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How to Grow a Second Skin for Your Soul: For Those Who Feel Hurt, Judged, Criticized, Abandoned, Invalidated When Someone Else Acts like a Jerk Paperback – October 10, 2002


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 231 pages
  • Publisher: Oaklea Press; 1st edition (October 10, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1892538083
  • ISBN-13: 978-1892538086
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,970,447 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Alisa S. Burgess, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice who works extensively with adults and couples, specializing in issues to do with relationships and individuation. She graduated with Honors and Distinction from The University of California at Berkeley, and received her doctorate degree in clinical psychology from The California School of Professional Psychology (C.S.P.P.) in Berkeley/Alameda.

Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
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This book has really made an impact on my life!!!
Molly Ghossein
Dr. Burgess has written an amazing book that combines easy to understand psychological guidance with wonderful spiritual concepts.
Roseanne Fox
It will help improve your understanding of yourself and assist you in becoming the best version of yourself.
Vanessa Brownstein

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful By Metaphysician on April 27, 2003
Format: Paperback
A couple of people reviewing in this space gave this book one star, the lowest rating, apparently because they think it is more "spiritual" to let people walk all over you. The truth is, this book can help you become more spiritual, and a much happier person, by helping you to build strong boundaries, a solid sense of self. Only when you have done so are you truly free to grow into the spiritual being you were meant to be. When you are comfortable within your own skin, you are in a much better place to relate to and be compassionate toward others. Realize this. This solid sense of self, once created, will become the vehicle for your growth to a new and higher level of consciousness. If you are someone who is constantly hurt by others, who worries what others think of you, who says "yes" when in your heart you are thinking "no," get this book and begin moving off the deadend level you are stuck on. You CAN be the person you were meant to be. That's the message and the aim of this book. For goodness sake don't wait. Begin today. You owe it to yourself and your Maker.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 16, 2003
Format: Paperback
If you are an extremely decent and sensitive person who has been hurt repeatedly by others and unable to understand why others are hurting you and how to respond because you do not want to become "not nice," this book is for you. If in addition you enjoy clear and logical (almost scientific) explanations and easy to remember visualizations you are going to love this book. Dr Burgess finds the right words to approach feelings, fears, and emotions in the most logical way and provides answers to the questions I could not find anywhere else.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Marilyn M Cabak on July 16, 2003
Format: Paperback
"How To Grow A Second Skin For Your Soul" is by far the best book that has ever been written on the topic of Boundaries, Relationships and developing a solid sense of self. Dr. Burgess knows her material well and teachers with a style that is both engaging and practical. Two particularly helpful `tools' were envisioning a "semi-permeable" bubble shield around you to keep out the "bad" while letting in the "good", as well as categorizing people into the "no", "maybe" and "yes" categories in order to discern the difference between malevolent and benevolent encounters (and in order to "see energy clearly"). The author offers verbal responses and tips for handling people you have categorized into the "no" and "maybe" categories as well as offering visualization and energetic techniques to help one stay centered when triggers and assaults occur. She guides you through the developmental process of growing through your fears to be able to speak the truth and become spiritually "free" from perceived oppressing energy, such as fear of judgment, criticism, guilt, abandonment and ostracism. And she guides you through the process of healing your heart in order to be able to trust and "let in the good" and to reach a space of neutrality, healthy self-esteem and inner peace. This is the first book to weave psychology with metaphysical principles and "tools", this approach really spoke to me and made sense. "How To Grow A Second Skin For Your Soul" will change your life in that it will make you emotionally centered, it will help you develop your core, your self-esteem, and your relationship with y our self and others. I enthusiastically and unreservedly recommend this book!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Butterfly TOP 1000 REVIEWER on August 4, 2006
Format: Paperback
This books is truly amazing and lifechanging because it helps one to see the clearer picture. Someone once said insanity is "doing something over and over again expecting to get different results." A majority of my life I was a people pleaser, especially trying to please no-category people (read the book for the definition of yes-no-maybe category people).

This book has been very validating for me because I was able to change my perspective. No longer do I have to go around quenching my anger. I can express my feelings in a helpful manner and stay neutral - that's where the power is - in neutrality. I've been empowered to live a richer life by using some of the techniques in the book. And looking at my life now, I'm surrounded by higher vibrating people. No longer am I a mad woman, expecting to get different results by doing the same thing. I've tried a different approach (thanks to the author) and my life is a wonderful reflection of my new mindset. Woohoo:-)
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Laurie M on June 28, 2003
Format: Paperback
I loved the concept of NO people - those to stay away from for your sanity and safety - and the idea that you KNOW the NOs intuitively and can trust that inner sense.
This book is not your typical self help pablum, not formulaic either. There are no meaningless charts and 'you are here and could be there'diagrams. Dr Burgess is smart and realistic and straightforward in her writing, making the info accessible and attainable.
She doesnt make you feel like a jerk for thinking there are jerks out there- she validates that there ARE people who are cruel and calculating, and how to preserve your soul and sanity when you happen upon such miserable people.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Ariane Eroy on December 5, 2006
Format: Paperback
This is a book that I request many of my new psychotherapy clients to read, as it has proved powerful enough to transform many of my clients' lives.

So many people long for help to outgrow unhealthy family relationships, yet they don't know how. Ordinarily, for most people, such relationships repeat throughout their life-cycle and this can be seen in painful interactions they have may have with critical or controlling bosses, envious or competitive co-workers, unfaithful or hurtful partners.

Employing both evocative analogies and practical real-life examples, Dr. Burgess sheds light on what comprises healthy relationships by characterizing individuals as "yes", "no" or "maybe' categories of people. It is through the use of this unique paradigm that she helps readers to begin to identify and avoid hurtful others (or alternatively to protect themselves in interactions with such people when they cannot be avoided). She also encourages readers to reconsider before appealing to others who are consistently withholding or disrespectful, those whom she refers to as "dry wells."

Such a book empowers readers to such a great extent that when they are done, they are able to heal and actually move beyond the narcissitic wounding they experienced in their family of origin. In this way, they find, perhaps for the first time in their lives, a means to steer clear of unhealthy relationships. Moreover, they not only find themselves in a better position to access their own greater intuition, but also to pursue the life goals that are truly right for them.
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