Customer Reviews

Grace-Based Parenting

5 star:		(41)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I just finished reading this book and I would highly recommend it. It is directed toward Christian parents but has principles that non-Christian parents can use. My favorite suggestion from his book,which he used in his own family, is the "What's Your Beef?" night.(pages 206-208) To promote respectful candidness in his family, this night allowed his children an opportunity to tell their parents anything that either of them had said or done to hurt them. "The qualification was that they couldn't bring up positions we had taken because of our moral standards(which they might have disagreed with) or consequences that we might have had to bring their way because of things they had done wrong...The key rule for Darcy and me when they shared these things from their hearts was that we were not permitted to defend ourselves...I might have been able to justify my words and actions from my perspective of the facts, but it would have only done harm. The point was, we had hurt them somehow, regardless of the facts."

He also gives an overall matrix that is very useful (what your child's three driving inner needs are and the four basic things you need to do to maintain a grace based environment)and uses many examples from his own family and others.

He also communicates grace for you as a parent, since we all fall short. This book gave me hope and a great start to create a grace based home without compromising moral standards I want to uphold. He does a great job of balancing the two since often we as parents go to either extreme of legalism or anything goes.

Tim Kimmel has done a good job of explaining how many conventional parenting styles fall apart later in a child's life & ultimately lead children to rebellion. It was hard for me to read many of his observations at first, as I myself was parenting with a heavy hand. I sort of felt chastised by him for the first half of the book! I guess I deserved it. I'm glad I hung in there though as he showed me how to lighten up by treating my children with the same grace that God extended to me through Christ. I truly believe I will be a better parent for having read this book! The results have already started to unfold with my three kids. I have been able to let go of some of the small issues I was making such a big deal over & focus more on important issues that matter. Since I rebelled hard as a teen, I was worried about how to handle that later in life when my kids are teens. I feel I am better equipped to deal with those unavoidable years of rebellion as my kids (hopefully) find their own way into the arms of God. I suppose before reading this I just thought I could push them into God's arms & maybe they'd stay there. Thanks Tim, you've lighted my path via your use of God's Word & your experience. I highly recommend this book to parents, grandparents, counselors and teachers.

I think every parent would benefit from reading Kimmel's book. One of the best aspects is his discussion of his own failures with his own children, but also his description of how he recovered from some of his mistakes.

This would be a good book for heavy disciplinarians to read, but I wonder if they would be able to take on board what he says.

A good aspect of the book is his discussion of how often parents base their discipline of their children on ensuring that other parents approve of them! How true!

There are many amusing and provocative anecdotes, which will make you think.

I also recommend H Norman Wright's "How to Talk So your Kids will Listen."

This book has literally been escruciating to read. It has exposed the extremes of our style of parenting that we had been using. It caused us to examine the premises upon which we were operating as parents. In being exposed we were forced to say that much of how and why we did things to our children were wrong. The fruit of our style of parenting was bearing ugly fruit that was very painful and destructive. We were losing our son. The Christian boarding school we got him to required this book for us to read and we are so very thankful that we did. It is hard to put into words the emotions that we have gone through as parents; the grief, the guilt; the anger; the deep sadness. Upon reading and discussing the contents of this book, we came to a realization that we were pharisaical parents based upon fear not love and grace. That we had kept things away from our children out of fear that they would turn to "worldly" things. This only caused them to reject us and want it more which caused a huge spiralling out of control mess until our 16 year old was totally out of our control with violence and was tossed out for the sake of the other children. This book caused us to see our wrong and begin to correct it. We now have our son back and are on the road to reconciliation and restoration of our relationship. We have not arrived but we now have a different grace based approach that does not deny Biblical standards and discipline. It is a walk of faith not of formulas because our God desires to have a relationship with us that then we model to our children. It is working!

I recently read this book after hearing Dr. Kimmel on a radio program. It is absolutely phenomenal. God has been leading me down the path of understanding His grace for some time now. I am a strong advocate of having an intimate, vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ, and I've been looking for ways to apply that grace to my parenting. This book completely reiterates everything I believe about God's grace and how to apply it in the home.

Let me be clear, we do not believe in a home of license - we have strong boundaries. But we don't make our son do things that aren't relevant. We don't force him to be quiet when there is no need to be. We let him be himself, well behaved, of course. I'm so impressed with this book that I've started buying it for young mommies and expecting mommies in my church. I'm blessed with a leadership team that is also committed to God's grace and leading people into a real relationship with Jesus.

This is probably the very best parenting book (other than the Bible) that I've read - and believe me, I've read them all. Dr. Kimmel should be commended for walking where God wants him to walk. More people need to be emphasizing God's grace.

This is not only the best parenting book I have ever read, it has been helpful on many other levels. I was inspired to buy this book by the other reviews on this website, specifically one that noted that this book makes you feel empowered to send your kids to public school, knowing that they/we are to be a Light, instead of hiding in "safe" environments.

This book is geared toward fine-tuning for the Christian parent, and assumes that the reader is starting from a place of belief in the Bible. I was raised in a Christian home but knew that I was lacking something(s) I just couldn't put my finger on. This book hit it right on the head for me. One of the main themes in the book, your child's three driving inner needs, is exactly right.

Besides being a great source for Christian parenting, it helped me find that bridge between being a Christian, and having a Godly attitude toward others. For me, the pivotal sentence in this book is this: "grace is receiving something we don't deserve but desperately need." This realization has allowed me to let go of some hurts that I have struggled with for years. Not only that, but I realized I was holding on to a legalistic view that "I am right," with my five-year-old, instead of setting an EXAMPLE.

This book is well written, funny, and a page-turner, if any parenting book is! I highly recommend this book.

