Customer Reviews

Great Answers to Difficult Questions About Death: What Children Need to Know

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While my kids haven't yet experienced the death of a person close to them, our family did lose our miniature schnauzer last year. I thought about getting a book from the library to cover the subject but ended up just winging it, telling the kids that Amos was just very, very sick and his body just couldn't fight any longer. We never hid anything from them and just used common sense to give them the information they needed and as they continue to ask questions, I answer them honestly.

Would a book have been useful? If it was Great Answers to Difficult Questions About Death, I don't think it would have been worth the money for me. That's because I seem to be on the same wavelength as the author - tell the kids the truth but don't give them more information than they need. If they ask follow up questions, again, answer truthfully but don't blabber on and on. When the kids ask what happened to Amos after he died, I said that the vet took care of Amos. I didn't need to go into detail about how his corpse was tossed in an incinerator.

I can see how a book like this can be useful for those who need more guidance. At the same time, the publisher needs to assign a strong editor to the book before final publication. Sentences such as "It made her body stopped working." (pg 15) tend to make me take the author and message of the book much less seriously.

You also need to be aware that all of the answers are written from the viewpoint of a trusted adult or counselor who is outside the family - not as if the answers are being given by parents to their children. So, the answer "I don't know that answer. Maybe your dad does. Why don't you ask him?" is not helpful. I bet Dad certainly does know what happened to Mom's body. There are no suggestions here about what Dad ought to actually tell his daughter.

I also felt the very short section aimed at those children who are possibly dying themselves to be less than adequate. I would not recommend the book for that particular population.

How do you explain death to a 3-year-old? Even if it's just a pet goldfish that died, how do you explain that he's gone forever? What does that mean when you are barely a thousand days old?
The answer? Simply with many questions back to the child of the "What do you think happens" nature.
The author points out what parents know but often forget when confronted with a suddedn "What is death?" question: what kids want and need to know changes with age. And the author does a good job through pretend conversations with a child to help the reader see what might be going through the kids head at different ages.

"Great Answers to Difficult Questions about Death" approaches the subject of helping the child work through the grieving process on the basis of "What Children Need to Know." Case studies have been created to illustrate approaches for addressing questions most frequently asked by children who have experienced the loss of a loved one. Basic scripts have been created to provide dialog with questions and suggested answers for use by the parent or counselor.

Why? What? Where? Who? These are the questions most often questions asked by children. The proposed dialogs are designed to draw out the feelings and concerns the child is anxious about in order to ease their concerns and build confidence while respecting and encouraging their questions.

Goldman displays compassion, sensitivity and thoroughness in her writing. I found the information in the appendix especially helpful. A checklist for children provides a timeline as well as suggested activities which will help ease the grieving process. A separate section is devoted to adults detailing common signs of grieving in children with suggestions for how the adult can deal with these indicators. A useful list of helpful websites and children's resources is another invaluable aid.

Linda Goldman writes for parents, teachers, and professional counselors in this excellent resource guide on addressing children's difficult questions about death.

Sadly, this book was recently necessary for me, and I turned to it for assistance helping my younger brothers (both developmentally disabled) deal with our mother's passing. All I can say clearly right now is that it helped... it is short, readable, not too psychological or too religious, and useful. I would recommend the whole series to grief counselors, pastors, and those with similar duties.

There is no easy way to deal with death. Whatever your age, though it is a natural part of the circle of life, the finality of it can be something a person cannot get a grip on, nor can they overcome without the right guidance or opportunity to gain answers. For children, the topic is even more imposing. I have found this short and very concise piece of work to be invaluable. In a reader-friendly "Question and Answer" type format, it addresses not only death of the elderly through old age or disease, but the more difficult topics such as suicide, accidents, murder and even terror attacks. The language is not condescending or vague, and the explanations are in no way cliches, such as, "it was meant to be..." which often open up more questions in children's minds, and if left unaswered, can fester into depression, withdrawal, and other behavioral issues. The book focuses on scenarios and how adults can answer the child's questions, with ages ranging from as young as five through 17. In each case, the adult creates an open, safe environment for the child to express their thoughts, fears, worries, or even guilt and blame. Religious beliefs are also touched upon and loss of a parent, sibling or family pet is especially helpful and insightful. The suggested responses are carefully worded according to the age of the child (too much info at a young age is not recommended and not enough for older children still leave holes in their understanding). I found myself highlighting often in this little book since my children certainly have been exposed to enough situations where death and dying were very real to them, and I didn't always know the right way to approach their questions with careful honesty. This book has already become an important reference and will be highly recommended in my school as well as to friends and colleages.

