Hanging On By My Fingernails: Surviving the New Divorce Gamesmanship, and How a Scratch Can Land You in Jail In this daring, groundbreaking book, journalist Janie McQueen unveils the truth behind the "new divorce gamesmanship"--vicious tactics that thrust victims into complex webs of legal tangles that destroy spirits and hobble divorce cases. These surprisingly common--and legally deadly--ploys can and often lead to criminal charges and trials, lingering records, heartbreaking child custody battles, embarrassing distortion campaigns, and even unemployment as employers increasingly trawl the Internet for background checks. Women who are anywhere in the divorce process will find here powerful information with which to defend themselves--keeping heart and soul intact. With bonus guide: How To Spot a Set-Up and What To Do.
Hanging On By My Fingernails
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
By Sarah Miller
Format:Paperback
In addition to providing a wealth of legal advice, Janie expertly weaves her personal story of divorce, as well as those of other women and men who have fallen victim to divorce gamesmanship, into a tale that is at times both riveting and poignantly humorous. Having just gone through a divorce myself, I was fortunate not to fall victim to the kinds of underhanded maneuvers that fill the pages of this book. Yet, in the high stakes world we live in, I would not hesitate to recommend this book to any friend contemplating separation or divorce. Janie's knowledge of the legal pitfalls that can ensnare the unsuspecting can serve as a cautionary tale to anyone navigating the complexities of divorce today.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
By Wren Archer
Format:Paperback
Don't scratch him trying to get your cell phone back. Knowledge is power. The advice in McQueen's book is relevant to any women in the midst of a divorce or contemplating a divorce. For that matter it may apply to some men. The outrageous tactics mentioned have been gleaned from divorce warfare cases and unfortunately they've been used against, and hurt good people. People like the author. Even if you think you're getting out of a marriage peacefully the nutty stuff brought to light in this well researched book can be pulled at the ninth hour. Do you have kids involved? You owe it to them to read the book. Don't live in fear of the tactics, become aware of them, be informed.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must read for all women in an abusive relationship and/or married to a narcissist
March 18, 2013
By J. Landers
Format:Paperback
If you are a woman in an abusive relationship and/or married to a narcissist, you must read this book!
Here's the latest twist - Abusive husbands now claiming their wives are the abusers and they are the victims!!
This ploy is just as ugly as it sounds. Some men are upending domestic violence laws so that their wives (who are the true victims) are arrested, prosecuted and even sentenced as abusers.
In the foreword to the new book, Hanging On By My Fingernails: Surviving the New Divorce Gamesmanship, and How a Scratch Can Land You in Jail, written by Janie McQueen, Tamara N. Holder, a Chicago criminal defense attorney, explains how the scam works:
"Unfortunately, many abusive men have learned to reshape domestic violence laws into another weapon of abuse. They are turning police and court protections upside down: The abusers themselves call 9-1-1; they have the women arrested for domestic violence; and then they do everything they can to try to have the women prosecuted and sentenced. In this way, the true victim is painted as the abuser.
There is a deeper motivation in using this ploy; to show a pattern of "violent conduct" on the woman's part so that the abuser can use it as evidence against her in a divorce or child custody battle. And this form of abuse is permanent. A bruise heals after a few days, but a conviction for a violent crime mars her record forever.
The set-up: A couple has a fight. Either the wife calls 9-1-1 in a desperate plea for police intervention, or the husband makes the call first in a preemptive attack. When the police arrive, the woman is visibly upset. The man, on the other hand, is extremely calm as he switches off his anger. The husband tells the police that his wife is delusional, crazy, and violent. Depending on how convincing the man's story is to the police officer, and the state's law on domestic violence, either both people are arrested or the woman is arrested.
In the case of a dual arrest, which some states discourage, the woman often tells prosecutors she doesn't want to testify against her husband, so the case is dismissed. Meanwhile, the husband is determined that she be prosecuted. Instead of the prosecutors looking into the history of the relationship before proceeding with the criminal case, they move full speed ahead. The wife is usually cut off from her husband's financial support so she cannot pay for defense against him. As a result, she is forced to take a plea to the charges because she cannot afford to defend herself. She fears taking the case to trial, losing, and going to jail."
Sadly, an arrest ploy as Ms. Holder describes above can have devastating consequences for the woman involved, including criminal trials, lingering criminal records, distorted custody battles and financial losses.
"Victims of these increasingly common set-ups face criminal charges alongside their emotionally depleting divorce and custody cases, which are, of course, by now stacked against them," Janie McQueen, the author of Hanging On By My Fingernails: Surviving the New Divorce Gamesmanship, and How a Scratch Can Land You in Jail, told me when I interviewed her for an article I was writing for my Forbes blog. "Even if the victim is able to gather the resources to hire a criminal defense attorney and get the charges dropped, she remains tied up with clearing her name and repairing all the damage while her spouse goes about setting up the rest of the divorce."
Ms. McQueen, a former crime reporter, was once a victim of these ploys herself.
"There is far more to this ploy than someone going from minding her household to sitting in jail," she explained. "The emotional trauma can't be overstated. What is happening is, the abuser is using the system to perpetuate the abuse. She thinks: who, then, is on her side?"
Unfortunately, these scams undermine sound public policy and create confusion that, paradoxically, ends up protecting abusers.
