Customer Reviews

Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep!)

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I was tickled when I found this book while browsing for sleep books for the youngest of my five children, who is about to have a baby. Back when she and her siblings were babies, they shared a bed with my my husband and I, and our family ended up incredibly close. I'm not saying the closeness was because of what people now call the family bed but it was a vital part of our children's young lives, to be able to sleep next to their loved ones and not have to be alone in a crib somewhere else. My mother told me I shared the bed with my parents when I was a baby in Ireland, so on it goes. My other children who have children have all brought them into bed as babies. My youngest wants to, but she is getting alot of pressure from people in her future mom's class not to do this. So I got her this book and I read it first, and it's charming and so very helpful, kind, caring, funny, fully of tips I wish I'd had when they my own were little.

She read some of it while I was visiting and she laughed and underlined and gave me such a hard hug I thought I'd pop. She brought it to her future moms group and showed them the first chapter full of scientific evidence that shows the powerful positive effects of letting your baby sleep next to you. The teacher said she was going to have to get a copy. She said the chapter on safety was "worth the price of admission." Now that's saying something, considering how she is one of those Ferber people. The book isn't preachy, as someone else who wrote a review mentioned, and that and it's sense of humor will probably help it break through alot of barriers with people like my daughter's teacher.

If you're wondering, my children left our bed fairly easily when it was time for another baby to move in. They all loved sleeping in the same room together after that until they became old enough to separate the girls from the boys. It was like a big reward for them to get to sleep in the big kids room. The book Good Nights also has a whole chapter on the process of helping a child move out of your bed, and I think parents will find this very helpful, as I know it can be an issue.

I hope it was alright to mention my personal experiences with this topic in a review. I haven't done reviewing before, but I think that personal experience in my case as a reader of the book is very important to the review.
Thank you.

This book is a great introduction to the family bed. It includes guidelines for safe co-sleeping, scientific and medical reasons why cosleeping is so good for baby, enjoying a great sex life even during the famiy bed years, and a section on 'trouble shooting' that includes a great explanation of why "crying it out" is a terrible thing to do to babies. It also covers transitioning a baby/child to their own bed and a great section on dealing with criticism from others. It is very "breastfeeding positive" and approaches breastfeeding as the "normal" way to feed babies/toddlers.

Some folks have raised a concern over the chapter on helping an older baby/child sleep through the night. This book did include Dr. Jay's "10 nights" plan to get a baby/child over 12 months of age to sleep through the night [for 7 hours]. It is *extremely* well done and the authors make it very clear that they would prefer you just leave the child to his/her own time table and relax about the whole thing. They state clearly that they are only offering this as an alternative for families that are seriously considering 'cry it out' out of desperation and they give a great explanation of why this method is FAR preferable to the Cry It Out stuff.

The plan is VERY gentle - the baby/child is never left alone, parents maintain physical and voice contact with baby [first by nursing, after 3 nights cut out nursing but use holding/cuddling, on 7th night don't pick up but touch and rub back while talking soothingly to child, etc]. I think this plan is very in keeping with what is reasonable for a child over 12 months - and very gentle and Attachment Parenting oriented.

"Good Nights" is VERY clear that family bed, breastfeeding and constant physical contact for babies are extremely beneficial and desirable and "sleep training" of any kind is strongly discouraged for all children but absolutely discouraged for a baby under 1 year of age. The book also recognizes that children have different temperaments and that parents MUST be able to work with their child's temperament and that this plan might not work for all children and should be _immediately_ abandoned if it seems to be having a detrimental effect on a child. This book is absolutely great and extremely AP.

I know several families that have used Dr. Jay's sleep plan with their children and it has worked very, very well for them and for their children. I think it is a very gentle way to encourage less night waking for families who truly are desperate with frequent night waking toddlers. I am extremely reluctant to use any kind of sleep training with my night waking children [I doubt I ever will], but if I did, I would feel good as an AP parent using Dr. Jay's steps.

This book is perfect for any family considering Co-Sleeping and would also be wonderful for any family who is rethinking a decision to solitary sleep and/or "cry it out".

