Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies [Paperback]

Marta Felber (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 13, 2002

A journal for widows and widowers. Sixty four short chapters cover the practical aspects of moving on with life after a loss.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Encourages the reader to record his own fears, concerns, despairs and hopes...acclaimed by therapists and other authors alike...A finalist for the Benjamin Franklin Award, a prestigious national recognition of books...Marta has learned that sometimes it's best to go back and to see and do things alone that were done as a couple before. Her book gives readers a chance to do the same thing...helps in letting go and continuing without the loved one." - -- Penny Storms, Rural Arkansas

"Every loss is painful, every death diminishes. But few losses are as painful as the death of a spouse. 'We who have lost mates are traveling the road of grief, moving toward acceptance of that reality,' suggests Marta Felber in her book Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies (LifeWords Press). 'We are affirming our identities, apart from those of our loved ones. We are taking control of our lives.' But not without deep, sometimes deforming pain, acknowledges Felber, who began her award-winning book in the hospital room of her husband, Joe, as he lay dying from a rare and incurable brain disease...'I wrote my feelings and some possible solutions because for me, that was the way to cope,' said Felber...Three times during the period before publication, I put the book away and took breaks of several months,' she said. 'I would think of putting all the materials in a bunch in a pink cardboard box, tying it with a pretty ribbon and putting it in the shed permanently.' Felber is gratified that she completed the project...She feels fulfilled because her work has touched so many. Letters pour in from bereaved spouses who thank the author for her practical and spiritual guide to healing, one that crosses religious lines and personal boundaries..." - -- Sally Friedman, Jewish Exponent

"I cannot begin to say how organized, helpful, wonderfully laid-out, practical and terrific it (Grief Expressed) really is. You have let us walk with you in the grief struggle and given us a glimpse over your shoulder of what you saw and felt. Then you have left a page per chapter for us to write in, for similar circumstances. What a concept! The page design is fabulous as well and the colors of the pages, size of print; beautiful cover, great page size, all of it lends itself to instant bonding with you, the author. I will send for other copies for those I know who are beginning that long grief process." - -- Carlene Eneroth, Columnist for Bereavement magazine and author of If There's Anything I Can Do and Does Anybody Else Hurt This Bad and Live?

"Marta Felber has succeeded in writing a straightforward survival guide for anyone who has lost a spouse. Felber describes proactive steps for individuals to take to work through their grief. Felber drew from her counseling background for self-healing after the death of her husband, and is all to familiar with the feelings that can linger during this time.

While the book provides encouragement and compassion, the reader plays an important role in working through their own issues. Each chapter focuses on the most difficult issues surrounding the loss of a spouse; from sex to friends to memorials, and a space is provided in the book for the reader to jot down personal experiences. In this way, feelings are channeled into a positive and cathartic direction.

While books on similar topics often emphasize a reactive mindset, Felber strongly believes in taking positive, specific steps to dealing with loss. The book is empowering and optimistic, from somebody who knows what she is writing about." - -- Mature Living, Palm Springs, CA.

Marta Felber has succeeded in wiritng a straightforward survival guide for anyone who has lost a spouse. Felber describes proactive steps for individuals to take to work through their grief. Felber drew from her counseling background for self-healing after the death of her husband, and is all too familiar with the feelings that can linger during this time.

As Ann M. Mitchell, Ph.D. writes; "One feels her struggles and her strength as she works through her grief and reaches a place of renewed self-identity and wholeness."

While the book provides encouragement and compassion, the reader plays an important role in working through their own issues. Each chapter focuses on the most difficult issues surrounding the loss of a spouse; from sex to friends to memorials, and a space is provided in the book for the reader to jot down personal experiences. In this way, feelings are channeled into a positive and cathartic direction.

