Customer Reviews

Happy at Last: The Thinking Person's Guide to Finding Joy

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

About: Psychotherapist O'Connor gives an overview of human happiness and provides reasons why folks are unhappy and as well as exercises that can bring upon a happier mindset. He identifies three causes of misery: Contemporary insanity is the stuff that the modern world requires of us like the 50 hour work week and other forms of stress; innate foolishness is the false ingrained beliefs such as getting what we want will make us happy; finally, unnecessary misery comes from our emotions or defense mechanism such as denial. 40% of happiness is in your direct control with 50% being genetically determined and 10% due to external causes like health or employment. In order to makes that 40% the happiest it can be, he provides techniques involving things like gratitude, mindfulness, and meditation that will rewire your brain so you can be a happier you.

Some Interesting Things I Learned:

* A big cause of unhappiness is comparing ourselves to other people, we always want to be better and have more than the other guy but even if we get that, it won't make us happy.

* People like things more if they end on a high note.

* People regret not doing things more than they regret the things they did, even if what they did wasn't all that great.

* Losing something hurts more than gaining something gives us pleasure.

* There's twice the chance a kid of divorced parents will need mental health services than one from an intact family.

* In the last 10 years, types of Pop-Tarts has grown from 3 to 29 and Lay's Chips from 10 to 78.

* The more television you watch, the less happy you become.

* People who watch less than two hours of television a day enjoy it more than those who four or more hours.

* Olympic bronze medalists are happier than silver medalists (they think how close they were to not medaling as opposed to thinking how close they were to winning)

Pros: Engaging, interesting read. Good intro. Several "Do's" and "Don'ts"asides provide quick tips like "don't do anything you wouldn't tell your mother, God or children about" and "do take all of your vacation time." Sources cited, further reading list provided. Provided exercises are handy. Also covers happiness in relationships. Wonderful concluding chapter that provides a summary of the topics of the book as well as techniques one can use to stay happy. So if you see this book in the bookstore, skip to the last chapter if you want the Cliff's Notes.

Cons: Underlining of certain words and phrases is distracting. Gets into a sort of a polemic on the ills of modern society in one section and on how current parents aren't good parents in another. All the stuff on mindfulness is a bit too much.

Happy at Last is not like most of the other "happy" books out there that try to tell you it's easy to "get" happy. Dr. O'Connor describes the work that has to be done to change your happiness set-point so you can "stay" happier. I like that he covers the many traps along the way.

The writing is comfortable, enjoyable to read. The book is thoroughly researched, not just "conversations" with a hundred happy people and another hundred who are unhappy. O'Connor explains the research studies and also uses his experience from working with his own patients. His exercises show us to rebuild and rewire our brains in a clear, often humorous writing style. I have read many other happiness books; this one is indeed a happy find.

As both a sufferer of intermittent depression, and as a primary care physician that frequently treats depression, I read Richard O'Connor's Happy at Last with a high level of interest, considerable anticipation, and a bit of skepticism. Verdict? Two thumbs up!

To be fair, Dr. O'Connor does not offer to transform moaning Eeyores into bouncy Tiggers. What he does do is draw on current neurological research, as well as contemporary trends in psychology, steeps the mix in common sense, throws in a bit of wisdom, and comes up with this message: lack of happiness is something one can most definitely do something about.

The book is a bit of a shotgun blast, incorporating the work of some contemporary psychologists, some relatively recent information about how our brains respond to training by becoming physically altered, making some demands that we agree to WORK at being happy, challenging the reader to drop old habits and make some new ones, meanwhile taking some serious and effective swipes at the psychological and physical toxicity of the American consumerist social addictions. Throw in a bit of Buddhism, a demand that you become socially involved in your community, a plea to pay more attention to one's family members and one's friends, an exhortation to pick up new skills such as music, arts, or literary skills, and a suggestion that one search for opportunities to do good deeds, and one ends up feeling a bit like O'Connor is talking about each of us becoming a Renaissance Man or a devout monk (or both!) in order to be happier. For good measure, O'Connor spends not a little time lambasting capitalism and it's exploitation of the human spirit. I kind of enjoyed that last part, though it will earn O'Connor no points with the captains of industry.


With that on the table, I'd like to say that what is invaluable about O'Connor's approach is that it is a call to move from passive suffering to an active approach to achieving a meaningful and frequently enjoyable life. Though I found his "to do" list a bit overwhelming, the book is chock full of very practical suggestions about how to move from a helpless sense of unhappiness to a much more frequently experienced sense of satisfaction and contentment. The last time I had to personally seek treatment for depression was about fifteen years ago, and the techniques that I used to avoid a return to severe depression are all contained in Happy at Last. I had to discover those techniques myself; it would have saved me much time and energy to have read this book many years ago. If you are unhappy, Happy at Last will point you in the right direction, utilizing clinically tested and effective techniques to aid you. I doubt that you'll be dancing on tabletops when you finish the suggested exercises that O'Connor proposes, but I have no doubt whatsoever that you'll move away from misery and toward happiness if you take O'Connor's information to heart, and begin working on it. Nothing to lose, much to be gained: if you wish to move toward being happier than you currently are, this book is an excellent travel companion for the journey.

