Goodbye to Shy [Abridged, Audiobook, CD] [Audio CD]

Leil Lowndes (Author, Narrator)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 1, 2006

As a renowned speaker on interpersonal relationships, Leil Lowndes is most often asked about shyness and how to get over it. 'Goodbye to Shy' is her direct response, with 100 easy-to-follow techniques gleaned from clinical studies, research, and Lowndes' own experience. Her refreshingly practical system is filled with 'do it now' tips to help you deal with social situations, sweaty palms, voice control, and overall self-confidence.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Many of Lowndes's potential readers may "shy" away from her relentlessly perky, exclamatory tone and use of terms like Shys (for shy folks) and Sures (for extroverts). Which is too bad, because much of her advice is sensible and based on desensitization techniques, or graduated exposure, therapists use in treating shyness and social phobia. The book is a mixture of confessional by a formerly shy author (How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You) and no-nonsense guide. Lowndes cites scientific findings, such as that shy people feel continually judged by others at public events, which they remember as more negative than they were. Lowndes advises writing down one's immediate impressions after a social event. "If you later remember anything negative..., go back and check your notes. If that embarrassing or disappointing moment isn't in your notes, forget it. It didn't happen." She also offers useful advice, such as how to tolerate holding eye contact with strangers. Chapter titles like "How to Handle a Past Bummer" seem meant to appeal to younger readers, but the tone clashes with Lowndes's sometimes dated personal stories. Her great eureka–"I'm not shy anymore" moment takes place in the Playboy Club, where she dons bunny ears. (Aug.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

About the Author

Leil Lowndes is an internationally acclaimed communications consultant and speaker whose work as been praised by the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, and Time Magazine. She is the author of five books, including the best-selling 'How to Be a People Magnet,' 'How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You,' and 'Talking the Winner's Way,' as well as the award-winning audiocassette series 'Conversation Confidence.' Lowndes has spoken in every major city in the United States and has appeared on hundreds of radio and television shows.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Audio CD
• Publisher: Listen & Live Audio, Inc.; Abridged edition (August 1, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1593160836
• ISBN-13: 978-1593160838
• Product Dimensions: 6.2 x 5.5 x 0.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #729,702 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Everybody knows that authors write their own bios and comments! And most paint a rosy picture of their books. It's only natural. (Besides, their publishers would strangle them if they didn't.)

So my conscience lets me sleep at night I'm going to live dangerously and do something a little different. But don't tell my publisher! Because I want you to enjoy and get a lot out of any of my books that you choose, I'll give you my HONEST opinion of which ones are good, which are only OK, and which is lousy.

BTW, Meeting Planners, I don't want the photo to scare you away if you're looking for a speaker. I chose it because I always write in jeans, not the speech giving suit that's on my website. You'll find my speaker's bio there, www.lowndes.com

Back to books. IMHO, these first two books are fabulous and practically all readers will get a lot out of them.

HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE (92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships)
This book helps you become a confident and charismatic communicator in both social and business relationships. The techniques unique. You won't find them anywhere else, and they are easy to learn. Readers have sent me email from all over the world telling me how it has changed their lives. (BTW, "TALKING THE WINNER'S WAY," is the same book because it was the original title. So please don't make a mistake and buy both.

HOW TO INSTANTLY CONNECT WITH ANYONE (96 All-New Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships)
This book similar to HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE but with 96 more completely different techniques for creating and maintaining relationships. Please read the rave Amazon reviews to see how both books have helped others. Just like "How to Talk to Anyone," there is a shaded box at the end of each chapter summarizing the technique. (I like to call them "Little Tricks.")

UPDATING (How to Date Out of Your League)
Thus is a dumb superficial book which I wrote when I was going through a tough period in my life. Don't buy it. You'd be wasting your money.

HOW TO BE A PEOPLE MAGNET (Finding Friends and Keeping Them for Life)
This book is OK but readers over 25 may find this book a bit too basic. However it is helpful for younger readers because it covers some of the fundamental skills for making friends.

HOW TO MAKE ANYONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU (85 Scientifically Proven Ways)
If you're looking for love, this one is great. The title says it all! You won't find any touchie-feelie stuff here. Each of the unusual 85 techniques is based on solid research with the studies referenced in the appendix. Some are subtle. Some are outrageous. But the bottom line is, they all work - if you follow them correctly.

GOOD-BYE TO SHY (85 ShyBusters that Work!)
This fine book comes straight from heart. I wrote this one because I understand so well the nightmare that Shy people go through. I was painfully timid as a teen. In fact my "Social Anxiety Disorder" is what made me dedicate my life to helping others become better communicators. In this book, I give you 85 "ShyBusters," many of which cured my own shyness, and many based on the latest research. Hundreds of readers have written telling me that the book "cured" their shyness. And countless others who aren't shy have told me how the book boosted their confidence to greater levels.

