Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men [Hardcover]

Michael Kimmel (Author)

Book Description

Release date: August 26, 2008

Why do so many guys seem stuck between adolescence and adulthood? Why do so many of them fail to launch? Just what is going on with America's young men?

The passage from adolescence to adulthood was once clear, coherent, and relatively secure: in their late teenage years and early twenties, guys "put away childish things" and entered their futures as responsible adults. Today growing up has become more complex and confusing as young men drift casually through college and beyond—hanging out, partying, playing with tech toys, watching sports. But beneath the appearance of a simple extended boyhood, a more dangerous social world has developed, far away from the traditional signposts and cultural signals that once helped boys navigate their way to manhood.

The average young American man today is moving through a new stage of development, a buddy culture unfazed by the demands of parents, girlfriends, jobs, kids, and other nuisances of adult life. Sociologist and gender studies authority Michael Kimmel has identified this territory as "Guyland," a place that is both a stage of life and a new social arena.

Guyland is the locker room writ large: the world where young men both test and prove themselves as men and develop the defining attitudes and self-images they will carry into adulthood. Kimmel has interviewed hundreds of young men ages sixteen to twenty-six in high schools and college fraternity houses, military academies and sports bars, to better understand Guyland's rules and restrictions, its layers of peer pressure and gender policing, its features and artifacts—from the ordinary (video games, sports, and music) to the extreme (violent fraternity initiations, sexual predation).

In mapping the social world where tomorrow's men are made, Kimmel offers a view into the minds and times of America's sons, brothers, and boyfriends, and works toward redefining what it means to be a man today—and tomorrow. Only by understanding this world and this life stage can we enable young men to chart their own paths, to stay true to themselves, and to travel safely through Guyland, emerging as responsible and fully formed men of integrity and honor.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

To a growing list of books about the myths and mysteries of American boys and young males, Kimmel, a sociologist and author of Manhood In America, adds this deft exploration grounded in research. Based on more than 400 interviews, over a four-year span, with young men ages 16–26, Kimmel's study shows that the guys who live in Guyland are mostly white, middle-class, totally confused and cannot commit to their relationships, work or lives. Although they seem baffled by the riddles of manhood and responsibility, they submit to the Guy Code, where locker-room behaviors, sexual conquests, bullying, violence and assuming a cocky jock pose can rule over the sacrifice and conformity of marriage and family. Obsessed with never wanting to grow up, this demographic, which is 22 million strong, craves video games, sports and depersonalized sexual relationships. In the end, Kimmel offers a highly practical guide to male youth. (Sept.)
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Review

“[A] deft exploration grounded in research....Kimmel offers a highly practical guide to male youth.” (Publishers Weekly )

“Engaging...provocative....The book raises important questions....A useful, highly readable overview of an important social phenomenon.” (Kirkus Reviews )

“Michael Kimmel’s Guyland could save the humanity of many young men-and the sanity of their friends and parents-by explaining the forces behind a newly extended adolesence. With accuracy and empathy, he names the problem and offers compassionate bridges to adulthood.” (Gloria Steinem )

“Just as Reviving Ophelia introduced readers to the culture of teenage girls, Guyland takes us to the land of young men.” (Mary Pipher, Ph.D., author of Reviving Ophelia )

“An absolute bombshell of a book. A disturbing, but mandatory wake-up call for all of us who are boys, love boys or raise boys.” (Madeline Levine, Ph.D., author of The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids )

Kimmel calls on us all to see the boy in the pseudo-man, to break the silence with which we surround them, and do what it takes to help them grow into real men.” (Arlie Hochschild, author of The Second Shift, The Time Bind, and The Commercialization of Intimate Life )

“For anyone who has ever longed to know what’s really going on in a young man’s life, rejoice: Guyland is a compassionate, unflinching dispatch from deep in the heart of young masculinity. Required reading for people who raise, teach, and love guys.” (Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in GirlsRachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls )

“Every parent who is about to write a check for college tuition should read this book first and discuss it with his or her son...and daughter.” (Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys )

“Guyland takes up where Real Boys left off...a must-read for parents, teachers, coaches, young women who are so confused by the guys in their midst-and for guys themselves who yearn to break free of unwritten rules that leave them half a man, rather than a whole person.” (William Pollack, author of Real Boys )

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 352 pages
• Publisher: Harper; 1 edition (August 26, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060831340
• ISBN-13: 978-0060831349
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.3 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (60 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #498,869 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

151 of 174 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Mixed Reviews Suggest Something! September 7, 2008

By Robert

Format:Hardcover

It doesn't surprise me that some are going to rip this book to shreds. I don't read to agree with everything the author has to say. I read books like this to push myself to learn, react and discuss with others. I judge books on their ability to make me think about a topic. I also recognize that when an author tries to take on a topic like this there is NO way they are going to cover everything... the book would be 1000's of pages long if they did.

A few of my observations are listed below:

1. As a social-science researcher I, too, wish that Kimmel would have been more specific in detailing his methodology. Those criticizing his research design, lack of comments about about Human Subjects committees, etc, could make the same claim for MANY other research-based books that don't want to bore the average reader this information. It is quite common for those conducting sociological research in more unexplored areas to use qualitative designs - those that just provide observations on a particular group of people. This doesn't make them unscientific, however we should be careful not to generalize these findings to all groups of young men. Kimmel does state early on that most of his observations were about young white middle-class men. Some readers and social-science researchers might like to know a little more about what he actually did. The book in many ways is a phenomenological study that has some limitations, but also much to consider. The "mapping" he has produced is a good starting point for further research.

