Customer Reviews

Goodbye, Dear Friend: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Pet

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Not surprisingly, I bought this book seeking comfort while mourning the loss of my 16-year friend and companion cat. I did not find it in this book. The book is not bad; but it is British. Grief is universal and recognizes no national boundaries. But the language in this book is just different enough to be distracting from the main point of the book. There are approximately two references to the USA in the book, and neither is terribly complimentary. The rest is expository on the greiving process interspersed with brief, anecdotal stories by others who have lost their pets. The exposition is superficial, and as previously stated, not terribly helpful or comforting. There are other, better books available on the subject. I would consider this a mediocre, average treatment of the subject. I would not recommend it as a first choice for greiving pet owners -- particularly in America.

A friend gave me this book shortly after I lost my beloved Tasha, a German Shepherd who brought endless joy into my life. Her own life was cut short by cancer, a month short of her 5th birthday.

There are all sorts of books available deal so seriously with grief and coming to grips with loss and bereavement. If that is what you need, then the other current review of this book is correct: this is not the book for you. If, on the other hand, what you need is for someone to hold you, rock you, and whisper silly "meaningless" things while you cry your grief out, then this book may be for you.

Virginia Ironside has been an "agony aunt" journalist for some time and has collected thousands of anecdotes on all sorts of topics. She's gone beyond collecting, though, to finding resources to share with people who have too much to cope with to look for them on their own. This is obviously a collection of those anecdotes as well as a resource of (yes, British) resources for dealing with the loss of a pet. The "messages" of this book have as much depth as a magazine or newspaper article can have. But there is much to be said about the value, the worth, of a soft touch as opposed to some serious, deep examination by some psychologist or doctor or self-proclaimed expert on coping with grief and death.

Nothing I could read would ever make the loss of my Tasha "make sense". But reading the anecdotes did more than make me feel that I wasn't alone -- after all, if misery loves company, what good is miserable company? No, these stories made me remember all the joy of the time I was blessed to share with my dog. Ironside organizes of these anecdotes into chapters based on the questions we all have, such as coping with the decision to put a pet "to sleep" or facing the inevitable, uncaring "it was only an animal" comment someone is bound to say. And Ironside's own prose weaves them together with common sense advice, which is often more helpful than what any expert can share.

The one chapter that helped me move beyond my loss was, appropriately, the last in the book. The message, from your pet's point of view, is basically this: "You shared so much love with me, but don't let it end with me. There are others out there that need your love -- find another and give to it the same love you gave to me." When the time was right, that sentiment gave me the will to look past my grief.

And by circumstance or serendipty, I find myself writing this review on the birthday of Leyna, my wonderful and true best friend, who today finishes her fifth year of bringing me joy and begins her sixth.

If you buy this book, I hope it brings you the solace I found in it.