Customer Reviews

Guide to Pirate Parenting

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

While somewhat researched and offering some fun and useful tips, as a Pirate-themed book I was left disappointed and wishing for more. This book, my friends, is a decent rough draft of a good idea someone had and then didn't follow through with. The reviews made it seem awesome. The reality bored me to death. Ah, what could have been. If I get the itch, I'll write the proper edition. For fans of Pirates, I'd say steer clear. For everyone else who doesn't mind a lame pirate joke... go for it.

Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's Guide To Pirate Parenting
By Tim Bete
Copyright 2007 Tim Bete
Published by Cold Tree Press

Our hero, Tim Bete, sits at the bar where he meets, Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall.

While Cap'n Billy regales him with stories of high sea adventure, and bilge rat extermination, Tim let's it slip that he's a writer.

Our favorite diaperless father is offered the chance of a lifetime.

"I'm going to tell you how to raise kids to be pirates and you're going to put it all in a book."

While the offer doesn't immediately show great promise, Tim's alternative of walking the plank is a most effective stimulant to accept.

What ensues is a hilarious evenings read.

Leave it to Tim to convince me we missed a great opportunity to raise our kids as pirates. Thank goodness we now have grandchildren to correct the transgression.

Not having the minivan mentioned in Tim's book, we're making plans to convert the deck to a pirate schooner. I can't wait to see the look on Preacher's face the first time Joshua "Pink Eye" Barnes calls him a land lubber.

You'll love this funny take on child rearing. I just have one warning, set the rum aside as you read, especially if you are near any open flames. Spit-takes can be dangerous.

Renee' Barnes
[...]

With the popularity of movies like Pirates of the Caribbean, and the daily insanity involved parenting kids, it didn't take long for humor author Tim Bete to put it all together in his latest book Cap'N Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's Guide to Pirate Parenting.

Keeping a sense of humor is vital to every mom and dad's success in the wild adventure of parenting. And Bete does it best.

"Most parents have been on the wrong end of a mutiny at one time or another" says Bete, "My book teaches parents every aspect of pirate growth and development - from baby pirate care through the teen years - so their kids can become self-respecting swashbucklers of the high seas or suburbs."

I have often said that my kids are like Picky Eater Pirates, pillaging and plundering the joy from our family dinners with words like "Yuck!" and statements like "What is THAT?"

Up until now, I just thought I was the only one raising pirates! It's so good to k know I'm not alone out here on the salty seas!

If you haven't slept through the night in years, are awakened by someone standing 2 inches from your face breathing on your nose, and spend your days using a hook and pulley system to get over the Mount Everest pile of dirty laundry on your floors, then you need to learn to laugh at life. Chuckle at the daily stresses and demands of parenting. And Guide to Pirate Parenting is for YOU!

In that laughter, you might just find the strength to get out of bed each day and face the morning without Lucky Charms in the pantry.

Trish Berg
Author of:
The Great American Supper Swap - Solving the Busy Woman's Family Dinnertime Dilemma
and
Rattled: Surviving Your Baby's First Year Without Losing Your Cool

What do you do when you run into a pirate who just so happens to have co-authored a book on Pirate Parenting?

I guess it depends on where his hook is resting.

If you're like me and love to laugh, and you have a sick and twisted mind, you buy his book, read it, review it and ask a few questions.

You've got to have an edgy sense of humor to enjoy this book which may hang out a little closer to fiction than non-fiction - which is probably good.

My patient hubby smiled as I shared some great gems. He shook his head, but didn't make me stop quoting.

The "Me cat kittened in my mouth" Q and A ended up being worth the cost of admission - two Abes and a George (11 bucks). Several rewritten nursery rhymes, songs and other great stuff only increased my enjoyment. A check list at the end of each section forces me to give my stamp of approval.

A quick test to see if you'd appreciate Pirate Parenting.

Creative discipline techniques are your forte. T or F.

You have a child who once cried because you called another child "geek" and forgot to toss him a "term of endearment." T or F.

Pirate talk amuses you. T or F.