While books on similar topics often emphasize a reactive mindset, Felber strongly believes in taking positive, specific steps to dealing with loss. The book is empowering and optimistic, from somebody who knows what she is writing about. -- From Mature Living/March 1999, Palm Springs, CA --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Publisher

LifeWords is proud to have published Grief Expressed. It is being used not only by individuals, but in grief groups, hospitals, and given to bereaved members by churches. Even CPA's and estate lawyers have ordered multiple copies to give their clients. Letters, calls, and e-mail messages pour in from persons in grief and group leaders using this book. If these comments could be summarized, they might be voiced: "This is the most personal, practical and comforting grief book we have ever seen."

Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies was one of three finalists in the self-help/psychology category for the 1998 Benjamin Franklin Book Award. Two of the judges awarded the book a perfect 10.0 in all criteria. One judge commented, "This is the only book out of hundreds I've read for various contests that I've ever given a perfect score. Beautifully written, exquisitely illustrated. Congratulations...I'm going to tuck this book away in my safe with my will...if my beloved needs it, it can be my last gift to him." Grief Expressed also was the self-help book runner-up in the 1998 Visionary Book Award, presented by the Coalition of Visionary Retailers. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 128 pages
• Publisher: Fairview Press (August 13, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1577491246
• ISBN-13: 978-1577491248
• Product Dimensions: 11 x 8.5 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.9 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,338,908 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fellow Traveler, August 28, 2000

By 

Eleanore C. Snyder (Lake Wales, FL USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies (Paperback)

When I saw a write-up of this book in the newspaper I told my therapist about it and she ordered it for me. It was absolutely the best thing that we could have done. I lost my husband, the love of my life, very suddenly. Ms Felber's book spoke to me like nothing else. Her thoughts were mine; her feelings were mine. I can truthfully say that almost every word in this book relates to what I went through. It was as if the thoughts she expressed were coming from my mind. I can't begin to say how much it meant to have someone know exactly what I was going through and that I was not alone in my grief. I would heartily, heartily recommend this book to anyone who has lost their loved one. It's the best.

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Assisting the bereaved spouse through the grief process, April 19, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies (Paperback)

Ever since I became aware of Grief Expressed by Marta Felber I have given it to numerous friends who have recently lost their spouses. The response from them has been so positive that I recommended the book to a friend who does grief counseling. She, also, has attested to the excellence of this publication. The topics reach to the very inner core of a person who flounders in his/her loss, not knowing how to cope in the face of the unthinkable, the loss of a spouse. Ms. Felber addresses thoughts many would fear to mention, from acknowledging the imperfections of their loved one, to how to use happy memories to proceed with the grieving process. I want to thank the author for exposing her vulnerable self, thereby helping others to acknowledge and accept their feelings on their own road forward.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book is a Gift from the Heart!, September 6, 2004

By 

Marcia Breitenbach ""The Songletter Lady&... (Tucson, AZ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies (Paperback)

I know, as a grief therapist, that not everyone can express themselves easily in a group, or even in a one-to-one setting with a therapist like myself. That's why I love this book! It can probably do a better job with the healing process than myself or other therapists (well, at least it is a great help to what we do!).

As an expressive-arts therapist, I also know that giving people exercises that make the 'invisible' 'visible', such as the ones Felber uses in her book, allow a person to see what is going on inside oneself. You can't fix what you don't know is there.

For example, she has a wagon-wheel drawing on pages 38-39 that allow the reader to take a look at the worries that go round-and-round in our heads. This is a brilliant exercise because it not only puts those worries out where you can see them, but she also provides a place in the rim of the wheel to show the outcome of these worries. It is a great way to put our concerns in perspective.

She also understands the vital concept of "choice." It is so important what we say as we grieve, especially to ourselves. She gives a great listing of defeating attitudes and the transforming statements that foster release and flow in the process of grieving (page 46). If there's one thing I have had to continually work on myself, it is what I say to myself about my ability to handle things, and how I see the world. The author gives plenty of attention to this important concept. If we only knew how powerful our thoughts and statements are!

Some grief books are very one-dimensional. Not this one. It expands in every direction and blesses spirit, mind, body and heart!

As a therapist seeing many people in pain over their losses, and as a woman who has had her share of siginificant losses over the years, I recommend this book to other therapists and anyone in mourning.

Marcia Breitenbach, founder of [...]