Customer Reviews

Grace: A Memoir

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When asked for a cover blurb on 'Grace' by the publisher, I responded, "Why would you want comments on a what looks like a "chick book" from a throw-back, Neanderthal. It's not my kind of book. The title's a cliché and I hate touchy, feely, religious books that are long on emotion and short on experience and logic."

Their response, "You may be surprised. We're trying to define the market. If you don't hate it, other more enlightened and thoughtful males may like it."

And surprised I was--so much for my biases. When I began reading I couldn't put it down. The writer is both real and realistic. Her use of the English language is poetic and beautiful. In an era of banal memoir bombardment, her story is interesting, compelling, thought provoking, challenging and will touch a cord with in most of us--male and female alike. What she says may make us uncomfortable at times, but will also force us to think and assess our own views. One is compelled to keep turning pages to experience the beauty of her writing, as well as discover her reality-based approach to the challenges, traumas and disillusionments of life. In the process she provides a mirror in which many of us will see our own reflection.

I lost two nights of beauty sleep because I was up late reading Mary Jo Cartledgehayes's "Grace." In fact, because I was laughing too much and too loud, my husband kicked me out of our bed. This book is delightfully honest and honestly delightful. Parts are outrageous! One of my favorite passages is on page 243. Mary Jo -- who's 48 and happily married -- admits her infatuation with her piano teacher who's in his 20's. She tells in direct language what she would do if Brian were 20 years younger and willing.

I think both men and women would enjoy Mary Jo's outrageousness.

This book gives us a glimpse about what it means to be a minister in a church. Too often people think it's a Sunday only job. This author shows that no matter how hard you try, you find yourself personally engaged with your congregation, and you suffer along with them--their losses, etc. This book to me seemed similar to Nora Gallagher's book on parish life which was published a couple of years ago. It's generally speaking an easy read, although wrenching at times, because of the struggles the author confronts. Yet I feel it's honest and well worth the time to read.

The book is irresistible in its portrayal of a real human being who writes and lives "full throttle." Funny, sad, honest, and hopeful, it is revealing and educational in its portrayal of the challenges of becoming and being a minister while being a mere human-- a gifted human, at that. The author has a unique and compelling writing style and she dares to say what most of us would keep to ourselves. I will forever see pianos (and life) differently because of the way she weaves her piano imagery through her juicy real life stories like a graceful background melody that crescendos at critical moments. This woman's story is inspiring and her voice is strong and clear. I look forward to reading anything she publishes.

I was't sure I wanted to read one more spiritual journey book. But the first paragraph hooked me and I laughed and cried my way through "Grace." The stories of her childhood, with the Episcopal priest in a long black dress with a white lace overdress, who came once a month with the "smells and bells" that transformed the schoolroom into a holy space, were delightful. The isolated life on the island, which her parents tried to make as normal as possible, shaped Mary Jo in ways even she cannot articulate.

What I loved the most, though, was following this incredibly articulate, incredibly outrageous woman as she followed the call to ministry she did not want but couldn't avoid. I don't think she was sweet but she was tender, most of the time, when she could draw it up from that deep place inside where the holy is.

Especially the book moved me because I too went to seminary, a little older than she was, with only one divorce and no kids, finding a little more support for women--there were more women than men in my class. We were smarter, outtalked them in class and more or less ignored their sexism. The men were, for the most part, also in their twenties. The top ten students in my graduating class of about thirty were women. But the men in their twenties mostly found churches first (we find our own calls to a church, and can't be ordained until we find one, not appointed as Methodists are). That was a bummer, and some of us got mad. I learned a lot about current Methodist polity from her book, which was interesting too.

I loved how she fell in love with her parishoners, and ached when it hurt her. The picture of what life in the parish is like is so precisely true. Most people think it's just Sunday morning, but remember how upset they got when she and Fred were gone for two weeks? They subliminally thought she belonged to them 24/7. Mary Jo was right to stick with her church, even if it led her right out of the church. But why do churches do this to their pastors? This is a really heavy topic in all denominations right now, as pastor burnout is a huge issue. I'm not pastoring a church now either, due to disability, but as I watch my pastor and all she has to juggle, I don't know if I could go back to it.

But that's all beside the point. This is an honest, passionate,funny, wonderful, sexy book, full of human emotion most people in the pew, or outside the church, never expected to hear from a minister. My only issue with it is the implicit admission on the blurb on the back that indeed Fred died of his cancer. But she has already shown us how she would deal with that loss--with grace, and with music.

I wish I could be as positive as the other reviewers, because I liked the author's personality that came through in this book--she's feisty, irreverent, and not afraid to speak her mind. But ultimately this book disappointed me. It strikes me that the author should have waited longer to write it. Too much of it seemed like bits of experience strung together without enough reflection on what the experiences mean. I also disliked the way she simply inserted the text from her sermons. She's obviously a talented preacher, but the texts alone were frequently flat and uninteresting.

That said, I hope she continues to publish--we need to hear a voice like hers in Christianity.

I thoroughly enjoyed Grace by Mary Cartledgehayes. It was recommended by Jill Connor Brown, the Sweet Potato Queen herself so I had to buy it. It is a true look at the life of a spiritual woman who is VERY human. Cartledgehayes shares her life story and I feel I know her as a friend. She deals with major changes in her life such as divorce, remarriage, step-parenting and seminary studies with dignity and grace. She never attempts to fit the image of what a minister "should" be but puts her own stamp on everything she touches. Read this if you are a spiritual person looking to connect with other people of faith or if you are on your own faith journey.

If you like Anne Lamott and Kathleen Norris, you're going to love Grace: A Memoir. Mary Cartledgehayes has Anne Lamott's energy and Kathleen Norris's intellect, rolled together into one astonishingly beautiful book. You're going to love it.

I'm a fast, fast reader. Most books that are about a journey are maddening to me -- I'm impatient, too! I usually want the answer, the puzzle to be solved, or the next exciting thing to happen. Mary Cartledgehayes made me read slow so that I wouldn't miss a single part of her journey. The most important thing I heard from her: Be part of the human race and risk pain of love, or you're wasting oxygen. If you've ever struggled to know yourself (and who among the reflective has not?), or if you've struggled to know God and His leading (and who among the human has not?), this book is for you. Mary is real. And she's funny. I hope she comes to Indianapolis so I can ask her to dinner. Yep, I'd sure as hell go to her church, too.

This is a memoir of how a middle-aged woman becomes an ordained Methodist minister, but it's so much more-- it's about how a girl raised on an island in Lake Erie ends up in divinity school at Duke; how a wary, twice-divorced mother of two with little reason to believe in relationships meets the love of her life; how a dedicated, feminist, driven-by-the-Holy-Spirit new minister copes with being placed into a struggling South Carolina Methodist church; how God can enter a life; how the Holy Spirit relates to pianos. It's an extraordinarily poetic, yet earthy and fluent, account of a life that's extremely full, and I swallowed it whole, while I both laughed and cried. This is a wonderful book for anyone interested in women's lives, the church, spirituality, relationships, or personal growth. It touches on all of them without slighting any. The author's belief in God and faith in her calling infuses this book so that it almost glows with the Holy Spirit she's so sure is leading her.