Customer Reviews

In Good Times and Bad: Strengthening Your Relationship When the Going Gets Tough and the Money Gets Tight (Wiley)

5 star:		(11)
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3 star:		(7)
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First I would like to say that I am a therapist and one of the # 1 reasons for divorce are money problems. This transcends all income levels. I loved how this book was really descriptive about how people's attitude about money affect their perception of how whether their partner is messing up with money. For example for some money means security or power or love etc. It really addresses the issue from a psychodynamic approach. If you buy one book, make it this one.

I have been known to be pessimistic and cynical at times. I do not believe in self-help books, and I cringe at the thought of medication as a panacea. But I am getting married soon, money is tight, and I wanted to take some preventative measures. So when I saw this book, I thought, this can't hurt.

Right away the book tells you its philosophy: Life is short, people need other people, and we need those other people to love us. Pretty simple, but surprising to imagine how that does not translate in real life. When couples have an issue it is important to tackle the issue right away with positivity and problem solving in mind. But most people do not do that. They let things go, until they fester into talks of divorce. This book explains how to recreate healthy dialogue to try and work through issues. So many messages were applicable to all people in many instance: creative energy is needed to solve problems and negative thoughts drain that from us; it is possible to quickly start turning things around with honesty and communication; love is vital to us and we need to express it in order to have it reciprocated, and part of that is truly knowing your partner. The book deals with children quite often, but also delves into holiday stress and spending, and other topics.

I know it may sound all too simple, but the book is constantly reminding us of how quick, positively fueled action can save us from illness and other catastrophes. So why can't it also save us from losing our relationships from finance problems.

The best part about this book is it does not give you a budget worksheet or plan for becoming fiscally sound. It realizes that most budgets just don't work and people are too individualized to have one sweeping plan suit all. Instead it gives you interesting questions to ask your partner in order to create a dialogue that will hopefully allow you to avoid problems from becoming relationship "enders." I really learned a lot, and think a lot of others can too, especially if you want to: recommended.

In Good Times and Bad: Strengthening Your Relationship When the Going Gets Tough and the Money Gets Tight by M Gary Neuman and Melisa Neuman. With our economy and the hard economic times we are all facing, comes a book which discusses how to strengthen your relationship when money is tight. The authors are M Gary Neuman and Melisa Neuman. The book provides relationship advice for couples who are having problems with finances and facing difficult times. The book has so many areas and chapters to help couples and as most of us know if your relationships lacks clear and honest communication, then this can be a great problem within any relationship. The authors inspire your to not to try to handle problems on our own but advise us to incorporate strategies and ways that couples can decide to communicate and work on their marriage and their relationships.

I really liked the exercise on page 41 that can quickly let you and your spouse see, what money represents to you. This will help to determine if the money constraints are the issue at hand and at the core of your marital problems or if it may be something different and you are blaming the problem on money.
The Neumans' provide several case studies of couples working through their financial and their family problems. Many people have a fear of money and have been paralyzed, allowing their relationship to deteriorate while allowing their finances to dwindle.

I really enjoyed this book, and while I would've preferred more financial topics discussed, I understand that that wasn't the authors intention in writing the book. I think this is a helpful book specifically for families trying to keep themselves together, while going through hard economic times. I believe the core message to be is the advice: don't attach each other, attach the problem at hand. I enjoyed the exercises and case studies that the book presented and it definitely made for a good conversation topic with my husband this weekend. Now my daughter has taken over the book to work on her and her husbands money problems in hopes to save their marriage. As she pointed out a newly wed couple with a new baby on the way and a 3 year old son is very hard when both of them are only lucky enough to have part time jobs. I told them they should be thankful they have a job in this economy, there are so many now that have no jobs and are losing their homes and everything else. Hopefully by discussing this book together they will find advise on how to deal with their difficulties and keep their marriage safe.
Do you think that this economy has added more stress to your marriage?
What have you been doing to stay on track with your family and your finances?

Money has long been the subject that sparks the most conflict between couples. Usually one is a saver while the other is a spender, or perhaps both parties are spenders, and they spend themselves into oblivion without consulting their partner. The title of this book " In Good Times and Bad: Strengthening Your Relationship When the Going Gets Tough and the Money Gets Tight" reminds us that all couples have financial struggles. With the current roller-coaster economy we're experiencing this book could not have been published at a better time, even couples who normally manage money well find themselves on shaky ground.

Money is a resource. As a couple it is assumed that each partner strives not only to meet his/her basic needs, but also meet the needs of his/her spouse. However, when money becomes a real issue people tend to revert to survival mode, feeling the only person they can look out for is themselves. The idea of a partnership may go out the window. M.Gary Neuman, with his wife Melissa, discuss how to find each other again (i.e.rekindle the love that originally brought you together) as a means to opening the floor for more difficult conversations. When two people feel disconnected they are not likely to operate well as a team. The Neumans show why it is necessary to first remember the powerful love that made you a couple. Building on this foundation makes the tough conversations that much easier.

The Neumans offer concrete tips for revitalizing one's relationship, managing money to where it doesn't manage you and your spouse, and how to talk about these things with your children, if applicable. One of the things Neuman stresses is many couples handle problems by avoiding them; in essence, not handling them. Money is too much of a need to treat this way. It also is not static. The less couples talk about it the more money takes over their lives,robbing them of any freedom they may have once enjoyed.

Practical and enjoyable in its delivery, "In Good Times and Bad..." seems more relevant today than ever.