A few weeks ago I bought Good Nights. At that time my DH and I were sharing our bed with our 5 yr old and our 18 month old. Between the bouncing of the bed anytime anyone moved and the tight quarters and my little guy's night nursing every two hours, sleep quality was poor. I'd wake up every morning so tired, and my little guy would be out of sorts often, and my DH had a back ache from sleeping in wierd positions just to have room. My 5 year old said he never wanted to leave the family bed. We all loved it, but I had come to the point where it was time to move on! I'm no good to anyone when I'm that sleep deprived. I know that probably sounds awful to a lot of hardcore attachment parenters, but it was too much to take any more.

I read the book, and as they say, I laughed and I cried. I felt very affirmed for having slept beside our guys for so long, and I felt relieved; finally there was a book with tons and tons of practical information on how to deal with the not so perfect aspects of co-sleeping. (Love the title of the chapter on solutions to common family bed sleep problems -- "The Sandman Cometh.")

The chapter on helping a child wean from the family bed was a tremendous help to us. It gave us so many ideas for moving Ty to his own space that we were able to transition him to his own ROOM by using a few of the tips. Room, yes room! We got him bunk beds (Dr. Gordon and his co-author say it's the number one successful method family bedders have used!) for his previously unused bedroom. He was very excited and slept in there from the first night! After a week or so he got a little scared after watching a Scooby Doo movie, and wanted to return to our room for one night. By then we'd set up a bed beside ours, and we welcomed him back for what we hoped was only one night. Dr. Gordon says to realize kids will sometimes come back for a night or a part of the night, and to welcome them. I agree. If we'd pushed him out, it would have been like the forbidden fruit. The next night he was back in his room. I followed another tip in the chapter and when he was apprehensive about going to sleep, I promised to do some work in the family room right next door to his room (our BABY was now sleeping through the night most of the time and I could do this! - more on this in a minute) and this was very comforting to him. Next time I checked, it was sleep city in his room. Since then, he hasn't revisited. All he asks is that I lie in bed with him after shutting out the light after booktime, so I can be with him as his eyes adjust!

As far as Zach, we did end up using the 10 Nights method. I couldn't really do that when Ty was in the room, because I knew it would mean some crying. But it really worked for us! By night 8, Zach was snoozing for five hours straight. He is now happily sleeping through the night in our bed. It is SO much easier this way, and everyone is so much better rested. My DH no longer has back aches! This is all like some kind of miracle. (I felt awful, awful, awful the first few nights of 10 nights because Zach was indeed protesting, but I was right there and I think he "got" it that he wasn't going to have to go through this alone. I'm glad I didn't do this when he was younger, because I could actually explain it to him a little and I think that helped.) In addition, the book helped us decide to replace our mattress with a futon because everytime one of us moved, the others moved too and it was bad for sleep. With the futon on our box spring, there's a tremendous improvement! You just don't feel every move of the other bodies.

We worked hard to make all this work. (We paid a tidy sum to the bed store(s) for the bunk beds, the twin bed in our room, and the futon!) But oh, was it worth it! I never regret for a minute doing the family bed. There are so many memories I'll treasure, and so much good has come to us all from it. (I loved the quotes from all the former family bed kids in the last chapter of the book. If you have doubts about how these kids can turn out, read this!) However, I also don't regret for a minute having followed the advice in Dr. Gordon's book. Life is good when you get enough sleep!

I recommend Good Nights to anyone who 1) wants to co-sleep and wants to know all the great benefits or 2) is co-sleeping and wants help with dealing with the everyday problems or the big weaning stuff.

Until I read this book, I was very unconfident in our family's co-sleeping situation. It seemed like everyone in the world except us had babies sleeping through the night in cribs from very early on. I'd read The Family Bed, but it didn't quite do it for me. I even read The No Cry Sleep Solution, but it wasn't right for us either. Since reading Good Nights I've found two other moms who have a family bed, and we have an informal mom's club now! I loaned one the book,and she is almost done, and loves it as much as I did. Mom 3 has ordered her own copy based on what she knows of the book. I can't wait to get mine back!

I have been so nourished and bolstered by this book. It contains more excellent information than I ever dreamed was out there. We made our bed safer using the chapter on safety guidelines. After reading the chapter on all the new scientific findings about hte family bed, I'm much more confident that we're doing the right thing. Even naps are getting much easier thanks to this book!

