Customer Reviews

No Greater Joy, Volume One

5 star:		(84)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(106)

 

 

As I read through other reviews, I am amazed at two glaring errors I see being made by those assessing the book:

1. Those who give the book five stars automatically assume that anyone who doesn't follow Pearl's advice to switch children does not believe in discipline and has bratty, uncontrollable rebels. This simply is not true. There are many of us, myself included, who have never spanked our children and yet have very well behaved children. I strongly believe in discipline and setting limits, but believe it is possible to enforce them without the rod. Time-outs, consistent redirection, modeling and removal of privileges or toys all work well at molding children into well behaved youngsters. Please don't assume that the only alternative to Pearl's way is demanding, whiny children having tempter tantrums in the middle of Wal-Mart.

2. Several of those opposed to Pearls have posted totally false information from his book. One poster said Pearls recommends using a wooden paddle. Another said he advocates beating a one-month old. Read the book for yourself or peruse his website and you will never see either of these actions advocated. Pearls' advocates switching - not beating - with a flexible instrument - not a paddle. He even made the point that using a non-flexible instrument could damage the spine. If one is going to be against Pearl's methods (and I am against his views on the use of the rod), at least be honest about what he is presenting.

I gave the book three stars, because I have mixed opinions on what he has written. I think the information he shares on building a relationship with your children and including them in your activities as you progress through the day, rather than leaving them in front of the TV or computer is great. I like the family centeredness he projects and the importance of training our children (not just in obedience, but in all aspects of life). I gleaned a lot of good insight on the vast responsibility I have to tend to my son's soul and protect him from (and prepare him for) the evil in this world that is so ready to entrap him. On the other hand, I think his use of the rod is extremely excessive and overbearing. I believe it is important for children to learn to obey, but I believe there are many more appropriate ways of teaching obedience than switching them for every transgression. I also believe there are many varied ways of disciplining. It seems Pearl's answer to everything is to use the rod and he rejects time honored methods such as time-outs and redirection. In addition, I believe some of his teaching is in direct opposition to child development. For example, he talks of switching his four-month old for trying to climb a set of stairs. He also recommends setting up training sessions where you intentionally put something in reach of an infant, saying "Don't touch." and then switch their hand when they reach for it. The other thing with which I have a problem is the self-righteousness he seems to project. One example is the derogatory terms he uses towards people caught up in sin (e.g., pervert, porno freaks, queers and dope heads). Jesus preached against sin, but somehow I don't see him talking so condescending to or about people. In fact, when I read the New Testament, I see His anger expressed towards the self-righteous pharisees and His compassion expressed toward the sinners. Another example is a quote from his latest magazine issue: "We have had special friends, families that we felt were every bit as righteous as ours." What came to mind when I read that was the pharisee in the Bible who prayed, thanking God he was so righteous and not like the sinner near him. (The sinner was the one whose prayer God heard, not the pious pharisee!) Unlike the pharisees, I do believe Pearl is a genuine Christian who longs to follow God in all areas of his life, but I think it's a shame that some fine teaching gets lost in the self-righteous attitude that is portrayed as it is presented.

Having been raised by a mother who clearly loved us and yet spanked in anger often enough, the idea of not allowing the situation to escalate to that point is a top priority for me. I have a seventeen-month-old daughter, already a sweet child but occasionally wilfull (aren't we all?). Recently at the park when she tried to eat sand, I said "no" and gave her a slight flick on the wrist. She did not cry, infact she did not look the least bit hurt, even though sometimes she can be sensitive. The flick merely got her attention and reinforced the "no". She tried it I think three more times, with the same result, and then decided she would rather do something else. I could see absolutely no trauma.
My sister has a very bright seven-month-old (already saying a few words), and we flicked her to teach her not to touch the electrical cord. Again, it took about four flicks and "no"s and she was happy to play with something else.
If your emotions are out of control, you need to work on yourself before and while you apply this method. Although I feel that my mother was a heavy-handed disciplinarian, I have come to see that I have a different personality and I don't get angry as easily. You don't have to take his suggestions in every detail; most of us "normal" Americans have much different (often lower) standards of behavior for our children. It's a good technique to apply to situations where you want to draw a line, wherever that may be. The love that he has for his children and the delight he takes in them come through loud and clear. A good read.

Some of the reviews for this book are not based upon the book itself, but someone else's opinion and their choice of excerpts. I recommend reading this book and forming your own, informed opinion of it. I have found valuable information in it, and that which is not helpful I have the freedom to set aside. But I can only pick and choose from the author's wisdom (or lack thereof) when I actually read his writing. I would recommend this book by Michael and Debi Pearl. In looking up some of the "quotes" used in the reviews of other people about this book, I was distraught by how skewed a picture they portray by omitting the full story within its context, but I was also inspired by some of the stories of other families that are contained in the book. So inspired, in fact, that I plan to re-read it!

This is a great book and so helpful in raising joyful and obedient children. All of the No Greater Joy stuff that we have read and applied has helped our family. Actually read it for yourself before you read reviews that are taken out of context and written by people that have never even read the material themselves. Excellent resources

This is a collection of articles on child training by the Pearls. I have found it to be very helpful over the years. I often re-read these as my children grow and different things become applicable to them. There is some good wisdom in the articles. I appreciate the frequent reminders to be joyful, to delight in your children and to be a good example of the attitudes you want your children to have.