You laugh when someone falls. T or F.

Wally from Dilbert is way funnier than Garfield. T or F

You often quote lines from Pink Panther movies i.e "Does your dig bite?" T or F

You laugh out loud at Dave Barry, Patrick McManus or
Dear Abby. T or F


If you can answer true to most of these, I believe you won't regret your $10.95 investment. Not only is it only slightly more expensive than the price of a movie, it's a very fast read.

Sure, you're not going to unbury a treasure of usable parenting tricks, but the imagination stimulation will almost make parenting fun. You don't actually have to serve them salt cod to appreciate the fact that you can tell them you are. Plank walking - arghh - who sez the plank has to be suspended over the ocean, matey?

If laughter is the best medicine, then I imagine that also applies to anti-anxiety meds. Think about it. The co-pay to the drugstore, or the opportunity to laugh your cares away?

Read Tim Bete's interview for further information at [...] May 21, 2007. If you are amused with his interview - I think you'll like the book. Check out his web page for some great endorsements.

Attention: Ye Landlubbers!

Would you like to raise your children as pirates?
If so, this is the guide you need.

Pirates have been making headlines in the news. These pirates are professional criminals who prey on unarmed merchant ships in distant seas. This subject is not a joking matter and most people agree that these pirates should be held accountable for their actions.

However, there is plenty of room in the pirate world for this tongue-in-cheek parenting guide. I think we are all ready for a good laugh and this book is just what the doctor ordered. "Guide to Pirate Parenting" by Tim Bete will have you rolling on the floor in laughter. Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall explains why you should raise your kids as pirates and 101 tips on how to do it.

I especially enjoyed the pirate nursery rhymes in this book. Here is one of my favorites;

Cap'n Billy (Old MacDonald)
"Cap'n Billy had a ship, E-I-Yo-Ho-Ho
And on his ship he had a crew, E-I-Yo-Ho-Ho
With an "Arrr, Arr" here and an "Arrr, Arrr" there,
Here an "Arrr," there an "Arrr," everywhere an "Arrr, Arr,"
Cap'n Billy had a ship, E-I-Yo-Ho-Ho"

There is a very entertaining chapter about how to convert your minivan into a pirate schooner. Cap'n Billy says, "Without a ship, a pirate is just a pathetic landlubber with an eye patch". Cap'n Billy says that every pirate schooner needs an appropriate pirate bumper sticker. Here are some of my favorites;

"Caution: I brake for buried treasure"
"My other ship is an aircraft carrier"
"My pirate kidnapped your honor student"
"I killed a bottle of rum just to watch it die"

Parenting is a serious responsibility that requires much love, patience and time. "Guide to Pirate Parenting" encourages parents to lighten-up and have some fun. This book is written for adults but there are many sections that could be shared with a child. Get ready to set sail on a hilarious adventure of laughter and joy!

Never before has raising a pirate been so easy!

Guide to Pirate Parenting
Hey dads, do you want to raise your kids to be pirates? Of course you do - what dad wouldn't want his own little pirate crew? Then read Cap'N Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's Guide to Pirate Parenting and you'll have your little scallywags on the path to a lucrative and adventurous career as pirates in no time. If you still need convincing that this is a good idea (after all, the Guide does state that "Raising your children to be pirates is like dusting the living room with a leaf blower"), a helpful Introduction is provided on the merits of raising your children to be pirates. This includes a Top Ten list of convincing arguments such as "When other parents hear you're raising your children as pirates, they'll stop asking you to volunteer at school."

In succeeding chapters, Cap'N Billy dispenses advice on raising your little pirate from the potty training years ("Fill your toilet with toy ships and let your pirate fire away") to the signs that your grown pirate is ready to leave home ("Your child is already wanted in 16 states and on three oceans"). There are helpful chapters on Quelling Mutinies, Scurvy and Hook Injuries, and How to Convert Your Minivan into a Pirate Schooner. Handy tips for living a pirate parent lifestyle abound, including buying a fresh whole squid to use for diaper changing practice, the best way to train your children to eat during a category-5 hurricane, and how to convert even peaceful-sounding Amish names into terrifying pirate names like Rebecca "Bloody Quilt" Fisher. Humorous and at its best when it hits close to home (let's face it, your kids probably do already smell like pirates), the Guide to Pirate Parenting will put a smile on any dad's face. Follow its advice and you and your little pirates can soon begin terrorizing the Seven Seas, or at least your local Seven-Eleven. Aaargh!

