Customer Reviews

The Grace in Dying : How We Are Transformed Spiritually as We Die

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Unless you believe that when we die, we cease to exist (period, end of life), and whether or not you work with the terminally ill, this book is a must read. This book does not tell us other people's stories, nor is it for those who are dying, or dealing with the immediate death of a loved one. It is for the rest of us. Be advised - this is not an easy read - my copy of the book, which took 5 times longer to read than my usual reading choice - is riddled with scribbled comments, question-marks, exclamation points, and words circled and underlined. Let me also add, this is not my style. I'm a lazy reader.

This is a well-written course in the evolution and retrogression of our individual lives, for (deny it though we might), you and I are going to die. The questions that worry us most are most probably "when" and "how." Singh cannot answer the former, but this book will help with parts of the latter.

Much of what Singh tells us is based on experiences of those who have worked with those who are terminally ill, in addition to her own observations. Whether we believe in Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, a Higher Power, Nature, Singh maintains that the point of dying is to return us to the place from which we came.

She reminds us that we come into the world thinking we are the center of the Universe. Perhaps we were right, for it may be that at birth we are as close to the Creator as we will get, until death takes us back. She describes how we spend our youth and young adult life developing, then defending our sense of self. We live, often most pleasantly, in constant denial of our own mortality, a truth that seems too bleak to accept.

In the latter part of life, we may hold tightly to our ego, but our body begins to betray us. If we are slowly dying of cancer, AIDS, or the illnesses of old age, we can grow into acceptance of the insulting truth that our ego is not the true "us." One dying woman described it as having an "ego-ectomy.

Singh presents us with additional stages of dying, expanding on Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance. Kubler-Ross' stages dealt with the affects on the ego, or mind; medical science gives us physical stages. Singh offers the theory that we go through necessary spiritual stages before dying, whether or not we have been looking for spiritual transformation. Dying offers us a crash course, the equivalent of a spiritual shotgun wedding.

When we are stripped of everything we thought made us unique, a universal specialness is revealed. Regardless of when it happens - years, months or seconds from our death - we will come to realize the unimportance of what was once important. And despite ourselves we will stumble upon our own unity with that Force we call many things - God, Universe, Light.

I feel more convinced than ever that death is not a negative, dark force I must flail against, but the other side of living, a door I must go through. That I'll figure it out at the end doesn't encourage me to stop seeking now - perhaps my exit/entrance will go better if I stop running from my fear of death, and truly live my life. This book is an excellent start in learning now how to make our own living fuller, so we will be closer to home when we die.

Having been disappointed by a large number of American "life-changing" books, put down by the facile treatment of difficult subjects, big words and sheer superficiality, I approached this volume with caution. Having worked with the dying (as M.D.), I know how difficult it is to put the wordless into words in a way that is not dry, sentimental or missing the mark. Only Sogyal Rinpoche`s Tibetan book of living and dying has expressed what I`ve been looking for, but it does come from another culture and background, and can be more inspiring than applicable if you are not yourself of Buddhist faith.

So I was frankly amazed at The grace in dying: Clarity without being cold, scientific precision without intellectualizing, warmth without being sentimental, the balance between the academic and the personal, the true picture being given of what working with the dying entails, and what it can lead to.

In short, this book is one of the few masterpieces I`ve read in latter years. I feel certain it will age well and retain its value and relevance for many years to come. A soft-spoken trailblazer.

Unless you believe that when we die, we cease to exist(period, end of life), and whether or not you work with the terminally ill, this book is a must read. This book does not tell us other people's stories, nor is it for those who are dying, or dealing with the immediate death of a loved one. It is for the rest of us. Be advised - this is not an easy read - my copy of the book, which took 5 times longer to read than my usual reading choice - is riddled with scribbled comments, question-marks, exclamation points, and words circled and underlined. Let me also add, this is not my style. I'm a lazy reader.