I wonder how many of the people who have written negative reviews on these books -- calling it abuse, illegal and inhumane -- also endorse/support abortion? I don't understand why it is okay to kill an unborn baby - A CHILD!... but not train our children right from the beginning? Why are we getting in such a tizzy over a discipline book (of which there are hundreds) but don't even think twice about the millions of innocent children being killed a year... I don't get it!

As for the Pearls teachings.... Please do not let these negative reviewers put a damper on your vision! If you really love your children, and desire for them to be happy, content, joyful, and obedient... Children that you (and everyone around you) enjoys spending time with/being around.... then these books are worth the read!

As the oldest of five children, I am grateful that my parents love and care enough for us, to have lovingly disciplined us when it was needed. It was never done in anger, and we NEVER saw it as abuse.... nor did we ever have any doubt in our minds that our parents didn't love us. We knew that they spanked us, because they loved us and that they only wanted the best for us. ("He the spareth the rod HATETH his son: but he that LOVETH him chasteneth him betimes" - Proverbs 13:24). In all honestly, my sisters and I didn't have to be spanked a whole lot growing up, because we had been taught from a very early age, what was right and what was wrong. Little kids (even babies) are much smarter than most people give them credit for. They know what they can getaway with and where they can push the lines! So many families, do not not discipline their children, and many of them end up leading rather miserable lives. These children are allowed to talk back and yell at their parents, they don't listen or obey... they basically get away with doing whatever they want! Many times, these parents are not consistent in following through with any kind of punishment (time-out, grounding, etc..), and when they finally get frustrated or at their ropes-end, they end up yelling, getting mad, and even hitting their children... and they do it all in *anger*! That is not right! Discipline should always be consistent, and NEVER done out of anger... Discipline done in anger is abuse!

I am now married and am looking at starting a family of my own, and after watching the many families we know, who have lovingly trained their children from the start, and seeing what a joy it is, to have children around.... we will definitely be reading these books again, and using the technics with our family!! If I could, I would give this book many more stars than 5... Please read the books... They are worth it!

i was raised by parents using the tactics that the pearls recommend. to this day i have emotional and spiritual problems and i have been in counseling since i ran away from home at the age of 17. i do NOT recommend listening to a word that they say!

There is peace and harmony in my home now! My children are certainly loved, but the are also well behaved. If you have no interest in Christian Bible-based child rearing, then don't read this book. If you believe your children are capable of being well behaved, loving and well-adjusted, read it!!

If you're wanting to raise emotionally void, violent children, then this is the book for you. Want to go to prison for criminal child abuse? Here's your handbook on how to get there.

If the Pearl's do half of what they advise other parents to do in this dreadful book, then prison is MUCH too nice a place for them. They are monsters and this book is a travesty.

Where have the last couple of generations gone wrong? It has been in moving away from sound Biblical doctrine and adopting worldly "feel-good" forms of discipline (time-outs), positive affirmation, and blaming others (he's a middle child). The Bible says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Proverbs 29:15 Hmmmmm. Do you feel ashamed when you look at your children who don't obey you and disrespect other adults? In a culture where children are being nursed by television and practical strangers, could this proverb be any more true? My own grandmother says, "You don't need that switch. That baby (2-year-old) is so sweet." And to that I reply, "What do you think made her that way? It certainly wasn't her human nature." The proof is in the results. When we go out in public, my child does not throw mashed potatoes at the restaurant wall, she does not tell us "NO!", and she makes no disruptions (only people commenting on how sweet and good she is). All of this is because at home, we train her to obey. We did not allow her to develop such bad habits. If she displayed that attitude once, we put a stop to it. She was not abused. She was trained that that was an unacceptable behavior. People do it with dogs all of the time. They do it with horses. Circuses train elephants and bears. Why would I treat my animals any better than I treat my children? I would only do this if my values were seriously screwed up and I had no fear of the Almighty God.

The Pearls teach how to TRAIN your children so they won't need DISCIPLINE. They don't tell you to HIT them. They tell you to apply the ROD (a Biblical concept: Prov. 13:24, Prov. 22:15, Prov. 23:13-14) in a loving, instructive way so as to TRAIN them UP in the way they should go. If you don't train them, they will go the way the wind blows. Then you have to figure out a way to bend/break them out of their disobedience and back into the proper path (discipline). It is easier on the children to train them in the beginning than to wait until they have bad habits that have to be broken. It really is quite an amazing concept- one instituted by God and not the Pearls. They have simply obeyed the Word and become wise beyond many a psychologist's years. You really have to read this book to appreciate their instruction. They simply take what God has commanded that we do (use the rod to train up our children) and show us some creative ways that they have learned to implement them. I am blessed to have such a wise counsel in the Pearls.

Here's a thought: MANY A MAN HAS TRAINED HIS DOG BETTER THAN HE HAS TRAINED HIS CHILDREN. THAT IS CHILD ABUSE!

What the Pearls teach is not abuse if it is done in a loving, kind, Godly manner. It is YOUR ATTITUDE that makes the difference. I think that's what a lot of these nay-sayers are afraid of. They can't handle the pressure. It takes a lot of love and patience and wisdom to stay home with two-year-olds and babies (at the same time!) and do household chores and manage the bills and make out grocery lists and cook supper and satisfy a spouse and wash clothes and..........or we could just hire a sitter and go off to work where we only have to obey man and not God.......
Christians have got to stop living like the world. Our children deserve better.