Customer Reviews

Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide for Goths and Those Who Love Them

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While it may be aimed at Goths and those that love- or just want to understand- them, this book is a true show of why good manners are a good thing for EVERYONE. As a delighted reader of the GCS columns and a "Goth Friendly" person, I appreciate the humor and wonderful common sense (not so common anymore, really) advice Jillian has to offer. This book is a humorous and informative read!

Jillian Venters' Gothic Charm School website has for some time been offering advice, hints and tips on etiquette and lifestyle to her fellow Goths and those close to them. Always insightful, witty, and down-to-earth, she treats her correspondents with obvious respect and a healthy dose of affectionate humor.

The same respectful yet witty tone is liberally larded in this, her first volume distilling the essentials of the most common themes and topics in her advice columns. Though primarily aimed at the Dark and Spooky Crowd, most of what she presents here about dealing with a world that looks askance at those who are different will be taken to heart by anyone who is to either side of the mainstream, and her advice on manners is as applicable to snide cheerleaders as it is to gossipy Goths.

Pete Venters' droll, spot-on illustrations (in black and white, of course!) are a perfect accompaniment to the text and worth appreciating in their own right.

All in all, a very fine read, indeed.

This book is a first class guide to goth culture AND to every day etiquette. Perfect for babybats, Kindergoth, Eldergoth, and parents of well, basically any child that is strange and unusual. Jillian is humorous, thoughtful, witty, and perfect to present this essential guide. Everyone should buy this!

"Nice costume! Halloween is over, freak!" How should a black-clad denizen respond? "The Lady of the Manners" explains Goths to the rest of us-- and "mundanes" to Goths. Once you wear black, should you ever talk back? Can Goths age gracefully, under umbrellas and sunscreen? How do you get makeup stains off the sink? What one-liners have Goths heard far too many times from the likes of gawkers like you?

Expanding her Gothic-Charm-[...] "gothy advice column," Venters in this spirited primer encourages: "Good manners for Goths, why you shouldn't dress like the Crow, or how, if you're going to wear whiteface, you should make sure you apply it on your damn ears and neck." (5) She emphasizes how "Goth is a subculture and (for some) a way of life, not an emotional template." (19)

This underlies her whole approach. She denies any "secret Goth cabal." She patiently relates the historical background, pop cultural contexts, snarkiness and cattiness, gossip, accoutrements, sartorial fripperies, sounds, and sights that Goths gravitate towards. She explores her subculture wittily.

She advises how Goths should act among themselves, online, at jobs, and in public. "You chose to dress that way, which means you don't get to complain about the attention your appearance garners." (186) Politeness rules, which appears to be a tricky point among an assemblage so devoted to gatekeeping, backstabbing, and mopes. A sub-heading is telling: "Why no one has an 'original' Goth look, so get over yourselves already." (199)

Her later chapters address her cohort, with plenty of detail on couture, cosmetics, and wardrobe-- not costume. Aware of how rumors about doom, depression, death, and decadence dog her trenchcoated, booted peers, she also reminds "Snarklings" that the way Goths respond to both taunts and inquiries represents for "norms" the way that those leaning towards the dark side will be perceived. "The Goths who express themselves through their wardrobe aren't doing it to draw attention to themselves; they're applying their preferred aesthetic and bringing the world around them closer to what they want it to be." (45)

Speaking from decades of experience, she relates to worried parents, co-workers, friends, and possibly romantic partners (I wondered if Goths ever date exogamously?) how to behave around crushed velvet and heavily mascaraed companions. She admits her own predilection to dress everyday as if the evil twin of Mary Poppins. But she warns neophytes: "Think long and hard whether you have the physique to wear the costume; it is a sad, harsh fact that nothing becomes an object of ridicule faster than a heavier-set person dressed up as a character previously portrayed by Brandon Lee." (98)

Taking on a persona that one must dress the part for takes courage. Yet this also leads one into conformity. Venters directs her Goth audience towards lightening up. She twists what people inside and outside her charmed circle expect. "Not only does the Lady of the Manners now derive quite a bit of amusement from her over-the-top moments of gothness, but she tries to hone and refine the more clichéd aspects of herself in order to make them the more perfect examples of those clichés." (113)

This reminded me of Poly Styrene of X-Ray Spex keening, so early in the punk movement that paralleled my own coming of age, "I Am a Cliché." Commodification with Hot Topic (and Emily's Strange, strangely unmentioned) signals "mainstream acceptance" rather than prolonged denigration. Venters navigates deftly between the two perils of giving in to what the subculture pressures a "Goth cabal" (or should it be "cabbalist"?) initiate to imitate-- and the stronger current that pulls one outside into making a living. She spends considerable time on socializing, rumor-peddling, and gossip, as these, reinforced by clubbing and costume balls, strengthen the subcultural bonds Goths, as with any such group (say, sports fans) thrive among.

Paul Hodkinson's "Goth: Identity, Style, and Subculture" (2002) studies this phenomenon as a participant-observer sociological thesis; Nancy Kilpatrick's "The Goth Bible: A Compendium for the Darkly Inclined" (2004) intersperses comments from Goth respondents with her own topical entries. As with Gavin Baddeley's "Goth Chic: A Connoisseur's Guide to Dark Culture" (2006), defining Goth reveals its widespread (post-)Romantic aesthetic within past and present Western society. Whereas many Goth surveys tend towards the encyclopedic, Venters as "Lady of the Manners" adopts a personal, chatty persona.

