and sons. And unlike women, who are much better socialized to talk about how these same pressures affect them, we tend to keep those burdens to ourselves. While the stereotype of men retreating to their cave is not new, perhaps if a group of men wrote compelling, well-crafted stories about their lives, other men might recognize a little of themselves in those stories and take comfort in their shared humanity."

Houghton goes on to say that the book was turned down by some 50 publishers, mainly for the reason that none of them believed men were interested in reading a book written by other men. Sad. One does wonder what the readership demographic might be, male or female, but in the end, it probably matters little. Asking the question seems an excellent beginning, and that these three editors have started this ball rolling can only be commended. It begins with a thought.

The book is divided into four sections. Essays are grouped under Fathers, Sons, Husbands, and Workers. It is a grouping as good as any, I suppose, although Husbands might have been widened to include mates of all kinds and not just spouses. Heck, there are times that a woman's best friend is an ex-spouse. Indeed, a section simply entitled Friends might have opened up an interesting door. Personally, I can vouch for finding the most good men under this category.

Reading through this collection of essays, the level of quality in story and style is as changeable as one might expect with so many different authors. Some stories will engage more than others. In many, the concept of goodness is self-evident, while others can leave the reader wondering ... where was the goodness in this dude? Out of the four sections, Husbands seems the weakest, while Fathers and Sons dig the deepest into male emotion. These appear to be the roles that touch men the most, and at opposing arcs of the same cycle, being sons and becoming fathers. One suspects that for many men, becoming a father is the one time that society accepts softness, even tears, and a gentle touch without questioning masculinity. Becoming a father does seem to bring out the very best in many men, and society sanctions this, making it easier to be a good man in this category.

Notable are several essays that explore the equation we seem to almost force on boys and men--that of aggression going hand-in-hand with masculinity. Authors Steve Almond and Kent George explore the expectation of aggression in boys and men, and what's a gentler soul to do? A good man surely asks if there is a better way to solve problems or to succeed in life than by the use of fists (and warfare).

Author John Sheehy writes about being able to say and mean the words "I love you," and writes convincingly about how difficult it is for a man to do so, in this case, to his father. It is a moving piece.

Then, there are some essays that leave one wondering, huh? How is this relevant? Jesse Kornbluth's "Sex and Drugs Made Me a Man" is a puzzling essay about sex and drugs that fit more of the male stereotype than not, and what any of his sex and drug experience, wounding more than healing, has to do with being a good man, well, who knows. Essays by Cary Wong and Regie O'Hare Gibson also leave one shrugging. Well enough written, but seem to be more padding for space than about good men.

Yet there are those golden stars in the collection, too. "Blood-Spattered" by Julio Medina is worth the price of the book--which, by the way, is donating proceeds from book sales to organizations helping at-risk boys. Medina writes with raw honesty about his life in prison. He is as hard as men get, tough and gritty-hearted, afraid of nothing, if perhaps only the brutality of fellow convicts. But then, not even that. Watching a fellow convict go down in a prison fight, instead of walking by to preserve his own safety under that code of prisoners, Medina stops to help. The result of that moment is a metamorphosis of a bad man into a good man, of a heart that had its goodness hidden under many layers of scarring into the heart of a hero. One moment became a life cause, and Julio Medina today leads an organization, Exodus Transitional Community, helping inmates transition back into good men. I spent some time exploring his site, and thought that the next book I would like to read on this topic of good men might very well be an autobiography of Julio Medina.

All in all, this is a good book asking a good question and written by more than a few good men. It's a good start, and we can only hope that good men will find themselves ever more appreciated in a society that, as Matlack observes, is at a crossroads for men seeking guidelines for how to live lives that matter.

If you want a frame of reference to define your own idea of what it means to be a good father, son, husband, or worker this book is for you. It's tough to be cool discussing showing up for the people in your life or taking care of your responsibilities. Men are much more likely to talk about sports, girls, or money. This book gives men a jumping off point to think about or talk about their own experiences and how they relate to what is really important to them. It also gives hope to men who have gone off track that they can get their lives back together and live with meaning.

My husband and I decided to read this book together, one chapter at a time, and after each chapter, we've been spending time talking. We're only through the first 5 essays but we've had 5 of the some of best conversations we've ever had. Men are sometimes so terrifying in their difference. The book's authors share stories and perspectives that are touching, gripping, and evocative - we're sharing their stories, our stories, and our understanding of what it means to be good. This has been a great experience for us.

This anthology has been brewing in the minds and hearts of many men for years, and I am so glad it has finally hit the shelves. The essays are honest and well-crafted and provide a crucial lens through which to view not only manhood but humanity in general. I hope it finds a wide audience among men and women and that it sparks many more editions; I sense that this is just the beginning of a larger conversation that is decades overdue.

This book kept me interested all the way through. Each man's story shed light on my own. Great humor and insights, but most of all, compelling stories. I'm giving a copy to my 15-year-old son.

I've always thought men were simple creatures with simple needs. Now, thanks to The Good Men Project, I have been given more of a sneak peek into men's thoughts and feelings.

Please don't misunderstand. The men who wrote these essays are not sissy men. They just wrote about their insecurities, uneasiness and doubts that afflict them in various life situations (i.e. the birth of a child, not being sure whether or not to follow in their family's footsteps and being a single parent of a little girl for the first time). I mean, I always knew men had feelings, but most of them have been brought up to not show feelings because they were told it is a sign of weakness. So, reading this book was a nice and pleasant visit into a world of men that were strong enough to write down how they felt and share it with the world.

I would've finished this book sooner than what I did, but I wanted to take my time and actually read these men's stories. I wanted to feel what they were trying to portray and, I must tell you, I'm glad I did. I am one of those women that believes a man is a stronger person when he can show the emotions he feels, even crying ... well ... as long as it's not the blubbering crying with snot running down their face ... that might be a little much.

Another benefit of this book: The proceeds from the sales of the book and the DVD of the film (yes, there's a film too!) will benefit The Good Men Foundation, a not-for-profit 501(3)(c) corporation supporting organizations that provide educational, social, financial, or legal support to men and boys at risk. How awesome is that?! =)

The Good Men Project is a realistic portrayal of various kinds of men in modern society. There are so many self-help books for women these days and now there's GMP for men. Matlack creatively utilizes others' tales in order to show his audience that there are still caring, loving men in the world, contrary to many womens' beliefs. This book is like Chicken Soup for the Soul spiced a hint of testosterone and a serving of love for all to enjoy.

What does it mean to be a "good man"? Each of the works in this collection cooperate perfectly with one another to contribute to this ongoing conversation. It's quite refreshing that each piece has a character of its own, uniquely addressing the ever-long battle of being a 'good' person in today's world.
Honest, real, and, well, good; I give this book 5 stars.