Customer Reviews

The Grieving Garden: Living with the Death of a Child

5 star:		(26)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I bought this book to preview before giving it to a dear friend who had just lost a daughter to cancer before deciding if I should pass it along to her. I read it in one night and found it captivating, sensitive, practical, and inspiring. It presented issues, and possible suggestions to solutions for those issues, which I never would have even anticipated. My friend will now be able to anticipate the shock of the first time someone asks her "So how many children do you have?" and she will know that her feelings of overprotection for her remaining daughter are normal and to be expected. This book will also help her to know that eventually, she will see a tiny light at the end of this very deep tunnel in which she now exists, and that in time, that light will brighten. This book inspires those who grieve to learn that the human spirit can indeed face a new day while at the same time honoring the memory of those we will always hold dear.

My 18 year old son died suddenly 10 months ago. I have read many, many grief books since my world shattered. I found this book very helpful. Hearing from 22 other parents and how they dealt with their horrific loss somehow helped me deal with mine.

The twenty two parents who contributed their stories to this book have given a precious gift to the world. Their stories of how they survived the loss of their child is like holding 22 fragile hearts who have been pulled through the fire by the worst fate that can befall a parent. Each of them digs deeply, courageously and honestly into their memories and feelings.

I cried as I was reading this book. I cried for the parents' loss; I cried in admiration for their courage. I cried in gratitude that I was not one of the twenty two parents.

Life is fragile and destiny is uncertain. To the community of parents who are faced with this life-altering tragedy, this book will be a comforting, spiritual and practical guide that they are not alone on their journey.

To those of us who know a parent who suffers from the death of a child, we have been given new insight into how to comfort them. We should also get them this book.

To those of us who pray never to suffer the loss of a child, now, right now, tell your child how much you love them. You can give them and yourself no greater gift.

What courage and love it took for the authors to pull this book together!

As a bereaved parent who has survived almost seven years since the death of my daughter I can honestly say this book is a gift to anyone who has lost a child. The editors take the experiences of 22 bereaved parents and address the difficult questions each of bereaved parent faces in their grief journey. This book provides a valuable source of support to those who are enduring an intense grief journey...it will speak to every parent, it will show them they are not alone in this struggle and they can survive the loss of a child. Others have trod this path before and survived.
Just reading the stories of the contributors was comforting and it was reassuring that other parent's face the same questions, struggles and hurdles as I did. I wish this book was available in the early part of my grief journey and I am glad I have a copy now as I think I will find it a great source of support and solace in the future.

The book tells real stories of about real children, but organized by the issues the parents must face. But the Grieving Garden isn't just for parents who have lost a child. It is a must read for all of us who have friends or relatives who have experienced the unthinkable, all of us who have been at a total loss for words to express our shock and sympathy. While full of pain, it is full of hope for the continuance of life, of faith. It will help anyone trying to work through loss and grief.

As a mother who is learning to live with the death of her son and as an experienced psychotherapist, I have found this book to be profoundly wise and comforting. Like a rich garden, this is a book that can be visited often, for either brief,energizing and inspiring moments, or for longer and more focused "working" interludes that generate deep reflection. You can "walk" this Garden at your own pace and follow your own path,or refer to the "map" offered by the editors of the book, who know the grieving process through their own heartbreaking experiences. 22 parents share 22 unique stories, organized around the poignant themes and questions so familiar to all grieving parents at different points in their journeys, from surviving the first few days to reaching out to others many years later.I shall keep this book in close reach and share it with many other parents whose hearts have been broken by unspeakable losses.

After my daughter died, and then another shocking death of my grand-daughter, not only did I feel shut out of the world, but confused that my grief seemed so private. I felt so disconnected from the world. This amazing book helped me realize that we all grieve differently. There is no right or wrong way. I understood my feelings after reading the insightful and varied reactions by the wonderful writers of "The Grieving Garden". Thank you for settling my soul.

Reviewed by Marilyn Doak, Sent by David Lake
Green Valley, Arizona

Losing a child is undoubtedly the single worst thing that can befall any parent. "The Grieving Garden" includes the stories of 22 bereaved parents who explore the impact of this tragedy on their lives and it touches on 24 issues which are common to many of them.

Gilbert and Redfern have included a diverse group of men and women who have lost a child to accident, disease, murder, and suicide. The parents' perspective is presented in their own words without analysis or interpretation.

The Grieving Garden demonstrates several commonalities of the parents' responses to this tragedy: sadness, of course, but also a tremendous sense of isolation. Friends and relatives simply don't know what to say; the ones who seem to understand best and provide comfort are the people who have experienced a similar loss. For that reason, this book is a must-read for any parent who has lost a child and for anyone who knows someone who has lost a child.

My 35 year old daughter died 14 months ago. She was my true soul mate, my best friend, and my reason for living. I have read so many books of this type and still find no comfort in any of them. I do believe this was a well thought-out book, different than the rest, with personal interviews of couples in various stages of grief. I have to emphasize the word "couples" because I am not a "couple" but a single, divorced Mother who has been dealing with Leukemia and all its treatments since my daughter was 5 years old. As I find my situation is different than most, it is hard to relate to comments from people who are grieving the loss of a child where there is so much support from family, friends, clergy, and others. Resources that are not there for me. And maybe I am looking to a book to ease my mind, knowing others feel the way I do. Maybe it is just not the right time, or the right resource to find any comfort. Many reviewers have not experienced such a loss, but use this book as a guideline to learn and understand what their friend(s) are going through. I applaud their compassion and their search for a way to help, when it is so much easier to just walk away from life's pain and suffering. The world needs a lot more people like you. I thank you for the help you are giving to others.

So many grief books ask parents to go to a place of acceptance and gratitude - long before they are ready. At least that was (and is!) true for me. This book tells it like it, this path of agony, is: challenging, painful, relentless, and far longer than anyone thinks. I especially appreciated the perspective of older parents, of which I am one, and parents who have one or no other children, without the possibility or choice to have another. The wisdom, the honesty, the application to my life....it took my breath away.

Nancy Levin, Ph.D.