Customer Reviews

Grief Expressed: When a Mate Dies

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When I saw a write-up of this book in the newspaper I told my therapist about it and she ordered it for me. It was absolutely the best thing that we could have done. I lost my husband, the love of my life, very suddenly. Ms Felber's book spoke to me like nothing else. Her thoughts were mine; her feelings were mine. I can truthfully say that almost every word in this book relates to what I went through. It was as if the thoughts she expressed were coming from my mind. I can't begin to say how much it meant to have someone know exactly what I was going through and that I was not alone in my grief. I would heartily, heartily recommend this book to anyone who has lost their loved one. It's the best.

Ever since I became aware of Grief Expressed by Marta Felber I have given it to numerous friends who have recently lost their spouses. The response from them has been so positive that I recommended the book to a friend who does grief counseling. She, also, has attested to the excellence of this publication. The topics reach to the very inner core of a person who flounders in his/her loss, not knowing how to cope in the face of the unthinkable, the loss of a spouse. Ms. Felber addresses thoughts many would fear to mention, from acknowledging the imperfections of their loved one, to how to use happy memories to proceed with the grieving process. I want to thank the author for exposing her vulnerable self, thereby helping others to acknowledge and accept their feelings on their own road forward.

I know, as a grief therapist, that not everyone can express themselves easily in a group, or even in a one-to-one setting with a therapist like myself. That's why I love this book! It can probably do a better job with the healing process than myself or other therapists (well, at least it is a great help to what we do!).

As an expressive-arts therapist, I also know that giving people exercises that make the 'invisible' 'visible', such as the ones Felber uses in her book, allow a person to see what is going on inside oneself. You can't fix what you don't know is there.

For example, she has a wagon-wheel drawing on pages 38-39 that allow the reader to take a look at the worries that go round-and-round in our heads. This is a brilliant exercise because it not only puts those worries out where you can see them, but she also provides a place in the rim of the wheel to show the outcome of these worries. It is a great way to put our concerns in perspective.

She also understands the vital concept of "choice." It is so important what we say as we grieve, especially to ourselves. She gives a great listing of defeating attitudes and the transforming statements that foster release and flow in the process of grieving (page 46). If there's one thing I have had to continually work on myself, it is what I say to myself about my ability to handle things, and how I see the world. The author gives plenty of attention to this important concept. If we only knew how powerful our thoughts and statements are!

Some grief books are very one-dimensional. Not this one. It expands in every direction and blesses spirit, mind, body and heart!

As a therapist seeing many people in pain over their losses, and as a woman who has had her share of siginificant losses over the years, I recommend this book to other therapists and anyone in mourning.
Marcia Breitenbach, founder of [...]

As a grief therapist and conference speaker, I am always on the alert for good and practical material on the topic of loss, grief and mourning. Marta Felber's book is among the best. She writes as both a mourner and mentor to those who have lost their spouses through death. She draws the reader in with her vulnerable and personal journal, and then invites them to do their own grief work right in the book. When my father died several months ago, I searched for a resource to give my widowed mother. I'm so glad I found Grief Expresed. It has helped her tremendously, and I also recommend it to clients and grief group members. Whenever I speak on the topic of loss, I take this book along to share as an excellent resource. I'm grateful to Ms. Felber for writing such a practical help for hurting people.

Having come out of a difficult childhood I found myself, for years,studying and searching the topic of grief and loss. After much time I came into healing through God's graciousness and direction. My years of study were not wasted as I now minister to others who are grieving through many different types of losses. Marta Felber's book came across my desk a little over a year ago and I remember wishing I had had it during my own journey. I'm sure my process would have been shorter. Though it is written with the loss of a significant loved one in mind, I found it applicable to any loss. It speaks of fear, anger, loneliness and much more while at the same time offering exercises that would encourage a reluctant survivor to persevere into the grief journey with the full knowledge that he is normal. It is informational as well as consoling to the hurting soul and written from the deepest and most painful experience of it's author. I recommend it to anyone who has lost significantly, clergy who do not understand and think they do, doctors who need to know that empathy with the patient and family is remembered long after the death, and to those who think they know the solution to pain and say the most innappropriate things. God bless you Marta Felber for birthing this wonderful curriculum for the hurting. Jan Marshall/Jan Marshall Consulting, a ministry to homeless women and their children in shelters across the United States who have taken significant losses in their lives.

