264 of 271 people found the following review helpful
on March 26, 2011
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Honestly, I bought this book expecting something completely different. I like to read reviews before I purchase anything, especially books, and I felt confident buying this one. I honestly cannot believe that people think this is one of the best books or by any means, life-changing. I enjoy reading self-help books and I've read quite a few, and this is honestly one of the worst one's that I've read. I am not insulting Leil Lowndes with this review- I think her writing style makes it an easy read and she adds humor here and there. This particular book is 250 pages and it took me about 2 days to read, from start to finish. The problem with this book is the content. "85 Shybusters that work"... Uh no, not so much. Most of these are very common-sense ways to stop being shy (e.g. smile and listen to others). I will outline the book in this review and if you feel like you need to know more, you can buy it, but consider looking through amazon for other books on the topic as well.
- "Should I tell people I'm Shy?" - I'll save you reading 5 pgs... NO, don't tell people you're shy. Period.
- "How to battle the Blushing, Sweating, and other Shy Signs" - This section was the one I was looking forward most to reading about, and I was utterly disappointed at the content. Basically, Lowndes gives no actual imput on how to battle these shy signs. Rather, she says to "jokingly warn" people about these signs and to laugh about it. Ugh. Well I could have thought of that- Oh wait, I did; And it doesn't make me feel any better when giving a presentation and I look like a lobster.
- "Avoid Toxic People" - I don't think this deserves a chapter but it is an important concept. Basically, don't try to be friends with cocky, obnoxious people, who you know don't really want to be friends with you- It will only make you feel worse in the end.
- Smile and Make a Good first impression - I like this idea and it is something I have often been doing anyway, to some extent. People generally remember their first impressions of you, so try to make it a non-shy one. Say hello enthusiastically and smile. People will remember and not automatically think "shy" when they think of you.
- "Demented Duck Exercise" - This is just another spin on the whole "sing & dance in your room while no-one is watching" to make yourself feel more comfortable going out into the world- Except this is something I would really not do.
- "Gradual Exposure Therapy" - I think this is an important topic that is covered in this book. Basically, the more you expose yourself to situations to help yourself be less shy, the more comfortable you are with similar situations, and gradually you will become less shy. This is the single MOST important part of defeating shyness. This is a very active process and it takes time. This is an actual psychological term; It is not uniquely available in this book. Basically, if you want to know more about this, google it and find more resources about it. It is important to overcoming shyness- and you do this all the time without really knowing there is a term for it. It is essentially you living your life, and every time you take a step to fighting shyness (whether it be talking to someone new or giving a speech) you are going through this "therapy," and briefly exposing yourself to not being shy.
- Work on making eye contact. - Simple enough. Practice makes perfect. So practice often on people you know as well as strangers.
- Call people by name. - This is good advice that is very common in self-help books. People like hearing their own name. So try to say people's names and practice saying it correctly. Just don't overdo it.
- "Sound dazzled over the dumbest things" - I don't know how I feel about this. I suppose it is good advice for very shy people looking to draw attention away from themselves. This way, you sound dazzled- and the other person continues just talking about this dumb thing.
- "Interview with Companies you don't want" - If you have the spare time, practice interviews can help you with the anxiety of an interview with the company you want. And yes, many companies tend to ask the same questions, so look on the web for some of these popular questions and develop your answers ahead of time to prevent hesitation and anxiety during these interviews.
- Find People you Share interests with - This involves thinking about what you enjoy and finding organizations/clubs of people who enjoy the same things.
- Arrive at a party early - This is good advice if you don't know anyone there and you want to meet a few people before all the pressure of a large crowd appears. I couldn't help but notice that this would also apply to other situations- such as school- I know I am often early to my classes (in college) and I make small talk with people before the class begins and I think it helps to make some friends or acquaintances from your classes as well.
- Take acting classes - I havn't actually done this, nor do I plan to, but I can see how this can drastically help people come out of their shell and be more outgoing. If you act a certain way long enough, you become that way. This especially applies to being outgoing and speaking loud.