2. Although this book might describe the majority of white young men, there was little noted about the exceptions to the problems. There are young men out there who live differently......who aren't getting drunk every weekend, hooking up with a different sorority girl each weeknight, or playing video games until 4 in the morning. How do we explain what's going on with them? Probably beyond the scope of the book but readers shouldn't give up complete hope on young men...there are some who are making different choices than those described in the book.

3. Some may criticize the fact that the book lacked Solutions. However, I don't think this was the intent of Kimmel's book. Actually, I would have been disappointed if Kimmel's last chapter was something to the effect of - "Kimmel's 10 steps to better manhood." This is a complex sociological, psychological, economic, educational, family, and dare I suggest, spiritual problem. Solutions won't come from one man or woman, but rather groups of interested parties who are willing to put their jobs and reputations on the line to push for changes in how we interact with boys and young men.

As a 30-something guy who has experienced much of what Kimmel wrote about, I found the book a little spooky. Were his observations about today's young men or did he pull out some data from the years I was in college? At moments, I wondered if Kimmel was writing about my experiences as a fraternity member and college athlete in the early 90's. His observations are not just about today's generation... much of this has been happening for decades. However, the "conspiracy of silence" Kimmel talks has kept many men in the closet about what we experienced or in denial... defensive and pissed off when someone attempts to provide a different understanding of the experience.

Potential readers should be warned. If you think everything is great in Guyland - that American young men are in perfect shape (emotionally, spiritually and physically) with no need to change and you aren't open to reading about patterns of behavior, that are troubling in the least, then don't bother reading this book.

However, if you're like me, someone who's trying to make sense of the young men in your lives - personally or professionally - then this is a must read. More importantly, I think this is a book that people should read with their spouses, colleagues and in the classroom as a way to promote discussion on a very important topic. Read more ›

67 of 79 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars More compassion please November 11, 2008

By J. Cordes

Format:Hardcover

As a 39 year old guy who quite consciously side-stepped "guyland" throughout my life I appreciated the thorough outline of what a lot of white middle-class guys go through in high school, college and beyond. I always walked by certain bars with the young binge drinkers Kimmel talks of and wondered what they hell they were up to.

What I don't appreciate is the shaming tone of the writing and the antiquated definition of a grown man. Marriage and children are not the only barometers for maturity. And as much as the bullies need to be held responsible for the violence they cause, "guys" including said bullies also need more real-life, healthy role-models and real compassion. The violence that erupts in boys most likely has very long roots. Think about it. Most boys are steered clear out of their feeling at about age 5 with the classic statement, "big boys don't cry!" and goes on from there. Factor in that boys receive less quality attention in general than their girl counterparts and the messages in popular culture and it's no surprise they're acting out.

I was also very disappointed that a little less than one-fifth of the book towards the end was dedicated to solutions. I've also got to believe that there are more stories of kids, like myself, who have led great alternative lives to "guyland" and who've never set foot on a sports team or a fraternity. I tried a number of times to enter these social groups in high school and college and simply found that their company was just not very entertaining.

My one small solution for helping guys in guyland and mankind in general is attending Men's Groups in the style of Robert Bly. I discovered my Men's Group in college in 1991 and have been attending them ever since.... It's amazing what kind of support, learning, and healing can happen when few men meet twice a month to just talk about what's going on in their lives. In these groups I've met men who became the role models I'd longed for in my youth. In these groups I exorcised the many fears I had about wether I was "man" enough.

Principal among them was the desire to have more platonic affection with men, ie hugs. It took me a few years of groups to really let go of both the shame of desiring the warm embraces and fully letting in the pleasure it brought me. (For the record I am heterosexual)

As a full grown adult I hope to bring this compassionate awareness to other young men and let them know that being a man is a whole lot more than being successful with money and women and avoiding acting "gay." Hopefully someone can write that book. Read more ›

23 of 31 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Guyland or Kimmel land? October 28, 2008

By Alexander Kemestrios Ben

Format:Hardcover

What this book offers is a fascinating mix of interviews, observations, and the author's seemingly omniscient opinion. What it lacks is science, statistics, rigor, and everything us dullards who work in psychology like to see.

I am not really interested in the condescending pontifications of Kimmel. If I wanted that, I would talk to any number of my friends. All of them think they are absolutely on target, and all of them lack any semblance of objectivity. What is most dreadfully lacking in this book is a rich theoretical perspective that can EXPLAIN the behavior. Sadly, Kimmel eschews the one perspective capable of shedding positive (not normative) light on the issue that he is discussing, viz. evolutionary psychology. Not only can this persepective shed light, it can be used to create original hypotheses that are testable.

Statements such as "men act they way they do because deep down inside they feel empty and hollow," do not count as falsifiable scientific statements! My favorite: "guys sleep around because they fear their own impotence." Really? How would anyone know this?

You can't subject the above to rigorous testing, therefore, while acceptable as cocktail party opinion, they are not explanations. It is doubly ironic, then, that Kimmel should so lambast evolutionary theory as post hoc chicanery when that is exactly what this book is from front to back.

Sans the lack of rigor, the book is very well written, contains illuminating vignettes, and provides qualitative data which could be used by others in a more scientific way.

Really, if you want to understand Guyland, read David C. Geary's Male/Female. It is science at its best.