I am a Grief Counselor who leads Grief Recovery groups at a hospital in my hometown. I have used Marta Felber's wonderful resource, Grief Expressed, When a Mate Dies, with great success in my groups and also individually. Marta writes from her heart and from personal experience, which means so much to the bereaved. They learn to journal, do the exercises, talk about their pain, and grow through their journey of grief. I am tremendously indebted to Marta Felber for providing us with this excellent, practical, down-to-earth counseling book. As a counselor, I appreciate the effort and the quality of the gift she has given to all of us.

Like a child in its cradle
I would that very gentle arms
Might rock my grieving spirit
And be as it were a kindly shelter
For my heart - a traveler lost
On a remote deserted road.

-Nguyen Vy

Writing your feelings in a journal can be healing and when you read your own words, you can watch the progress of your healing as you move from a place of darkness into the light again. When someone you love has passed on to the next life, you can feel disoriented and alone.

At that moment, you will feel that you need someone to talk to, someone who understands. In Marta Felbers first book: "Finding Your Way after Your Spouse Dies," she gently leads you through the grieving process. She starts by expressing her heartfelt sorrow for the reader's loss and then proceeds to speak from the heart in small easy-to-read chapters. She deals with the deepest feelings in a very gentle way.

In this second book you will find 64 written exercises that she completed for herself in the first year after she lost her own husband. She deals with a wide range of emotions and issues, such as loneliness, insecurity, friends, finance, sleeplessness, health and anniversaries. Marta started writing these feelings when her husband was dying and poured out her thoughts onto the paper of two journals.

She starts by explaining how lost she felt that there was nobody else at home. She didn't want to go home and made a list of things that would make her house seem less empty. On the opposite page there is a place for you to write your feelings and a similar list of your own ideas. This format continues throughout the book.

Some of her thoughts are so personal, you feel that she is inviting you into her world and sitting down with you over a cup of coffee, just pouring out her soul. I found both her books were very nurturing.

I would like to recommend both books as a gift to anyone in your life who has experienced a great loss. The exercises will help to pull all those feelings that are buried inside so the healing process can begin. The reader will move from a place of grief to a place of renewed self-identity and wholeness.

A warm treasure that will help when going through a period of great loss.

Encouraging.

~The Rebecca Review

After losing my husband to Cancer last Feb., I went to the library to find some books on grieving and there were many.
Marta's book, "Grief Expressed" When a Mate Dies was by far
the most helpful to me. Marta seemed to feel exactly as I did after losing her husband. The workbook setting was extremely helpful and I am still using it a year later. Her ideas and ways of dealing with her grief enabled me to deal with mine. I was so impressed with this book that I purchased 5 more for when my friends will have to deal with sorrow.

This book is the most amazing read for anyone who loses a mate. Full of needed information and ways of comfort.

I had previously read Ms. Felber's book, "Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies" and found it to be extremely helpful. Then I ordered this book/workbook by Ms.Felber and found it, too, to be extremely helpful. In the "Finding Your Way..." book, she provided numerous suggestions, scriptural readings, prayers of comfort and encouragement. You could open the book to any page...and find instant help. It was fantastic! It got me moving forward on the right path...I loved it!!!

During this same time period, I had joined a bereavement group and found that a lot of information presented in the group was also presented in Ms. Felber's workbook (this book "Grief Expressed When a Mate Dies"). The bereavement group ended after 8 sessions. My grief didn't end after 8 sessions. Ms. Felber book/workbook seemed to extend that process...it took the process a further step and encouraged me to document...to journal my discoveries and ideas. She set the stage...providing suggestions and ideas, but encouraged me to set some of my own...not just her ideas. She encouraged me to be creative. Journaling was new to me. I'll admit...in the beginning...my journaling was pretty crude.

Since then, I have found that journaling is a big part of the secret...document where you are now. Set a plan, work toward your goal, then journal, journal, and journal. It's amazing when I look back and see the progress I've made. I'm not where I'd like to be yet...but, with the help of Ms. Felber's books...I have made a tremendous amount of progresss.

I highly recommend this book/workbook either by itself, or as a supplement. Whether your'e attending a group or not...this helps you carry on. And, for someone who does not have a group...this is essential.

Review her other books, "Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies" and "A Cat's Eyeview of Life and Love by Sterling with Gentle Self-Help for All Ages". Ms. Felber attacks grief with fervor. She's been down this road herself...she knows what you're feeling and is there, thru her books and workbook, to help you all the way...completely.

If you're a cat lover, like me...you'll absolutely fall in love with Sterling!!!