Customer Reviews

Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life

5 star:		(28)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The subtitle of this book 'care instructions for an ordinary life' really says it all. As a mother, I am a fan of Ms. Miller's first book, Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, and was looking forward to this one. And it doesn't disappoint, although it is a very different book. In this book, Ms. Miller applies her samurai-like pen - and insight - to topics beyond motherhood, including divorce, marriage, aging (and dying) parents, gardening, and of course, laundry.

Ms. Miller is a Zen practitioner and priest, but you shouldn't read or not-read this book based on any preconceptions you may have about that. Although every sentence shines with Zen wisdom, you won't find descriptions of what Zen is or isn't, or what practices you should or shouldn't do. Instead this reads like a memoir, as Ms. Miller 'excavates' her past - parts of her childhood, her relationship with her parents, the break-up of her first marriage, and the personal darkness that eventually led her to a Zen retreat with Maezumi Roshi, who became her teacher. She shares her journey to becoming 'happy and whole' again, and then writes about living from this wisdom on a day to day basis, in her current marriage, in her parenting, in her gardening and housework and writing career - in all the elements of her 'ordinary life'.

Ms. Miller is an extraordinary writer, and uses the idea of doing our own laundry as a metaphor for our spiritual work throughout the book, without it ever becoming trite (although as the prior reviewer mentioned, it's also NOT a metaphor - she is really talking about doing our own laundry too!) She excels at pinpointing her own past delusions, and thus helps us see our own. She manages to be both an everywoman and a Zen priest, but as a reader you never feel like you are being conned or preached to. It's a breath of fresh air, really.

Can you tell I liked this book? It really was a joy to read, both because of the personal sharing and the writing. I think almost anyone, especially any woman, would enjoy reading it. And if you are interested in Zen, well, this is living Zen.

Once again I'm deeply moved by Karen Maezen Miller. I read her first book when my son was a wee babe and I loved it so much that I begged her for a Mom to Mom interview. Her new book, "hand wash cold: care instructions for an ordinary life" is equally magnificent. In this book, Karen shares more about her life and the path that lead her to becoming a Buddhist priest while unveiling the deeper meaning in seemingly ordinary moments. Her personal life lessons are beautifully transformed into teachings. With tenderness, humor and wisdom, Karen illustrates that happiness can't be found in constantly reaching for the next rung, but by turning to look at the view right where you are.

"Happiness is simple", she writes, "Everything we do to find it is complicated."

How can something so gentle be so powerful?

I received my long-awaited copy of Hand Wash Cold in the mail last week, and read it in two days. Unlike Karen Maezen Miller's first book, Momma Zen, it is not full of endearing anecdotes about the challenges of late-in-life motherhood. But like Momma Zen, it is abounding with the same honest wisdom, and narrated in the same gentle voice.

Here, in her second book, we take a glimpse into her life before she became Momma Zen. It was the life that led, as if unavoidably, to the wisdom shared in both books. It was the life that led her to the decision to take her Zen priest's vows. The life that led her to the unprompted decision to take her life back. It is intimate, but delicate; beautifully written, but simply told; wise, but unpretentious; detailed, but tasteful. As might be expected from a Zen priest, her story carries with it the flavor of Zen, but never, as the Zen expression goes, does she "stink the place up." The hard-won lessons and timeless Zen insights are seamlessly braided into her own candid story - an autobiographical narrative, that reads like novel.

Like Proust's madeleine, just the sniff or taste of something from our past can launch us into another time and place, as if by some magical time-machine. For Miller, it was the lingering smell that was unleashed when she stumbled upon a long-forgotten bag of old clothes in her attic. It was the catalyst of a flood of recollections that rushed to the surface in all their intensity, and with all the wistfulness and pain that memories are wont to bring. It was in a very real way, the starting point of the story she shares with us in Hand Wash Cold, and the beginning of the journey that led her to discover the joy that was there all along. In this very readable, wise little book, Karen Maezen Miller shows us the way to our own joy.

As I was finishing this book, the moment I knew it was nearly over, my eyes filled with tears.

Even now, as I stare at this book as it lies next to my computer, I'm sad. And I'm happy. And I'm relieved.

Hand Wash Cold is not your typical book on spirituality. It makes no promises, it's not filled with flashy exercises, in fact, it doesn't ask you to actually do anything... except care for yourself; your life.

"I thought life was something other than my life. I thought life was something envisioned and achieved. I thought it was manufactured from ideals and earned through elbow grease. I thought it was yet to arrive, and so I missed everything that had already come." From the book, page 9.

Written from the point of view of a Zen Monk wife and mother, this book is about many things, but mostly it is about realizing that our life is here, right now. In a way, it reminds me of Eckhart Tolle's work, but it doesn't take nearly the mind power or concentration to absorb.

The book is a very short and easy read. It's 173 pages, 21 chapters with an epilogue, and includes a section called the index of lost socks. It lists "what you're looking for," and then lists the chapters where you may find that item. For example, you're looking for Grace, read chapter 21.

The book is laid out in three parts.
Part 1 - the laundry: To study the Way Is to Study Oneself
Part 2 - the kitchen: To Study Oneself Is to Forget Oneself
Part 3 - the yard: To Forget Oneself Is to Be Enlightened by the Ten Thousand Things

In part one she tells the story of discovering a life we have no idea we are living through the metaphor of laundry.

She discusses how so often we have this expectation of living a certain life, and that we seem to spend all our time trying to get there. Our lives have become vehicles that never seem to get us to where we think we should arrive.

In part two she tells the story of relationships, serving others and forgiveness through kitchen metaphors. She talks about marriage and parenting, releasing expectations, and forgiving ourselves for not living up to what we think is expected of us.