"Domestic violence issues have become so heated and politicized that it's difficult to make people even listen to what is really going on, to realize there is a difference between a true DV situation and this scam that manipulates the stiff arrest laws," Ms. McQueen concluded. "This is a situation that carries a `guilty until proven innocent' stigma. Even strong proponents of the Violence Against Women Act seem not to understand this backlash effect of the perpetrator playing the victim, or they perceive exposure of these very real set-ups as criticism that would weaken their lobbying efforts. I think swift arrest laws through VAWA are needed--but we need to figure out how to tweak the system to identify the true perpetrator."
Reading this book will hopefully help you avoid this devastating trap.
Here's the latest twist - Abusive husbands now claiming their wives are the abusers and they are the victims!!
This ploy is just as ugly as it sounds. Some men are upending domestic violence laws so that their wives (who are the true victims) are arrested, prosecuted and even sentenced as abusers.
In the foreword to the new book, Hanging On By My Fingernails: Surviving the New Divorce Gamesmanship, and How a Scratch Can Land You in Jail, written by Janie McQueen, Tamara N. Holder, a Chicago criminal defense attorney, explains how the scam works:
"Unfortunately, many abusive men have learned to reshape domestic violence laws into another weapon of abuse. They are turning police and court protections upside down: The abusers themselves call 9-1-1; they have the women arrested for domestic violence; and then they do everything they can to try to have the women prosecuted and sentenced. In this way, the true victim is painted as the abuser.
There is a deeper motivation in using this ploy; to show a pattern of "violent conduct" on the woman's part so that the abuser can use it as evidence against her in a divorce or child custody battle. And this form of abuse is permanent. A bruise heals after a few days, but a conviction for a violent crime mars her record forever.
The set-up: A couple has a fight. Either the wife calls 9-1-1 in a desperate plea for police intervention, or the husband makes the call first in a preemptive attack. When the police arrive, the woman is visibly upset. The man, on the other hand, is extremely calm as he switches off his anger. The husband tells the police that his wife is delusional, crazy, and violent. Depending on how convincing the man's story is to the police officer, and the state's law on domestic violence, either both people are arrested or the woman is arrested.
In the case of a dual arrest, which some states discourage, the woman often tells prosecutors she doesn't want to testify against her husband, so the case is dismissed. Meanwhile, the husband is determined that she be prosecuted. Instead of the prosecutors looking into the history of the relationship before proceeding with the criminal case, they move full speed ahead. The wife is usually cut off from her husband's financial support so she cannot pay for defense against him. As a result, she is forced to take a plea to the charges because she cannot afford to defend herself. She fears taking the case to trial, losing, and going to jail."
Sadly, an arrest ploy as Ms. Holder describes above can have devastating consequences for the woman involved, including criminal trials, lingering criminal records, distorted custody battles and financial losses.
"Victims of these increasingly common set-ups face criminal charges alongside their emotionally depleting divorce and custody cases, which are, of course, by now stacked against them," Janie McQueen, the author of Hanging On By My Fingernails: Surviving the New Divorce Gamesmanship, and How a Scratch Can Land You in Jail, told me when I interviewed her for an article I was writing for my Forbes blog. "Even if the victim is able to gather the resources to hire a criminal defense attorney and get the charges dropped, she remains tied up with clearing her name and repairing all the damage while her spouse goes about setting up the rest of the divorce."
Ms. McQueen, a former crime reporter, was once a victim of these ploys herself.
"There is far more to this ploy than someone going from minding her household to sitting in jail," she explained. "The emotional trauma can't be overstated. What is happening is, the abuser is using the system to perpetuate the abuse. She thinks: who, then, is on her side?"
Unfortunately, these scams undermine sound public policy and create confusion that, paradoxically, ends up protecting abusers.
"Domestic violence issues have become so heated and politicized that it's difficult to make people even listen to what is really going on, to realize there is a difference between a true DV situation and this scam that manipulates the stiff arrest laws," Ms. McQueen concluded. "This is a situation that carries a `guilty until proven innocent' stigma. Even strong proponents of the Violence Against Women Act seem not to understand this backlash effect of the perpetrator playing the victim, or they perceive exposure of these very real set-ups as criticism that would weaken their lobbying efforts. I think swift arrest laws through VAWA are needed--but we need to figure out how to tweak the system to identify the true perpetrator."
Reading this book will hopefully help you avoid this devastating trap.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
People need to know what Janie McQueen exposes in this book
Janie McQueen exposes the unethical practices of Attorneys and organizations that support abusing and victimizing Spouses using the divorce process. Read more
Published 5 months ago by victim of divorce process
1.0 out of 5 stars
Could be better.
I would have appreciated this book more, had the other author of this book been given writers credit. Congrats, Janie.
Published 8 months ago by HFH
5.0 out of 5 stars
A MUST-READ for ALL WOMEN!!!
This book is a MUST READ for ALL women. With more than 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and more and more women ending up in jail after altercations with spouses and... Read more
Published 12 months ago by Eyes
5.0 out of 5 stars
For additional details, see Familylawcourts.com
It's about time for a clear-eyed look at the divorce and custody industry. There are and have been plenty of books bemoaning the author's condition, along with various police and... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Ann Individual
5.0 out of 5 stars
It would never happen to you...would it ??....
Divorce is never easy, but who could imagine the person you once loved could be so devious! A fight, a simple scratch and wham you are in jail. Your sanity is questioned. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Dukewife
5.0 out of 5 stars
From the Midwest Book Review
From The Midwest Book Review, July 2012
Divorce is a game that has only gotten nastier as time has rolled on. Read more
Divorce is a game that has only gotten nastier as time has rolled on. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Janie McQueen
