Growing Yourself Back Up [Paperback]

John Lee (Author)

Book Description

Release date: January 23, 2001

Someone pushes your buttons . . . you feel rage . . . fear . . . sweaty palms . . . unbidden tears . . . you feel like a kid . . .

We've all experienced moments when we lose control of a situation and ourselves. Now, in Growing Yourself Back Up, the first book to explain the idea of emotional regression to the general reader, bestselling author John Lee identifies the circumstances that cause these seemingly uncontrollable feelings and shows how they are directly tied to our experience as children.

No adult, explains Lee, need ever experience the helpless feelings of childhood again. Here are his proven methods and visualization exercises, developed in his popular workshops, for recognizing, preventing, and diffusing regression in ourselves and others. He teaches, for example, that adults cannot be abandoned, they can only be left; if we're feeling abandoned we're regressing. He also reminds us that no matter how overwhelmed we are, adults always have options; if we believe we don't, we're in a regression.

Growing Yourself Back Up will show you how to:
* develop strong emotional boundaries and convey them to others
* learn the Detour Method that reverses regression
* confront without regressing
* communicate with the authority figures who push your buttons
* minimize regression at family functions

Lee offers hope--as well as practical strategies that work--for conquering those childlike feelings of powerlessness that are almost always rooted in regression.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Someone pushes your buttons . . . you feel rage . . . fear . . . sweaty palms . . . unbidden tears . . . you feel like a kid . . .

We've all experienced moments when we lose control of a situation and ourselves. Now, in Growing Yourself Back Up, the first book to explain the idea of emotional regression to the general reader, bestselling author John Lee identifies the circumstances that cause these seemingly uncontrollable feelings and shows how they are directly tied to our experience as children.

No adult, explains Lee, need ever experience the helpless feelings of childhood again. Here are his proven methods and visualization exercises, developed in his popular workshops, for recognizing, preventing, and diffusing regression in ourselves and others. He teaches, for example, that adults cannot be abandoned, they can only be left; if we're feeling abandoned we're regressing. He also reminds us that no matter how overwhelmed we are, adults always have options; if we believe we don't, we're in a regression.

Growing Yourself Back Up will show you how to:
* develop strong emotional boundaries and convey them to others
* learn the Detour Method that reverses regression
* confront without regressing
* communicate with the authority figures who push your buttons
* minimize regression at family functions

Lee offers hope--as well as practical strategies that work--for conquering those childlike feelings of powerlessness that are almost always rooted in regression.

About the Author

John Lee is the author of the bestselling Flying Boy series, as well as Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately and Writing from the Body. He lives in Woodstock, Georgia, with his wife, Susan, and conducts workshops around the country.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press; 1 edition (January 23, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609806416
• ISBN-13: 978-0609806418
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 7.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #68,824 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #17 in Books > Self-Help > Inner Child

More About the Author

For most of my career I've been writing self-help and psychology books (24 published), but I have also written fiction.


My latest book, The Half-Lived Life: Overcoming Passivity and Rediscovering Your Authentic Self, came out in 2012 and I'm already working on the next one!


In addition to writing I'm also a public speaker, teacher, consultant and life coach. My areas of expertise are passivity, emotional regression, anger management, recovery, relationships, men's issues, spirituality and creativity.


I've been fortunate enough to have been featured on Oprah 3 times and have also appeared on 20/20, Dr. Oz radio program, The View, CNN, PBS, and NPR.


As a consultant and trainer I've worked with The Betty Ford Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, Hanley Center, Guy's Hospital (London, England), The New York Open Center, South Pacific Hospital (Sydney, Australia), Mountain Area Health and Education Center (North Carolina) and numerous others.


Before becoming a writer I was a professor at the University of Texas and Alabama. I live in Austin, TX with my wife, Susan, and an ever-growing group of animals. We also have a home in Mentone, AL.


If you want more info, please visit my site at www.johnleebooks.com or visit my facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/jleemain

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

31 of 33 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Never too old August 28, 2001

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

Having been trained in psychology, I am familiar with theories of regression. John Lee brings this concept down to such a practical and real level that I found myself changing without even trying. If you are stuck in patterns of behavior that you know aren't helping, this should provide some real understanding of how to get unstuck. Even my wife of 32 years has commented on the changes in me. I am buying 2 more copies, to give to my adult children. I hope they don't have to be stuck as long as I was.

28 of 30 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Good book on how to not live in your past June 15, 2001

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

Attention, empathy, time, touch and release. These are the five things that John Lee explains will bring you back from regression. These things ring true from my experience. When I'm willing to take a risk, be present, connect with people and let go of old junk I don't get sucked into old family patterns. "Growing Yourself Back Up" is a wonderful book, committed to helping us all spend more time in the here and now and less time in the trances of our past. This book is chock full of tips and techniques for coming back from the past and being present now. It highlights the traps that send us off into regression and gives strategies on how to avoid falling into them. There's quite helpful information about how to confront others while minimizing the risk you'll get verbally abused.

While the information in this book is not rocket science or new technology, it does provide a nice summary of common sense be-in-the-moment assertiveness techniques.

