Customer Reviews

Happily Remarried: Making Decisions Together * Blending Families Successfully * Building a Love That Will Last

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With nearly sixty percent of remarriages ending in divorce, it seems unlikely that any textual discussion on this tread-lightly topic could be deemed as positive. Yet authors David and Lisa Frisbie accomplish this unlikely task most successfully.

Given that about 90 million people in the United States are now living in a stepfamily, divorce and remarriage are no longer "fringe" societal patterns. Divorce, even within the church, is a reality that must be reckoned with and faced head on. Surprisingly, those couples entering a second (or third, or fourth) marriage frequently exhibit some measure of extra-forgiveness than they did during their first marriages. The authors cite that with first marriages the high emotional component of physical attractiveness and romantic feelings often play an inordinate role in the formation of the relationship, whereas in the subsequent marriages both partners appear to be more rationally based when deciding to remarry. The deeper attraction is rooted in similarity of political and religious views, life experiences, and compatible personality types. It is on this basis that the authors say a remarriage can thrive despite the high divorce statistics.

Forgiveness of those who have hurt individuals in the past sets the new partners free of unwanted baggage often evidenced by anger, resentment and bitterness. Learning to forgive in the present, as couples adjust to differences in attitudes and values, also offers a sense of safety and shelter so necessary in a loving relationship. Further, embracing an attitude of personal forgiveness for past mistakes is essential. Accepting God's pardon completely allows each partner to look to the future with a solid hope instead of wallowing in regret over past errors.

The authors expound at length upon four foundation principles that are essential to a successful remarriage relationship. They recommend that both partners form a spiritual connection based on serving God together, determine to view their marriage as permanent and irreversible, embrace blanket forgiveness as cited above, and understand that conflict can bring about a deeper, more substantial relational bond.

While this text is soundly inspirational, it is also practical. Readers will glean countless tidbits of insight as they read about numerous other couples who've been there, done that, with resistant stepchildren, conflicting modes of discipline, blending within a new family home, creating memorable traditions, and overcoming financial stresses. Perhaps one of the most helpful chapters covers the hot topic of the "X" factor, or, in other words, "strategies for dealing with your former spouse." The authors remind the remarried that frequently well-behaved ex-spouses become jealous and angry when a former spouse gets married. These volatile emotions can play out in middle-school immature acts of purposefully withholding child support, being repeatedly late for picking up children, and becoming argumentative and aggressive. So what's an ex-spouse to do in the face of such behavior? Be the adult. Don't react in kind to such juvenile actions; rather, find ways to defuse them. Keep calm...at least be polite. Speak positively when the children are present, even when your emotions are groaning to vent. And make every effort to see interested, loving ex-in-laws as team players in raising your children. Tough call indeed.

Remarried couples and those individuals considering remarriage will find excellent counsel in this sensitively written text. Even those who have been married once will discover sound principles for deepening their marital relationship while simultaneously becoming more aware of the challenges their remarried friends and family members must face day to day as they seek to create a permanent, loving home environment.

--- Reviewed by Michele Howe

This book is the most helpful thing I've read about getting remarried or being remarried! We just got married in September, and a friend gave me this book as a wedding present. Thank you, Janie! Such practical, down-to-earth advice. I've already used three ideas from the book --- in the parenting section --- and it's helping me with my new husband's kids. I had read two or three other books before getting remarried, but those books weren't as clear, direct, and easy-to-read as this one! I would highly recommend this book to ANY stepfamily or remarried couple.

This book showed me why my new husband's kids haven't let me help them the way I want to help them. I've been trying too hard, and it isn't working. I've also had to be the one to enforce the rules sometimes, and that isn't working either. Now I know why! I wish I had read this book before I got married again, but at least I'm reading it now. I'm learning how to be a better mom to my own kids, and hopefully a better person around my stepkids.

Friends gave us this book when Brad and I got married: a second marriage for both of us. We started reading it right away --- it is the most helpful book I've read about parenting your stepkids! We shared the book, back and forth, until we both finished it. Now I'm reading it again --- and I'm still learning. Any couple considering a second marriage --- or already in one --- should read this book!

It may not be good news, but it sure is helpful. This book is showing me why my stepkids still don't seem to like me, after 18 months of being married. I've read the chapter called "Who's The Boss?" two times and I need to read it again. I wish I had read this book before the wedding, but at least I am reading it now. I like the stories in this book; I can relate to most of them. Vicki and I are going to make it work, but it hasn't been easy. Her kids don't like me most of the time. Now I know why, and now I know what to do about it. So far, it seems to be working, too.

I'm a busy stepmom and recently remarried woman. "Happily Remarried" is so honest, so accurate, such a hope-filled look at blending a family. This is the best advice about parenting stepkids that I've ever seen! Every remarried couple should read this book.

Our church staff uses this book for all our pre-remarriage counseling. We use it because it's readable; if our clients don't actually read the books we give them, it doesn't really matter how 'right-on' the advice might be. This is not a clinical or technical book --- this book is full of real-life stories, examples, illustrations, ideas and yes -- failures --- that grow out of personal experience in the early 21st century. If you are thinking about getting remarried, sit down and read this book together. You will learn a lot.

This up-beat, yet realistic guide to help people contemplating marriage again is a gold mine of practical information in a user-friendly format. The authors' four "First Principles" give marriage the opportunity to "thrive, not just survive." These can give hope to thousands, NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances in their previous or current relationships, including religious beliefs.

No rose-colored glasses mask the pain that many men, women and children experienced through the breakup of marriages, yet the stories are uplifting, not depressing--include "the setbacks and challenges, but also the successes and achievements" of many do-over couples. They feature four couples who remained married up to 54 years the second time around, ranging from a modest twosome who said, "We aren't perfect," to an internationally known politician and his wife.

The authors "found the single most important thing...to guard and protect your second marriage is to deliberately focus it on serving God--but they also reach secular people as well. When BOTH partners commit themselves to keeping God first, positive things begin to happen in every other aspect of the marriage relationship."

They address the gamut of emotions, including fear, anger, resentment, joy, love, while sharing their principles to: Take TIME to FOCUS on prayer, learn, serve, worship, rest and renew TOGETHER; Regard remarriage as PERMANENT and Irreversible; FORGIVE everyone, including YOURSELF; and (6 guidelines to) Use CONFLICT to get better ACQUAINTED. (my emphasis.)

The seven chapters cover it all with advice and how to apply it. The workbook portion is very helpful as well. Examples from both male and female perspectives help 'think outside the box' and stimulate thinking to find solutions

I recommend this book to every pastor and Christian marriage counselor, church and public librarian without reservation, and to others will find it invaluable in making their marriage thrive!

Armchair Interview says: May the people who read this book implement it to "honor their primary roles as husbands, wives, and parents of growing children by the grace of God, to His purpose for them. It's never too late!"

This book has touched my heart in so many ways. My dad's father walked out on grandma when my dad was five, and it impacted our family even through my teenage years. I grew up not really understanding why Daddy's heart was still hurting, and I didn't realize until my own marriage that I had inherited that same pain--a fear of being abandoned, divorced and rejected. Happily Remarried has given my husband and I the ammunition to destroy those fears, protect our marriage, and understand the hearts of those we love who have suffered through the pain of divorce. A HUGE thank you to David and Lisa for sharing their wealth of experience in this sensitive area! It is so beautifully written, I felt like they were in my living room, sharing iced tea and having a long heart-to-heart conversation. Bless you for writing this book.

I enjoyed reading this book. I have given several copies away and am happy I have. As a married man I feel that it has helped me in my marriage. It is inciteful and direct. I loved all the true stories and examples. These guys know what they're talking about!