This was my favorite part because she points out that relationships are an ongoing process. Just like the kitchen sink constantly fills with dirty dishes that need to be cleaned, our relationships must also constantly be tended to.

In part three she discusses death, life and love through the metaphor of the garden.

"Life is all about love. I can't imagine what more there could be to it. We've all come here for love: to get it and to give it, there being no separation between the two sides of the transaction. Love is the reason we do everything, and love is the reward. Love is the spirit, and love is the form." From the book - page 147.

What I loved about this book was the ease with which everything sunk in. There was no struggle, just a series of gentle "ah ha" moments.

This book does not pack a punch. It has no bells and whistles. There are no affirmations, charts, or graphs, and it's not authored by a famous guru. It simply tells a story that you gently come to discover may be your own.

Karen says her book is a love story. And I agree. It's about loving without making futile changes, without force, without demands, without expectation. Life is already good, we just have to find that goodness, and we can only find it within ourselves.

I will read this book again.


Deanna received this copy of Hand Wash Cold, by Karen Maezen Miller, from the publisher, free of charge, for the purpose of reviewing.

Every now and then a book will find its way into your hands that feels like an intimate conversation with an old friend. For me, Hand Wash Cold is one of those books.

Not really all that instructional per se, this book is unassuming and comforting and lets you know you are not alone in your struggles with spirituality, relationships, motherhood, and mundane tasks like laundry which Miller uses both literally (we need to get our hands dirty) and metaphorically. Real, meaningful life is deeply embedded in the mundane tasks and Miller is validating and celebrating those moments which go unnoticed and delegated to others because we think we have more important work to do.

As a child I was painfully aware of the passage of time and since becoming a mother I ache with this awareness. Still it's quite an effort to stay in the moment and really experience the present (cliche as it is). Precious moments with the most important person in my life, my son, pass by at light speed. Miller totally gets it, has struggled with it herself and offers compassion and insight. Embrace your life as it is, right now, she encourages. Be present in your own life.

She shares her own flaws and vulnerabilities and made me cry, more than once. She is a Zen Buddhist priest but that doesn't come through so much in this book, and I think that's the point. She is not cold and detached, but warm and accessible. Never did I feel in reading this that someone more enlightened than me was telling me how it is, there's nothing lofty, just Raw and Real. I can't wait to read Miller's former book, Momma Zen.

I was eagerly awaiting the arrival of this book and it did not disappoint. Having followed Karen Maezen Miller's blog, Cheerio Road, I knew I enjoyed her thoughtful and thought provoking writing but I was blown away by the quiet wisdom of this book. Like a Zen ceremony, each element is carefully selected and presented so that the reader experiences a mindful consideration of one's life. Beautifully written, the danger is to move through the book too quickly. Each sentence offers a perspective worth pondering. I know I will be re-reading it again and again for the insights and questions Miller poses to us and to herself. For me, the message I am taking away from this book is this: "Attention is the most concrete expression of love. What will you pay attention to today?"

The questions may appear simple, but dive into them and discover just how profound your answers can be. I would recommend this book to anyone wishing to honestly and authentically engage with their life.

I came across this book by accident and I purchased it because it seemed relevant to a workshop that I was about to teach (Finding Our Selves at Home) at the International Women's Writers Guild conference this past August. I began by reading the chapter on "The Good Dishes:The Life We're Saving For" since I had a day in my workshop where we were going to examine our relationship to objects. Anyway, I could not put it down...I kept picking up and reading other chapters and then I would read them aloud to whoever happened to be in the room. I was completely pulled into her writing which was full of easy self-effacing wit, great parables from real life, and a underlying seriousness that does not ever become dogmatic. I have a fairly wide collection of books by Buddhist writers and what makes Karen Maezen Miller's approach stand out is that her main focus is her real life not how it relates to Buddhist principles. The principles are certainly there, but they live in her examples and what she makes of them not as mere foodnotes to a list of the four Noble Truths and the seven thises or thats. This is a great book for anyone who wants to appreciate the preciousness of the life they have and to learn how to be a more fully aware participant in it. So after reading it and talking about it to so many people, I ordered five more copies to have on hand to give away...yeah, it's that kind of book. Treat yourself and then pass it on and treat someone else you know.

Never think you are living your life, like REALLY living your life, until you read this book. Hand Wash Cold is life affirming, life sustaining and life giving. The truth rings loud and clear. The love is felt. The life is lived. Your soul is nourished again and again. This read is a must; it is easy and light yet powerfully gripping and profound.

Life is so beautiful when we do the laundry... and when we have teachers, true teachers.
Karen Miller's book had been my guide and my inspiration.

It is everyones guide, because it is truth!
This book is like a life preserver; always there to save you.
It guided me to see how I can live a extraordinary life, an EXTRA ordinary life!

I am speechless, with out speech.

Thank you for this life giving book; the honesty that pours out of each page, sentence, space, word, and pause is heartfelt, DEEPLY heartfelt.

After reading Momma Zen I was ready to read this new book. It fit so perfectly with where I am right now. It explores ways to slow down and appreciate all of the opportunities we have been given in life to remember who we are. Everything from washing the dishes to folding the laundry and raising our children are all fundamental contributions to our lives and the lives of others around us. I recommend this book to anyone trying to make sense of what they must do every day. It has opened my eyes to all the gifts I am able to give my family.

I enjoyed this book immensely. Having read it many months ago, I am amazed at how often something in my life will trigger a memory of a quote from the book. Little snippets of wisdom, remembered just when I needed them.