Customer Reviews

The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

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Subtitled: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change

The New York Times best-selling author of Co-Dependent No More has lived through many crises: becoming sober, living with an alcoholic, losing her son to an accident, getting Hepatitis C, having chronic back problems--and many other losses. So she isn't writing this from a "professional or clinical viewpoint."

"Welcome to the club," someone might say to you (or at least think it) when you have something happen to you they have already experienced. You may see your life in the chapters on death, Alzheimer's, suicide, divorce, job loss, childhood grief, alcoholism, empty nest, and much more.

"Did I do something to tick God off--so that I got to join one of those clubs," we might wonder. Beattie says, whether we believe it or not, life hasn't signaled us out for tragedy, and depersonalizing a loss helps us detach and lessen the pain.

You won't catch trauma from a person grieving or in pain--and much of her book is about seeking and offering help to those who are hurting--one-on-one or as part of a support group.

The other day a woman told me her mother died seven week ago and now her friends are ready for her to be back to her old self. Obviously they are not a member of that club yet--or they'd be more understanding. Relative to grief, Bettie said, you either pay now or you pay later, and she said, "Once I cried for eight years."

She explains radical faith (vs. simple faith: If I am good, only good thing will happen to me). Radical faith means you can be good and still bad things will happen to you--and it's nobody's fault.

Every chapter ended with statistics, such as 2.5 million Americans die every year, and of that, 45-50,000 are under 25.

Well worth your read because everyone will join some kind of "loss" club--whether you want to or not.

Armchair Interviews says: Highly recommend to anyone going through grief, pain or loss--and those who want to understand better.

I was walking through my local bookstore when my eyes caught sight of this book. The title drew me in, as I am grieving the death of my brother. I saw the author and thought, "Oh, no - not that Codependency woman..."

Melody Beattie - who was the first author I ever knew to use the term "Co-Dependent" a term that had come for many to mean "whiney person who thinks of himself/herself as a victim of everyone and everything."

I decided I would give it a "cup of coffee" dry run, to see if my assessment was correct... or not. I am pleased to announce that my assessment was exceptionally far off and this book is a resource that belongs on bookshelves across the country, since Grief is something we will all touch and the majority of us are less than well equipped to manage.

I remembered as I opened the book I had wondered where Beattie went, as I remember the early 90's and the plethora of Codependency titles I saw springing up and then... I couldn't really remember hearing of her since then. It only took a moment to see why.

Her son had died at age 12. How had I not known this, I wondered?

She wrote about this major loss with candor and frankness, without glossy coating. This is the way she tackles all the losses she discusses in the book - both her own losses and the losses of other subjects in the book.

In the back of the book there is a Master list of losses which is very helpful as an initial assessment and an ongoing tool as you read (actually, work through) the book. Each chapter includes activities to further integrate the material presented.

This is a book I will revisit right away, and then I will most likely revisit it. And I will recommend it to people regularly.

It's a club none of use would choose to belong to, yet with this book as a guide, it will feel that much more "normal."

They say that the teacher appears when the student is ready, and this again is true for me with Melody's latest. This is Melody at her finest. I have never been let down or disappointed in any of her books. Her sharing of experience, strength and hope has allowed me to understand myself and my experiences better. I was guided to this book at a time when I have been stuggling with my own health issues and accepting them.

I am no longer in Chicago and have moved to So CA to which has been my dream for many years .. I have found out as she says on Page 110 - "Having our dreams come true is rarely what we expect. Dreams should come with with labels: Caution. Unexpected territory ahead". That one line gave all my recent feelings and emotions validation. She gives examples that are real, easy to relate to and will touch your heart and soul.

I met Melody several years ago in Chicago at Transitions bookstore, I brought my dog eared, highlighted and written in the margins copy of The Language of Letting Go .. I charish my book all the more now that she signed it.

Melody is a gift to this world.. I honor her wisdom and appreciate all that her work has done for the recovery community. Keep up the good work. We love you!!

I cried through the first chapter. The next morning I felt like I came out of a dark place into the light. I felt whole again.
This book is a work of art.

Melody takes you through real tragedies, brings you to a full understanding and then enlightens you on good ways to deal with them. Melody also elaborates on HCV and getting past the cold, heartless scorn which dominates so many afflicted by the virus.
A must read for us all, including all of us touched by Hep c.

Lloyd Wright

The book title says it all; "The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change". We think of 'grief' as something one goes through only when death occurs. Not true. Many life situations can cause 'grief'. The book's chapters include the grief we experience when a child or someone we deeply love dies but also: Remembering changes: Facing Alzheimer's disease, Breaking into change, Losing someone to suicide, Wrestling with Change: Losing Marriage, Career, and Home, Destined to Change: When Dreams Die, and many more.
Each chapter contains knowledge and wisdom to help us cope with change. As I read chapters that did not 'apply' to me, I easily thought of a friend that would benefit from that chapter.
Melody Beattie has a gift of sharing her wisdom, she is my hero!

This is Melodie Beattie at her best relation to her own experience about losing a son. A lost loved one, a change in one's life and a move to a new city(Losing all old friendships behind) can be very traumatic.
I liked the chaper on WHAT NOT to say at funerals...like "I'm sorry"
Melody gets another thumbs up from me!!!

This book is not only for those that have lost a loved one but also for everyone who is or has gone through a life changing event. Of course, this includes everyone. The author helps us to see that even though we may be devastated from a certain event - life goes on and we can make a conscious choice to live our lives with joy and purpose.

Melody Beattie is at her best in "The Grief Club." She used losing her son as a basis for writing this book. The stories are all very unique within themselves and offer much to the reader. As a person who is going through the grieving process right now, I didn't find this book difficult to read through. I found it comforting, though one doesn't have to be grieving to enjoy or get something out of this book. I would recommend this book to anyone and there is always something to be said about someone who uses their own trials as a means to help others.

I love Melody Beattie's writing style--direct, friendly, heartfelt, gentle and yet firm--and with ideas/exercises at the end of each chapter. I am glad she mentions at the start you should read all the chapters, not just the ones pertaining to "your" loss (divorce, death of a child, your medical or financial losses, etc). She lets us know loss is a normal part of being human, and by reading the other chapters not only did i gain information about some other loss (Hepatitis C for instance)--it heped me see compassion all around for others and softened my heart toward others as well as myself. I went thru a divorce,alcoholic spouse, loss of parent, and now a loved one with cancer--her tips for getting well, opening the heart amidst suffering, coping, healing are wonderful--like a balm on a sore heart.

To begin with, I never thought that I could get counseling from reading a book, but Melody Beattie is well qualified to provide just that. Earlier, I had read her book CODEPENDENT NO MORE, and that book made me interested in her writings. And I became ware of her book THE GRIEF CLUB after losing my wife in 2003, four of my friends in 2004, and then going through the trauma of Hurricane Katrina and the destruction it brought upon New Orleans. Melody Beattie, in this book, gives excellent directions on how to deal with several types of grief, mostly from the loss of a loved one. As I was reading her book, I kept reminiscing upon the feelings I had after my wife died. I had not sought counseling immediately thereafter, not even after losing my four friends in 2004. Although I eventually sought it and gained a lot from it, I also needed Melody Beattie's book to deal with it. And she is an excellent social worker who uses her writing skills to counsel people.