Customer Reviews

The Happy Stepmother: Stay Sane, Empower Yourself, Thrive in Your New Family

5 star:		(21)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

My husband has one teenage daughter from a previous relationship and we have one toddler aged son together. When I sat down to read this book I was at a crossroads in my life. I love both my kids and my husband with all my heart but I couldn't handle the stress surrounding my stepdaughter and her mother. It was taking a toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally and it was starting to seriously affect my marriage. We were arguing about rules, discipline and a major lack of respect from both my stepdaughter and her mom.

I starting reading the day my SD went back to her mom's so I had about 4 1/2 days to get through it. I purchased a journal (highly recommended by Dr Katz) and a highlighter and got down to business. So many of the situations she covers in this book were relatable. I went through and highlighted all the things that meant something to me or were issues I felt my family shared. I started recording answers in my journal along with my feeling. I used things Dr Katz discussed to start conversations with my husband.

It has been a couple of weeks now and I am already noticing a great improvement. This book not only helped me to learn what to let go of and what to stand strong on but it also helped me learn how to communicate better with my husband. Not just on stepfamily issues either but on everyday topics too. My marriage is finally back on the path to where it was when we met 5 years ago.

I am feeling happier, healthier, calmer, more loved, more understood and more understanding. I have adopted a new mantra in my life thanks to Dr Katz: "I know I can't control this situation but I will not let it control me". Now every time issues come up with my stepdaughter or her mom I just repeat this mantra to myself along with some deep breaths and I am able to let go and disengage.

I highly recommend this book to anyone in a stepfamily situation; Stepmoms, Stepdads, Biomoms and Biodads. It is full of information that will help everyone understand each other and their situation better. While it may not guarantee a loving relationship between all parties, it will help everyone to learn to stand up for what is important to them and let go of what they can not change.

Thank you Dr. Katz for showing me the road to a peaceful, loving, blended family.

I am a new stepmother, and was desperate to figure out why I was feeling so "crazy", this book really helped me to put my feelings into perspective and to help realize that I am not alone in how I feel. Great read for any new stepmother!

Excellent, easy to read, easy to apply principles for creating sanity in a chaotic world of step families! Who has the mental strength or time to wade through psychology books and in-depth reviews of relational studies when they are drowning in the everyday realities of living in a step family? Katz pulls it all together in an easy to apply and understand process to reclaim your sanity.

Katz doesn't sugar coat the realities of step kids, biological kids, step parents, biological parents, and ex-spouses. The intricate and delicate balance of these relationships can be anywhere from tolerable and business-like to all out personal warfare. She effectively allows the reader to feel `justified' in their "feelings" while helping the reader find proper ways to "handle" those feelings in their attitudes, actions, and behaviors.

Katz brings to light the fact that some of the stereotypes of stepmothers and their relationships with ex's and step kids are based in truth but most of them are based in anger and bitterness at the situation - not the new parent. She points out that we, individually, are not going to change the world's stereotypical view of stepmothers but we are responsible for our own actions when it comes to our biological and step family. The "other" person may never change (whether it is the spouse, the kids, or the ex) but we, as stepmothers, can learn to "survive" and hopefully thrive in our new family by how we handle our own attitudes and behaviors toward the situations.

Katz offers insights into "steps" we can take to build our own character and take care of our own emotional well-being so we can be of benefit to our spouse and children in handling life's challenges. We cannot change anyone else - only ourselves. She does emphasize having realistic expectations in regards to the stepfamily dynamics and explains why these realistic expectations help us in our journey to build a positive step family. For instance - no matter how nice I am to the kid's biological mother - she still hates me. Get over it. I have to answer to my own actions regardless of how she feels. Like the previous reviewer noted "it's irrational hatred and disrespect that has nothing to do with the content of her (the stepmother's) character, and everything to do with people projecting their own unhappiness on her (the stepmother), usually, because it's easier than dealing with their problems directly." BINGO! It is HER problem - not mine. Drop it and move on with your own life.

Unlike the previous "reviewer" I do NOT believe that "violence, abuse, disrespect, and exploitation" are "all the things that drove you to buy this book". There are many step mothers who are NOT living in physically or emotionally abusive homes but need advice on walking through the daily maze of step kids and "ex's". If you did not grow up in a step family and have not had previous experience with step families it is hard to imagine the ridiculous, crazy, and deranged things that adults and kids can do when put into the mix of a stepfamily situation. Katz outlines a simple process of bringing emotional stability back into your life by taking care of your physical self, creating realistic expectations, fair consequences, and boundaries. Not all of these things are simple and most won't change things overnight. But, they provide a great outline for molding your family into a "working" unit and polishing off the rough edges. The other siblings and ex's won't ever be out of the picture but we can work on what we DO have control of.