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Best kept secret and most useful recovery book on the market March 20, 2004

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

After many years of study on conflict and peace-making , I was amazed by the usefulness and wonderful information packed into this small book in a readable, easy-to-understand style. This book has lead to more positive life changes than any other book I have encountered. Both my husband and I read it in one afternoon and have used what we learned everyday since and have shared it with many others. A must-read for any person who would like more understanding of interactions with other people and better relationships in all areas of life.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Unbelievably Useful and integrates well into your current life July 22, 2009

By M. Corrigan

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Growing Yourself Back Up by John Lee
I stumbled upon this book by accident; some Men that I know asked if I could go hear a talk with the author. I was busy, so I declined and the flyer of his talk, long lost now, encouraged me to look the author up. I'd forgotten the topic of the flyer, but this book captivated me quickly.

This book was a small and bearable read, meaning the personal work, for me did not seem so emotionally intense. Regression is the reaction we have when something happening in the present triggers a memory in our bodies about something that happened in the past. One of the largest themes was that Adults have choice, where as children we did not. If the triggers are right, adults can be right back in the mind of their prior childhood reacting to the world and feeling helpless with no way out.

John introduces the red flags of regression which are irritations, hurts, and reactions that just sort of pop out all the sudden leaving us shamed, blamed, demeaned, demoralized, criticized, analyzed, preached and taught. One of the takeaways is that if you are the one who is shaming, blaming, demeaning, demoralizing, criticizing, analyzing, preaching, and teaching, you are already regressed. Moving all of these out of the way there is little more to say and take responsibility for is that you are angry.

The causes are many and simple, hence as sentient beings we are in a sense always in some manifestation of regression. For me, the primary Physical symptom is being hungry, but too exhausted for me to fix something to eat. The primary Psychological symptom is loneliness. The solutions are also simple, and do take work on your part....
Attention, empathy, time, touch and release. One of the most astounding of these are regarding empathy and touch. If a loved one needs your empathy and you sympathize with them, you subtly rob them of their feelings. What they are need is to feel understood and reassured that they are not the only one. The next of which I have been a victim of is inappropriate touch, and I am now aware of how I subtly victimize others with the same thing. The point is emotional stealing, touching or coercing another human being because you yourself would like to be touched that way, such as a mother hugging her son `in order to' receive a hug in return. There is a subtle robbery that can feel like your energy is being sucked from you, but you cannot quite explain why. Those are a few examples that are very relevant to me.

The book continues to the fertile ground for regression... the family. I have put up with / regressed into some of my own family members antics. These are things that I would tolerate from no other relationship in my life. It goes on to preview the interaction of Regression and authority figures, regression in the workplace, and most importantly to me regression with lovers and friends.

It boils down to a Corollary of the Golden Rule...
The Superior Platinum Rule is, and I want to print this on a t-shirt...
`Give onto others what they would want and ask them to give onto you what you want.'

The last part of the book deals with regression and rearing children. I don't have children, but it was a preview of what could have been, or in the future how things can be. Feeling the sadness and anger over what could have been, yet having the Grace and mercy upon myself to now have a toolbox of skills to use.

To me while I was reading the book I became very aware of my loneliness. I noticed it as a source of great anguish and irritation. The `thing' in my life that will `never' go away. In my meditation that evening I had an image of myself, very young, six or seven being told `You're grounded to your room for two weeks!' I don't remember what I did to get that punishment, but I sure interpreted it as being unlovable and unworthy to be a part of the family. This was a huge insight into my childhood which for the most part is blanked out with armoring. This little nugget has led to several more breakthroughs and letting stuff go. I am filled with gratitude to have been reading this book at this time in my life.
A big Thank You & Aho! to John Lee. Now when loneliness creeps in I know where it comes from, and I am also aware that I have choice, I'm not really 'grounded to my room!' Read more ›

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The only self-help book you'll ever really need.... October 8, 2010

By Beau Williams

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Excellent; excellent book. First of all, it's the most laymen-friendly book regarding this kind of topic I've ever read. It's not intimidating, aloof or lecturing...in fact, it reads as if you were having a casual discussion with a long-time friend. Second; The examples actually reflect what the author is describing and come from real-life situations - thus, making it far easier for the reader to integrate the knowledge into their own life. Finally, and most importantly; by the time you finish, you come to understand how huge a role regression can play in whatever your personal issues may be - whether it's involves relationships, communication, work-related, or self-image. I had always felt comfortable with my knowledge of this topic, and how it may have affected me, but this allowed me to frame my thoughts in such a way that I'm now converting many of the discussions into exercises to help me get a grip on all of those "demons" which have plauged me all my life. So, while this may not truly amount to "the only self-help book you'll ever really need", if you read this first, all of the others will surely make a lot more sense!

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This little book will change your life in big ways! July 24, 2006

By Marie

Format:Paperback

This book applies to everyone! I was at lunch with a few people at a workshop this weekend and the topic of this book came up and we all spontaneously gave testimonials on how "Growing Yourself Back Up" has changed our lives. That is almost always the response I hear from people who read this book, that it changed their lives. I have shared this book with the people I love and I have deeper relationships with all those who embraced this work.

John Lee writes from the heart about things that matter so much, yet we never talk about. It is clear in his style that his knowing comes from his own journey of self-discovery. The truth in it touches deep places in the reader.