HOW TO TALK TO ANYBODY ABOUT ANYTHING (Breaking the Ice with Everyone from Accountants to Zen Buddhists)
I feel bad because the title is completely misleading. It sounds like it's communicating "techniques" similar to those in "How to Talk to Anyone" and "Instantly Connect." No, the book is just opening questions to ask people in a 100 different jobs and hobbies to make you sound like an insider and get good conversations going. It's useful for, say, salespeople or dentists who want to establish rapport with a wide variety of clients. Because of the confusion, I've taken the book off my website. If you're looking for techniques to become a better communicator, read the first two books in this list instead.

UNDERCOVER SEX SIGNALS (A Pick-up Guide for Guys)
OK, dude, this one's for you. Do you know that 97.6% of men in the world don't pick up on a woman's signals? They can't tell if a woman likes them or not? Yet, to us females, it's so obvious! Since pictures are worth a thousand words, I had 4 of my girlfriends, 3 of them top models, demonstrate the expressions and moves for you. When you learn to recognize them, you'll never strike out again. Why? Because, even before you make the first move, you'll know whether she likes you or not. Women, since men are so clueless, you can learn a lot from this book too. Just exaggerate each signal in the photos 10 times and guys MAY pick up on it!)

Most of my books are available in audio and for Kindle. If you're an audio-holic as I am, you'll find a complete list at my audio-publisher's website: http://www.listenandlive.com//advanced_search_result.php?osCsid=290102be0555c1bf04873a9b09e86388&keywords=Leil+Lowndes

Three short e-books just came out which are excerpts from "How to Talk to Anyone" and "How to Instantly Connect With Anyone."
If you have those two books, don't get:
BE CONFIDENT AND CHARISMATIC,
LOOK LIKE A SUCCESS, or
WIN ANYONE OVER
They are pretty much the same material.

Forgive me if I sound schmaltzy now. But I truly care about my readers and want you to buy only the books which are right for you. I'm grateful that you read them and am so happy when you write to tell me how they've helped your life. You can ask me questions and read my blog on my website, www.lowndes.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

115 of 121 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Save Your Money, March 26, 2011

By 

StarLight (NYC) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work! (Paperback)

Honestly, I bought this book expecting something completely different. I like to read reviews before I purchase anything, especially books, and I felt confident buying this one. I honestly cannot believe that people think this is one of the best books or by any means, life-changing. I enjoy reading self-help books and I've read quite a few, and this is honestly one of the worst one's that I've read. I am not insulting Leil Lowndes with this review- I think her writing style makes it an easy read and she adds humor here and there. This particular book is 250 pages and it took me about 2 days to read, from start to finish. The problem with this book is the content. "85 Shybusters that work"... Uh no, not so much. Most of these are very common-sense ways to stop being shy (e.g. smile and listen to others). I will outline the book in this review and if you feel like you need to know more, you can buy it, but consider looking through amazon for other books on the topic as well.

- "Should I tell people I'm Shy?" - I'll save you reading 5 pgs... NO, don't tell people you're shy. Period.
- "How to battle the Blushing, Sweating, and other Shy Signs" - This section was the one I was looking forward most to reading about, and I was utterly disappointed at the content. Basically, Lowndes gives no actual imput on how to battle these shy signs. Rather, she says to "jokingly warn" people about these signs and to laugh about it. Ugh. Well I could have thought of that- Oh wait, I did; And it doesn't make me feel any better when giving a presentation and I look like a lobster.
- "Avoid Toxic People" - I don't think this deserves a chapter but it is an important concept. Basically, don't try to be friends with cocky, obnoxious people, who you know don't really want to be friends with you- It will only make you feel worse in the end.
- Smile and Make a Good first impression - I like this idea and it is something I have often been doing anyway, to some extent. People generally remember their first impressions of you, so try to make it a non-shy one. Say hello enthusiastically and smile. People will remember and not automatically think "shy" when they think of you.
- "Demented Duck Exercise" - This is just another spin on the whole "sing & dance in your room while no-one is watching" to make yourself feel more comfortable going out into the world- Except this is something I would really not do.
- "Gradual Exposure Therapy" - I think this is an important topic that is covered in this book. Basically, the more you expose yourself to situations to help yourself be less shy, the more comfortable you are with similar situations, and gradually you will become less shy. This is the single MOST important part of defeating shyness. This is a very active process and it takes time. This is an actual psychological term; It is not uniquely available in this book. Basically, if you want to know more about this, google it and find more resources about it. It is important to overcoming shyness- and you do this all the time without really knowing there is a term for it. It is essentially you living your life, and every time you take a step to fighting shyness (whether it be talking to someone new or giving a speech) you are going through this "therapy," and briefly exposing yourself to not being shy.
- Work on making eye contact. - Simple enough. Practice makes perfect. So practice often on people you know as well as strangers.
- Call people by name. - This is good advice that is very common in self-help books. People like hearing their own name. So try to say people's names and practice saying it correctly. Just don't overdo it.
- "Sound dazzled over the dumbest things" - I don't know how I feel about this. I suppose it is good advice for very shy people looking to draw attention away from themselves. This way, you sound dazzled- and the other person continues just talking about this dumb thing.
- "Interview with Companies you don't want" - If you have the spare time, practice interviews can help you with the anxiety of an interview with the company you want. And yes, many companies tend to ask the same questions, so look on the web for some of these popular questions and develop your answers ahead of time to prevent hesitation and anxiety during these interviews.
- Find People you Share interests with - This involves thinking about what you enjoy and finding organizations/clubs of people who enjoy the same things.
- Arrive at a party early - This is good advice if you don't know anyone there and you want to meet a few people before all the pressure of a large crowd appears. I couldn't help but notice that this would also apply to other situations- such as school- I know I am often early to my classes (in college) and I make small talk with people before the class begins and I think it helps to make some friends or acquaintances from your classes as well.
- Take acting classes - I havn't actually done this, nor do I plan to, but I can see how this can drastically help people come out of their shell and be more outgoing. If you act a certain way long enough, you become that way. This especially applies to being outgoing and speaking loud.

