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92 of 92 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent Reading for Any Parent, September 23, 2009
This review is from: Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting (Paperback)
According to George Barna, there have been approximately 75,000 books on parenting published in the past decade. I sometimes feel like I have read all of them. It strikes me, though, that publishers must feel the same way and that, hopefully, they think hard before releasing yet another book into such a crowded marketplace. I at least wanted to give the benefit of the doubt to P&R with the release of William Farley's Gospel-Powered Parenting. And I'm very glad that I did.
The purpose of the book, as you might gather from the title, is to focus on the gospel as the most important power in parenting. It is not the parents--their efforts, prayers, hopes, dreams--that ultimately ought to shape parenting. Instead, it is the gospel of Jesus Christ. This is the power that needs to be at the center of all we are, all we do, as parents. And this is exactly what Farley teaches through the 230 pages of Gospel-Powered Parenting--he shows how to apply the gospel to every aspect of parenting and, further, how the gospel is really foundational in all that we do as parents. We cannot effectively teach or discipline or care for our children if we ignore the gospel. This is the message of the book and it is one we, as Christian parents, do well to ponder and to heed.
Along the way there are a few things that Farley does particularly well and I'd like to draw attention to a few of these unique emphases. First, he focuses on the vitality of marriage as an absolute key to good parenting. One of the best things we can do as parents is to love one another and build a strong, healthy marriage. Where many marriages suffer as mom and dad increasingly give themselves over to the needs (or perceived needs) of their children, Christian parents must remain first and foremost committed to one another. Says Farley, "Marriage-centered, not child-centered, moms usually exert the greatest influence on their children for Christ and his kingdom. This means that your weekends away with your husband, alone, might influence your children more than all your teaching and disciplining combined. Your children are watching, and it gives them great joy and security to see their parents loving each other."
Second, Farley pushes back hard against the growing seed of Christian isolationism that advocates removing our children from the world as the sure means of protecting them from the world. Instead, he teaches that a good offense is the best defense. "A defensive mind-set worries about the evil influence of Halloween, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or non-Christians on the Little League team. Although parenting always involves some protection, this should not be the main focus for biblical parents. Often this defensive mentality is the fruit of legalism. The legalistic parent usually assumes that his or her children are born again. But this parent has little confidence in the power of the new birth. Therefore, parenting is all about protecting children from evil outside influence." Later he writes, "This book will assume that effective parents equip their children to overcome the world--not by changing and controlling their environment (things external to their children), but by going after their children's hearts." This is a very important message and one I have rarely seen in other parenting books.
And third, he is relentless in pursuing fathers, teaching that it is the father who is primarily responsible for parenting children. It is the father to whom Scripture addresses all instruction in regard to raising children and it is the father to whom almost all books on child-rearing were addressed until recent times. It is the father who bears the heaviest burden of responsibility. Of course mom is intimately involved in each aspect of raising godly children, but it is dad who is ultimately responsible. And again, this is a message rarely taught today.
These three messages, and others like them, set this book apart. I wondered, as I closed the cover, "could this be the best book I've ever read on parenting?" Perhaps it is not in an entirely objective sense, but what I do know is that it told me exactly what I needed to hear at this moment and did so more than any other parenting book I've read. It had just the right combination of affirmation (your struggles are universal struggles, your joys are universal joys) and exhortation to both encourage and challenge me in all the right ways. I highly recommend it to any and every parent.
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54 of 63 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Yes, but....., January 21, 2010
This review is from: Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting (Paperback)
Parenting is hard. It is a mixture of joy, laughter, tears, sadness, disappointment (with self and with your children), struggles, rewards, satisfaction, fear, worry, contentment, thanksgiving and a hundred other adjectives.
Parenting books and especially Christian parenting books are plentiful - all with advice, plans, schedules and more advice on how to parent `successfully'.
This is an interesting addition to the `Parenting' library.
Farley's main point is that there is little direct biblical instruction on parenting. And the reason for this is that the Gospel is (or at least should be) the tutorial that informs our parenting.