I loved the style of the author. Kind of like a wise and funny friend. Some of the anecdotes were a riot. The advice was sage and sound. Everything was very gentle, the book was very easy to get through, even though there were lots of scientific paper citations. I didn't even notice them until the end!

I highly reccomend this book to any parent whose baby spends nights in their bed. It seems to have something for every "level" of co-sleeper.

As one of my favorite actresses says on the cover of "Good Nights," "This is a fun, wonderful book every new parent should have." She is 100 percent right! Any new or future parent who is concerned about sleep should read this book.

When I was pregnant I never thought I'd let our baby sleep with us but after she came into the world it seemed like the most natural, best thing to do, especially after we tried and tried the bassinette and she would immediately wake up and cry every time and wouldn't go back to sleep. We've all been sleeping so much better since doing the family bed, but I've taken so much grief for our decision to not do the crib/cry it out methods. This book is so supportive that I got teary a few times reading it. There's everything from strong scientific arguments in favor of the family bed to advice on how to keep it safe and how to deal with critics. My husband's favorite chapter is the one on how to keep the sizzle in your sex life -- it's given us some good ideas for fun new places to try to be intimate AWAY from the baby of course!

My wife and I have been through lots of other sleep books that talk about gentle nighttime parenting, but this is the only one that actually offers real solutions to every day problems in the family bed. Things like what if baby is too active, or what about night waking? How do you get the little ones to go to beds of their own eventually? The authors make no bones about the fact that the family bed is great but not always a perfect situation, and they give plenty of examples of how to help parents and little ones get a good night sleep. I'm a plumber, so common sense solutions are right up my alley. This book offers plenty of them in a friendly and easy to follow way. My wife and I are now sleeping better because of a couple suggestions in the book and everyone's happier.

At last -- help, kindness, great science, wonderful reassurance, nice writing, and lots of smiles about the way so many of us sleep (yet so few of us admit to!!!). I've bought so many books about baby sleep, including two that deal a lot with the family bed, and this one is special. I loved every bit, from the incredible scientific reasons (complete with citations!) that the family bed is so good to the great advice on how to get a sound sleep (it really works!). I enjoy the gentle approach to a cuddly night of sleep with your favorite little munchkin, and even appreciate the fact that the authors included a couple of pages devoted to a kinder "sleep training" method for desperate parents who were at wits' end and about to resort to harsh "cry it out" methods. I showed it to a friend who had started "Ezzoizing" her baby, and she tried it successfully, and the baby is still in bed with them and everyone is sleeping better! (The authors seemed to hate to include the method, but I think my friend is glad they did, and I know her baby is, given the alternative.)

The book has everything a family bedder needs. From ways to sleep safely with a baby at your side to funny retorts to critics to ways to wean a child from bed when the time comes, if you decide to help them with what the authors call a "nurturing nudge." (The authors also support letting the child decide when he or she is ready to move on.) This book has a moderate and very funny voice, nothing radically to the "left" of parenting, if you know what I mean. With this approach, it will help so many parents and babies, not just the ones who will nurse for five or six years. No preaching to the parishioners here!

If a parent still needs extra assurance about their decision to do the family bed, just read the last chapter which has dozens of quotes from kids (really, adults mostly) who shared the family bed when younger. What a great bunch of people! I hope my three turn out so well. (So far so good!)

I'm not used to being up at this ridiculous hour (3 o'clock in the morning) any more because my baby (five months old) is sleeping so well since we let him out of his crib and into bed. He sleeps so much better now. Before I was getting up five or six times a night to go to his crib and feed him and comfort him and get him back sleeping. Now that he's in our bed he still wakes up a little, but only maybe three times a night and he just kind of latches on to nurse and we both drift off to sleep. i don't have to feel like he's so scared and alone like he obviously seemed to feel in the crib in the other room.

This book is one I was proud to share with friends and my mother. It's full of science and safety tips and written with humor and compassion. This isn't one of those preachy books that makes you feel this is the only option but more like if you choose this veyr good option, here's how to make it work for you. My husband and I have even tried a few of the tips in the 'Love in the Laundry Room' chapter about keeping the sizzle in your sex life. I've got to say that it has made things mroe interesting, especially when my mom watches the baby and we go out on a date and go 'parking.' Who would have thought we'd be doing this at this age?