Alright. There are some other points that other people may have found more useful in their battle against shyness that I havn't mentioned. But overall, I outlined the ones that I thought were important or unimportant. Also I found that this book has a lot of repetition of ideas; this may have been intentional but I am not sure. One of the things I liked was that Lowdnes mentions not to use alcohol as a crutch as many shy people do. The reality is that shy people are more prone to substance abuse than the more confident people and it is really a shame. I know from experience that alcohol does make me feel much more confident and certainly not SHY... But it will NOT make your shyness go away long-term and it is more important to face your shyness head-on and make a real change in your mindset.

Also, before you buy, know that this book is targeted towards very shy people. Shy to the point of needing advice on how to ask for directions, order food for yourself, or make a phone call. If you are this shy, the main advice you will get here is to push yourself to do everything you are afraid to do, while trying not to seem shy... It gets easier over time.

I don't review every book that I read, but I wanted to review this one because I feel like it is not deserving of the many 5 star reviews that it has. If you often buy books that are rated 5 stars, you probably know a 5 star book and you may be disappointed, just as I was. Good Luck.

26 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Life-Changing Experience!, June 23, 2009

By 

Julia W. "Julia W." (Branford, CT) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work! (Paperback)

I was recently laid off from work and in the spirit of "reinvention", decided to open up my own small business. As I began to develop my business plan, I realized my success as an entrepreneur will not be a result of what I know, but rather, of who I know. Analytical and introverted by nature, my comfort zone is working at my computer, and certainly not networking and socializing. And do I decided to spend some time developing my social skills, and went in search of some helpful reading.

When I came across "Goodbye to Shy", I was skeptical at first to say the least, expecting that a lifetime of shyness could not be "cured" through reading a self-help book. But through the candid wisdom of her writing, Liel Lowndes has quite literally changed my life forever. I began to realize that while some people ("Sures") seem to be naturally blessed with the confidence to interact with other human beings with ease, those of us who are not that fortunate can LEARN to adopt new habits. We can actually and mindfully develop new habits that will enrich our relationships with others and subsequently, enrich every aspect of our lives.

For example, as a mother of three, it comes quite naturally for me to turn my body completely toward my child tugging on my hem, bend down so that she can see me at eye level, and give her my complete and undivided attention. Liel explains that adults are not unlike children, and although I may feel uncomfortable, turning my body toward the person speaking to me, focusing my eyes upon them and giving them my undivided attention makes the other person feel at ease and attended to, which will leave a lasting impression.

Eager for more, I followed "Goodbye to Shy" with "How to Talk to Anybody", which took the foundations for human interaction that I learned in "Goodbye to Shy" to the next level.

Now, I actually look forward to the next social event, or business lunch, or networking event, or seminar, or coffee break, with confidence and excitement. I have learned that even the most prominent and well-respected professionals in my industry are approachable human beings - who share hundreds of commonalities with me that make us all human. I learned that you would be surprised how many other established, well-spoken and confident professionals share my trepidation in a social setting.

I am eagerly looking forward to the release of Liel's new book, "How to Instantly Connect with Anyone". Liel, again, you have changed my life forever, and I can't thank you enough for your selfless effort to share your wisdom with countless others. I wish you all the success as a writer that you could have ever hoped for.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Helpful, Recommended, August 23, 2010

By 

Kate London "Kat" (Terre Haute, IN USA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work! (Paperback)

I have suffered with shyness for as long as I can remember. I have always worried about what other people think of me, and I know for a fact that I have allowed many wonderful opportunities pass me by because of my shyness. Please, if you want to turn things around, read this book. I have read so many books, and this one contained all of the answere and reassurance I have needed.