Farley begins with five assumptions which parents must hold - and then he unpacks these five assumptions throughout the book. The five are:
1. effective Christian parents assume that parenting will not be easy but that rewards will ultimately make it worth while
2. effective Christian parents are willing to hold God's sovereignty and their responsibility in tension
3. effective Christian parents assume an offensive mindset. They pursue their child's heart - they do everything possible to make the gospel attractive. The gospel is the focus and goal for the parent NOT protecting their children from worldly influence
4. effective Christian parents are shrewd about new birth. They do not assume it. They understand the nature of new birth and they carefully look for its symptoms.
5. Effective Christian parents labor to focus their families on God not their children.
There is much in this book which is not politically correct in our society today. For example he advocates the use of corporal discipline (spanking). And, he says, a spanking SHOULD hurt the child. However, once the child is spanked, you should hold them. Much of modern society and many in the Christian church would disagree with that.
Also, I found the chapter on `Gospel Fathers', which expresses his view of headship, unbalanced. I do not think he portrayed a biblical or balanced view on headship and that was frustrating. In fact, the way he wrote the chapter suggested to me he really does not understand biblical headship. Rather than coming across as someone who advocates Biblical headship (which I advocate) he simply came across as a male chauvinist. Biblical headship has two sides of the coin - a wife IS to submit to her husband - but the husband is to love his wife AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. Farley never mentions this side of headship in the book - the dying of the husband for his wife - he only mentions the wife submitting to the husband and when you present only ONE side of biblical headship it comes across as male domination.
Farley's main premise; that the Gospel should shape and be at the center of our parenting is of course right. Not necessarily because it is THE right parenting model - but because as Christians the Gospel SHOULD shape EVERY aspect of our lives. So on one level this book should be redundant. Of course we should be parenting from a foundation of the gospel. The fact that there is a need for this book shows just how far the gospel can be from being the center of everything we do. The next book could be "Gospel Powered Employee", then the "Gospel Powered Employer" or "Gospel Powered School Teacher" etc.
Another thing this book (and other parenting books) do not develop (although I guess its partially covered under #2 of his assumptions) is what happens when you follow ALL of this and still your child does not respond. The mantra is too often "My child was rebellious but now they are a perfect son / daughter." Perhaps we need a book which is written by a godly parent who parented in a gospel powered fashion, and it did not work - that the child rebelled and continued to rebel. For the danger of these type of books is they can subconsciously suggest that if you follow this path your child WILL be fine. Sometimes children are not fine. And many a good parent loses their child to a life of rebellion through no fault of the parent, but because we are steeped in sin and sometimes people do not respond to the gospel. And that is hard.
Having said all that - I would still encourage parents to read this book. There is much to be gleaned from its pages.
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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
This Needs to be Read by Christian Parents, November 17, 2009
This review is from: Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting (Paperback)
Bill Farley has done the church a great service by writing "Gospel-Powered Parenting." He comes at the topic of parenting with a very solid biblical foundation and the wisdom of a thoughtful parent who has raised 5 children. For example, Farley asks the question--have you ever noticed that there are very few instructions in the NT regarding parenting? The reason for this, as he convincingly explains, is that although we as parents want techniques and tips, the reality is that the truths and promises of the gospel are what we really need in parenting our children. He writes about the necessity of new birth, the fear of God, discipline and the great need for parents to understand the character of God in His holiness and grace--and he does this in a fresh and interesting way.
I also appreciate and am extremely challenged by his emphasis on fathers. Think about children who grow up in Christian homes. Many of them live sort of nominal church lives, not too hot or cold, mostly lukewarm. Others leave the faith entirely and spend the rest of their days in rebellion against the Lord. Still other children raised in Christian homes grow into strong believers who are passionate about Jesus and live out their lives in godliness and wisdom. Understanding that God is absolutely sovereign, it's still necessary that we as parents ask: why is this? Farley's observation, and mine as well, is that the deciding factor is not education--public, private, or home-school. Instead, Farley writes, "The common denominator between success and failure seems to be the spiritual depth and sincerity of the parents, especially the spiritual depth and sincerity of the father." Parents, especially fathers, I strongly encourage you to read this book and think deeply about the gospel truths therein.
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