Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life [Paperback]

Emily P. Freeman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 2011

Many of us believe that we are saved by grace--but for too many, that's the last time grace defines our life. Instead of clinging to grace, we strive for good and believe that the Christian life means hard work and a sweet disposition. As good girls, we focus on the things we can handle, our disciplined lives, and our unshakable good moods. When we fail to measure up to our own impossible standards, we hide behind our good girl masks, determined to keep our weakness a secret.

In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman invites women to let go of the try-hard life and realize that in Christ we are free to receive from him rather than constantly try to achieve for him. With an open hand and a whimsical style, Emily uncovers the truth about the hiding, encouraging women to move from hiding behind girl-made masks and do-good performances to a life hidden with Christ in God.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

You're strong. You're responsible. You're good. But . . .

. . . as day fades to dusk, you begin to feel the familiar fog of anxiety, the weight and pressure of holding it together and of longing left unmet. Good girls sometimes feel that the Christian life means doing hard work with a sweet disposition. We tend to focus only on the things we can handle, our disciplined lives, and our unshakable good moods.

But what would happen if we let grace pour out boundless acceptance into our worn-out hearts and undo us? If we dared to talk about the ways we hide, our longing to be known, and the fear in the knowing?

In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman invites you to release your tight hold on that familiar, try-hard life and lean your weight heavy into the love of Jesus. With an open hand, a whimsical style, and a heart bent brave toward adventure, Emily encourages you to move from your own impossible expectations toward the God who has graciously, miraculously, and lovingly found you.

"If you struggle with trying so hard, being so good, and hoping so much for joy and grace in the mundane, savor this book."--Mary DeMuth, author of Thin Places: A Memoir

"It is such a joy for me to recommend Emily's book to you. She has profoundly ministered to this recovering good girl."--Angela Thomas, bestselling author and speaker

"Emily Freeman is one of those rare writers: profoundly biblical, lyrical, transparent--memorable. Her emancipating words on these pages offer the needed keys to all the good girls longing to take wing--and soar home to God's heart."--Ann Voskamp, New York Times bestselling author of One Thousand Gifts

Emily Freeman is a writer for DaySpring (a division of Hallmark) and has also traveled as a writer with Compassion International. Emily extends a daily invitation on her blog for women to create space for their souls to breathe. Join the community of grace dwellers at www.ChattingAtTheSky.com.

About the Author

Emily Freeman is a writer who loves to read and a speaker who would rather listen. She writes for DaySpring (a division of Hallmark) and has also traveled as a writer with Compassion International to raise awareness for the needs of children in poverty around the world. She attended Columbia International University to study the Bible and the University of North Carolina at Greensboro where she earned a degree in Educational Interpreting for the Deaf. She is married to John, a student ministries pastor, and together they live in North Carolina with their three children. Emily extends a daily invitation on her blog for women to create space for their souls to breathe. Come join the community of grace dwellers at www.ChattingAtTheSky.com.

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Revell (September 1, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0800719840
• ISBN-13: 978-0800719845
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (127 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,691 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Emily Freeman is a writer, speaker and listener. She writes for DaySpring (a division of Hallmark) and has traveled as a writer with Compassion International to raise awareness for the needs of children in poverty around the world.

She attended Columbia International University to study the Bible and the University of North Carolina at Greensboro where she earned a degree in Educational Interpreting for the Deaf.

Emily lives with her husband, John, in North Carolina with their three children and their crazy dog, Finn. Emily extends a daily invitation on her blog for women to create space for their souls to breathe. Come join the community of grace dwellers at www.ChattingAtTheSky.com.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 34 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Time to stop hiding! September 17, 2011

By K. Herbrand

Format:Paperback

I could - can - relate to the good girl that Emily Freeman is talking about in this book.

"Still, I like knowing the rules. If the sign says Don't Touch, I don't touch. If it says Keep Out, I stay away. If the form is due on Friday, I'll turn it in on Thursday just in case. . . .And even though I admit to occasionally bringing candy into the movie theater, I am always worried that the ticket person will search my bags and throw me out for smuggling in a bottle of water and two Peppermint Patties." (Grace for the Good Girl, p68)

This is very much me - but it would be a can of soda and Three Musketeers! I was the good girl in high school - good grades, didn't like confrontations, didn't smoke, didn't really drink. . . When my dad passed away the end of my junior year, I kept the mask on for weeks that everything was fine before I could even let myself breakdown and cry. That mask of responsibility that I had to be strong for everybody else. And then I went into my first marriage.

"She also believed she was supposed to form her opinions around his. She loved peas but wouldn't cook them because she knew he didn't like them. She waited for Charlie to come home for dinner before she would eat. Even if he called ahead to tell her to start without him, she refused and suffered through hunger headaches for the sake of being wifely." (Grace for the Good Girl, p90)

This is pretty much how the first couple of years of my marriage went and when my husband would go out to sea, I would basically fall apart because I had no one to "be a wife" for, so I didn't know how to act. After we got a divorce, I came to realize that many of my "favorites" were not really my favorites at all - but were my ex-husbands favorites.