This latest work by psychotherapist Richard O'Connor, author of the acclaimed Undoing Depression, is about how we can teach ourselves to feel happy more often. Written for a wide audience, it is highly readable. Explaining how consumer culture, instinctual urges, and unnecessary miseries such as addiction act as powerful obstacles to happiness that must be acknowledged and faced, O'Connor suggests that we need to look at our thoughts and develop what he calls "mindfulness" toward them. The goal is to view our mental habits more objectively so that we can consciously change and direct them rather than letting them overwhelm us. By changing our inner orientation to ourselves and the outside world, O'Connor suggests, we can learn to be more satisfied with life and optimistic about the future. Definitely worthwhile.

In a previous book, Undoing Depression, Dr. O'Connor wrote: "Happiness is something we achieve through our own effort, not something we can buy or acquire, not something anyone else can give us. It's a by-product of living a certain kind of life that helps us feel good about ourselves. It comes from being fully engaged in life, from paying attention to the present moment, to the process of living." There is not a page in HAPPY AT LAST that hasn't given me something of value; it hasn't "given" me happiness, but it has been helping me achieve it for myself. It is a gift I have been passing on--sometimes by giving the book itself, sometimes through what I have been learning.

I appreciate the way this book brings together the results of some new positivity research and he presents the information in an easy to digest format.

However, for me the book has a few glaring weaknesses that tempted me to stop reading it. For one there is some fuzzy thinking on the part of the author. He presents himself in the beginning as a depressive personality and a realist and presents this as a credential for helping others to find happiness. Although I believe being a depressive may be a credential, I have a problem with him describing this as realism in regard to himself, and later describing several patterns of behavior in (other) depressed people as "illogical." Further, he presents his case so strongly against negativity that it can almost be read that he believes having any negative thoughts at all can cause brain damage. I didn't like the contradictory way in which it sounds like he puts himself above other depressive people. Presumably, he doesn't believe that having any negative thoughts at all have caused brain damage in himself. (Or, does reading this book review with some negative critiques cause brain damage in readers? I doubt it.)

The second serious thing I disliked about the book was a repeated generalization that men worry about power, status and money while women worry about their appearance. At no time does the author present studies to prove that this is the case. He appears to think it is common sense. This bothered me as I know that men are having more cosmetic surgery than ever before, and that women in the workplace (myself included) do not worry about our looks more than we worry about job promotions or salary. All people worry about status, and it's sexist in a passe way I thought to believe that a woman's status (or money or power) is determined solely by her appearance.

These are two significant things that bothered me about the book (enough for me to give it a low rating), but if you can get past these things, there are also pieces of information I liked. I liked the suggestion of writing down three things that went well in a day before going to sleep, and why you think they went well. I like his emphasis on mindfulness and meaning.

Three books that present some similar information about positivity and meaning in a better format are Positivity by Barbara Frederickson, Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, and The Only Dance there Is by Ram Dass.

I like this book very much. I like the idea that happiness is a skill, like juggling: It may come much easier to some than others, but it still takes effort and practice. That's really true for the "happiness" that refers to well-being or living a good life. That requires a standing back from our selves - "mindfulness" or thoughtfulnuss - which does not come naturally to most people, at least not in today's world. When O'Connor describes that world as "cultural insanity" I don't think he exaggerates. Instead of a culture that fights our native greed, insecurity, mindlessness, we have one that feeds into it. And so what we especially need is a book like this one which makes us stop and think, and which includes a lot of concrete exercises for increasing our awareness, our "skill" at being "happy".

When I first started this book, I thought I was going to have to put it down or donate it like I did "Happy for No Reason," (which really sucked) but I am glad I kept going. At first I thought it was just a lecture on how bad the world is today or how bad parenting is or how we are bad off from a lack of religion.

But before long at all, it gets really good, with real practical advice and exercises and scientific information about learning and happiness.

The part about how we "learn" happiness is really good and helpful. The examples are meaningful, and I am glad there are real life examples since some of these books on happiness and meditation are all pie in the sky with no reality based descriptions.

One great thing about this book is it describes mindfulness and meditation in a way anyone can understand, appreciate and practice. And it works!

I am not quite done, but I can already say this is a really good and beneficial book. You should read it.

Happy at Last: The Thinking Person's Guide to Finding Joy did for me mentally what P90X did for me physically. This book helped me be mindfully happy and all I had to do was put forth a little effort each day for 90 days. I kept a journal of Richard O'Connor's suggestions and my progress as I followed those suggestions. I started seeing results somewhere in Part 2: Practicing Happiness.

A little bit of what you'll find in this book:

First, one learns to decrease misery. We all do little things that cause misery for ourselves. Many of us have had grief and pain. Luckily, we have control over how miserable we are.

Next, one learnes to practice happiness. Yes, happiness can be learned. We can do things that bring us joy and fulfillment.

Finally, one learns to be a different person. A happier person whose brain is different.

If you read only one self-improvement book it should be scripture, but if you choose to read two good books then this should be one of them.

I've read lots and lots of positive psychology books, and this is definitely one of the best. Very easy to read. He has tons of concise, clear tips for finding and creating more happiness in your life. I feel very blessed to have found it.