From Publishers Weekly
Carter, psychotherapist and author of more than 20 books, addresses one of the diciest subjects in the evangelical world: divorce. Christians, he says, ought not to treat divorcées as second-class citizens, intrusively question them about the "biblical grounds" for their divorce or pretend they have nothing left to offer their church or friends (all of which happen regularly, according to examples Carter cites from his counseling experience). Exactly how Christians should respond is less clear, aside from a general directive to recognize that we all fail to fully live up to Christian standards and thus need to respond with grace. Carter directs that divorcés or those headed toward divorce—even when clearly abusing their new-found freedom—should not be confronted until after they have been allowed to share in depth their pain and perspective, whether this takes "ten minutes... or ten months." He cautions strongly against the urge to guide someone in how they should proceed, believing that this kind of "imperative thinking" displays self-centeredness and a desire for control. While the book is a thoughtful approach to a difficult topic, many readers will feel that Carter is so grace-focused as to be off-balance. Serious readers looking for advice on how to best approach friends on the subject will be perplexed by the lack of specific instruction.
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Review
Carter, psychotherapist and author of more than 20 books, addresses one of the diciest subjects in the evangelical world: divorce. Christians, he says, ought not to treat divorcées as second-class citizens, intrusively question them about the "biblical grounds" for their divorce or pretend they have nothing left to offer their church or friends (all of which happen regularly, according to examples Carter cites from his counseling experience). Exactly how Christians should respond is less clear, aside from a general directive to recognize that we all fail to fully live up to Christian standards and thus need to respond with grace. Carter directs that divorcés or those headed toward divorce--even when clearly abusing their new-found freedom--should not be confronted until after they have been allowed to share in depth their pain and perspective, whether this takes "ten minutes... or ten months." He cautions strongly against the urge to guide someone in how they should proceed, believing that this kind of "imperative thinking" displays self-centeredness and a desire for control. While the book is a thoughtful approach to a difficult topic, many readers will feel that Carter is so grace-focused as to be off-balance. Serious readers looking for advice on how to best approach friends on the subject will be perplexed by the lack of specific instruction.
(Dec.) (
Publishers Weekly, November 8, 2004)
