Ground Rules: What I Learned My Daughter's Fifteenth Year [Hardcover]

Sherril Jaffe (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1997

Ground Rules: What I Learned My Daughter's Fifteenth Year is a groundbreaking memoir of navigating the most treacherous of human terrains; the parenting of adolescents. Sherril Jaffe takes you inside a household turned upside down by that sullen, foul-mouthed, impossible, and beloved creature - the teenager. Jaffe is powerless to keep her daughter Rebekah from running away, breaking curfew, and treating both her and her husband, a rabbi, with contempt. A younger daughter, Beanie, conspires with her sister to thwart her parents, stealing their money, lying to them, and dyeing her hair purple just before her bat mitzvah. Jaffe admits her confusions - the wild swings between permissiveness and discipline, between siding with teenage rebellion and crackdown - yet still questions the conventional wisdom of parenting "experts." By turns comical, hysterical, and deadly serious, Sherril Jaffe has created a page turner from the ordinary material of real life. Ground Rules will give heart to anyone raising a teenager and remind those who have forgotten what it was like to be one.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Sherril Jaffe's memoir Ground Rules: What I Learned My Daughter's Fifteenth Year is a funny and horrifying memoir about a year in her life as mother to two rebellious teens: Rebekah, a 14-year-old torturing her parents by smoking, cutting school, and running away from home, and her younger sister Beanie. Jaffe and her husband, an orthodox rabbi, try everything to get control of Rebekah, from therapists and counselors (seven in one year) to threats of boarding school and disciplinary measures. Nothing works until Jaffe and her husband begin to undo the years of fear and distrust and start to accept Rebekah on her own terms. Jaffe's memoir is a disturbing, moving, and well-written reminder to readers about the delicacy of teenagers--and parents.

From School Library Journal

YA. A novel about the clash between mother and daughter, told from the mother's point of view. The woman describes the year in which Rebekah turns 15, and her younger daughter, Beanie, turns 13. The family seems to be an average one, but the older girl becomes increasingly unhappy, uncooperative, confrontational, and defiant. Whatever her mother and rabbi father say and/or do proves ineffectual, and exacerbates the tension. The family harmony unravels at a precipitous rate, and even professional help brings no improvement. The mother feels angry, inadequate, helpless, and ultimately terrified that her daughter will run away. The story is absorbing, fast-paced and easy to read. The characters are believable, and the description of the conflicting loyalties that pull Beanie between her mother and her sister are poignant. There is no sunshine-happy ending, but there is hope. YAs will intuitively understand Rebekah, and side with her, but they will be exposed to the raw anguish that the mother feels when her child is so desolate, yet unable to say just what is wrong. Even at the end of the story, Rebekah cannot articulate what is wrong. Some YAs will find that frustrating, while others will see that this is how things often are. This book may enable teens to gain some new insights into parents' struggles to navigate the choppy waters of adolescence. There is no "Mother Knows Best" here, but there is the beginning of a process of healing for the entire family.?Judy Sokoll, formerly at Fairfax County Public Library,
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Kodansha Amer Inc (May 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1568361726
• ISBN-13: 978-1568361727
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.7 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,173,953 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

sherril is a professor of creative writing at sonoma state university and lives in san francisco. she is the winner of a 2001 PEN award and a 2010 MacDowell Fellowship.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Glad I didnt have to wear her shoes, November 15, 2003

By 

Peggy Vincent "author and reader" (Oakland, CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Ground Rules: What I Learned My Daughter's Fifteenth Year (Hardcover)

Imagine being married to the local San Francisco rabbi. Then imagine having the 15yo daughter from hell, complete with runaway episodes, truant behavior, the works. Sherril Jaffe had to deal with all of it, and she tells us the trials of her parenting efforts as she tries to understand, discipline, and help her older daughter thru the trials of adolescence while, at the same time, trying to hold the family together. And all of it is done under the eyes of her husband's congregation. Jaffe gets points for her honesty and humor.
Oy vey.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful book to read and re-read, March 18, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Ground Rules: What I Learned My Daughter's Fifteenth Year (Hardcover)

Sherril Jaffe's poetic approach to the description of her daughters' teen years is engaging and charming. For anyone who has ever coped with a rebellious teenager, or who has known someone who has, this book will have the ring of truth. The author's ability to create short chapters, each of which not only describes an event in the life of their family, but also illuminates a larger truth, gives the reader much more to think about than the "plot" material would indicate. Perhaps this mother, or these parents, did not do everything right in raising their daughters, but there are few who do; the obvious care and love which underlie their actions are universal and give the reader the impression that, in the long run, things will turn out well. So often parents believe that they are the only ones going through hard times with their teens; this book, which I have lent to several parents whose teens seemed out-of-control at the moment, despite good parenting, makes one realize that a little humor goes a long way in raising children, and that the darkest times may not be completely bleak. This is a book that allows one to keep a sense of perspective on difficulties and the author must be commended for her ability to realize that everything changes, and so will family life and the behavior of children.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful book, bittersweet, reads like a good novel, April 19, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Ground Rules: What I Learned My Daughter's Fifteenth Year (Hardcover)

Don't mistake this for a how-to book. It's much more... an intriguing memoir. Ground Rules reads like quality fiction. A big part of its appeal is the humor.