14 of 16 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
An insightful, expansive look at relationship breakups, January 31, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: Happily Even After: Can You Be Friends After Lovers (Paperback)
This guide to seeing relationship breakups with the eyes of Big Love was a lifesaver for me after my third breakup in four years. It helped me better understand the purpose of such passages and what I can do to grow and heal, and help my ex-partner do the same. My ex and I are sweet friends now thanks to this wise and insightful book. I feel far better prepared to succeed next time than if I had held on to bitterness and anger, as I see so many people do. A life-changing book, despite its few unfortunate typos.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Honoring Those You Have Loved, September 19, 2004
This review is from: Happily Even After: Can You Be Friends After Lovers (Paperback)
Alan Cohen has the almost god-like ability to see good in even the most trying of situations. He may have in fact perfected the art of Wabi Sabi living as described in a book by Taro Gold of the same name. I have never ceased to be amazed at how Alan Cohen can see good in even the most devastating emotional situations. He is truly a survivor and life can rarely throw him a challenge he can't handle.
If you are going through a divorce, considering a divorce (especially if you have children), are in the middle of a breakup or even just ending a relationship with your significant other, then this book may be a helpful guide leading you towards greater happiness instead of unending self-defeating patterns.
I love finding quotes in Alan's books and the quote that stood out was: "Every problem comes to you with a gift in its hands." ~Richard Bach
While it is almost impossible to see the good in a breakup if you want to stay in a relationship, there is something to be said for a gain in the area of self-esteem if you find yourself free to look for someone who will treat you with more respect.
The list of common ways we distract ourselves from emotional pain made sense to me. They are probably the same ways a person could escape from depression or dealing with life's everyday problems. Denial, blaming, guilt and addictions are discussed briefly and there are real-life examples throughout this amazing book.
First, you realize you do have the power to love, even if you don't have the power to maintain the relationship that is dissolving. To love a person who has rejected the very core of yourself is probably the most difficult thing you will ever have to do besides deal with the death of a person you love. Staying friends with your ex? How? Apparently it is possible and can be accomplished by allowing yourself to move through the various stages as you move out of a deeply involved lover relationship and turn a lover into a friend.
Imagine an author who is able to find the opportunities gained in a situation where your heart has been broken. In this discussion of "staying friends with your ex," Alan Cohen also gives lists of the wrong reasons couples get together in the first place. This could be helpful as you seek a different partner. He delves into post-breakup scenarios, meaningful breakup rituals, communication issues, transitional relationships and how to communicate through a brick wall.
I do have to make one comment in regards to knowing when it is time to not maintain a friendship. When the person is abusive, it might just be time to end the relationship and find the love and support you crave in a more nurturing environment. Often, God will send angels to lead you from a bad situation to a place of healing. By being patient in the cycles of resting and renewal, we can then grow in spiritual ways we never imagined to be possible. Chapter 9, Good-Bye for Good is a chapter that could bring healing instead of discord.
I think this is possibly the most helpful relationship book Alan Cohen has ever written, although I still have a few more books to read. The section on the Power of Thought is an excellent way to send love to those who are far away. I found page 159 to be especially healing and that one page is worth the price of the book.
~The Rebecca Review
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5 of 24 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
understanding a black widow, June 21, 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: Happily Even After: Can You Be Friends After Lovers (Paperback)
I felt that this book helped my healing process a great deal. I came to realize what type of an emotionally vapid, self-centered, over-manipulative person you have to be to cheat on someone and then give this book to them as a means of coping with the pain that you caused them.This in turn made me realize that I was indeed the lucky one. If you are the type of emotionally sabotaging snake woman who likes to move on from relationship to relationship, but you want to make yourself feel better about the complete lack of authenticity in your life, then this book would be perfect for you to have 6 or 7 copies of. This book is a must have if you are looking for a more articulate way to tell your ex-partner 'I can't be with you because I have some pretty serious emotional baggae that I would just prefer to carry around with me from relationship to relationship, it's nothing personal." This is like a sothing anesthetic for the pain of consumption and digestion by a Black Widow.
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