Alright. There are some other points that other people may have found more useful in their battle against shyness that I havn't mentioned. But overall, I outlined the ones that I thought were important or unimportant. Also I found that this book has a lot of repetition of ideas; this may have been intentional but I am not sure. One of the things I liked was that Lowdnes mentions not to use alcohol as a crutch as many shy people do. The reality is that shy people are more prone to substance abuse than the more confident people and it is really a shame. I know from experience that alcohol does make me feel much more confident and certainly not SHY... But it will NOT make your shyness go away long-term and it is more important to face your shyness head-on and make a real change in your mindset.
Also, before you buy, know that this book is targeted towards very shy people. Shy to the point of needing advice on how to ask for directions, order food for yourself, or make a phone call. If you are this shy, the main advice you will get here is to push yourself to do everything you are afraid to do, while trying not to seem shy... It gets easier over time.
I don't review every book that I read, but I wanted to review this one because I feel like it is not deserving of the many 5 star reviews that it has. If you often buy books that are rated 5 stars, you probably know a 5 star book and you may be disappointed, just as I was. Good Luck.
38 of 44 people found the following review helpful
on June 23, 2009
I was recently laid off from work and in the spirit of "reinvention", decided to open up my own small business. As I began to develop my business plan, I realized my success as an entrepreneur will not be a result of what I know, but rather, of who I know. Analytical and introverted by nature, my comfort zone is working at my computer, and certainly not networking and socializing. And do I decided to spend some time developing my social skills, and went in search of some helpful reading.
When I came across "Goodbye to Shy", I was skeptical at first to say the least, expecting that a lifetime of shyness could not be "cured" through reading a self-help book. But through the candid wisdom of her writing, Liel Lowndes has quite literally changed my life forever. I began to realize that while some people ("Sures") seem to be naturally blessed with the confidence to interact with other human beings with ease, those of us who are not that fortunate can LEARN to adopt new habits. We can actually and mindfully develop new habits that will enrich our relationships with others and subsequently, enrich every aspect of our lives.
For example, as a mother of three, it comes quite naturally for me to turn my body completely toward my child tugging on my hem, bend down so that she can see me at eye level, and give her my complete and undivided attention. Liel explains that adults are not unlike children, and although I may feel uncomfortable, turning my body toward the person speaking to me, focusing my eyes upon them and giving them my undivided attention makes the other person feel at ease and attended to, which will leave a lasting impression.
Eager for more, I followed "Goodbye to Shy" with "How to Talk to Anybody", which took the foundations for human interaction that I learned in "Goodbye to Shy" to the next level.
Now, I actually look forward to the next social event, or business lunch, or networking event, or seminar, or coffee break, with confidence and excitement. I have learned that even the most prominent and well-respected professionals in my industry are approachable human beings - who share hundreds of commonalities with me that make us all human. I learned that you would be surprised how many other established, well-spoken and confident professionals share my trepidation in a social setting.
I am eagerly looking forward to the release of Liel's new book, "How to Instantly Connect with Anyone". Liel, again, you have changed my life forever, and I can't thank you enough for your selfless effort to share your wisdom with countless others. I wish you all the success as a writer that you could have ever hoped for.
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
on August 23, 2010
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
I have suffered with shyness for as long as I can remember. I have always worried about what other people think of me, and I know for a fact that I have allowed many wonderful opportunities pass me by because of my shyness. Please, if you want to turn things around, read this book. I have read so many books, and this one contained all of the answere and reassurance I have needed.
14 of 17 people found the following review helpful
on September 11, 2010
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
The book felt like it was written at a 5th or 6th grade level, refers to people as "shy's" and "sure's" much to my annoyance. Plenty of the 85 tips are interrelated, impractical, or obvious. She expands on ideas with personal anecdotes, slowly introducing herself and how she because extroverted. I guess is supposed to be inspiring, but if she was able to make money as a model at some point, I doubt she lacked the approachability of more "normal" looking people. Her book can be distilled into only 2 or 3 core concepts, none of them felt new. I wouldn't recommend this book if you are able to order a coffee. Her work seems to be backed up by research supported in the superscripts, but it really does not add anything to the book other than a sense of "told ya so!". The section on dating is especially horrific, I cannot recommend this book.
17 of 23 people found the following review helpful
on January 15, 2007
Having bought some of the other books that help the shy person overcome their shyness this book is the best and most informative one I have read so far. This book provides 85 different steps for the shy person to overcome whatever is holding them back. For example, if you are like me always thinking about what to say next in a conversation, especially with the opposite sex, there is step in the book that will help you keep the conversation going instead of the dreaded ackward silences when you run out of conversational steam. The other books will just say to make a comment about your shared surrounding without telling you how or what to say. This book will give you a basis to keep the conversational flow going.