I often think know, who in their right mind thought that I was responsible enough to take care of three kids? I am 45 years old and still don't feel like a grown up. I listen to other women talk and feel like I am an inadequate teenager playing a game of dress up. Do I show this? Of course not. I am still pretty good at wearing masks. I know that taking off these masks is not something that is going to happen overnight.

"I understood at an early age about the first rescue. Jesus came to save sinners. He came for the lost, the broken, the hurt, and the lonely. He came to heal sick people and to raise dead people and to die for the sins of everyone.

Never once did I consider he also came to save me from myself. I'm a good girl who has done good things and has good intentions for the world around me. What harm could I do to myself? But then I reconsider, and I think of the effort and the work. And then the shame. I think of the worry that keeps me up at night and the fear that perhaps I've not done enough. I think of the way I compare myself and the pain that comes when I grasp for worth and security from my husband or my job or my children." (Grace for the Good Girl, p124)

I can remember when I quit work when my son was born 7 years ago, how I didn't feel "needed" because I wasn't working a 40-50 hour a week corporate job. I was feeling worthless, but didn't realize that I had staked so much of my worth on that job. It took me a very long time to come to realize that my worth as a person did not diminish because I was a stay-at-home mom. I still struggle with it from time to time.

I don't want to say that there are "steps" that she outlines in the last part of the book, because accepting Christ and living in Him should not and does not follow a checklist. I have yet to learn how to stop trying so hard to be good and do good in order to be good enough for Christ. He has already paid the ultimate price, all we have to do is receive Him and remain in Him. I need to learn to let go of trying to control everything and rest in the peace that ALL things are in Christ's hands and His control - then maybe I can take off all the masks once and for all. I am looking forward to rereading the last sections of this book to reaffirm what I know, but seem reluctant to embrace.

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Recovering Good Girl November 8, 2011

By Cara

Format:Paperback

I'm a try-hard. Actually, I'm a try-harder, since try-hard never manages to measure up. And I care desperately what you have to say to me, about me, about my worth.

(As Emily P. Freeman says, "If you wonder what gives you the authority to define me, I will say it is because you exist. I must have worth and it is up to you to give it to me...I beg you to see me, to notice my goodness, to ignore my failure, to be inspired by my beauty, to be captivated by my essence." (Grace for the Good Girl, p. 17, 18)

I shouldn't do that, of course.

I know where my value comes from.

But I am afflicted with a syndrome that makes me ever striving toward a make believe notion of good enough.

I am a good girl.

And this book? Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman.... Well, I'm only on chapter 1, but it's rocking my socks off.

"I taught people around me that I had no needs and then was secretly angry with them for believing me. Somewhere along the way, I got the message that salvation is by faith alone but anything after that is faith plus my hard work and sweet disposition." (GFTGG p. 13, 14)

Can I get an "amen"?

...And all the bloggers said...Amen.

Maybe you're a good girl too.

If you'd asked me a month ago if I was a good girl, I'd have shook my head. Nope. Not hardly. Good implies ... well... good. And I never feel good. Not really. I'm not even well behaved. I am prone to surfing the internet when I should be cooking something nutritious for my family and craving a glass of wine every now and then and ten minutes ago, I devoured an entire king-size Snickers bar without coming up for air. I sometimes watch rated R movies and used the "s" word yesterday and considered, at least twice this week, running away to join the circus.

Good girls don't do things like that.

Reading this book, though, makes me realize just how much good girls do do things like that. They tell themselves all kinds of lies about the hundred arbitrary ways they'll never measure up... and then suffer in the misery of persistent failure.

If you don't already have a copy of this book, do yourself a favor. Join me. Buy it, read it, soak up the truth that has already begun to penetrate my mask-wearing heart. And thank you, Emily P. Freeman, for writing such honest and beautiful words that cut to the core of this people-pleasing, try-hard heart.

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Grace for the Good Girl Made a Big Impact on Me September 7, 2011

By Michelle DeRusha

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I'm a good-girl -- who knew?! Boy could I relate well to what Emily Freeman wrote about in her eloquent and gracefully written book. The expectations I put on myself, the comparisons I make with other "better" mothers, wives, Christians, etc. Emily knows the Bible and theology, that much is clear from her well-researched book. But better yet, Emily knows women -- she knows the kinds of expectations we put on ourselves; she knows how hard we can be on ourselves. And most importantly, she knows the God who accepts us and loves us, in spite of our flaws and imperfections.

I think the thing I loved most about this book was its emphasis on grace. I haven't always been comfortable with that word, and I haven't always understood exactly what it means. "Grace for the Good Girl" has taken my understanding of God's grace to a new, deeper level, and it's helped me wrap my mind around that concept.

I read and re-read many parts of this book already, and it's filled with underlined and starred sections and dog-eared pages. "Grace for the Good Girld" is a book I will come back to again and again, and it's one that will continue to help me grow in my faith journey.