I highly recommend this to anyone who has a new baby and doesn't want to put them through a Ferberizing or any of those 'training' methods that inevitably ends up with the baby crying and crying and the parents maybe doing the same. Your baby grows up so fast and this is a nice way to spend time together. The book reassures us that our babies will end up being independent when they're older and that the family bed in and of itself does not create a cling monster. Judging by the older kids who I know shared their parents beds, this is right on the money.

Get this book!

Our baby was in bed with us for about eight months when I saw the author of this book on the CBS Early Show. I knew I had to have this book, as Kevin was a squirmy guy who awoke several times a night to nurse, and my husband was getting awakened by all the movement and we were concerned about safety, all that "worried parent" stuff. Plus the pediatrician Dr. Gordon seemed like such a gentle, dapper, nice man. I wish he could be our pediatrician!

Because of this book, we hauled out our futon and put it on our bed, and now when Kev squirms and wriggles, the whole bed doesn't bounce. And now he's nursing less frequently at night because of some other tips I followed in the book. The chapter on safety was a really big help. Because of all the negative press about the family bed there doesn't seem to be much in the way of solid safety tips out there but this book provided a chapter full and they were easy to do. We were doing most of them by nature anyway, but we easily changed our situation slightly and made it even safer. I wish pediatricians could have this chapter to give out to patients because they just seem to say 'don't do it' when you tell them baby is in bed. According to the book, 80 percent of parents bring their babies into their beds to sleep, at least for awhile. There was also that study that was in the news this week about how more parents than ever are doing this. It seems like with all these people sharing their beds with their babies there should be practical help about co-sleeping, with real safety help given by pediatricians, instead of just denial. I wish all pediatricians would read this book. It's enjoyable and fun to read, and doctors would like all the scientific footnotes at the back of the book. Non doctors shouldn't be scared off by the science, because as I said the book is super readable and fun. It's the best resource I've ever seen on the topic.

The only thing I wish there had been more of was the quotes from the 'graduates' of the family bed. They were so beautifully reassuring that these kids go on to become wonderfully adjusted and independent and happy later in life -- and they were straight from the horses mouth, which means so much.

....

Once again I gently suggested that she might want to try co-sleeping. Well it turns out she bought a copy of Good Nights, which I'd only heard about through the grape vine until then but recommended anyway from what I'd heard, and that night, she and her husband and daughter had the best night's sleep they'd ever had together. She was so happy. The change in her after two good nights of sleep was remarkable.

Of course, then I had to get a copy of this book, and it's nothing short of wonderful. My years of experience with the family bed (four kids, three have "graduated," as the authors of this book call it), have been sweet, warm, loving, fun, and fulfilling for my husband, myself, and our children. Sleeping in this way, as most humans have done since the beginning of humandom, has helped bring us closer as a family, and I truly think it gave our kids the start in life they needed to build the beautiful lives they each have.

With Good Nights, I finally have something I can show friends and new parents that says YES, you can have a good marriage and the family bed (how do they think we had time and desire to make all four kids? Thank goodness for the guest room bed!), NO, you don't have to choose between spouse and kids when you do the family bed, YES, you can get excellent sleep with the family bed, YES, there are solutions to problems that pop up, YES, there are ways to make the bed very safe, YES, there are ways to help children move into their own bed WELL before college. (In case any anti family bedders are reading, that's a joke. My kids all were in their room(s) before age 3 1/2. Before that they each moved to their own beds in our room.)

Babies don't need cry it out sleep training, as the book points out. In some other countries, making a baby cry it out alone in a crib is looked on as child abuse. The authors of Good Nights aren't adamant about the family bed being the only way, and they don't condemn people that really need sleep and resort to sleep training. But they make the best, most coherent, well-researched argument for the family bed I've ever seen. They've done their homework.

Dr. Gordon and Maria Goodavage get a big hug from my brood and me, and from the countless babies and families their super informative, entertaining, educational book will help in the future.