The entire mini-van chapter is a MUST READ!!!!! Ahoy! - You in the SUV! Prepare to boarded!

Length:: 2:23 Mins

I'm Tim Bete, the author of GUIDE TO PIRATE PARENTING. This hilarious two-minute video describes how I met Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall, why YOU should raise your kids as pirates, and why you NEED to buy this book.

Reviewed by Susan Pettrone for Reader Views (5/07)

As I am the parent of pirate "Barnacle Boo" who eats, sleeps and dreams all things pirate, I was both hesitant and eager to read this book. Since said "Barnacle Boo" has his `cabin' (we're not allowed to call it a room anymore...it's his CABIN thank Ye' very much!) arrayed in every bit of pirate memorabilia from fish netting, to personalized cabin sign (thank ye' Uncle Joel!) to hand-painted maps on carpet....I was sincerely wondering what other advice could be given this mother of a sea captain.

I shouldn't have worried. Not only is this book easily read and understood by parents of all grades of pirates, from the very beginning pirate starting in mere infancy, but it also covers the most advanced of pirates with every level in between. With chapters easily found and documented such as "Baby pirates-mapping out your child's future" and "Quelling mutinies-disciplining your pirate," even this mother of a pirate found plenty of advice I had not previously considered, such as under the heading of "shall I maroon my pirate?," the author suggests to ". . . maroon him in the produce section of a grocery store. He won't find anything to eat there." THAT I found not only great advice but a suggestion I wish I'd had during my last shopping trip when said Barnacle Boo decided to push his pirating limits by demanding more sugared "pirate puffs." This mother was pushed to the limit of making Boo walk the plank but since there was no plank available, I settled for a "general pirate grounding from pillaging" instead.

But, as useful as the part on proper pirate discipline was my favorite part of the entire book was the section entitled, "Your Pirates first ship--How to convert your minivan into a Pirate Schooner." I especially enjoyed the section where you are taught how to rename your future vessel with a proper pirate moniker. Somehow "town and county unlimited" didn't have the dashing tone Barnacle Boo desired, but he WAS satisfied with the moniker we worked out from the book. We took the toss of the dice, "Happy Curse" and adapted it to a more sinister level thus...."Barnacle Boo's Bloody Curse" was born. This name my son felt had a rough, tough pirate-like air to it and also showed the vessel had been on many a dangerous voyage! Personally, I have no problem whatsoever with the changes to the minivan, but I do suspect his father will be a bit reluctant to fly the skull and crossbones through the sunroof....but as Barnacle Boo says, "We'll cross that gangplank when we come to it!"

Seriously, I do have a son who is crazy for pirates and he does have a room that is pirate-themed. He is a creative child and it takes all my energies to keep up with him and his thirst for new creative pirate items. This book gave me not only a chuckle but did stir the imagination with more than one idea within its pages. And I found myself laughing aloud on more than one occasion, when I realized how very much some of the articles mirrored my 8-year-old pirate son!

Both Barnacle Boo and I heartily recommend "Cap'n Billy `The Butcher' MacDougall's Guide to Pirate Parenting" for all parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles or others who have a pirate loving child in their life, for even though the title states "Pirate Parenting," in my opinion, it is more "pirate loving." For anyone who has a child who adores pirates as mine does, will admit, having a good sense of humor is as all important and having the right treasure map or parrot...for without one of the three, being a pirate is about as worthless as a broken jar of dirt! Savvy?!?

Received book free of charge.

Tim Bete gives us a hysterical look at riasing children as pirates. I was laughing out loud as I read his book and you will too. A must read for every parent no matter what age your children are!