Death and dying is a difficult process to face or cope with, if one is poorly given appropriate insight. Each chapter is organized by subject with a question and answer method. The appendix reinforces major points and references online, as well as other published works in the print format. The approach allows for introspection in the case of the intended audience.

Overall, this is a wonderful format that is clear and concise. This should serve the many families experiencing the toughest clinical scenarios.

This is a great primer on how to approach not only the issue of death, but frankly, all kinds of difficult questions that children ask the adults around them. For adults who are simply overwhelmed by events around them -- sick parents, sick children or being sick themselves, it cuts through the turmoil in the grown up world and really shows those lacking professional skills in this area how to give kids the honesty and safe space they need to address this difficult topic.

The book was very neutral from a religious perspective, but did not ignore the reality of religion. In my opinion, it provided a nice framework for any family to build their religious views on top.

The style itself was a little bit off putting, the use of "their person" in reference to the dead or dying person of concern to the child was stilted especially when used in the middle of a specific example (which might be a pet in some cases!), but can be forgiven for the sake of clarity and consistency. I would have liked some more background on each topic of discussion instead of just a short paragraph and then leaping into case studies and examples. Also, some discussion of helping adults better put aside their own issues which can be confusing to allow children space would be helpful.

My biggest criticism of this book is that there is lots of great information in there that is hard to find. There is specific language on lots of topics -- explaining cancer, AIDS, accidents, suicide, etc. that are hidden inside chapters that are labeled more on situation (parent dying, pet dying, child dying or stages, like worrying about forgetting the dead, etc), and an index or more detailed subsets to the table of contents would be nice to be able to find these.

Like any guide, there is lots of info that won't apply to a particular reader or situation, but the general principle of honesty and space put forward in this book is what comes through consistently in every example, and hopefully will hit home. It's short, and to the point and can be read in a couple hours, which is nice, because what adult dealing with these issues has the time or emotional energy to dig into a deep psychology book that is hundreds of pages long? If you are struggling around the issue of death with a child or children, and need some quick, accessible help, I'd definitely consider giving this book a read. This would also be an excellent little guide for counseling students, or professionals or educators who don't deal regularly with this issue but need a little primer for the occasions when it does come up.

This book was simple and straight forward. Excellent for therapists working with children going through grief. I liked the way the author showed case samples at different ages and different deaths. It showed how to utilize therapy to process grief and helped childen cope. Very simple. I read in one sitting.

When I was a child we lived overseas and my maternal grandfather died. I had only seen him a few times in my life and had no emotional connection to him. So when my mother went to bed and cried for days I had no understanding of what was happening or what had happened. No one really talked to me about why my grandfather had died or even told me what death was.

I wouldn't wish this type of confusion on any child, which is why I'd recommend adults read this very helpful book. Linda Goldman knows exactly what to say and how much to say. This is important because children of various ages have different questions. Children may be angry, frustrated or very sad and may not even understand what death is.

I liked Linda Goldman's explanation of death as "the body stops working." That says enough while not getting into too many details. I liked her ideas of having children draw pictures of how they imagine heaven to be. She also recommended having a child write a goodbye letter.

This book deals with issues like murder, cancer, hospice care, AIDS, death due to old age, the death of a pet and handling holidays after someone dies. Overall I felt this book would be excellent for anyone trying to explain death to a child in a way they could really understand what happened. There is also information on how to handle memorial services and funerals. I wish my parents had read a book like this when I was a child.

~The Rebecca Review

My husband died of cancer in February 2006 and left behind 5 children.... the oldest was in 11th grade and the youngest was in the 4th grade. How much do I wish I had a book exactly like this one when that happened? I was so involved with 24/7 caring for their dad during hospice time and with my own issues and grief after he died that I think it would have been helpful to have a book like this to open up some dialog and give me some options about what to tell them and how to tell them what was going on.

But as good as this book is, my bottom line is this.... If your children or grandchildren or young friends are going through a loved ones death or terminal illness... Go to a professional and get grief counselling, get your kids into grief groups at school and at church, get the school counsellor to call your kids into the office on a regular basis for a few years. Use books like this to open up conversations and to give you insight and to help with grief activities... use books like this in conjunction with professional help because they compliment each other. Books like this are important to have, especially if you are wound up in your own grief cycle.