36 of 40 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Important book with a few problems...., September 2, 2000
This review is from: Grow Up!: How Taking Responsibility Can Make You a Happy Adult (Paperback)
It's a good book, but since the other reviews cover its strong points, let me include the weak ones: Dr. Pittman has a couple of biases that, in my opinion, weaken the book a bit. First, he advances a stay-married-at-all-costs philosophy that doesn't square with reality. On one hand I say, "Thank God someone finally has the courage to confront our national trend to use divorce to demonstrate how much we've 'grown.'" And I applaud his willingness to speak the truth--that divorce is far more devastating to children than the divorce peddlers dare acknowledge. We scratch our divorced heads (while our children fall to violence and suicide), asking, "Gee, what's wrong with kids today?" Hello, they have no fathers!
Dr. Pittman fails to answer satisfactorily why childless couples should "stay married at all costs" or, for that matter, why people who don't plan to have children should get married in the first place. He provides ample reasons not to divorce, but doesn't really address the benefits and potential of marriage. Nor does he speak to the possibility that marriage may simply be growing obsolete. Like it or not, people aren't willing or able to tough it out anymore. Is the answer to "grow up" and act like we used ta'? I don't know. I don't think Dr. Pittman does either. He does, at least, remind us that kids are involved, and kids need two parents with the maturity to put the kids first. That is--or should be--the commitment that goes with the decision to have children.
Thank you, Dr. Pittman, for helping me sort out my growing uneasiness about those hypnotic messages from the PBS children's shows: "You're SPECIAL." "You're great just the way you are." "There's nobody like you." Sounds good, but I've begun to wonder if self-esteem hasn't become a little too divorced from useful activity in the service of something larger than one's self. Dr. Pittman assures us it has, and reminds us that raising our kids into mature adults has everything to do with teaching them not just to be "unique," but to be sensitive and responsible. Our obsession with 'self-esteem' doesn't seem to be turning out healthy adults, does it?
Sadly, for all he does know, Dr. Pittman misses a critical point in the raising of children. On one side, he advises us to stop seeking the easy solution of divorce (for the sake of the children). On the other, he urges both parents out the door to partake in exciting careers, leaving the kids, presumably, to languish in day care. C'mon, Doc, doesn't "growing up" sometimes include forgoing the comfort--even the seeming necessity--of two-incomes in order to raise our own children? If kids aren't merely a "yuppie fashion accessory," couldn't we reduce the size of the house and the number of cars so that mom or dad is with the kids before and after school? It ain't easy (I know!), but grow up. Our kids need us more than they need more stuff--more, even, than they need enough stuff.
Dr. Pittman's second bias: He seems a bit obsessed with the role of sexual stereotyping in the failure of today's marriages. I wonder if this is really as true today as it was for his generation. I just don't see the sort of role inflexibility in the twenty- and thirty-somethings I know as he does.
Shortcomings aside, it's a solid book with a message our society very much needs. Get it for that narcissistic relative of yours. You know the one. Maybe he or she will read it after the next divorce.
Bob Gordon
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21 of 23 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
READ THIS BOOK!, August 4, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Grow Up!: How Taking Responsibility Can Make You a Happy Adult (Paperback)
This book is for all of us struggling to be adults and "do the right thing" in a society which fosters/ rewards irresponsibility and sees adolescence as a way of life rather than a stage we go through on our way to becoming full and compassionate human beings. Dr. Pittman eloquently but humorously addresses how to grow up, take responsibilty for ourselves and get the most out of our lives while debunking the myths which keep many of us entrenched in out-dated roles/expectations and unhappiness. It is a quick read and at times I laughed outloud at the authors candor and references to movies which substantiated his points.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
One of the best clinical books in my 30+ clinical years., October 15, 1998
By A Customer
Frank's previous books were great, but I have never recommended any one book so many times to so many of my clients in so little time. They have all reported gaining good insights into their behavior, to say nothing about changing their behavior and improving their relationships. P. 79 is especially "enjoyed" by controlling men!
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