This is a well-written course in the evolution and retrogression of our individual lives, for (deny it though we might), you and I are going to die. The questions that worry us most are most probably "when" and "how." Singh cannot answer the former, but this book will help with parts of the latter.

Much of what Singh tells us is based on experiences of those who have worked with those who are terminally ill, in addition to her own observations. Whether we believe in Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, a Higher Power, Nature, Singh maintains that the point of dying is to return us to the place from which we came.

She reminds us that we come into the world thinking we are the center of the Universe. Perhaps we were right, for it may be that at birth we are as close to the Creator as we will get, until death takes us back. She describes how we spend our youth and young adult life developing, then defending our sense of self. We live, often most pleasantly, in constant denial of our own mortality, a truth that seems too bleak to accept.

In the latter part of life, we may hold tightly to our ego, but our body begins to betray us. If we are slowly dying of cancer, AIDS, or the illnesses of old age, we can grow into acceptance of the insulting truth that our ego is not the true "us." One dying woman described it as having an "ego-ectomy.

Singh presents us with additional stages of dying, expanding on Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance. Kubler-Ross' stages dealt with the affects on the ego, or mind; medical science gives us physical stages. Singh offers the theory that we go through necessary spiritual stages before dying, whether or not we have been looking for spiritual transformation. Dying offers us a crash course, the equivalent of a spiritual shotgun wedding.

When we are stripped of everything we thought made us unique, a universal specialness is revealed. Regardless of when it happens - years, months or seconds from our death - we will come to realize the unimportance of what was once important. And despite ourselves we will stumble upon our own unity with that Force we call many things - God, Universe, Light.

I feel more convinced than ever that death is not a negative, dark force I must flail against, but the other side of living, a door I must go through. That I'll figure it out at the end doesn't encourage me to stop seeking now - perhaps my exit/entrance will go better if I stop running from my fear of death, and truly live my life. This book is an excellent start in learning now how to make our own living fuller, so we will be closer to home when we die.

As I approached middle age, I felt this know in my stomach start to develop, but I pushed it down as far as I could. In the last few years, I've come to realize that this knot is all of my fear of growing old and of dying. I had become obsessed with it in my mind. I cannot describe the anxiety that I was filled with. Up until a few weeks ago. I read Grace in Dying and for the first time I knew, really knew, that dying wasn't this horrible end, but it was a beautiful, natural event, just as profound as living. Now, I'm still in no rush to die, and still have some fear in me, but I know that when it does come it will be safe. I will be safe. What a comfort Singh has provided. I am truly grateful for this book.

This book is a deeply felt and miraculous exploration of Spirit. As much a book about living as dying, the author examines how the human psyche develops over a lifetime -- and then how that "self" unravels to merge with Spirit when we die. And she writes so well! Thoroughly researched and supported by decades of observation in a hospice -- this isn't New Age goobly-gook. It's a rich, dense, profound illumination of how we are transformed when we approach death. Making death the natural -- though still terrifying and mysterious -- progression in the devlopment of Spirit that it is.

This is by far the most exciting, beautifully and sensitively written work on the subject of spiritual transformations that can occur during the dying process and around death (and at other times in our lives if we are ready) that I have come across to date. The information contained herein needs to be disseminated throughout our "spiritually impoverished" culture in an attempt to decimate the illusions under which the majority of mankind continues to needlessly suffer when thinking about death and dying. Singh draws upon, and very nicely (and relevantly) assimilates, the knowledge and wisdom culled from both depth psychology and the "wisdom traditions" of the world, referencing Ken Wilbur, Joseph Campbell, Phillip Kapleau, Abraham Maslow, Steven Levine, Sogyal Rinpoche and multiple other Buddhist masters, creating a splendid literary compilation, brimming with insights and explanations, and delivered with humility and compassion, in an extraordinary choice of words. For those working intimately with the dying, this book is a beacon.

I was SO excited when I got this book. I loved everything about it -- the artistic cover, the title, the quality of the paper, the font, the subject matter. I even signed up for an on-line class wherein we studied the book with the author.