This makes her "Essential Guide for Goths and Those Who Love Them" a welcome, brisk introduction. As with some of her predecessors, however, there's minimal attention to sexuality (as opposed to flirting) or music (as opposed to brief discographies) given their role in the scene. Music's treated only in her penultimate chapter.

For me as a preternaturally pale, (post-)punk veteran, "Goth-friendly" by her classification but admittedly on the outside looking in, I wished she'd covered music much more. But she carefully expounds on club etiquette and proper conduct. I note how often decent behavior goes unmentioned in any coverage of this subculture (or any such, for that matter). Many Goth overviews downplay its sounds and dampen its erotic sensations. Perhaps these elude explication. The visual appears more readily transmitted. Venter's enchanted by signifiers: the dress, the looks, the ambiance-- as signs by which Goths identify each other, congregate for safety and camaraderie, and reinforce their own codes and defense mechanisms.

That defense must be established seems a circular action. Goths have set themselves apart, so they may bristle and snarl back when outsiders edge too close, touch their finery, taunt their stance. Venters steps into this standoff. She reminds her fellow creatures of the night how etiquette confers dignity. The more stereotypes are diminished, the greater the hopes for Goth's acceptance and sustainability.

What of Goth's future? She speculates on a Steampunk-Goth evolution. I share her hopes that "Eldergoths" may age gracefully into "subcultural migration" and cross-fertilization. Concluding, she predicts that her fellow revelers need not "grow out of" this embrace of the macabre, the haunted, the morbid underside of what's relentlessly peddled to all of us as a sunny, cheerful, bright-- and forced-- demeanor. Morbid but not moribund-- now there's a forecast any blanched, parasoled Goth might smile up at.

I have followed The Lady of the Manners column for years. The book follows along with the humor and excellent advice that long time readers have come to expect.

The Goth subculture has sadly had it's share of unfortunate associations and misconceptions, but all of that is put to rest in this wonderful book.

Not only a great guide for Goth or would-be Goths and their friends and family but a good book of advice for someone that just wants to be a kind person without being a doormat;)

I find the book informative enough I purchased two, one from my home and one for the library I work at. Good advice and great presentation, an all around terrific book.

For those of you that are familiar with the Lady of the Manners' column, the short review is that you'll love the book. You'll find classic lessons revisited, such as manners towards curious bystanders, etiquette, and the old "Why friends don't let friends dress like The Crow". I personally enjoyed her list of favorite vampire books, as she and I share the same liking for them.

For those of you who don't know Jillian Venters, she is a classy columnist and a member of the Goth community for quite some time. With this book she tries to teach the essentials of Goth to those who are not familiar with the term, as well as explaining to familiars, friends and coworkers of goths the inside of the subculture. She provides too with lists of "typically goth" music, films and books. All of it written in an informal and educative manner, while the drawings of Pete Venters provide a lovely background to the text. There is a bit of everything, from swirly bats to decorated pages' numbers, cartoons... My personal favorite was the collection of different types of goth girls (in which I saw myself depicted a couple of times!).

An essential book for those that are curious about Goth.

One of the things I love the most about Jillian Venters, the original "Cupcake Goth," is that she doesn't take herself too seriously. That is the aspect of this first book that I enjoy the most. While Jilli is as passionate as she is knowledgeable about Goth culture, she isn't afraid to admit to--and even embrace!--its sundry clichés. At the same time as gently chiding non-Goths not to judge too quickly, she also reminds her dark-clad brethren that a sense of humor goes hand in hand with a sense of propriety.

The Lady of the Manners is both witty and wise, and she provides invaluable insight into Goth history and culture alongside her excellent advice. Pete Venters' wonderfully skilled and often comic illustrations are the icing on the (cup)cake. Whether you yourself are spooky or simply curious about those spooky folks around you, I recommend this book wholeheartedly.

Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide for Goths and Those Who Love Them

Gorgeously written and illustrated, this is a very practical and extremely entertaining book. My mother, who has always supported my very different views of life, has read this and says that everyone who is different should read it too. If you are a Goth, or if you just know someone who is - or even if you ever just wanted to know more about that Goth things any way - read this book. You will laugh and learn. And probably break down and shop too.

Gothic Charm School is what the Goth scene really needs to branch outside to the masses--it's, well, charming, funny, so very *true* and Jillian Venters writes from a spirited, cheerful perspective on what it means to be goth, why goths and non-goths should be polite to one another, and so much more. I can't recommend this book enough to friends and family, or to strangers, for that matter. It's accessible for anyone outside of the scene, it's got tidbits for anyone in the scene, for younger teens and for adults of all ages--it's really something I think should be necessary for anyone interested in goth in general.

After following the Lady of the Manners' column for quite a while now, I was delighted when I heard she was writing a book! It really does serve as a good intro and overview to the whole subculture. Obviously, people new to Goth will find it more ground-breaking than those who've been around for a while, but even experienced Goths will find it useful for helping those around them understand the culture. The Lady of the Manners has a very practical, clear way of discussing things that cuts through a lot of problems. The emphasis on manners, of course, is never amiss. And Pete Venters' illustrations are lovely!