Katz touches on a lot of suggestions in different areas to work on personal care and relationships. She doesn't seem to abide but just one way of handling situations but offers multiple options. For instance, she suggests meditation, self hynosis, yoga, and exercise for physical rejuvenation. These are "suggestions" not hard and fast rules. If you prefer only one out of the group then you can dig deeper in other books and programs regarding that particular suggestion.

Bottom Line - This is a simple to understand, easy to read book that offers support for our feelings and "steps" to improve our personal well being and our relationships!

You will be glad you read this book! As a counselor and parent coach, I have recommended it to every one of my stepmother clients and each one has been helped enormously. It is practical and packed full of useful information. Dr. Katz has written a smart and thought provoking book that is relevant not only to stepmothers but to all all parents.
Her insights are intelligent and well thought out. This is an especially invaluable aid for the difficult task of step-parenting. The writing is clear, concise and direct.

It is a book about living well for all people, not just step-parents. Using this book, I have led stepmothers from anger and resentment to acceptance and enjoyment of family life (even when they had lost all hope of that possibility).

I found the chapters on revising one's expectations and focusing on self care especially helpful to women who are over extended and resentful. The suggestions in Steps 8 and 9 about disengaging and having fun have reminded many mothers to expand their horizons and begin enjoying more of life again. I wholeheartedly recommend this book for counselors, stepmothers,and parents who are struggling with remembering how to balance the responsibilities of family life and have fun at the same time.

I teach and train counselors and I recommend this book to all counselors in training because it contains much important information about mental health, parenting, step-parenting, healthy marriage and simply living well.

My wife and I both read this book and I found it helpful in understanding what women go through. I hope I can now be a better role model and a more supportive husband. I believe everybody could benefit from reading this book because it teaches us how to live and love by providing everyday examples and skills we can all put into practice right away.

Boy, being a stepmom now for 4 years and many things and feelings still linger. I wish I would have had this book sooner. I found out all the feelings, anger, and wanting to leave were all real issues. Thanks for a book that I can use and not feel like I am crazy! I also like the blog because I can relate and have answers to some difficult questions. Glad to know we have "sisters" out there! I don't think anyone has tried to sugar coat being a stepmom. It is a hard job and now I know I can disengage and it is okay! I was doing a part of that but felt so guilty. Thanks for the great book!

While not a stepmother myself, I have several in my Social Work practice, as well as some personal friends. It is important to me to be as educated and knowledgeable as possible when dealing with all sorts of family issues,
especially those so prevalent as the ones that exist within stepfamilies.

I wanted to have a resource for myself, my clients and my friends that I could comfortably recommend. Dr. Katz's book is it! She approaches the issues of being a stepmother with grace, intelligence, personal experience and the understanding that, while everyone's
situation is unique, her techniques are a universal fit. It is clear that she has done a tremendous amount of research and personal soul searching. I find her approach warm, comforting and non judgmental. Her personal experiences and the quotes from the women she interviewed are wonderful! I found myself looking ahead to find these passages. They were so honest and thoughtful.

The Happy Stepmother is an easy book to read and understand. As I was reading I felt as though she were talking directly to me, which is a wonderful feeling and not something I get from most books of this nature.

I highly recommend The Happy Stepmother. Dr. Katz has developed techniques that may be geared toward stepfamilies, many of them can be used in a variety of family therapies. This is a wonderful resource and not only will I recommend to my clients but I have a few
friends who will be receiving this as a gift from me.

This book is a 'must read' for all stepmothers and prospective stepmothers. It is extremely well written and easy to read. The book gives anecdotes from families with step parents and provides realistic solutions to situations facing many families. Twenty years ago I married a man with a five year old daughter and became an instant mom. I found myself lost in an unfamiliar world without a rule book. This book is that rule book and I wish I had been able to read it twenty years ago. I would highly recommend this book to all stepmothers and soon to be stepmothers.

This is an easy to read and practical book for stepmothers and prospective stepmothers. The author is clear and the book filled with anecdotes that should prove helpful to anyone navigating the often complex stepmother role. It is also an enlightening book for fathers who have children from a previous marriage. It will give some perspective on the task at hand for the new woman in his life. I highly recommend The Happy Stepmother

If you plan to read only one book about being a Stepmom, make it this one!!! This REALISTIC book covers pretty much everything that you need to know about the emotional impact of becoming a stepmother. It is ultimately a very positive/empowering book that gave me realistic tools and ideas on how to make my marriage work despite initially feeling that I had no input/control in our home. Please read the book for yourself, maybe this will be the only book that you will need to buy.