Even if you don't do all 85 steps there is bound to be a couple of steps that you can use and follow which is already better than before. Ever feel uncomfortable looking at the cosmetic clerks in the eye when you are walking through the cosmetic section, well, after this book I am more confident looking into their eyes instead of looking at the floor while walking past the attractive cosmetic clerks.
10 of 13 people found the following review helpful
on October 29, 2007
Format: Audio CDVerified Purchase
I bought "Goodbye to Shy' audiobook and listened in my car while driving. Listening to her was like being with a really nice friend who understands you and doesn't judge you and is always ready to laugh with you, not AT you and is the best at giving great advice. I wish I could give her a hug!
She opened my eyes on a lot of things. e.g. I've heard before that people considered me conceited for avoiding them, and I was just shy...I had no idea they did not understand it. Now I do know that shy people are often mistaken for snobs. I am more outgoing now that I listened to Leil Lowndes' "Goodbye to Shy". I wish I had this book years ago.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on March 13, 2010
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
I started reading this book and started using several of the shy busters after seeing the theory behind them presented in the book. I noticed small changes in my life right away which seem to lead into meeting more people.
*Note: As a man, I tried the shybusters on men and women, and had better responses with women, although it worked on both genders, there was a more significant impact with women. The book is written in kind words, logically presented and seems to be what I was looking for when purchasing it.
52 of 75 people found the following review helpful
on July 27, 2006
The MAIN reason I love this book is because it's helping me say "goodbye" to my shyness.
Acutally I like it for more than just that because it helps me know where my shyness came from and, depending on that, what kind of results I can expect. There are 3 types of shy people. There are genetically "Highly Sensitive Shys who are "born shy;" 2) Situational Shys whose general early experiences affected them; and 3) "Traumatic Experience Shys". I am the middle one because my mother overprotected me when I was a kid -- big time. She never pushed me to do things for myself
I also like it because it gave me ways to deal with people BEFORE gaining the confidence I craved so much. Leil Lowndes also gave me ways to control the physical symptoms of my shyness. For example, if your hands sweat like mine always do, she suggests putting a little anti-perspirant on your palms and then dusting them with powder. I tried it and it works. "Just don't tell anybody," she warns.
The book has sections on how to deal with dating, meeting people, being comfortable in casual conversation, going to parties, getting a job. For the last one, she suggests getting interviews with several interviews with companies you DON'T want to work for first as practice. Then, "go for the gold," the company you want. There is a similar suggestion for dating!
And I like this book because the author was shy and beat the habit. it is filled with hilarious stories of her own shyness experiences. One time, walking along the street, she saw a male colleague coming her way. To avoid having to make small talk with him, she ducked into the nearest store to hide out. But he saw her and followed her in. It turned out to be an establishment which sold triple-X adult sex toys. I would have died.
The book also tells how parents can help cure their kid's shyness. I only wish my Mother had the book when I was growing up!
17 of 24 people found the following review helpful
on July 27, 2006
I've read TONS of books to try to get over my shyness and they're either too academic (i.e. impossible to read,) or too full of fluff. "Good-Bye to Shy" is the only book so far that is working for me. I've only done about half of the techniques which the author calls ShyBusters and already I feel more comfortable around people -- especially attractive people of the opposite sex. Each ShyBuster I accomplosh makes me feel better and I am ready to move on to the next.
Liel understands what we go through and what works because she struggled many years with painful shyness herself.
I highly recommend it. Thank-you Liel. It really works.
37 of 54 people found the following review helpful
on November 27, 2006
The phychologist I see for depression asked me to read this book, though people who know me would say I am NOT shy. The first part of the book explains how shys (in my case, people with depression) look at the world differently than sures. For me, this was the best part of the book and gave me real insight into how my view of life creates, nurtures, and reflects my depression. At the end of each section, Leil gives practical tips, or excersises, on how to change shys' distorted outlooks. As the book goes on, it eases away from its clinical insights and moves more towards the practical. And the practical offers tips that I think would help most people regardless of how shy they are. (Chances are good that most people have some shyness in them based on how Leil defines "shy.") Also, this book is very readable.