I initially got this book because the mom's group I had joined was going to be reading it, but they changed their mind right after I bought it. I knew nothing of this book or it's author, but I decided to give it a try since I now owned it. And I am so happy I did.

In reading this book, I discovered how I can love my children and treat them with respect (yes, respect my children!) while giving them the discipline they need to grow up to be loving, respectful adults. I was also able to recognize the mistakes that my parents had made with their parenting style that I hadn't been able to understand before, and how I don't have to repeat that cycle with my own children.

Tim Kimmel describes the loving, graceful way you can (and SHOULD) raise your children in such a way that you will want nothing more than to transform your home into a grace-based one right then and there. He lets you know that raising your children the grace-based way can be simple and very forgiving. That if you make mistakes in the parenting department, you can ask for forgiveness - not only from God, but from your children as well. He begs the question: "Why should you expect your children to respect you if you don't respect them?" He presents the grace-based way so that it naturally makes sense that this IS the way all children should be parented.

This book is packed with sensible, understandable information, but I found it be a very quick read (3 days with a toddler running around!). I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone wanting a way to parent that is different from what we've always been offered.

In preparation for the arrival of my first child in 1998, I read many Evangelical parenting books. These books sought to encourage new moms like me with moving discussions of the importance of our role. These books also provided practical discipline strategies. But, as a first-time mom, I needed more than ennobling rhetoric and discipline techniques. I sought a comprehensive, Biblically-based framework for parenting that would help me to structure and evaluate my day-to-day interactions with my child. I couldn't find anything that met my needs in any of the many books that I read. Dr. Kimmel's book provides the framework I've been searching for and is an outstanding addition to the Evangelical parenting literature.

I especially appreciated the author's use of Scripture to develop his framework, particularly his analyses of Jesus' interactions with children. Matthew 18:5-6 and 10, for example, provide motivation for Dr. Kimmel's point that children feel significant when they know they have their parents' attention. Mark 9:36-37 underlies Kimmel's argument that children feel secure when they receive affection.

My only regret is that I wasn't aware of this book when it first came out! My only criticism of the book is that it doesn't contain enough practical application material.

First of all, I will say that I have enjoyed this book and it has definitely had an impact on my parenting. I would recommend it and I think there are many, many good points in the book.

However, there were a couple of examples of "bad parenting" he used that really struck a sour note with me and I have continued to think about them, so I think I need to vent here a little. I will only address one of the examples that bothered me, since most people probably do not have the same issues with them that I do. For me personally, I think they are inappropriate examples that illustrate a lack of information and understanding/appreciation for God's design, particularly when it comes to motherhood.

The big one for me is that he mentions a mother who decided to deliver a baby in the breech position rather than get a c-section. His explanation was that she did not want to have a c-section scar and that the baby had (repairable) trouble with his hip sockets because of being delivered in that position. The underlying implication was that if she had made a "grace-based" parenting decision, she would have decided to get that c-section.

I understand that Dr. Kimmel was trying to use this situation as an example of a mother putting her own selfish and shallow desires above the good of her baby. But I also know that Dr. Kimmel's wife had 4 c-sections, so he has not had the experience of watching how hard a woman has to work to push out a baby, and therefore I don't think he understands exactly what it means that this woman pushed out a breech baby successfully. I don't think Dr. Kimmel understands that getting a c-section is a HUGE risk in and of itself. More women and babies die from c-section complications than they do from breech deliveries. In that light, I think regardless of her reasons, she made a pretty good decision. Maybe God was working through her flawed reasoning to save her from an even greater mishap during a c-section. And where is the glorification of God's power in this?? The fact that her reasons may have not been upstanding does not change the fact that through God's power and mercy, she delivered a breech baby!! It is something to give thanks for, not a reason to pile shame on or to make an example of her.

If you are going to use this example, then why not supplement it with the stories of women who choose to have a c-section because they don't want to go through labor, or want to avoid hemorrhoids, or want to plan their baby's birth around their schedules, or are just too plain scared to trust that God can bring them safely through the birth experience?

Women deal with enough shame and feelings of inadequacy surrounding their birth experiences. The maternity system in this country is broken, and it is my personal opinion that God longs to restore and heal it. The healing has to begin with people recognizing and respecting that God works through the birth process to bring about empowerment and healing for women.

Don't shame that women for the reasons for her decision. Instead pray that one day she understands the great mercy and grace that was shown to her through her birth experience and that she can be proud of what she did, through God's grace.

I doubt this review will be helpful to anyone, but I felt I needed to voice my opinion about this issue because it definitely changed my view of Dr. Kimmel. I still respect him and his advice and suggestions have really changed the way I approach my parenting. But I think he needs to be careful in the future about the examples he uses. Stay away from examples involving birth (and breastfeeding!).

Do you wonder how children of Christ-following homes really differ from peers? There are lots of good kids out there - and many of them are not Christian. If appearance and behavior aren't the best measuring sticks for a God-infused life, than what is?

This book is excellent for any stage of parenting. Read it yourself, and get a copy for anyone you want to encourage. It renews the confidence and joy of parenting in faith.

The book gives lots of vivid examples. He explains the difference between a legalistic, rules-based home and homes of true grace (complete with moral boundaries and consequence for sin). He opens his own experiences, as well as others' (both good and bad). He is generous with scripture to give a firm foundation to his writing. He points out the pitfalls and traps that seem so attractive to parents who want the best for their kids. His solutions are not always the easiest or most popular, but he gives us a vision of raising children into authentic, faithful, strong adulthoods.

I found his writing refreshing, and the principles of his book empowering. If you hope your children will grow up transformed beyond surface behavior and appearances, I encourage you to read this book.