My Gun Has Bullets [Hardcover]

Lee Goldberg (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1995

When Officer Charlie Wills, as the result of a hilariously unlikely series of mishaps, becomes the star of his own television series, he does not suspect the riotous mayhem that will follow, as the mob, a rabid star-dog, and others get in the act.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This brash satire of television fare is as empty as the idiocy it aims to prick. TV screenwriter/producer Goldberg floods the pages with dimwitted entertainment idols, sex and special-effects violence. Esther Radcliffe (read Angela L.), best known as Miss Agatha, the cookie-baking lady who solves mysteries and owns Sunday night across America, is actually a sex-driven harpy who shoots LAPD Officer Charlie Willis (read Bruce) in the stomach when he stops her for speeding. To save Sunday nights, her network bribes Charlie with a show of his own, transforming him into steely detective Derek Thorne on My Gun Has Bullets. Then the mob takes over the production company, and the new head of production starts rubbing out the competition to ensure his top billing in the ratings. Esther meanwhile is being both serviced by the equinely endowed Flint Westwood, who secretly films their indiscretions. When someone puts live ammo in Derek Thorne's gun, Charlie kills a fellow player. Did Esther or the mob supply the bullets? Will Esther murder her top-heavy new co-star, Sabrina Bishop (read Pamela A. of Baywatch)? Lots of T&A and no wit.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Beverly Hills cop Charlie Willis wakes up in the hospital after he is gutshot by the maniac driver of a Rolls Royce he stopped for speeding. The two men in Armani suits awaiting his return to consciousness offer Charlie his own TV series if he fails to identify his assailant, the network's ratings queen, Aunt Agatha. Eight months later he's the star of My Gun Has Bullets. But Charlie soon learns that ratings wars are far more lethal than police work. Charlie and his newfound love, starlet Sabrina Bishop, are menaced by a man-eating canine star, two homicidal but profoundly dumb stuntmen, the psychotic Aunt Agatha, a blackmailing, sex-obsessed series star, a Mob hit man-cum-producer, and a wonderfully ludicrous assortment of TV executives. Writer-producer Goldberg's very funny novel is a pinch of Carl Hiaasen, a dash of Donald Westlake, and a heaping portion of avarice and inanity Hollywood style. It's boffo! Thomas Gaughan

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 262 pages
• Publisher: St Martins Pr; 1st edition (March 1995)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312118627
• ISBN-13: 978-0312118624
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.7 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,451,338 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Screamingly funny, April 6, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: My Gun Has Bullets (Hardcover)

It's incredible that this book is out-of-print already. I ran across it in the library, starting reading the first few pages, and had to run for the desk. Laughing so hard (and so quietly) that the librarians were about to dial 911. Fortunately, one of them had read the book, and understood why I was weeping and gasping for breath. Took it home and had sore stomach and cheek muscles for a week. This is easily among the ten funniest books I've ever read.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars 4 1/2 stars, July 18, 2009

By 

Lynn ODell "Red Adept Reviews - A Blog" (Carolinas) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: My Gun Has Bullets (Charlie Willis) (Kindle Edition)

The Good Stuff:

This is a hilarious satire of the television industry with a little murder and mayhem thrown in. Much of the humor is 'tongue-in-cheek' while other scenes are just plain slapstick.

My favorite part was Charlie getting shot by a little old lady trying to get to the Neiman Marcus sale before it was over.

Let's hope the mob never gets that involved with television; although, if they decided to air more episodes of "The Sopranos", I wouldn't cry over it.

I could see this book in my mind as I read it, like watching a movie. Mr. Goldberg is an extremely talented writer.

The Bad Stuff:

I only caught one small error in plot development. Towards the end, there is a sentence: "This was the first time Charlie Willis had ever heard Delbert Skaggs' voice." This wasn't true as he had previously bugged a phone and heard a voice which was identified by another party as Delbert Skaggs.

There were a few errors in this Kindle edition. It was just the usual conversion typos, such as inserting an 'll' for an 'n'. Nothing too distracting, though.

I do think it would have been better had it focused more on Charlie and developed his character in a deeper manner. It skipped around quite a bit at times, then backtracked. I'm just not as fond of that method.

Overall: Truly funny book. Anyone who understands and enjoys satire, while thinking television is sometimes overrated, will enjoy this book.

Rating: Rated R for language and sexual situations.

Length: Novel - 7050 Locations

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars My Gun is Hilarious, February 11, 2004

By 

Patrick Burnett "penngos" (San Francisco, CA USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: My Gun Has Bullets (Paperback)

Lee Goldberg's My Gun Has Bullets is definitely one of the crazier, funnier books I've come across in a very long time. he situations are broad and unbelievable, but there is enough truth there to make you wonder.

The situation, in which the Mob finances a television series and, when the show doesn't do as well as expected, begins killing off the stars of the competing shows, is not in itself laugh out loud funny, but Goldberg's deft poking manages to create humor out of a silly premise.

The erstwhile star of the book, Charlie Willis, is also the novel's main flaw - he's just too good to be believed. He's a gentle, kind, aw-shucks ex-cop who gets his own TV series. When the competition staerts dropping like flies, he acts like a cop once again, hunting the killers.

If you're interested at all in the makings of a TV program, you'll enjoy this book. Though tongue-in-cheek, there's enough truth to make you think. The comedy is broad, (think Woody Allen's early films), the writing is above-average and the novel is entertaining, What more did you want?