Then, I tried to read it. The opening sentence -- "I am an ordinary person working with ordinary people dying ordinary deaths" -- is not typical. I have never marginated a book so thoroughly just so I could find the point of the text. There are so many jewels in here, but they were hidden in a maze of psycho-spiritual languaging that is unfamiliar to most readers (I used the glossary at the end of the book a lot!). It was if I was trying to decode a great mystery text. I really wanted to learn from her, but it hurt my brain.

I know her intentions in writing this book were to honorable and altruistic. Sadly, she speaks the truth in the introduction when she writes: "This is not a book for a time of imminent crisis. This book was not written to be read if death is very near -- a few hours or a few days or a week away. If you are the one who is facing death this soon, put the book down."

Amen. And let me just add that if you or a loved one is facing death even months away, put the book down.

I would hope that this author writes another book that delivers this important message in an accessible way. As she quotes from the Quaker song on page 140... "Tis a gift to be simple." Death and spirituality don't have to be complicated. And this message is too important to be lost. My suggestion to the author for her next book comes from something she wrote in this book: "Simplify, simplify, simplify!"

PS -- If you enjoy reading Ken Wilbur, this book will be fine.

And if you are looking for something to help a loved one soon, the "Graceful Passages" CD is the best tool I have found yet -- for the dying person or their loved ones. 6 stars!!

The last word was(assistance)I have studied DEATH for 40 years,having seen so very much of it as a Japanese POW slave labourer on the Death Railway(see "The bridge on the River Kwai)and have accepted it simply as a transfer from the material body into a Spiritual one!This book is a truly wonderful inspired writing from Spirit.

I found "The Grace in Dying" to be an invaluable book that will assist me in my volunteer work with hospice patients--and also in my own life. It is a masterpiece of knowledge and wisdom that can open our awareness to the magnificent potential for growth that lies buried within each of us. It helps us to discover who we really are--we are Spirit. "The Grace in Dying" is so timely, so important, and so needed in our Western world. It will ease our fear of death and help us to integrate death and dying in our daily lives. While never for a second making us believe that dying or living with a terminal illness is easy, it allows us to find the beauty, and some peace, in the process.

"The Grace in Dying" illuminates the the great transformation that takes place at the time of death--and how we also might find the way, through contemplative and spiritual practices, to this wonderful transformation amidst the living of our lives.

Kathleen Dowling Singh presents excellent descriptions of many healings that are possible in the process of dying. While her transpersonal orientation is apparently inspired by Sufi (mystic Muslim) traditions, her writing is relevant universally. As she notes, "I am an ordinary person working with ordinary people dying ordinary deaths." ( p. 3).

Singh specifies that this book is for people who have a space of time towards the end of their life - or are close to someone in this situation - and can contemplate what lies ahead. It is not for people who are already in the process of transition. At this stage, one's business is simply to get on with what is happening, not to distance oneself from it through analyzing it.

I found Singh's discussion on qualities of the Nearing Death Experience to be helpful handles on aspects of the deathing process. These include the qualities of relaxation, withdrawal, radiance, interiority, silence, the sacred, transcendence, knowing, intensity, merging, and experienced perfection.

Taking a more structured perspective, Singh considers stages of releasing of controls over psychophysical functions (Karnofsky scale - Appendix II) and relates them to stages in the process of dying which she finds conceptually helpful, including chaos, surrender and transcendence.

Singh's discussion brings an atmosphere of peace, acceptance and healing to what is often in our society a time fraught with anxieties, fears and distress. An example of this attitude is evident in the following observation:

"The AIDS community has called its disease `Accelerated Individual Discovery of Self' and has referred to the pandemic as `enlightenment at gunpoint.' This phrase applies equally to any one of us who is dying." (p. 15)

I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is involved in the dying process or just interested in understanding it in greater depth, from a healing perspective.