Customer Reviews

A Grief Out of Season: When Your Parents Divorce in Your Adult Years

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As someone whose parents divorced when I was 24, I can say that this book was the best thing that happened to me during that time. Contrary to what those who have never been there believe, adults whose parents are divorcing feel as much pain and grief as young childrenm, and this book lets them know that others have been there and felt the same. It offers insight on many different situations that may occur in later-life divorce, gives practical suggestions, and explores the feelings that children of such divorces share. It is written in real language, not psychology-speak, giving it a humanistic feel. This is the only book published on the subject of adults whose parents divorce in later life, and is a must-read for those adults.

Shortly after my husband of 31 years divorced me for a much younger woman, I stumbled across this book, A Grief Out of Season, in the library where I worked. I was stunned to discover a book on this subject, but boy was I glad I found it. I had been unpleasantly surprised to discover that not only had my husband divorced me, but our three grown children as well - unless they would have a relationship with him on his terms. This meant unconditionally accepting his new wife and her four younger children as their new family! Our children's negative reaction to this and the resulting estrangement from their father was a real source of grief to us all. In the book I discovered that our family was not alone, and drew much comfort from the many personal stories that were related therein. The authors really did their homework, plus their personal experiences were invaluable. I immediately wanted to get this book for each of my grown children and was disappointed to learn that it was out-of-print, so I had to be content with relating to them, second-hand as it were, as much of what I had learned as possible. Since then I have been checking with Amazon.com periodically to see if the book has been re-printed. (This at their recommendation.) I hope it will be soon. Lots of people have much to gain by reading it - grown children and their parents as well!

This book was the positive turning point in my grief that nothing else was. I have not found anything else published on this subject. I beg you to read this if your parents are divorcing or have divorced when you were an adult. To know you are not alone-is tremendous.

I'll never forget a friend's mother saying to me when I was twenty-two and had recently heard the world-shattering news of my parents divorce of their (happy) thirty-two year marriage, "At least you're grown up. My kids were still children when my husband and I divorced. It was so painful for them."

At that time, the divorce became the single event of my life. It catapulted me into a clinical depression that I could not climb out of for three years, until I sought help. I'm glad I had the courage to do that, or I would not be here today. I'm still not "over" my parents' divorce, which was now 4 years ago. But, the pain does lessen year by year. I still cannot talk about it in casual conversation. This is due to an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt about the divorce and embarrassment that it affected me in such a profound way. I do not feel room for these feelings in our culture so I keep them inside. This is why this book is so important to me. To know that other adult children of divorce feel as I do is a very big deal.

I only acquired this book in the later stages of my parents' divorce -- which began in 2000 but lasted for hard 3 years of back-and-forth --- but it made a tremendous difference in how I thought about and understood it, as well as my own more extreme reactions to the news and subsequent events. It helped me to quit minimizing and intellectualizing and to begin to sort through some of the difficult emotions and crises of meaning involved, or trying to attribute them to other things to realize that they were 'normal.' What a huge load it began to take off of my shoulders.

This book came to me shortly after my parents began their divorce when I was 26. Although I had not lived at home since I was 19 and their marriage had never been a happy one, it was earth-shattering, nontheless. The heart-break of it took me by surprise. This book was very helpful in assuring me that my feelings were normal and I was not coming unhinged as I feared. It took about 5 years to get to a place where I'd really worked through the issues the divorce created and/or unearthed, but this book gave me the freedom to take that time, rather than expecting myself to "just get over it". I recommend this book to everyone I meet who is in the midst of this issue, whether an adult child or the divorcing parent of an adult child.

There aren't many books that deal with the effect of divorce on college age and adult children. This book is readable, clear and on-target. It describes (using lots of real life stories) the issues that come up and the pain involved. It gives some practical advice, and shows that there is a way to emerge on the other side.

At first I balked at paying $60+ for a used book, but as I've continued to look, I have found nothing that comes close to this one, and I have found some bad books. So it's worth the high price.

My mother heard about this book (coincidentally authored by two women from my hometown) and found a used copy to send me when I was 25 and my parents were divorcing. Reading it was the best thing that happened to me during a REALLY dark couple of months.

I'm an only child and to this day don't really know anyone else who has lived through the divorce of their parents at that age. It's an entirely different emotional journey than what one might experience as a child and it's easy to feel completely alone in it. This book provided reassurance, through the voices of hundreds of others, that what I was feeling was completely normal and gave me the courage to believe that I wouldn't be so utterly devastated forever. If you, your son or daughter, or an adult you know is struggling with the divorce of parents after many years of marriage - FIND THIS BOOK! It's truly a shame that it is out of print.

As a divorced woman with adult children, I was looking for better understanding on the effects of divorce upon them. This book is a thorough study of ramifications and possible solutions for reconciliation.

I read this book within a couple years of my parents' divorce. I couldn't believe it was so hard to find literature on the subject that spoke to the issue of later-stage divorce, in particular offering advice and support to children involved. This was a very good read which helped me through hard times. It gave me a lot of perspective and things to think about; some of the wisdom I passed on to siblings as we processed things together in the aftermath of our parents' divorce, which was difficult for all of us.

I had to find this book second hand, from a library, as it is unfortunately out of print. It was well worth the trouble and the wait. I so so wish that I had read this book the day my husband moved out. It would have helped tremendously in understanding not only the behavior of my college aged daughter but mine as well. Two years after the divorce we are still feeling the effects and now, reading this book for the first time, I am amazed at how spot on so many of the authors' observations are and how I see myself and my children on the pages. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is trying to navigate the tortuous road of divorce