Financial problems are one of the main causes of divorce and even when they don't lead to the dissolution of a marriage, they can still wreck havoc. This book discusses the problems that finances can cause, along with some advice on ways that a couple can weather the storm, get through the tough times, and grow stronger in the process.

Based on the title of this book, one would expect it to cover the topic of money and little else. In reality, this book contains more general relationship advice than money advice. Yes, there is certainly talk about money and why it is important to openly discuss things, stop blaming each other, learn ways to sacrifice, find ways to compromise, etc. But the bulk of this book centers on relationship management. In fact, one could easily remove the theme of money and replace it with something else and the book would still hold its own. The general advice can apply to most any type of crisis.

Relationship books and money guides are a dime a dozen, but one good quality about this book is its use of simple language. The authors could have resorted to using unknown words, psychological terms, etc., to make the book sound more intelligent and/or academic. However, they decided instead to write the book using basic language that anyone can understand and to which anyone can easily relate. This makes the book a good choice for those who don't want to hear a bunch of psychological jargon, but rather want some easy to understand advice on what to do when difficult times arise. The tone of the book is respectful and the authors seem genuine in their desire to help.

Another good quality of this book is its use of anecdotes. The book is loaded with them, with stories about couples from different backgrounds and with different types of problems. The stories demonstrate how a couple and/or family dealt with their crisis and emerged stronger than before. The anecdotes are helpful because they make it easier to relate and understand the book's core messages. The authors take this a step further by offering up some of their own stories, showing that they, too, have experienced difficulties and illustrating how their determination to stay together has paid off in more ways than one.

This is a good relationship book overall, and the book does offer some good advice about relationship building. The authors are genuine and sincere in their belief that couples can work through a financial crisis and improve their relationships when difficulties arise. The book is a little too warm and fuzzy for my tastes, but it certainly has a solid goal in mind: To help couples and families manage a difficult crisis and stay together through thick and thin. It's a nice book about relationship management written in a way that is simple and practical.

Gary Neuman, a rabbi/counselor, and his wife, Melisa, have written a surprisingly good, easy-to-read, straightforward guide that really is about how to strengthen your relationship when money gets tight. I was expecting something that focused much more on the money than on the relationship -- how to save here, how to cut back, how to set a budget, how a save spouse can deal deal with a spender spouse when things are tight. Instead, the focus really is on how to have open, honest conversations about all things, including money, and more specifically, our attitudes about money and the things we use it for. The book's primary message seems to be that most relationships go through challenging stages, and you don't want to let money challenges topple a relationship.

We all come to relationships with attitudes toward saving, spending, with certain ideas about what things are necessities and what things are luxuries, about how we like to spend our money. We all have ideas about how to spend money on our children -- should we give them lessons, focus on their education, take them on vacation, make sure they have the clothes they want -- each of us has different priorities. The Neumans don't offer an opinion on what's right and what's wrong -- whether any Ivy League education is worth the additional cost, whether working fewer hours at lower pay is a good option all depends -- but they do outline steps couples can take to open a dialogue on such subject. The focus is on open communication and remembering the love that underlies the relationship.

I was a little surprised by the Neumans' encouragement to have fun, stay connected, and to limit conversations about money and financial concerns. The book really is about preserving and improving the relationship despite any money issues that may arise rather than a guide to resolving the money issues.

Wow! My wife and I have really been struggling over the past couple of years especially during this financial crisis and our marriage has suffered tremendously. We bought a copy of "In Good Times and Bad" and were immediately inspired and motivated to not give up. The one week program really made sense for us and offered practical easy solutions. After just a short time, my wife and I feel we are back on track towards rebuilding a solid relationship and now we see hope again for a bright future. One of the things we never realized is the toll our situation was taking on our children. The book pointed out that keeping them in the dark only made things more scary for them. We are now communicating more effectively as a family and are more sensitive to our kids. Thank you Gary and Melisa! This book has helped to save our marriage and provide renewed hope to our family.

As the saying goes, "there's nothing new under the sun". Saying that isn't meant as a derogatory remark about this book but rather as a statement of fact. In my opinion the best advise, or self-help books are those that realize this truth and understand that their task is not to deliver a new revelation but to organize and present that which is already known in a clear, , understandable and user friendly manner.

Gary and Melisa Neuman, the authors of 'in good times & bad: Strengthening Your Relationship When the Going Gets Tough and the Money Gets Tight' have done just that and beautifully I might add. Using their own relationship and life experiences for passing on these valuable lessons in life I felt instantly connected to them, thereby making me open and receptive of what they had to share. I seldom enjoy books within this genre, but I found this one to be surprisingly refreshing. I actually found myself reading for enjoyment, not realizing I was actually learning something until the book was finished and put aside. Isn't that the way it should be?

Recent economic troubles have no doubt caused a lot of couples and families to take a good look at their finances (and perhaps their relationships as well). This book is targeted to that audience, but it would probably be useful to a lot of others who fail to recognize they need it.

While I have always been "good" with money, I've become a much better budget-er and communicator about financial issues since reading this book. Surviving the tough times will (hopefully) set up a brighter future when the economy eventually turns around (the "good times" referenced in the title...).

This book is definitely about the "relationship" and not the best how-to reference for making financial decisions. For that purpose, I have found Smart Couples Finish Rich: 9 Steps to Creating a Rich Future for You and Your Partner to be very useful. Used together, for a couple who is focused on a goal of a stronger financial relationship, they would be a good pair.

This book is full of great strategies for couples to use in talking about finances or anything else for that matter.